


Forward

by blacktithe



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2018-09-18 12:34:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 106,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9385412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blacktithe/pseuds/blacktithe
Summary: Being a single father was never Jensen’s plan, but when his wife unexpectedly passes away just months after giving birth to their little girl, that is exactly what he becomes. His life has been about nothing but his daughter for years. Now Gen and Jared think it’s time for him to move on, and they may know just the right girl to help him do it. Jensen is not so sure. Will he give it a shot? Or will the ghost of his dead wife make him ruin what could possibly be the best thing to ever happen to him and his family?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction. I do not know/own the individuals mentioned by name in this story.  
> There is no hate intended towards Danneel Ackles or any other character/person mentioned here in.

 

Moments like these were the moments he lived for. It didn’t matter how crazy or hectic his life became, Jensen knew he could always come home to this. He couldn’t help the smile that formed on his face when he heard JJ giggle her little baby laugh. He stopped stirring the red sauce for a moment and glanced over his shoulder to watch his two favorite girls.

JJ was laughing wildly at her mother as she kicked and squirmed with joy in her little bouncy seat they had set up on the bar. Spurred by her daughter’s laughter, Danneel kept putting the ducky covered burp cloth in front of her face.

“Peek -a-boo!” she shouted as she quickly dropped it to the counter.

JJ gave another little baby giggle that made Jensen’s heart soar. He’d never imagined life could be this wonderful. He had always hoped it would be, but splitting his time between his home in LA and Vancouver had made dating nearly impossible to begin with. Then he started being recognized for his work in the industry, and it became even harder. He’d pretty much given up on finding someone all together until Danneel had become a more intimate part of his life.

They had known each other for years. Jensen had always admired her easy smile and fun loving nature. They’d become fast friends after working together, and then, one day, everything changed. She had kissed him, and his whole world had shifted. It was like everything suddenly fell into alignment. He knew that this was the person he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with. He’d looked into her beautiful brown eyes, and it had taken everything he had not to ask her to marry him right there and then before she could realize just how incredibly flawed he was and decide he wasn’t worth her time.

She’d never thought that though. To her, he was always her dork in shining armor. That had never changed from the time he let her beat him at mini golf on their first date to the day they moved in together. He’d always been her hero. Not even dropping to one knee in front of her in nothing but his birthday suit after a very intimate moment and asked her to marry him had changed that. He hung the moon in her eyes, and she… she was his whole world. He did his best to show her that every single day. Whether it was sending her flowers when he was away filming or taking the time make her favorite meal, he never let a day pass without showing her how special she was.

The decision to move their family home from LA to Austin when they got married had been a hard one. Los Angeles was the heart of the industry. As working actors, it made sense for them to stay put, but then when Danneel found out she was pregnant, the decision became easy. He could still close his eyes and see the worried expression on her face when she thought about their child growing up surrounded by paparazzi and showbiz types. She had placed a hand on her swollen belly and fought back tears as she told him about her fears for the newest member of their family. He’d agreed that it wasn’t the life he wanted for any of them. He wanted them to have as normal of a life as possible. Moving to Austin had been the best way to do that.

Jensen turned his attention to the boiling noodles on the stove. Giving them a stir, he used a fork to pull one out of the pot and test it to see how done it was. He decided they still needed a few minutes before giving the sauce a quick stir and moving to stand behind Danneel.

“Hey,” he said, dropping a kiss to the crown of her head. “Dinner’s almost ready.”

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and rested his head on top of her own as he watched his daughter regard them with wide-eyed wonder. He loved the way her expressive little eyes took in everything around her, like she was trying to absorb it all at once.

Danneel leaned back into his embrace and brought a hand up to rest against his forearm. She gave it a little squeeze before leaning forward to break his hold and rising to her feet. “Let me go feed this little one real quick and wash up then,” she said as she carefully lifted JJ from her seat and rested her against her shoulder.

“Okay.” Jensen brushed his fingers against the downy like hairs on the top of JJ’s head before kissing it. She squirmed a little at the affection, making him chuckle. Danneel’s smile grew, a contented sigh escaping her lips as she watched her husband and daughter interact.

“I’ll be back in a sec,” stated Danneel before giving him a quick peck on the lips and moving to take JJ upstairs to her room.

Jensen watched them go with a smile on his face. A feeling of unsurpassed joy and incredible contentment washed over him. They were the two most beautiful creatures he had ever seen in his life, and to think that they were his, it made him feel like the luckiest man alive. They were both his angels. Danneel had been the perfect embodiment of one when she’d walked down the aisle to him on their wedding day, and the incredible glow she’d had about her ever since giving birth to their little angel… it only made things better.

He watched them go for a minute more before turning and going back to the stove to finish fixing dinner. He grabbed a colander from above the sink and removed the simmering sauce from the hot burner. Danneel still wasn’t back by the time he’d drained the pasta, so he decided to surprise her by setting the table. It had been a long time since the two of them had had a romantic dinner together. He even pulled out a few candles from the bottom of the china cabinet. He sat at the table and waited for her. His leg began to bounce slightly as he waited. It was taking her a bit longer to come back than he thought it would, and he started to worry that their dinner was going to get cold. Pushing his chair back from the table, he decided to run upstairs and check to see if he needed to put their dinner on hold for a while, maybe see if he couldn’t get JJ to sleep by singing and playing his guitar if she was being fussy.

There weren’t any cries of distress or shushing sounds to be heard as he made his way upstairs. He started to call out for his wife but thought better of it. If JJ was in fact sleeping, he didn’t want to risk waking her. He crept to the nursery door and peeked his head inside. The sound of JJ’s favorite lullaby could be heard coming from the gently turning mobile above her crib. He could just make out her sleeping form through the rails and smiled at the precious sight of her little fist clinging to the stuffed moose her Uncle Jared had given her. He was careful not to make a sound as he closed the door before making his way down the hall to the master bedroom.

“DeeDee?” he called as he walked into the room. “You in here babe?” He started to make his way towards the bathroom, thinking she may still be washing up. “Hey dinner's….” he trailed off as he moved around the bed towards the door to the on suite. He froze in terror. Everything suddenly came to a grinding halt. His heart pounded inside of his chest as his eyes took in her still, lifeless form lying prostrate on the carpet. He tried to convince his body to move, but it wouldn’t listen. His lungs wouldn’t even draw in air. It was like his brain had short circuited by the sight before him. Seconds stretched by like hours before he was finally able to regain control of his body and move towards her.

“Danneel!” he screamed, dropping to his knees at her side and gently rolling her onto her back.

Her eyes were closed, and her head lulled to the side as he brought her up into his chest.

“Danni? Baby?” he choked out past the heart that had jumped into his throat. He shook her gently as he cradled her in his arms. He could feel the tears streaming down his face when she didn’t respond. She just laid limply in his arms as he ran his fingers through her hair, trying to coax a reaction out of her. “Come on, baby, he pleaded. “Please, just open your eyes.”

He sat there rocking her back and forth for a moment, crying and calling her name. He could feel his world crashing down around him as the slight puffs of breath he felt against his neck started to grow fainter. Panic and terror rose up inside of him.

“No. No. No. No. Danni, you have to stay with me. Just stay with me.”

He frantically began searching for his phone, cursing himself when he realized he’d left it on the counter downstairs. His eyes started scanning the room for any sign of help and found her own phone lying a few feet away. He let out a sigh of relief and scrambled forward to grab it, quickly dialing 9-1-1 and praying his wife wouldn’t leave him.

* * *

Jensen had been staring at the cheap linoleum flooring in the wait room for so long that the flecks in them were starting to make shapes. They’d taken Danneel away in an ambulance hours ago. He’d been so frazzled that he’d nearly forgotten to call Jared and ask him to take care of his daughter while he waited at the hospital, but he had. Now all he could do was wait.

Every time a doctor would come out to the waiting area, Jensen felt his heart well up with hope. He would start to rise to his feet before hearing another name called and going back to his silent crouch. Each passing moment without word on her condition made him feel like he was slipping further and further into madness. At times, it was all he could do to keep from rising to his feet and screaming his frustration to the heavens just so that he would have some sort of emotional outlet for the barrage of emotion he was feeling. He ran his hands through his disheveled hair and settled in to wait some more, silently praying with all that he had in him that she would be alright.

He had his elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped in front of him as he stared off into nothing when he finally heard her name called.

“Danneel Ackles?’

Jensen was on his feet and striding towards the doctor in an instant. “Jensen,” he said, extending his hand towards the doctor. He was surprised at how calm and even his voice sounded in contrast to the whirling chaos currently going on inside of his mind. “How’s my wife?”

The doctor turned, placing a hand on Jensen’s shoulder and began leading him down the hallway as he spoke. “Mr. Ackles, your wife has suffered a massive stroke.”

Jensen stopped moving and stared at the man. “A stroke?” The doctor nodded. “B-but she..,” Jensen stumbled over his words as his mind tried to absorb the information he was hearing, “she’s not even 40. She’s healthy. How could she possibly have had a stroke?”

The very idea that something like that could happen to someone like her was absurd. That only happened to the elderly and the sick. Danneel was young and strong. There was no reason for anything like this to happen.

The doctor nodded his understanding. He flipped through Danneel’s medical chart for a moment. “It says here she suffered from high blood pressure throughout her pregnancy?”

Jensen nodded. “Y-yeah. She was on bed rest for a while. W-what does that have to do with anything?”

“It’s uncommon,” the man continued, “but I have seen it before. A woman who develops high blood pressure during pregnancy and has a hard time regulating it after giving birth is at a higher risk for several medical…”

“Is she going to be okay?”

Jensen didn’t care about how common it was or what the risk factors were. All he cared about was what was going to happen to his wife. He had to know that she was going to be okay.

The expression on the man’s face grew serious, and Jensen felt his chest tighten in fear. His eyes grew slightly wider as he waited for the answer.

“We don’t know yet,” said the doctor. “We’ll know more once she wakes up?” Jensen looked down and nodded. “If she wakes up.”

His heart froze as he snapped his gaze back up to the doctor’s face. He didn’t have to say the question that was running through his mind. It was clear from the look on his face. If she wakes up? The older man gave him a little nod and a pat on the back before walking away and leaving him to his thoughts. Jensen looked at the door to the hospital room. He tried to move, but his feet seemed to have turned to lead. Closing his eyes, Jensen took a deep breath and forced himself to push the door open and stepped inside.

It was hard for him to reconcile the small frail woman in the bed in front of him with the strong beautiful woman he had married. Her skin was sunken and dull. The rich chocolate eyes he loved to gaze into were closed. He could feel himself shaking as he moved a bit closer, taking hold of a hard plastic chair and sitting it beside her bed. Jensen took her hand in his, careful not to disturb any of the tubes and wires attached to the back of it.

“DeeDee,” he said softly, scooting a little bit closer. “Baby, I need you to wake up for me. JJ’s waiting on you too. We need you to wake up and come home.” He used his free hand to brush a strand of hair from her face, before settling in to keep his long vigil. He swore to himself that he wouldn’t leave Danneel’s side until she was ready to come home. No matter what.

* * *

Two weeks. Two weeks and there had been no changed. Danneel had never regained consciousness. Never taken a breath on her own. A scan performed earlier in the day showed such a low amount of brain activity that the doctors had declared her brain dead and left Jensen with an impossible choice to make. The thought that she was never going to return to him was unimaginable. He simply couldn’t wrap his mind around the thought that it was over. It just didn’t seem real.

His entire body became heavy, his heart filling with lead as he told them his final decision. With nothing left to do but say goodbye, Jensen had called his mom and asked her to bring JJ to the hospital for a little while.

It was everything Jensen could do to keep it together as he watched his little girl sleep on her mother’s chest. His throat tightened when he saw JJ’s little hand tighten in her mother’s hair. A vice formed around his heart at the sight. JJ was clinging to her mother like she knew it was the last time she would ever see her. He could barely contain the tears he knew were swimming in his eyes. He needed to be strong for his daughter, for JJ. She was going to need him now more than ever. It didn’t matter what he was feeling. He had to keep it together for her.

The feeling of a hand on his shoulder pulled Jensen from his thoughts. He glanced over his shoulder at his mother.

“Hey Mom,” he said as he cleared his throat and stood up straight.

“How are you holding up, sweetie?” she asked.

“Uh,” he sniffed, “I just wanted to let JJ say goodbye.”

They turned back towards the little girl, tears forming in both of their eyes. Jensen couldn’t fathom what life was going to be like for her after this. There were things a mother did that nobody else could match. Even as an adult, Jensen couldn’t imagine making it through a moment like this without having his mother to rely on. How was he going to make sure his daughter didn’t miss out on anything because Danneel wouldn’t be there?

“I think I’ll just take her back to the house,” his mother said.

She walked into the room and gently removed the little girl from her mother’s chest, carefully cradling her against her own and walked back out of the room. She paused at the doorway, taking in her son’s crestfallen appearance for a moment before placing a hand on his arm.

“Don’t linger too long, sweetie. You’ll just hurt yourself more.”

He gave her a nearly non-existent nod, kisses his sleeping daughter on the forehead and gave his wife a final lingering look before going to find the doctor and fill out the last of the paperwork that would take her off of life support.

* * *

A nurse stopped the IV drip and detached the ventilator before leaving the room. Jensen watched the whole thing in silence. He just sat there, ice water in his veins, staring straight ahead and holding her hand as the beeps on the heart monitor slowed. He could feel his every hope and dream for the future slowly slip away as he watched her chest rise and fall, each breath more labored than the last until they slowed to a halt as the air was filled with a long high pitched whine.

His breath caught in his throat as he choked back a sob. Gasping for breath, he lifted his eyes to the heavens and let a silent tear fall down his check before placing a kiss on the back of his wife’s hand.

* * *

Jensen had been just going through the motions the last few days as he prepared for the funeral. It was actually a huge relief when the last of the funeral guests had gone. Jensen just leaned against the door and sighed, shoulders slumping before running his hand through his hair and walking back into the living room. He wasn’t sure he could handle one more person telling him how sorry they were for his loss, or telling him they were there for him. It wasn’t that he was ungrateful. He had just heard it so many times in the last few days that it running on a near constant loop in his mind.

He groaned slightly as he moved towards his mother and held out his hands for his little girl.

“Here, Mom,” he said. “Give her to me. I can take it from here. You should go ahead and go. We’re good.”

She handed JJ to her son somewhat reluctantly. “Are you sure, sweetheart? I can stay a bit longer.”

He smiled at her. He appreciated the offer. She’d been his rock over the last few days. She’d taken care of JJ so that he could focus on making the arrangements and taking care of everyone else. Now he just wanted to get back to normal. He wanted the peace and quiet that only came from being in his own home. No guests. No added family. Just his nearest and dearest with no other distractions or demands.

“I’ve got it, Mom,” he said as he settled JJ in his arms. “I’m just going to put her down and then get some sleep myself.”

“Alright,” she said. “I’m just a phonecall away if you change your mind.”

He gave her a simple loving smile, assuring her once again that he had it under control. He gave her a final one armed hug and saw her to her car before shutting the door and carrying his daughter up the stairs to her nursery.

She made a little cooing sound when he took the hand off of her back to open the door.

“Hey, princess,” soothed Jensen. “It’s okay. Daddy’s here. Daddy’s here.”

He paced the room, bouncing her gently and singing softly to her until she settled back down. Placing her in her crib, Jensen slipped her favorite blanket over her and stood up. He just stood their watching his precious angel sleep as the silence of the now empty house house turned from comforting to ominous.

The reality of the situation finally started to sink in. He was truly alone for the first time. There was nobody there to help shoulder the burden that now weighed so heavily upon his shoulders. The thought exhausted him. Jensen double checked the baby monitor before going down the hall to his room. He slowly changed out of his funeral clothes and took a seat on the side of the bed.

Resting his elbows on his knees, he ran his hands through his air and studied the wall in front of him without really seeing it. He just sat there trying to figure out what to do next. He’d been able to distract himself by focusing on the task at hand. Planning the funeral. Taking care of JJ. Playing host to his guest. Now that he didn’t have anything else to focus on, everything he had been pushing to the back of his mind was starting to come into focus. Everything was in disarray. His entire life had been thrown into a blender and spilled on the counter for the world to see. Looking to his right, he saw the picture he had placed there the first night he’d come home from the hospital, and just like every night, he took it in hand and told her all of his worries from the day.

“You’re going to have to help me with this one, Danni,” he said in a quivering voice as he tried to hold onto the last threads of his resolve. The carefully constructed wall he had held in place all week long was slowly being chipped away to expose the raw tender nerve beneath it. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this without you.”

A lone tear fell onto the glass covering the smiling face forever immortalized on the other side. Then another tear, and another. Soon a shower had started to rain down upon it as Jensen finally let go, letting the realization that his wife was never coming home finally sink in.

His knuckles turned white as he gripped the frame harder, nearly shattering the glass in his grip. He slowly rocked back and forth while silent sobs of anguish racked his body, and he finally let himself feel everything he had been holding at bay for so long.

 


	2. Chapter 2

_3 Years Later_

With only the buttons on his shirt sleeves left, Jensen started making his way down the hall towards his daughter’s room. They were expected at the Padalecki’s in half an hour, and he knew he still needed to finish getting his daughter ready.

“Hey Jaybird,” he said as he approached the door. “You about ready to…”

He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the gigantic mess in front of him. Jensen hadn’t been gone more than 5 minutes, and the room had gone from clean and tidy to a storm of chaos. He was floored. How the hell could one child create so much destruction in 5 minutes? Toys and books were thrown around the room, and JJ was still pulling stuff out of her toy box. Jensen wasn’t sure if he should be mad or impressed. He wasn’t sure he could create that kind of devastation in front of him in 5 minutes if he tried. Then again, he knew he would always have to clean it up.

“JJ,” he sighed, “what are you doing? We have to go soon.”

The little girl stopped short and turned to look at her father. Her mouth was set into a small pout as she looked up at him with the kind sad expression that only a child could manage.

“I can’t find it, Daddy,” she said.

Jensen walked into the room and knelt down in front of his daughter. Her sad little expression broke his heart. Once he was on her level, her gently took hold of her shoulders so that she would look at him.

“What can’t you find, baby?” he asked.

“The car,” she said.

Jensen’s brow furrowed in confusion. “The car?”

JJ nodded. “Uh huh. I drew a picture of the Pala for Unca Jared.”

Jensen had to fight to hold back a smile when the giant tears started to form in the little girl’s eyes. The size of her heart never failed to astound him. She was always making little gifts and drawings for him and the rest of her family. It was a trait he was sure JJ had inherited from her mother. It was the kind of thing Jensen could imagine Danneel doing when she was her age, and seeing her do it now warmed his heart.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he said as he wiped the tears from her chubby little cheeks.

“But I wanted to give him a pwsent.”

Jensen pulled his daughter close. “I know baby. I know.” He smoothed her soft blonde hair and placed a kiss on top of her head before pulling back. “Tell you what. Why don’t we clean all of this up and put your shoes on so we can go, and you can make a new picture with Tom and Shep once we get there okay?”

She sniffed and rubbed at her eyes with a tiny fist. “Okay, Daddy.”

“Good.” Jensen kissed her on the head once more before moving to help her pick up the toys that had turned her once tidy room into a disaster area.

* * *

 

There was no need for Jensen to knock on the door and wait for an answer at the Padalecki household. They were his family. Not by blood but by choice. Jared and Gen had been there for him more times than he could count, especially in the last few years.

Gen often took care of JJ while he and Jared were away filming in Vancouver. He’d tried to convince the studio to move filming of his show, _Supernatural_ , to Austin so that he could be there for his daughter since he was now a single parent, but they had refused. He thought about just moving to Vancouver permanently, but that still left the problem of having someone to take care of her while he was filming or at fan conventions. The whole purpose of trying to negotiate with the studio had been to keep a stranger from raising his child. Taking her away from the rest of the family was not going to solve that problem.

The studio had instead offered him a compromise. They worked his filming schedule so that he was on set 3, no more than 4, days a week as well as reduce the number of convention appearances he did on weekends. It wasn’t ideal, but they had made it work. Jensen only did conventions when he could take his daughter with him, and he only filmed on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays most weeks. It made for very long, very tiring shoots, but one look at his daughter’s smiling face and it was worth it. He never let a day pass without a least talking to her on face-time. He did his best to be on the call at bedtime so he could singer her to sleep, but his schedule didn’t always allow for that. All he could do was play the hand he had been dealt and make the most of each moment he had with her.

They’d been unable to finish filming everything they needed one week, and he had been forced to stay and film on Friday morning before he could fly back to Austin. He’d been crushed when he’d seen the look on JJ’s face when he told her he wouldn’t be able to pick her up from school on Friday like he usually did. Instead, he had promised to be there when she woke up on Saturday so they could make pancakes together. He’d kept that promise, and the look of pure joy on her face when she had walked into the Padalecki’s kitchen with their two boys, Tom and Shep, made it all worth it. All three of the kids’ eyes lit up like Christmas when they saw both Jared and Jensen in the kitchen drinking coffee and talking while they waited for the kids to wake up.

It was moments like that that made them a family, and that was why Jensen just opened the door and shouted, “We’re here!” as he walked in.

Jensen sat JJ down and turned to close the door.

“Unca Jared,” he heard her yell before the sound of her feet running across the tile entry sounded through the air.

The sound put a smile on Jensen’s face as he turned to see his best friend kneel down to scoop the little girl into his arms just before she ran into his legs.

“Hey kiddo,” Jared said, placing a kiss on her cheek. “Don’t you look pretty?”

The little girl beamed at him. “Thank you.”

JJ started wriggling to be put down as soon as she heard the sound of Tom and Shep playing in the next room. Jared chuckled before putting her down so that she could run off and play with her two best friends.

The two men chuckled at the sound of their children’s greeting before sharing a quick hug.

“Hey man. How's’ it going?” Jared asked as he patted Jensen on the back.

“Good.” He looked around for his friend’s female counterpart. “Where’s Gen?”

“She’s in the kitchen. Come on.”

Jensen followed him down the hallway into the beautiful spacious kitchen that served as the heart of the home. His nose was instantly flooded with the smell of delicious holiday delicacies that made his mouth water.

“Ummm,” he moaned while rubbing his now rumbling stomach. “Smells good in here.”

Gen closed the oven and went over to give Jensen a hug. He greeted the petite brunette with a massive bearhug and kiss to the top of the head before pulling back to give the other woman in the room the same treatment. “Hey Momma,” he said by way of greeting before giving Jared’s mother a hug. She looked at Jensen like he was one of her own and treated JJ like she was her granddaughter.

“Hi sweetie,’ she said. She pulled back and looked around for the missing member of the family.

“She’s in with the boys,” offered Jensen. “When’s dinner?”

Momma Padalecki shook her head at him, swearing that he really must be her son since he thinks about food almost as much as Jared does. Jensen laughed as he gratefully took the drink Jared offered him.

“Everything’s done,”  Gen offered. “We’re just waiting on one more.”

Jensen took a drink before speaking. “Is Megan coming after all?”

“No.” Jared shook his head. “She’s still doing Thanksgiving with her boyfriend’s family.”

“Fiance,” Gen corrected.

Jensen’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Megan’s getting married?” Gen smiled and nodded. “That’s awesome,” he said before smacking Jared in the gut. “When were you going to tell me?”

Jared let out a huff of air before chuckling and playfully shoving Jensen’s shoulder. “Thought I just did.”

The two men exchanged smiles. They’d shared an instant connection when they first met, and it had only grown with time. They both knew that the other would do anything for them, and it was that connection that Jensen had learned to lean on in the last few years.

“Then who are we waiting on?” asked Jensen.

“Gen’s friend, Y/N,” Jared offered before looking to his wife. “Have you talked to her yet babe?”

Gen hung her apron up on a hook and took a glass with her as she followed the others into the family room.

“Yeah,” she said. “She called while you and your dad were outback with the boys. She should be here soon. She had one last shot to edit and get sent off before coming over.”

Jared just shook his head. “I swear that girl is a workaholic.”

Jensen suddenly felt very confused. They were talking about this Y/N as if it was someone he should know, but the name meant absolutely nothing to him. From the way they talked about her, he got the distinct impression that he should know her. He just couldn’t place her at the moment.

“Who’s Y/N?” he asked.

“Oh,” exclaimed Gen. “She’s an old friend of mine from high school.”

Jensen took another sip of his drink. “Do I know her?”

Gen shook her head. “I don’t think so. She’s been traveling a lot the last few years. I’ve only been able to see her a handful of times.”

Jensen considered this for a moment. “Was she at the wedding?” he asked.

Gen chuckles. “She was supposed to be in it.” Jensen raised a questioning eyebrow at her. “Remember that Maid of Honor shuffle we suddenly had to do the day of the wedding?”

“Yeah,” Jensen drawled.

Gen tilted her glass at him before taking a sip. “That’s her.”

Jensen laughed at the memory of Gen trying to explain to everyone that her Maid of Honor was in emergency appendectomy surgery instead of at her wedding. It had been quite comical to see the bride try and reorganize the entire bridal party with 12 hours to go until the ceremony, once it was all over that is. He could recall a few other incidents over the years when this mysterious friend was forced to cancel her appearance due to last minute complications. Now that he thought about it, he’d heard Jared and Gen talk about her numerous times. He just didn’t have a face to go with the name.

“She just moved here a few days ago,” Gen explained. “She doesn’t really have any family nearby, so I asked her to join us.”

“What does she do?” asked Jensen.

“Oh she’s a photographer. She just opened her own photography studio over in the arts district.”

That little piece of information intrigued Jensen. Photography had always been a bit of a hobby of his. “Really?”

“Yeah she…” Gen trailed off when she heard the doorbell right. “That must be her.”

She sat down her glass and went out into the hall. They instantly knew it was her friend at the door when they heard the high pitched feminine squeals of delight echoing from the hallway. Jared laughed when he looked over to see one of his boys quickly cover his ears to block out the noise. Rising from his seat, Jared went to go great the latest arrival, Jensen close behind him.

The men turned the corner to see the women hugging fiercely before pulling away. Gen laughed when the woman handed her a store bought pie with a less than pleased look on her face.

“Sorry,” she said. “My kitchen is still in a box or I would have made you one.”

“It’s fine,” Gen assured her. “I’m just glad you could make it.” Gen took her friend’s coat and gestured for her to walk on into the house.

“Hey, Shutterbug,” Jared said by way of greeting.

“Hey Sasquatch.”

Jared stooped down so that he could properly hug her. The boys came next, shouting her name and nearly knocking her over in an attempt to give her a hug.

Jensen just stood back and watched the interaction with an amused smile. Even Jared’s parents greeted her with warm smiles and hugs. She stood from the crouch she had been in to great the boys and locked eyes with him. He had to admit that she was one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. Her y/e/c eyes sparkled with mirth as she smiled at him.

“Hi,” she said as she moved towards him and extended her hand. “I’m Y/N.”

Jared fumbled over himself when he realized he’d forgotten to introduce them.

“Oh man. Sorry,” he said. “Y/N, this is Jensen. Jensen, Y/N”

Jensen took a hold of her hand and shook it. “Nice to meet you, finally.”

“You too,” Y/N chuckled. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Oh?” asked Jensen. He knew that he’d heard Gen tell stories about her, but he hadn’t expected her to of done the same with him.

“Yeah. Gen has told me stories about all the trouble you and Jared get into at work.”

They all laughed for a moment until Y/N’s eyes drifted down to JJ. She was peeking out from behind her father’s leg, curious as to who this new person was.

“Who is this?’ she asked, quickly casting a glance back up at Jensen before returning her attention to JJ.

“This,” Jensen said as he placed a hand on the back of his daughter’s had, “is my daughter, JJ.”

Y/N squatted down until she was as eye level with the girl. “Hi JJ,” she said. “I’m Y/N.”

JJ looked from the strange woman in front of her and then up to her father. Jensen smiled at her.

“It’s okay,” he coaxed. “Say hello.”

JJ’s voice was barely a whisper when she greeted her. “Hi.”

“I really like your dress, JJ,” Y/N said with a smile. “I wish I looked that pretty.”

JJ giggled and hid behind Jensen’s leg again, making all of the adults laugh at the color that sprung up in her cheeks. JJ wasn’t usually this shy. They all knew that as soon as she got used to the new person in front of her, she’d be begging her to have tea parties with her in much the same way she did the rest of them.

“Dad,” Thomas called, and everyone’s attention moved to the small brown haired boy.

“Yeah buddy?” Jared replied.

“Can we eat now?”

The adults all laughed before moving towards the dining room to enjoy their meal.

* * *

Conversation over dinner flowed effortlessly. Everyone found themselves laughing as they relived old memories and shared their hopes and dreams for the year ahead. Once everyone’s bellies were full and their sweet tooth sated, the makeshift family moved to the family room to watch a movie with the kids. The boys argued with JJ for a moment about what to watch, but they finally settled on an old Disney classic before making a pile of pillows on the floor to lay on while they watched. The adults in the room looked on from the various couches and chairs forming a semicircle around the entertainment center.

Jensen excused himself to get another drink before the movie started and returned to find the only available  seat left was on the loveseat next to Y/N. She scooted over to give him a little more room, and he gave her an apologetic smile before lowering himself into the seat.

For the first time that night, an awkward silence fell between them. The close proximity they suddenly found themselves in somehow changed things. They’d been able to carry on a conversation easily enough when the whole group was involved, but now that the others were silent, Jensen found it difficult to come up with something to say. It was an unusual situation for him. He was used to coming up with things to say on the fly for an interviews and at conventions, but he was drawing a blank with Y/N. It was confusing and a bit unsettling. She seemed like a lovely woman that he could easily see being a part of this crazy family they had all formed. He just wasn’t sure what to say to her now that there was nobody else to drive the conversation. The fact that he couldn’t think of anything to say made him very uneasy. So he looked around the room for an easy way out. The others all seemed to be engaged in small conversations. Jared was talking to his mother and father while Gen was listening to something Shep had to tell her, so Jensen couldn’t rely on any of them to help him break through the uncomfortable silence he currently found himself in.

It was nothing against Y/N. In fact, he caught himself glancing over at her every now and then when he shifted in his seat and bump into her. She always gave him a soft smile before turning her attention back to the animated characters dancing across the screen.

“So,” Jensen said, fiddling with the glass in his hand while trying to break the tension, “you’re a photographer?” And just like that, he was ready to kick himself. Of all the ice breaker questions he could possibly have asked her, he decided to go with one he already knew the answer to. ‘Way to go, Jensen,’ he thought. ‘Way to make a jackass out of yourself.’  She had spent time over dinner telling them about how she was settling into her new studio. Traveling was great, but she had decided to lay down roots somewhere. Gen was always telling her how much her family loved living in Austin, so when a space became available nearby, she’d jumped at the opportunity to be closer to someone that had been like a sister to her growing up.

If the question had bothered her, she didn’t show it. She just chuckled softly at the clear look of humiliation on his face.

“Yeah,’ she said. “Jared said you liked photography?”

Her easy laugh and warm smile quickly put Jensen at ease. The two of them spent the majority of the movie talking about their shared love of the visual artform. He was stunned to hear about some of the publications that had used her work over the years.

“You’re kidding me,” he said.

“No. Really.” Y/N tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and turned to face him more fully. “I just happened to be there on vacation when it happened, and this kid came running towards me with this oil covered duck in his arms crying because it wouldn’t eat the bread he’d brought for it. It was one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen. That kid broke my heart.”

The music playing over the final credits drew their attention back to the screen. Jensen had been having such a good time talking with her that he’d completely forgotten about the movie.

“Guess we didn’t watch much of it did we?” he asked with a smile.

She shook her head. “Yeah. I guess not.” She leaned to the side and nodded towards the floor with a fond smile on her face. “Looks like we’re not the only ones.”

Jensen followed her gaze and found all three children fast asleep on the pillows. It made his heart swell inside of his chest to see all three of them holding onto one another. JJ had curled up between Tom and Shep, and both boys were holding onto her like she was something precious to them. The corner of Jensen’s mouth ticked up a little, and he reached for his cellphone to capture the moment. Just as he was about to take the picture, he heard a shutter click behind him. Jensen turned and found Y/N standing off to the side, camera in hand, slowly moving around the couch as she continued to take the picture from a variety of angles. She finally stopped taking the photos and looked up at the rest of the room.

He was floored by the way she moved about to capture the perfect representation of such a sweet moment. He was used to either himself or Gen quickly pulling out a phone to take a quick photo of the kids when they were doing something they wanted to remember for ever, but seeing someone pull out a professional camera and move around them like they were models at a photoshoot seemed odd to him. He knew she didn’t mean anything by it, but he couldn’t help the tension that formed across his broad shoulders. He just wasn’t sure what to think about someone he’d just met already being so quick to join their lives.

“Do you always carry that with you?” Jensen asked, indicating her professional camera.

Her answering shrug looked more like an admission of guilt than a nonchalant gesture.

“I like it better than a cellphone,” she teased.

“See,” Jared said as he elbowed his wife playfully in the side. “Workaholic.”

Y/N narrowed her eyes in jest at him while the others tried to keep their laughter quite so as not to wake the children. Her mock glare didn’t last long however. Soon a brilliant smile was plastered on her face while she asked Gen if she wanted her to send her a copy.

“Please.”

Jensen cleared his throat slightly. “Uh.. could I get one too?” he asked a bit hesitantly. Hearing that she always took photos that way put him at ease, and he was able to relax and just enjoy the sweet moment they had all witnessed. He very much wanted to see what the moment looked like through the lense of Y/N’s camera. He just wasn’t sure she was comfortable enough with him for him to just ask for a copy like that.

“Sure,” Y/N replied. “I’ll give it to Gen for you when we go out to lunch next week.”

“Thanks.”

While Jensen had smiled at her, the fact that Y/N wouldn’t be delivering the photo herself disappointed him. He came up short at the thought, blinking rapidly. There was no reason for him to expect her to bring the photo to him herself. Spending one night sharing an hour long conversation about photography didn’t make them friends.

“We probably ‘ought to get going,” Jared’s mother said as she rose to her feet. She walked over and gave her son a quick hug before moving to Gen. “Thank you both for the wonderful meal.”

Gen returned the woman’s hug, telling her she was glad they enjoyed dinner before turning her attention to the other two adults in the room.

“I should get going too,” Y/N offered as she rose from the crouch she had been in for the final closeup shot.

Jensen soon found himself scooping a sleeping JJ into his arms and throwing her coat around her as best he could before heading out to his car. He was struggling to get the back door of the SUV open without jostling his daughter when he heard a voice behind him ask if he’d like some help. Y/N threw her bag into her own car before shutting the door and trotting over to where Jensen stood balancing the precocious toddler on his shoulder.

“Yeah thanks,” he whispered, careful not to be to loud.

“Don’t mention it,” Y/N said before opening the door and stepping aside so Jensen could secure the car seat. “She’s precious.”

Jensen smiled at her. “Thanks.” He closed the door and stood back. Another moment of awkward silence fell between them, but this time both of them just ended up laughing at how ridiculous they were being. Jensen knew he was being silly. There was no need to feel so out of place next to this woman. She had been nothing but kind to him since she’d walked in the door earlier that evening. There was no reason for him to feel like he didn’t know what to say to her or even that he had to speak, but he did.

Y/N was the first to break the silence. “I’ll see you around, Jensen.” She patted him on the shoulder as she past.

“See ya.”

He watched her get into her car and drive off with a smile on his face. They’d had a lot more in common than he would have guessed. Jensen actually found himself looking forward to hanging out with her again before getting into his own car and driving the two blocks to his own home.

* * *

An exhausted sigh left his lips as he sat on the edge of the bed. He ran a hand through his hair and down his face before reaching for the photo sitting beside his bed.

“Hey baby,” Jensen spoke to Danneel’s photo. He couldn’t stop the sad smile from spreading across his face as he looked at his wife’s image. He still missed her every day, and this was his way of coping. “We had a great day today, See. Wish you could have been here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and comments.


	3. Chapter 3

With the holiday season finally over, the winter hiatus was coming to a close. Filming was set to begin again, and scripts had started to arrive. Their arrival meant that Jensen would soon be back to flying from Austin to Vancouver each week so that he could continue to be both a father and an actor. It hurt his heart to think about the time he would have to spend away from his little girl. So he sought solace in familiar activities.

Working out had never been Jensen’s favorite activity, but it was a good way for him to clear his head and regain some focus. He always felt better about things after a good workout, and doing that with one of his best friends made it even better.

Jared threw his head back and laughed at something Jensen had said as they made their way out of the gym in the heart of Austin. It wasn’t unusual for them to trade stories about their children’s antics, but something about this one just hit Jared’s funny bone.

“Dude, seriously?” Jared asked.

“Yeah,” Jensen chuckled. “She said I eat more than the Cookie Monster.”

“Well,” Jared managed to choke out between laughs as he opened the driver’s side door, “that’s what you get for eating half the cookies before they cool.”

Jensen gave him a look of mock offense. “At least I actually let them get to the cookie phase instead of just eating the dough.”

Adjusting the grey beanie on top of his head, Jared gave him a little shrug before turning the key in the ignition and setting off for home.

The two drove on in a comfortable silence for a while. The need to have small talk to fill the space between them had evaporated years ago. They were just as comfortable sitting in silence as they were carrying on meaningless conversations. That’s why Jared’s nervous fidgeting in his seat instantly alerted Jensen to the fact that there was something going on inside his best friend’s head.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked when Jared continued to fidget.

He tried to play it off like it was nothing. “What?”

He couldn’t fool Jensen. “Come on man. You know you can’t fool me. What’s got you so wound up?”

Jared glanced at him out of the corner of his eye and shifted in his seat once more before speaking.

“So, uh, what do you think of Y/N?” Jared asked.

“Y/N?”

Jared nodded. “Yeah. What do you think of her?”

Jensen hadn’t really given the woman much thought. He’d seen her over at Gen and Jared’s a few times over the holidays. He enjoyed talking to her, and the photo she had taken of JJ and the boys at Thanksgiving was one of his favorites. Still, he didn’t know her well enough to have much of an opinion.

“She seems nice,” he said.

“Nice?”

“Yeah.”

Jensen wasn’t sure where his friend was going with this, but he had a feeling he wasn’t going to like it.

“So,” Jared drawled , “you like her?”

Now Jensen was getting suspicious.

“I-I guess. Why?”

The wily smile that spread across his friends face told him all he needed to know. It wasn’t the first time Jared had tried to set him up with someone. He’d agreed to a few blind dates over the years, each one more disastrous than the last. Each one had started with his friend giving him that exact same smile and telling him he’d found the perfect girl for him.

“No,” Jensen said in a commanding tone. “No way.”

“What?” Jared tried to sound innocent, but the smirk on his face gave him away.

Jensen shook his head at him as they pulled up to Jared’s house and started to get out of the car.

“You know?” he said. “For an actor you’re a terrible liar.”

Jensen scowled at him for a moment before getting out of the car and making his way up to the house. He loved his friend, but there were moments when he really wished he would leave well enough alone. Jared, on the other hand, knew that getting Jensen to see the potential he had with Y/N was going to be hard. The man could be as stubborn as a mule when he wanted to, but he’d seen the way Jensen’s eyes had widened when he’d first laid eyes on her. He’d watched their interactions over the past month. Both he and Gen agreed that there was a lot of potential there. He just had to find a way to make Jensen see it as well.

“So,” Jared said as he made his way around the SUV, “what you’re telling me is that you have no interest in Y/N whatsoever?” He opened the front door and called out to let Gen know they were back.

Jensen had just shut the door behind them when the sound of three pairs of tiny feet running down the hall reached his ears. He turned just in time to see Tom, Shep, and JJ round the corner. The three precocious toddlers accelerated in a race to see who could reach their respective father’s arms first. A bright smile spread across Jensen’s face at the sound of JJ’s laughter. It was the most beautiful sound in the world, never failing to make his heart soar.

Both men squatted down and opened their arms. Jensen wrapped his arms around his daughter. “Hey there, Jaybird,” he said as he lifted her up into the air, making her giggle all the more. He pulled her back to his chest and placed a kiss on her cheek. JJ returned the hug for a moment before pushing away, her little face scrunched up in disgust.

“Daddy, you’re smelly.”

“Yeah, Dad,” Tom said as he looked up at Jared. “You’re all gross.”

The two men laughed. Trust their kids to put them in their place.

“Guess we both better hit the showers.” Jared turned to ask Jensen what he really thought about Y/N, but his friend was already halfway out the door.

Jensen balanced JJ on his hip.

“Tell Gen I said thanks again,” he said. “I’ll see you later.”

He shut the door and made his way to his own vehicle. While he may not have answered Jared’s question, he’d thought of an answer. Y/N was great. He really liked being around her. He just wasn’t sure if he could let anyone else in his life right now.

* * *

High pitched squeals of laughter rang through the air, making Jensen smile.

“Daddy, no!” JJ laughed as she tried to push his hands away. “Stooop it!”

Jensen joined her laughter and tickled her a bit more before stopping his assault and letting her sit up. Her little feet were resting on his legs. Her tossing and turning against the couch cushions in an attempt to get away from him had forced her hair to come loose from her pigtails and now stood up in wild little blonde tufts all over her head.

“I love you, Daddy,” she said, a radiant smile spreading across her face.

Jensen’s heart melted. “I love you too, baby.” He held his arms out for his little girl who quickly scrambled into his lap. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek before giving him a hug. Jensen just held her close, savoring the moment.

His heart swelled. It was moments like this one that made all the heartache and sorrow worth it. This is what made the long hours on set worth it. He’d gladly put up with the constant hustle and bustle of making sure she didn’t miss out on anything just because she had only one parent where her friends had two if it meant he got to experience more moments like this. This is what made him feel content. He kissed JJ on the top of the head and held her just a little bit tighter.

“I love you too, Jaybird.”

They sat like that for a minute more until Jensen’s phone started ringing in his pocket. Releasing his hold on his daughter, he shifted in his seat so that he could retrieve it from his back pocket. He gave the caller idea a quick glance before answering.

“Hello.”

“Hey man,” Jared’s voice sounded on the other end of the line. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much.”

JJ looked at him with her large expressive eyes and whispered, “Who is it?”

Jensen pulled the phone away from his face. “It’s Uncle Jared.” The little girl’s eyes lit up. She shouted her hi at the phone, making Jensen jerk back a little bit. She instantly recoiled, a little smile on her face, and told him she was sorry for yelling. He gave her side a little poke, causing her to giggle while he turned his attention back to the phone. “You get that?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

Jensen told her to go wash her hands so that they could make dinner before turning his attention back to his best friend.

“So, what’s up?”Jensen asked, rising to his feet to go see what he had on hand for food.

“Gen and I were wondering if you wanted to go out with us tomorrow night.”

Jensen started pulling ingredients out of the pantry. “Out?”

“Yeah,” Jared chirped. “It’s been forever since we’ve all gone out together. What do you say?”

A feeling of reluctance swept over him. Jensen loved spending time with Jared and Gen. Truly, but it also served to remind him of what was missing in his life. Seeing the two of them laughing and smiling at each other in the way that only the two of them could do always made his heart feel a little heavy.

“I don’t know,” Jensen sighed. “It’s kind of late for me to get a sitter.”

“Already solved that problem. My parents are going to watch the boys, and they already offered to watch JJ too if you want to go.” Jensen paused, taking a deep breath to calm himself. “Come on, man. You know you need a night out too.”

Jensen huffed, resigning himself to the truth in Jared’s words.

“Alright,” he said. “What time should I be there?”

* * *

The night air was still rather crisp, and the whistling wind forced Jensen to pull his jacket a bit tighter around himself before shoving his hands in his pockets. He’d parked his car a couple of blocks away from the restaurant he was meeting Jared and Gen at after dropping JJ off at Momma and Papa Padalecki’s house. They had all agreed to take their own cars encase one of the kids needed them to come home a bit sooner than the other. He sighed when he thought about how far away he was forced to park. It was the closest space he could find on a Saturday night.

6th street was always a hive of activity in downtown Austin, but weekends always seemed to kick it up a notch. People were buzzing everywhere. They flittered about on their way from one destination to the next in search of the nights next great adventure. Jensen turned the corner and spotted his two friends waiting outside the restaurant. Jared spotted him a moment later

“Hey,” the gentle giant threw his hand up in the air and waved him over.

The two quickly greeted each other with a hug and pat on the back before Jensen turned his attention to the woman at Jared’s side.

“Hi, Gen,” said Jensen as he pulled her in for a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.”

Jensen shoved his hands back into his pockets and shrugged. “You guys ready to go in?” He started to move towards the restaurant until he heard Gen’s voice.

“We need to wait on Y/N. She’s not here yet.”

He stopped short and turned to glare at Jared. The level of frustration he felt towards his best friend in that moment nearly made his head spin. He could hardly believe that Jared had gone behind his back and set him up with Y/N after the conversation they’d had earlier. His jaw clenched, and his nostrils flared slightly as he stared the taller man down.

Feeling the tension rolling off of his friend, Jared threw his hands up in surrender.

“I swear, Jay,” he said. “It’s not what it looks like. Gen invited her on her own. I had no idea she was going to be here when I asked you to come.”

“What are you two talking about?” Gen asked. She looked back and forth from between the two men, waiting for an answer. She raised an eyebrow at them when neither answered her question. “Well?”

“Ah…” Jared’s mouth hung open for a minute while he struggled to find the words to tell his wife about his proposed matchmaking attempt. “I-uh-I kind of sort of tried to convince Jensen to ask her out the other day.”

“No,” Jensen countered. “You are trying to set me up with her after I specifically told you not to.

Gen put her hands on her hips and sent a rather haughty look in her husband’s direction.

“Jared, I…” She stopped short when she spotted Y/N coming up behind the two men. “Hey, Y/N.”

Jensen followed her line of sight and spotted Y/N a few yards off. His eyes widened a fraction of an inch at the sight of her. The skirt of her blue dress floated around her as she hastened in their direction. He noticed her bare legs and couldn’t help but wonder how she wasn’t freezing in the cold winter air. He watched the two women embrace quickly before they turned back towards the two men standing along the street. Y/N’s eyes locked with Jensen’s, and she smiled.

“Hi,” she said simply.

“Hey.” Jensen returned her smile and stood there awkwardly for a moment, not sure what to say. He was torn between being excited to spend more time with her and mad as hell that he was being set up in the first place. He didn’t know how in on Jared and Gen’s plan she was. She didn’t seem surprised that he was there, but that didn’t mean that Gen hadn’t just told her about it instead of trying to engineer a double date.

Jared cleared his throat, drawing everyone’s attention. He motioned towards the door.

“You guys ready?”

“Yes,” Y/N said, throwing her head back in a dramatic fashion. “I’m starving, and it’s freezing. I’m dying out here.”

Jensen couldn’t help but snicker a little bit at the way she emphasized her words with a shiver. Gen took Jared’s arm before proceeding into the restaurant. Jensen stood there like a deer in the headlights for a moment. What was he supposed to do? They weren’t on a date, but should he offer her his arm anyway? Would she make assumptions about the rest of the night if he did? He licked his lips nervously, capturing his lower lip between his teeth before turning his attention back to her.

“After you,” he said, gesturing for her to go first.

She smiled at him before following their friends inside, and Jensen let out a sigh of relief. 

* * *

Conversation flowed easily between the four adults. They laughed and reminisced about times they had shared together. Jensen was actually surprised to learn that Y/N had been somewhat of an athlete growing up, a good one if anything Gen said was to be believed.

“Why’d you quit?” he asked her. “Why didn’t you try to get a scholarship or something?”

Y/N looked down with a sheepish shrug of her shoulders, but everyone at the table could still clearly see the blush that spread across her face at the compliments that were being thrown her way.

“It just wasn’t where I wanted to be anymore I guess,” she said when she looked back up.

Jensen raised an eyebrow at her, not completely convinced by her answer.

She held up a hand. “I love sports don’t get me wrong. I still like to play them, but I just didn’t want that to be my life. You know what I mean?”

They all nodded. Each of them thinking of their own moment of realization when they put something away in order to pursue what they wanted most. The band in the corner began to play, and Jared took hold of Gen’s hand to pull her out onto the makeshift dance floor. Y/N and Jensen watched them dance for a few minutes. The way they smiled at each other made Jensen smile himself. It was the same way they had looked at each other on their wedding day. Jensen looked down at the table as he thought about that day. Jared had been so nervous that Jensen had threatened to marry Gen himself if he didn’t sit down and stop ranting like a madman.

The light touch of a hand on his arm drew his attention away from the couple, and his eyes came up to meet Y/N’s as she smiled at him from across the table.

“Do you wanna dance?” she asked.

Jensen’s mouth ran dry. He drew back a bit as he sat up straighter. His sudden panic must have been evident on his face, because Y/N started to chuckle at his expression.

“Easy tiger,” she said. “I’m not asking you to take me home for the night. It’s just a dance.”

He blinked at her for a moment as he sat frozen in place. His brows knit a bit in confusion at how well she had picked up on his emotions. It had been a long time since someone had read him that easily. It was confusing. He didn’t know what to think. Part of him was grateful for her understanding, but he couldn’t help but tense up. Then she smiled reassuringly, and he felt himself relax before he nodded. She was right. It was just a dance. It didn’t mean anything. Just two people enjoying the music around them and having a good time.

“Okay,” he said, his voice a bit gruffer than normal.

Standing from his seat, Jensen held out a hand for Y/N. He smiled down at her when she placed her hand in his and followed her out to the dance floor. They waved their way through the other dancing couples until they found a free space. Jensen turned to face Y/N. He gave her hand a gentle tug to pull her closer when the music suddenly shifted, and Y/N became visibly nervous.

“What’s wrong?” Jensen asked.

She cast a glance over at the band, shifting slightly from foot to foot as she looked around at the other couples. They had all shifted into a simple two-step to match the lively country tune that was playing.

Jensen instantly thought he had done something wrong and released her, taking a step back. “I’m sorry. Do you wanna…” He gestured back towards their table, indicating that they could just go sit back down if she wanted. She shook her head no. “Then what is it?”

She glanced around at the couples. She muttered something under her breath that Jensen couldn’t quite understand.

“What was that?”

“I don’t know how to dance,” she said sheepishly wrapping her arms around herself.

Jensen laughed. “But you’re the one who asked me.”

“Well that was before it turned into a barn dance. I know how to dance. Just… not like that.”

She pointed to a couple where the girl was spinning like a top. The slightly embarrassed look on her face only made Jensen’s smile widen.

“Come here,” he said, reaching forward and pulling one of her hands loose from where she had crossed them against her chest. “I’ll teach you.”

He pulled her close while still making sure to leave plenty of space between them while she learned. He walked her through the basic steps a few times while holding both of her hands before placing one of her hands on his shoulder and putting his own on her waist.

“There. You see?” He smiled down at her. “Nothing to it.”

They danced for a few more minutes before Jensen lifted the hand he was holding above her head and twirled her around. She managed to follow his lead at first until she lost her balance and stumbled on the next turn. Jensen gave her arm a swift pull and clasped her to his chest before she could fall, both of them laughing at the hilarity of the moment.

Y/N beamed up at him. There was a radiance about her that he couldn’t deny, a passion for life that seemed to encase her in this brilliant light every time she smiled. He’d noticed it that first night they had met at Jared and Gen’s. Now that he knew her more, he couldn’t deny the magnetic pull she had on him. His muscles stiffened slightly at the realization. He could feel himself breaking out in a cold sweat as panic began to set in.

Jensen loosened his grip and took a step back.

“Maybe we should take a break for a while.”

He was so wrapped up in his quickly forming panic that he missed the slightly disappointed look on Y/N’s face when she agreed. His voice had shook slightly, forced past the rapidly forming lump in his throat. It felt like the walls were starting to close in on him, making it hard for him to think or breath.

He walked her back to the table in a daze. A heavy fog had settled over him, weighing down his movements and clouding his vision. He took his seat without saying a word.

“I’m going to the ladies room,” Y/N said before she could sit down, her own discomfort clear on her face.

Gen looked back and forth between her and Jensen for a moment, a look of concern morphing her features.

“I’ll go with you,” she said, placing a knowing hand on her husband’s arm before following her friend away from the table.

Jared and Jensen sat in silence. Jared watched as Jensen’s eyes darted back and forth, his mind racing. He could see the wheels turning in the older man’s head. He looked like he was about to fall apart, and Jared’s heart went out to him.

“You okay, Jay?” he asked.

Jensen looked up at him quickly, blinking away this thoughts. “Yeah. I’m good.” A good look at Jared’s face told him he didn’t believe him.

“I thought you were having a good time,” Jared said. He pointed towards the dance floor. “You guys were laughing and smiling. Then you just walked away. What’s going on?”

Jensen knew there was no point in lying. Jared would see right through him anyway.

“I uh..” Jensen licked his lips and ran a hand down his face. “I just couldn’t do it.”

“Do what?”

He looked up at Jared, and he could see the answer written all over his face. Guilt. Jensen felt guilty. Jared’s expression softened. He’d seen this look on Jensen’s face off and on over the last few years. Anytime he felt like he was having too much fun without Danneel, forgetting her even, he would retreat into himself until the moment passed.

“Jay,” Jared sighed, “you can’t keep doing this to yourself.” Jensen shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “You’ve got to let her go.”

Jensen stopped his fidgeting and stared wide eyed at his friend. Jared let his words sink in for a moment before he continued.

“It’s time to move on, Jay. Danni wouldn’t want you to be like this. She’d want you to be happy.” He watched a single tear begin to form in his friend’s eye. “It’s time.”

Jensen let the words roll around in his brain. He knew they were right. She wouldn’t want his life to end just because she wasn’t in it anymore. She would want him to keep on living, to build a life for himself and for JJ beyond her memory. The thought of happiness without Danneel brought tears to his eyes. He didn’t want those things without her. He’d never imagined his life with anyone else since the day he met her.

Jared placed a hand over one of Jensen’s and gave it a squeeze to draw his attention. “Hey,” he said. “It’s okay.”

Jensen gave a weak nod just as the girls returned to the table. They both smiled at them in greeting, silently agreeing that their conversation would remain a secret for now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos.


	4. Chapter 4

The tension in his shoulders started to ease slightly as the evening wore on. Jensen had barely looked at Y/N when the girls first returned to the table. He’d been to embarrassed. The poor woman had done nothing wrong, and he had practically run away from her. He’d seen the hurt look on her face when he had pulled away. He wanted to kick himself for hurting her like that. She’d been nothing but nice to him, and he’d been a complete asshole. He wasn’t sure how he would have gotten through the rest of the night if it wasn’t for his best friend. He thanked God for Jared’s ability to bring people into a conversation with ease. Thanks to him, the four of them soon found themselves laughing and swapping stories back and forth like nothing had happened.

“Oh my god!” Y/N exclaimed. “You face-planted off of a planter?”

Jensen could actually feel his ears turning red he was blushing so hard.

“What?” he shrugged. “You guys never did anything stupid when you were younger.

Y/N and Gen just looked at each other. Then, without saying a word, turned back to Jensen and said “no” in perfect unison before falling into fits of laughter.

Jensen looked to Jared for backup, but the way his friend’s face was turning red from holding in his own laughter quickly told him that there was none to be had. Jensen looked down at his glass for a minute to hide his embarrassment.

“But Y/N did flash the entire stadium during a football game once,” offered Gen.

The laughter Jared had been holding back erupted forth while Jensen leaned in.

“Oh, I’ve got to hear this.”

He watched Y/N’s face turn deeper and darker shades of red while Gen struggled to hold in her laughter long enough to tell the story. They were all laughing by the end, and the mood had noticeably shifted between Y/N and Jensen. It was like their awkward moment on the dance floor had never happened.

It started getting late, and they decided to call it a night. The cold crisp air hit Jensen in the face the instant he stepped outside, clearing the tired haze from his mind.

“Wow!” he exclaimed while pulling his coat a bit tighter around his body. “I think it got colder.”

Gen held tight to Jared’s arm as they made their way down the steps and onto the sidewalk. She nodded her head in agreement.

“There’s a chance of snow later this week.”

Y/N shivered. “I thought it was supposed to be warm in Texas?” she asked.

The others laughed. While it was true that the Lone Star State didn’t get quite as cold as other parts of the country, it still had it’s moments of pure winter.

“My car’s back that way,” Jensen said as he pointed over his shoulder. “Where are you guys parked?”

Jared pointed in the opposite direction. “We’re down that way. Y/N?”

“That way.” She nodded in the direction Jensen had pointed earlier.

A round of hugs and wishes for a pleasant night were exchanged all around. Jared and Gen waved goodbye as they turned and headed in the opposite direction towards their vehicle, leaving Y/N and Jensen alone for the first time since their dance had ended.

A stone like weight settled in Jensen’s stomach. The awkwardness quickly returned, and the former dancing partners found themselves just standing on the sidewalk in an uncomfortable silence. Jensen’s shoes became a sudden source of fascination for the actor. He couldn’t think of anything to talk about. So he stood there like a flagpole racking his brain for something clever to say.

“Well,” Y/N said in a voice that sounded every bit as unsure as Jensen felt.

He looked up. She wasn’t looking him in the eye, but she wasn’t looking away either. He found himself wondering if she was as desperate to get away from him as he was to be able to turn back time and not be such a jackass.

Pushing the thought from his mind, Jensen stepped aside and held his arm out in a sweeping motion in the direction of their respective vehicles.

“Shall we?” he asked.

A radiant smile formed on Y/N’s face. She nodded and started walking past him. Jensen returned her smile as she passed, her light floral scent wafting up to met him. It gave him an almost heady feeling that caught him off guard for a moment. It wasn’t until Y/N was a good three yards ahead of him that his feet got the signal to move.

He trotted lightly to catch up to her. She glanced over, giving him a small tight lipped smile before ducking her head back down to brace against the cold. Jensen thought about saying something to her, but there wasn’t really anything he could say. Sorry I was an douche earlier? Forgive me for being an ass? Nothing really seemed to fit the situation. So he walked along beside her in silence until she suddenly stopped. He took a few more paces before turning back to look at her in confusion.

“I’m this way,” she said.

Jensen nodded and turned his attention in the direction she had pointed. He frowned as he studied the dark alleyway she hand just pointed to. While Austin wasn’t exactly New York or LA, it still wasn’t a good idea for a woman to go walking through dark deserted places on her own at night.

“I’ll walk you,” he said before moving back towards her.

He placed a hand on the small of her back and started to guide her down the path.

“No, it’s okay,” she protested and stopped moving once more, his hand falling away. “You really don’t have to do that.”

“Yes, I do,” he said. “My mom would kill me if she knew I let a pretty girl walk to her car at night by herself.”

It wasn’t a lie. His mother had always made it a point to stress the importance of being a gentleman to him and his brother, Josh. She taught them to open doors and pull out chairs. They were lessons that Jensen had taken to heart, and he’d be damned if he’d let a less than stellar evening keep him from doing what he knew was right.

He motioned for her to move ahead and placed his hand at the small of her back once more as they moved through the darkened alley. He could feel her shift slightly under his touch and wondered if it was him or the location that was causing her unease. He hoped it wasn’t because of him. She was very sweet, and he’d had a wonderful time talking to her. The thought that she might actually be recoiling because of him hurt.

Jensen’s jaw clenched and an uneasy feeling formed in the pit of his stomach when her scent wafted up to him on the cold winter breeze again. He thought about how great she had smelled while they were dancing, about how much fun he had had dancing with her until he’d realized just how close they were. He knew that it had been years, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was betraying Danneel somehow. Sure, there had been a few women that had turned his head over the years, but he never really gave them much thought. Y/N though, he could tell she was different, and it scared the hell out of him.

“This is me,” she said, pointing to her car.

“Alright.” He took a step back as she opened the car door. “Have a nice night.”

“Goodnight, Jensen.”

She smiled up at him before climbing into the vehicle and shutting the door. He gave her a small smile in return before waving. Jensen started to turn around and head to his own car when Y/N’s engine started making a noise that nobody ever wanted to hear coming from their vehicle. He watched her crank the key in the ignition again. The car made the same awful high pitched screech as before. Y/N slammed back against her seat in frustration before smacking the steering wheel.

Jensen chuckled at the exasperated look on her face. He crossed the few yards between them and lightly rapped on her window and stepped back so that she could open the door.

“Need some help?” he asked, smile firmly set on his features.

Y/N slammed the door behind her as she got out of the vehicle. “It won’t start.”

He watched her run her hand through her hair and sigh before checking his watch.

“It’s too late for a tow truck,” he said. “Anybody you call at this hour on the weekend is going to rack you over the coals. How’s about I just give you a ride home?”

She shook her head no and ran her fingers through her hair, pulling at the ends slightly. “It’s okay. It’s my fault for being a dumbass. Guess that’s what I get for putting off taking it in huh?”

“Hey,” he told her, “you’re not a dumbass alright? It’s just kind of a rough night. We’ve all been there. It’s okay.“

Y/N nodded her head a little as she leaned back against her non-working vehicle. Her eyes shot up to his face when he held a hand out to her, and her eyes came to rest on his gentle smile. “Come on. I’ll give you a ride home and you can call somebody to come get your car in the morning.”

She looked from his hand to his face a few times before speaking. “Are you sure that’s alright?” 

“Yeah,” he nodded, turning and offering her his arm instead of his hand. “I’m sure.”

She muttered a quiet thank you before taking his arm and letting him lead her back down the alley in silence. Jensen held the door open for her when they reached his car. She nodded her thanks and climbed into the SUV without saying a word. He shut the door carefully behind her before walking around to his own door and starting the car.

He could feel her presence beside him like an soothing rain as he drove. He was at ease with her, and that realization sent his heart racing. He barely knew her. There was no reason for him to feel this way. He hadn’t been this comfortable around a woman since…. He quickly shoved the thought out of his mind. He couldn’t go there. Not now. He tried to focus on the road ahead of him, but the silence between them was growing thick with a tension that made him even more uneasy than his thoughts had.

“So,” he said, trying to break up the silence as they drove along. His voice came out somewhat strained. Putting a fist to his mouth, Jensen cleared his throat and started again. “I never really thanked you for that picture you took of the kids at Thanksgiving. It’s really great.”

She smiled at him. “I’m glad you like it.”

They shifted into a comfortable silence, Y/N giving directions here and there as they went.

“Gen told me that scripts have started to come in for you guys,” she said. Jensen made a hmm noise in the back of his throat and nodded. “When do you go back to work?”

“Week after next.”

The dejected tone of his voice was nearly impossible to miss. As much as he loved his work, Jensen was dreading going back to the unrelenting schedule it caused.

“You don’t sound too happy about it,” she said, concern lacing her tone.

Jensen chanced a glance at her out of the corner of his eye as he continued to maneuver through the streets of Austin. The way she was looking at him made him feel like she truly cared. His shoulders relaxed, and he let out another deep breath.

“I’m not looking forward to the back and forth,” he told her. “It uh… it’s rough.”

She nodded. “I can only imagine. I don’t know how you do it.” She pointed to a street  just ahead of them. “Turn right here.”

Jensen followed her directions before answering.

“To be honest, I don’t know sometimes either.” A smile formed on his face as he thought about the way JJ’s face always lit up when he picked her up from school after a long week of filming. “My baby girl’s worth it though.”

He looked over at Y/N and saw her mirroring his smile. He followed her directions for a minute more before pulling up to a simple one story brick home. It had dark green wooden shutters on the windows and an old wooden swing on the porch. It screamed old family home in a way few houses in the neighborhood did.

“This is a nice house,” he told her.

Y/N unbuckled her seatbelt and bent over to retrieve her purse.

“Thanks,” she said. “I’m renting it from this little old lady that lives up the street. Her husband built it for them back in the day, but she fell and broke her hip last year and had to move in with her daughter. Couldn’t bare the thought of selling the place though.”

Jensen nodded. While he may not have built his home with his own two hands, he couldn’t imagine ever living somewhere else. There were too many memories, both good and bad. Even with the ghosts that roamed its halls, he couldn’t see his little family anywhere else.

“Thanks for the ride,” she said before reaching for the door handle.

Jensen undid his seatbelt and reached for his handle as well. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

She waved him off. “You don’t need to do that.”

He gave her a inquisitive look. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “ I think I can make it from here. Thanks again for the ride, Jensen. I had a great time tonight.”

“Me too.”

As the words left his lips, he realized just how true they were. He’d actually really enjoyed talking to her. She’d been able to put him at ease somehow. It wasn’t something he was used to, but he liked it.

“Goodnight, Jensen.”

“Night.”

He watched in silence as she made her way towards the door. His mind started racing. He replayed the events of the evening over and over again in his head. He thought about their easy conversation and the light heartedness he had felt during their conversation as they drove. He also thought about the dance. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t enjoyed it. He’d loved it, and that was the misery of it. Jared’s words played over again in his mind. It’s time. He knew he was supposed to move on. He just wasn’t sure if he could.

Jensen’s knuckles began to turn white as he contemplated rolling down the window and calling out to her, but she reached her door before the battle in his mind was over. She waved to him once the door was open to let him know she’d made it inside. He returned her wave with one of his own and waited for the door to close behind her.

A rush of air left his lungs when he let go of the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. ‘Stop over thinking things, Jensen,’ he told himself. He ran a hand down his face and shook his head slightly to clear his mind before backing out of her drive and heading towards home.

* * *

The Padalecki’s had been surprised to see Jensen when he showed up at their door to collect JJ. Jared and Gen had told them they would be by to get the boys in the morning. They had assumed the same was true for Jensen when they had found a pair of pj’s in his daughter’s backpack.

“I wasn’t sure what time we would be done,” he told them. “I figured it was easier to just plan on her passing out before I got here.”

Picking her up out of her carseat, Jensen thanked his lucky stars that he’d thought that far ahead. JJ had barely stirred when he was carrying her up to her bed. It wasn’t until he had laid her down and pulled the blankets up around her that she had shown any signs of waking.

“Daddy?” her little voice sounded.

“Hey Pumpkin,” he whispered. “Go back to sleep okay? Daddy will be right here when you wake up.”

He handed her her favorite stuffed animal, and she clutched the little moose her Uncle Jared had given her to her chest and rolled over, falling back to sleep in an instant.

Jensen stayed put on the side of her bed for a moment longer. He brushed the soft blonde locks away from her face with a gentle smile pulling at his lips. His daughter was the most beautiful thing in the world to him.

He waited until he was sure she was asleep before rising to his feet. He placed a soft kiss on the top of her head and whispered good night to her before walking down the hallway to his own room.  He quickly changed clothes and brushed his teeth in preparation for bed. Coming out of the bathroom, he spotted the photo of Danneel by his bedside table. He waited until he was sitting up in bed before taking the photo in hand.

He studied it carefully, comparing the woman staring back at him to the little girl sleeping just down the hall. He could see more and more of Danneel in her features every day. The longer he looked at the photo, the more his mind began to wander until it circled back around to the woman he had driven home not a hour before and sighed.

“Deedee,” he said, running a hand down his face, “I need your help here sweetheart. I’ve got no idea what I’m doing here. Show me I’m doing the right thing.”

He studied her photo for a minute more before making up his mind about what he wanted to do. Placing the photo back on his nightstand, Jensen turned out the light and settled down to sleep with the voice of his best friend ringing over and over again in his mind.

 _It’s time_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and comments.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left comments and kudos on the previous chapter. It means a lot.

The pages of the script made a shuffling sound when Jensen tossed them onto his desk. He’d been trying to work on his lines for the past hour, but no matter what he did, he couldn’t seem to focus. He ran a hand down his face and sighed. He’d tried everything he could think of to get himself to concentrate before giving up and just locking himself away in his office. Now even that had failed.

His eyes drifted over to the cell phone resting on the far side of the desk. If he was honest with himself, he knew why he couldn’t pay attention to his work. He’d asked Jared for Y/N’s number two days ago with the intention of calling and asking her to dinner.

Jared had teased him mercilessly. Telling him it was about time he grew a pair, and that if he’d just let him set them up in the first place it wouldn’t be an issue. Jensen hated the teasing, but he could honestly say he expected nothing less from his best friend.

Now he just had to find a way to make the call. Every time he’d picked up the phone, his heart had begun to race, and his palms would sweat so bad that he nearly dropped the it.

Jensen sighed. There was no denying it anymore. He wasn’t going to be able to get anything done until he made the call. Pushing himself up out of the leather office chair, Jensen grabbed his phone and walked over towards the window that overlooked his back yard. He unlocked the phone and quickly found her number in the contacts list. His thumb hovered over the call button for a moment.

“Come on, Jensen,” he told himself. “Pull it together.”

He hit the button and placed the phone to his ear. Each ring of the phone made his nervousness multiply. The thought that she wouldn’t answer the unfamiliar number crossed his mind. ‘Crap. I should have told Jared to tell her.’ He was debating between just leaving her a voicemail or calling his friend when her voice sounded in his ear.

“Hello.”

Jensen froze. He was sure she wasn’t going to answer. He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound would come out.

“Hello?”

“Uh…,” he choked out, instantly berating himself for being such a jackass, “Y/N?’

“Yes?”

He could hear the hesitation in her voice. He’d barely said two words to her, and he was already screwing this up. ‘Great job, Ackles.’

“It’s, uh, it’s Jensen. Jensen Ackles.”

He threw his hands up in the air at his own stupidity. How many Jensen’s could she possibly know?

“Oh hey,” she said, her voice bright and cheery. “How’s it going?”

“Good. Good. I, uh, got your number from Jared. I hope you don’t mind.”

He could practically hear her smile into the phone. “No. Not at all. What can I do for you?”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was now or never.

“I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner with me this week?.”

There was a slight pause, and Jensen could literally feel all of the color draining from his face.

“I’d love to,” came her sweet, simple reply.

The smile that spread across Jensen’s face nearly split it in two.

“Really?” He smacked his palm against his forehead. “I mean, uh, great! How does tonight sound?”

He heard what sounded like a small giggle on the other end of the line. “Sure. What time should I be ready?”

“Pick you up at 7?”

“Sure,” she agreed. “I’ll see you then, Jensen.”

“See ya.”

A rush of tension left his body the instant he ended the call. He could finally breath for the first time in days. He’d been driving himself crazy with the idea of calling her ever since he talked to Jared. Now all he had to worry about was not completely embarrassing himself during dinner.

There was still a massive smile on his face a few minutes later when he called Jared to ask him to keep JJ for the evening.

“Dude that’s awesome!” Jared said. “Of course she can stay with us. I’ll even take her to school in the morning when I drop off the boys if you want.”

“Thanks man,” replied Jensen. “I really appreciate it.”

“No problem. Just promise me something okay?”

Jared asking that question suddenly made Jensen feel a bit uneasy. “What?” he replied.

“Don’t screw it up.”

Jared would have laughed if he could have seen the bitch face Jensen made after that.

“Dude, seriously?”

Now Jared was laughing. “Really though,” he said once he’d regained the ability to speak, “I’m happy for you man. Gen and I were hoping you two would hit it off.”

Jensen couldn’t suppress the annoyance that rose inside of him or stop the shake of his head at his friend’s words. “Thanks man. I’ll see you later.”

He felt much better after ending the second call. A weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He could feel his mind clearing. Now maybe he could focus on his script.

* * *

Honing in on each individual button was making it easier for him to ignore his nervousness. He’d been fine earlier in the day, but the closer it came to 7, the more he found himself imagining all of the ways the evening could end badly. What if _his_ car didn’t start this time? What if he made a total fool of himself at dinner? What if…

“You look really handsome, Daddy.”

Jensen looked up and smiled at his daughter. She’d brought her dolls into his room and had been playing happily on his bed while he got ready.

“Thanks baby,” he said while finishing the last of the buttons. “Thanks for helping me pick out my clothes.”

“You’re welcome,” she said with a grin before returning her attention to her toys.

He smiled at her and started buttoning the cuffs on the blue shirt she had picked out for him. She’d wanted to play in his room while he finished getting ready, so he’d let her pick out his shirt. He’d pulled a few different ones out of the closet and laid them on the bed in front of her. When he’d asked her which one he should wear, she’d instantly pointed at the light blue one.

“That one!” she exclaimed.

So Jensen put the others away and threw the long sleeved button down on with his khakis while JJ continued to play. He turned to look at himself in the mirror. His daughter had made a good choice. He knew that the blue of the shirt would make the green in his eyes stand out a bit more. Something that, according to his fans, was apparently quite attractive. The long sleeves made the stretch of the material across his shoulders and biceps seem a bit stronger. Looking muscular on a first date couldn’t hurt right?

Reaching for the tie rack on top of his dresser, Jensen debated whether or not he wanted to wear one for the evening. He held one up to his shirt and recoiled in disgust. He looked like a kid going to a middle school dance.

“Guah,” he groaned, tossing the tie aside.

He gave himself one last look in the mirror before undoing the top button on the shirt and turning back to his daughter.

“Alright, Jaybird,” he said. “You ready to go have some fun with Tom and Shep?”

“Yes!”

She jumped to her feet, doll forgotten, and started jumping up and down on the bed.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!”

Jensen laughed. “Okay howler monkey,” he joked, making JJ laugh. He sat down on the edge of the bed to put on his shoes. “Stop jumping on the bed and go get your stuff okay?”

“Okay, Daddy!” She stopped jumping on the bed and threw her little arms around his neck from behind and kissed his cheek. “I love you, Daddy.”

Before he could say anything, she let go of him and darted out of his room in search of her backpack, ready to spend the night with her two closest friends.

Jensen smiled softly at her antics before turning his attention back to his laces. Once he was done, he stood up and gave himself one last look in the mirror before pushing his nerves aside and heading off in search of his daughter.

* * *

“Come on, Ackles,” Jensen scolded himself as he sat motionless in her driveway. “You’ve got this.”

The moment he’d put the car in park, he felt his hands start to shake, and the butterflies that had been floating around in his stomach all day decided to start playing _American Gladiator_ instead. Jensen looked up at the house once more before grabbing the flowers he’d brought her out of the passenger seat and walking up to your door.

He rang the doorbell and waited anxiously. He whipped he sweaty palms on his pants leg and tried to remind himself that it was just dinner. No reason to be worried.

The door creaked on its hinges beside him, and Jensen jumped to attention. Every word of greeting he’d thought of using while he waited floated out of his head the moment his eyes locked onto Y/N’s smiling face. She looked radiant. The simple dress and heels she had on combined with the gentle waves in her y/h/c hair and the light makeup she wore made her look more like she should be the model in front of the camera instead of the one taking pictures behind it.

“Hi,” she said before his brain could catch up to his slightly open mouth. “I’m ready to go. Just let me grab my purse.”

She turned away from him, and he was able to bring himself back to reality long enough to remember the yellow rose he still held in his hand.

“I- uh,” he mumbled before holding the flower out to her. “This is for you.”

She smiled softly up at him, thanking him for his gift.

“Let me just go put this in water real quick.”

She darted into the house and left Jensen standing alone on the porch, hands shoved into the pockets of his coat. It had warmed up a bit since the last time they’d seen each other, but the remaining wind that the cold front had brought with it still bit at the skin when it whistled by.

“Ready to go?” Jensen asked her when she reemerged from the house.

“Yes.”

He offered her his arm and led her to the waiting SUV. He opened the passenger side door and held her hand as she climbed up into the seat. If she noticed the sweaty feel of his palm she didn’t say anything. She just gave him the same enchanting smile she had when she’d greeted him at the door and thanked him politely for his gentlemanly behavior.

“So,” Y/N said as he buckled into the seat beside her, “where are we going?”

Jensen just smiled at her and told her she would see when they got there. She rolled her eyes playfully at him, causing him to chuckle before backing out of her driveway and heading for the main road.

The two drove in a comfortable silence. It surprised Jensen just how relaxed she was. Y/N was just looking out the window, watching the scenery go by. She didn’t try to force him into any sort of awkward conversation, and he was grateful for that. With the amount of nerves coursing through his veins, he wasn’t sure he could carry on a real conversation and keep the car in the correct lane at the same time.

He cast a quick glance at her when he turned onto a narrow side street off of one of the main roads near the university campus. He saw her brow knit in confusion for a minute until he pulled the car up alongside a tiny little shop with a lit sign that read “Victoria’s Pasta Shop.”

“We’re here,” he said while unbuckling his seatbelt.

Jensen quickly made his way around the car and opened the door before she’d even had a chance to reach the handle.

“What is this place?” she asked as he helped her out of the car.

He shut the door behind her and started leading her towards the entrance.

“It’s a place I found just after I moved here,” he said. “I know it doesn’t look like much, but it’s got some of the best Italian food in town.”

Jensen held the door and let her walk inside ahead of him. The place was packed for the middle of the week. Then again, it was always pretty busy this time of day. It made Jensen grateful that he had thought ahead enough to call them and reserve a table.

They were greeted almost immediately by one of the waiters. As soon as Jensen mentioned a reservation, their eyes lit up in acknowledgment, and they started leading the way. They followed the waiter down a narrow hallway. Jensen put his hand at the small of her back as they made their way past the kitchen to a wooden staircase that lead up to an additional seating area. The area was small, only holding a few tables, with no other patrons in sight. Jensen had reserved the entire area, but he asked that they be seated at a small table near the railing overlooking the kitchen.

He pulled a chair out for Y/N and made sure she was settled before taking a seat himself. The waiter went to get them both waters while they looked over the menu. Jensen picked his up and immediately started debating what he wanted for dinner. When he looked up to ask Y/N what looked good to her, he noticed the way she was looking around the space with wide-eyed wonder at the various pieces of art and photography that dotted the walls throughout the restaurant.

“They’re all local,” he told her.

Her eyes snapped from a rather remarkable painting to his face.

“What?” she asked, a befuddled sound to her voice.

He smiled. “All of the art is from local artists and photographers.” He pointed out a small paper tag next to the one she had been looking at. “It’s all for sale too. They submit their work, and the owners pick a few new pieces to go up each month to replace the one’s that have been sold.’

“And the others just stay up until they sell?” she asked.

He shook his head. “No. After a couple of months they give them back to the artist. A lot of the student’s bring their stuff here. It’s not much, but it’s still a way for them to get their name out there while they’re in school.”

She nodded her agreement and went back to examining the art.

Jensen watched her face while she studied each and every piece of art on the wall in their section. The corner of his mouth twitched in the smallest hint of a smile when she squinted slightly and tilted her head while analyzing a rather odd looking mixed media piece. Her eyes suddenly moved from the art to his face, and he froze. She’d caught him staring, and he wanted to sink through the floor and disappear. She smiled at the crimson blush tinging the tips of his ears when he quickly looked down at the menu in an attempt to hide his gawking. She watched him refuse to met her eye for a moment before her smile widened, and she turned her attention to her own menu.

The waiter returned with their water and took their orders. There was a feeling of awkwardness for a moment. Fearing that he was already destroying their date, Jensen asked about her studio, and they quickly found themselves carrying on an easy conversation. They talked about some of the shots she had lined up locally before turning their attention to the hive of activity below them in the kitchen. Jensen pointed out the area where they made the fresh pasta they used in all of their dishes as well as bragging on some of his favorite dishes before turning the topic of conversation back to themselves and their families.

Y/N told him about her live back in California and shared a few stories about her time in high school with Gen. He told her about growing up in a tight knit family, about how he and his brother always teamed up to scary every guy his sister brought home growing up and how she’d paid them back by telling every girl in the school about the embarrassing things they did at home. Interactions between them were easy. The conversation and laughter flowed like water between them, and Jensen soon found himself relaxing enough to unbutton his cuffs and roll up his sleeves and leaning in when she spoke. They soon found themselves just sitting and smiling at one another. As he looked at her, Jensen realized that he felt content in that moment, a feeling he never wanted to end.

“Come on,” Jensen told her as he stood and grabbed his coat. “I know the perfect place not far from here to get some dessert.” She let him pull out her chair for her and help her into her coat. “You’re going to love it.”

Once they were outside, she started to walk towards the car, but Jensen stopped her and motioned to the side with his head.

“It’s just around the corner.“

They walked in silence, enjoying the other’s company, until they turned the corner and walked into a tiny shop. The smell of warm chocolate and fresh baked cookies greeted them the minute they stepped inside.

“Oh my god,” she said. “It smells amazing in here.”

“Just wait until you try the chocolate,” Jensen told her. “It’s amazing.”

He lead her over to the display case. Each and every treat was hand crafted and looked even more delicious than the last. Jensen stood back and watched as Y/N took the time to studied each item in the case. He noticed the way her nose crinkled up in disgust when she saw something topped with coconut and couldn’t help but smile. Standing there, he realized just how expressive her face was. Her eyes widened with delight when she saw something that truly peaked her interest, and frowned at others she didn’t find appealing. He felt his heart give a little flutter when he saw the way her eyes danced with excitement at the display in front of her. He loved her enthusiasm for life and the way she was so open with him when they talked. He just hoped the light he saw on her face would still be there at the end of the night.

“So,” he said, breaking himself out of his thoughts. “Which one do you want?”

She didn’t even bother to rise from her stooped position when she answered.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I’m kind of torn between this one,” she pointed to the case, “and this one.”

“Then why don’t you get both,” he offered.

“Have you decided?” the girl behind the counter asked.

“Yeah,” Jensen answered with a smile. “Well have a small mixed box of those two for her, and I’ll take a dark chocolate and sea salt apple.”

“Perfect. Would you like for me to slice the apple for you?”

“Yes please.”

He glanced at Y/N out of the corner of his eye and saw her standing there with yer eyebrows half way up her forehead.

“What?” he chuckled.

“An apple? Really?”

He laughed and paid the girl, thanking her for her help.

“Yeah,” he said as he lead the way over to one of the small tables in the corner. “They’re really good. They dip them in caramel and dark chocolate before sprinkling just a little bit of sea salt on top. It’s great. Besides, it’s JJ’s favorite. I can put some of it in the fridge and save it to give to her tomorrow after school. She’ll love it.” He handed her her box of chocolates and opened the box containing the apple. “Do you want to try a slice?”

She looked at him apprehensively.

“I promise it’s good,” he said.

“Okay.”

She took the offered treat and took a bite. Jensen watched the surprise and utter satisfaction dance through her irises as she chewed.

“Good right?” he asked.

She nodded. “Oh my god! This is amazing.”

“Told you it was good.”

Jensen grabbed a slice and took a bite before tilting the box back towards her, offering her another slice. She thanked him and took another piece, moaning and closing her eyes at the delicious taste that exploded across her tongue. They continued like this until Jensen reached into the box to find it empty.

“Oops,” he said.

Y/N looked up at him in question before peering into the box he tilted towards her, and her face fell.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “It looks like I ate all of JJ’s apple.”

She went to open her box of chocolate and tried to put a few pieces of her own untouched treat into the now empty box.

“Here,” she said. “Take her some of mine.”

Jensen held out a hand to stop her. “No. No. No. Those are yours. Besides, I’m the one that ate most of the apple anyway.”

Y/N still seemed to be a bit upset, and it actually warmed Jensen’s heart. The thought that this woman would feel bad for denying his daughter something she didn’t even know about took his breath away. He had no idea that anyone could feel that way about a child that wasn’t their own. Sure, he doted on Shep and Tom like they were his own. He knew that Jared and Gen did the same to JJ, but that was different. They were family. Y/N was practically a stranger still. Once again, Jensen found himself in awe of the woman he’d been lucky enough to share an evening with.

“I’ll tell you what,” he told her. “How about I go grab another apple for JJ and I to split tomorrow, and you can save those chocolates for another time. Okay?”

“Let me pay for it,” she said as she reached for her purse.

Jensen quickly stretched across the table and place his hand on her arm to stop her movement.

“Don’t worry about it,” he told her, giving her what he hoped was a charming smile. “It’s fine. I’ll be right back.”

He excused himself from the table and went to get another apple. It was all he could do to keep the idiotic grin that was threatening to break out from crossing his face. The date was going better than he ever could have hopped. Conversation had been easy, and by some strange miracle, he’d been able to keep himself from looking like a total idiot throughout the course of the night.

No sooner had the thought entered his head then he started walking back towards her and tripped over an invisible line in the floor and nearly face planted onto the tile. Jensen managed to take a few stumbling steps and right himself, but the damage was already done. He blushed redder than a beat while Y/N laughed at his attempt to play it all off as if nothing had happened.

“Real smooth, Jensen,” she teased. “Real smooth.”

He rubbed at the back of his neck, feeling the heat spread across his face, and asked her if she was ready to go.

Y/N nodded, still laughing too hard to answer, and started to slide off of her stool. Her dress caught on the edge, and she nearly fell over herself. Jensen tried to hold in his laughter, but the absurdity of the situation soon had him laughing like a fool along with her.

“Now who’s the smooth one?”

Her blush was so deep that it rivaled his own.

“Come on,” he said, through his laughter. “Let’s get you home.”

He placed his hand at the small of her back and lead her out to the car. He couldn’t stop the smile that formed on his face when she didn’t shy away from his touch like she had a few days before. Perhaps he was doing better than he thought after all.

* * *

Jensen’s heart was racing as he walked Y/N up to the door. This was the part of his evening that he had been most worried about. He knew that most people held certain expectation for the way a date should end. He just wasn’t sure exactly what Y/N’s were.

“I had a really great time tonight,” she told him when they stopped just outside her door.

“Me too. It, ugh,” Jensen shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at his feet for a moment before meeting her eyes. “I haven’t had an evening this nice in a long time.”

There was an awkward pause.

“Well,” Y/N began as she fished her keys out of her purse, “maybe we can get together again sometime.”

His heart soared. “Yeah, I’d like that,” he answered, his smile nearly splitting his face in two.

With nothing else to say, Jensen realized it was time to say goodnight, and his smile fell.

Jensen’s mouth felt like it was filled with cotton balls. He watched Y/N closely. She was looking up at him sweetly, playing with her keys ever so slightly as if she was waiting for something. His heart began to hammer inside of his chest. This was it. This was the moment that could make or break the entire evening. Every fun moment they’d had throughout the course of the night could easily be erased if he did this wrong. He’d already done enough to damage her opinion of them when they had danced. If he screwed this up too, he knew it was over.

What would Jared and Gen say if he messed this up? She was Gen’s best friend. Would it destroy the friendship he’d built with her, and what would that mean for his friendship with the Padaleckis? With JJ’s friendship with Tom and Shep?

Jensen’s mind was still racing a thousand miles an hour when he took a hesitant step forward and placed his hand on her upper arm, hoping she couldn’t feel him trembling. He started to slowly lean in, his heart racing. Fear coursed through him as he inched closer. He saw her eyes flutter shut as she tilted her face up towards his in anticipation. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he closed the gap between them. As his eyes closed, a vision of Danni standing before him on their first date dance across his mind, and he turned his head to the side at the last second, planting a kiss on Y/N’s cheek.

He was disappointed in himself the moment it happened, but he couldn’t take it back. He watched Y/N’s face carefully as he pulled away. He could see the little frown lines in her forehead and knew he had made a mistake, but when she opened her eyes, all she did was smile.

  
“Goodnight, Jensen,” she said before turning towards her door, and he began to panic.

“YN?” he called out to her.

She turned back towards him. “Yeah?”

“Can I call you in a couple of days to have lunch before I leave town?” he asked.

She smiled. “I’d like that.” She took a step back and started closing the door. “Goodnight, Jensen.”

“Night”

With that, the door closed and Jensen felt like he could breath again. All of the tension left his shoulders, and he slumped forward slightly before a large dazzling smile appeared on his face. He’d done it. He’d actually gone on a date with an amazing woman and managed not to made a total fool of himself. She’d even agreed to see him again. It gave him hope. Maybe he could get his life back after all.

The almost kiss and the image of Danneel that had flashed through his mind played itself over again in his head. His throat felt tight and his chest became heavy as he struggled to hold onto the happy feeling he’d had just a moment before. He wasn’t sure what the future held, but one thing was for certain. Moving on would not be easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos.


	6. Chapter 6

The phone vibrated in his pocket as he waited beside the food truck for his lunch to be ready. Pulling out the phone, Jensen couldn’t help but smile at the text Y/N had sent him. It was nothing important. Just a silly comment about something she’d seen on the show last night. He quickly typed back a snarky reply before putting the phone back in his pocket and crossing his arms over his chest while he waited. Jensen glanced over to see Jared grinning and cocking a questioning eyebrow at him.

“Who’s that?” Jared asked.

“Y/N,” came Jensen’s reply.

The grin on Jared’s face grew into a full blown smile.

Jensen and Y/N had been texting back and forth a lot in the weeks since their first date. They’d made it a point to at least get together for lunch when he wasn’t away filming. He still spent the majority of his time with JJ, but he wanted to make sure he saw Y/N too.

“So things are going well?” Jared asked.

The server in the truck called Jensen’s name.

“Yeah they are.”

Jensen walked to the truck and thanked the server for his food when he handed it to him. Jared’s name was called shortly after, and they made their way over to one of the shaded picnic tables that had been set up on the lot for them to eat at in between filming.

“I told you she was awesome,” gloated Jared while he took his seat across from Jensen. 

“Shut up.” Jensen tried to sound grumpy, but one look up at his friend’s teasing expression and his fake frown melted away. “Yeah. She is pretty great,” Jensen admitted before taking a bite out of his sandwich, moaning at the delicious flavor, before nodding in answer to the question.

“Have you kissed her yet?”

Jensen nearly choked on his sandwich at his friend’s question. “Really dude?” he admonished. “What are we in high school all of the sudden?”

Jared held his hands up in mock surrender. “Sorry dude. Just curious.”

They ate in silence for a while until Jared’s curiosity got the better of him.

“So,” he said before shoveling another french fry into his mouth, “have you kissed her?”

Jensen sent a glare at him that would have been terrifying to most people but Jared knew the man well enough to know he wasn’t really serious.

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Jensen growled, “but no. I haven’t kissed her.”

Jared paused with the fry halfway to his mouth in shock and looked at Jensen in wide-eyed astonishment. 

“Really?” Jensen rolled his eyes and kept eating. “The two of you have been on what? Like three dates now and you still haven’t kissed her? What’s the problem?”

Jensen put down his food and pushed his basket before folding his hands in front of his face to try and hide his frustration. He knew there was no way Jared was going to let this go now. He’d been pestering him for details about their lunch dates for weeks. Now that he had one, there was no way he was going to stop there.

If Jensen was being honest, he kept asking himself the same question. He wanted to take that step, but something kept holding him back. 

“I don’t know,” he groaned, rubbing his face with the palms of his hands.

“Does she have bad breath or something?” Jared asked.

“What? No!” Jensen replied, quick to defend her. “It’s just…” he trailed off. “Every time I get close, I just.. panic,” he confessed. “It’s not that I don’t want to kiss her. God knows that’s not it. It’s just. Every time I start to lean in, I think of Dee and ...”

There was a long pause. Jensen was sure that million questions were running through Jared’s mind, and they were probably the same ones he found running through his own if his furrowed brow was any indication. 

“I love spending time with her. She’s great. I just… I just don’t know. I...”

Jensen’s words hung in the air while both men thought about what he said. It was the truth. He loved spending time with her, and Y/N made him feel things he’d almost forgotten he could. He didn’t think something as simple as a text message could brighten his day and make him smile when he didn’t feel like it. He didn’t think he’d ever be that excited about the idea of just talking to somebody ever again. In truth, he wasn’t sure if he was even supposed.

“You feel guilty,” Jared offered.

Jensen nodded.

“Do you know what I think?” Jared asked.

“What?”

“I think this is the first time I’ve seen you show any real interest in anyone since Danneel died.”

For the first time since he started talking, Jensen actually looked up at Jared’s face at the mention of his wife’s name. He could see the clear concern and understanding on his friend’s face.  Jensen knew that Jared just wanted what was best for him, and if that meant he had to push him a little bit.. So be it.

“I know that I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through,” Jared continued, “but I think you should give it a chance. I saw the way you were smiling back there when you were looking at your phone. I haven’t seen you smile like that in a long time. If Y/N is the reason for it, then you should just put whatever it is that is holding you back aside and go for it. I know you still miss Danneel. Hell we all do, but I don’t want to see you live the rest of your life as a ghost because you want to follow her to the grave.”

Jensen hadn’t said a word during Jared’s little speech. He just sat there and let the words rattle around in his brain. As harsh as his friends words where, he knew they were right.. He was happier with Y/N around. He liked the almost manic feeling he got just before he saw her, and the way her smile made his fears melt away was like a soothing balm. He just didn’t know how all of that fit in with the way he still felt about Danneel.

A production assistant came over to their table and told them they were ready for them on set.

“Okay,” Jared said. “We’ll be right there.”

Jensen nodded his thanks and slowly rose to his feet.

“Just think about it,” Jared said as he there their  now empty food containers in the trash. “It’s okay to want to move on and be happy, Jay. Nobody expects you to be alone forever.”

Jared clapped him on the shoulder before turning to make his way towards set. Jensen stood there watching him for a moment, letting his words ring in his head. He knew Jared was right. He had turned into a ghost. The only thing he did anymore was work and focus on his daughter. He hadn’t really lived in years. He just wasn’t sure he had the courage to do what he needed to rejoin the land of the living. 

* * *

A long loud sigh escaped Jensen’s lips when he walked into his trailer at the end of the day. They’d done a number of stunts after lunch, and his aching muscles served as a reminder of each and every one of them. Tossing his phone on the table, he quickly started taking off his costume before getting in the shower, deciding it was best to just sleep in his trailer then spend the time driving to and from set with his early call time in the morning.

The warm water rained down on his cools skin, washing away Dean Winchester and all of the baggage he carried with him. Jensen’s mind began to wander as he rinsed the shampoo from his hair.

Jared’s words had rung in his ears all day. He’d picked up his phone to text Y/N a few times, but every time he was about to start typing, the director would call them to places and force him to put everything back on hold.

Jensen shut off the water and quickly dried himself off before putting on one of the extra sets of clothes he kept around the trailer and walking back into the main room. He saw his phone still resting on the table, and his thoughts instantly went back to Y/N. He let all of the feelings of confusion and guilt he felt mingle with the joy and excitement of seeing her again. They washed over him while he tried to sort out his thoughts before picking up the phone. Deciding it was best to do it now before he lost his nerve, he picked his phone up and let out a shaky breath. He quickly unlocked the phone and found Y/N’s number in his contacts, hitting call before he could lose his nerve.

He felt his nervousness tick up a notch with each ring of the phone until a small sleepy sounding voice sounded through the phone.

“Hello?”

Jensen glanced at the clock when he heard the sleepy tone of her voice.

“Shit,” he hissed.

“Jensen?”

He instantly wanted to kick himself in the ass. He hadn’t meant to say that outloud.

“Sorry,” he quickly apologized. “I didn’t realize how late it was. I can just call back tomorrow.”

“No. No. It’s okay.” He heard the shuffling of blankets and the click of a bedside lamp as she sat up. “Are you okay? Is something wrong?”

“You mean other than being a jerk and waking you up?”

She gave a light hearted chuckle. “Yeah. Other than that.”

The sound of her laughter made Jensen smile into the phone. She really was amazing. Here he was waking her in the dead of night, and she was still able to be nice to him when he would have been biting her head off.

“I was actually going to see if you wanted to go out again this weekend, and not just meeting up for lunch while JJ is at a friend’s birthday party. I mean an actual second date.”

He held his breath and closed his eyes tightly. He sent up a silent prayer, practically willing her to say yes. It had taken him all day to pluck up the courage to actually call her. Now that he had, the time spent waiting for her reply nearly made him nauseous. He could feel his chest growing tighter with each passing moment, just waiting for her to respond.

“I’d like that.” He let the breath out and smiled. “But what about JJ? Don’t you want to spend time with her?” she asked, clear concern in her voice.

Jensen smiled at the sincerity of her tone. She’d asked about JJ every time he’d met her for lunch, always making sure she wasn’t taking away from his precious daddy/daughter time.

“We’ll go to a late movie,” he said. “That way she’ll already be in bed by the time I leave to pick you up. How’s that sound?”

“Sounds great.”

A comfortable silence hung between them as they held the line. Jensen desperately wanted to keep talking to her. He hadn’t realized just how much the sound of her voice cheered him until he found himself trying to find a reason to stay on the line, but it was too late for much of a conversation. He was sure she needed to get back to sleep, and the early call time he had in the morning wouldn’t do him any favors if he stayed up much longer either.

“Alright,” he said, “I’ll let you get back to sleep. I’ll see you this weekend.”

“Goodnight, Jensen.”

“Night, Y/N.”

He waited until he heard the soft click of the call ending before pulling the phone away from his ear. A weight was lifted off of his shoulders now that he’d made a solid decision. The smile stayed firmly in place as he placed his phone on the charger and set his alarm for the next day.

* * *

A gentle breeze cooled their skin as they stepped out of the cinema and into the night air. The movie had been enjoyable, but Jensen hadn’t watched very much of it. He’d spent more time looking over at Y/N and smiling each time she laughed. He liked watching her reactions. He’d felt his heart give a little flutter when she’d clung to his arm during the more intense moments. He’d placed a hand over hers where it gripped his bicep, and he found himself still holding it as they walked along the waterfront.

“I loved the way they did the fight scene at the end,” she said, stopping to lean against the railing that separated the walkway from the water. “And the part where he showed up at the door.. Hilarious!”

She threw her head back and laughed. The sound reached down inside of Jensen and made him feel a warmth and joy he hadn’t felt in ages. He stepped closer to her and leaned against the rail looking out over the water.

“It was good,” he agreed. “I’m glad we went out tonight.”

He turned his head to look at her and found a soft smile on her face that mirrored his own.

“I am too.”

Jensen turned his body towards her. Neither of them said anything. They just stood there, watching the other. The all too familiar knot of nerves started forming in Jensen’s stomach when he felt her fingers brush along his own where they sat on the railing. He turned his eyes to their fingers and slowly laced his with her own as a bolt of electricity shot through him.

He could feel his heart beating a million miles per hour when he stepped a bit closer. The wind blew a piece of Y/N’s y/h/c hair into her eyes, and he reached up to tuck it behind her ear, praying she couldn’t see the way his hand was trembling. The way she was looking at him, her eye soft and luminous in the dim light from the street lamps, made him feel important to her in some way. Like he was precious in her eyes.

He felt the urge to kiss her rise up inside of him for what had to of been the hundredth time that night. Every time he felt it, he quickly changed his focus and tried to pretend he didn’t notice the way the corner of her mouth would tick down slightly when he pulled away. She gave his hand a small squeeze, giving him a feeling of boldness. Jensen took a step closer to her instead of pulling away. He curled the fingers that had moved her hair out of her face to the back of her head before running his fingers along her cheek. A lump formed in his throat when his eyes moved from her rich y/e/c eyes to her supple lips. He found himself wondering if they were nearly as soft as they looked.

He swallowed, his breathing accelerating as he shifting a bit closer. He felt the panic start to rise up inside of him the closer they became, but he pushed it away and started to leaning down to meet her.  For a moment, he worried that she could hear his heart trying to break through his ribcage and scamper off down the street. She took a tiny step towards him and tilted her face up towards him. Jensen’s mouth went dry. His tongue darted out to wet his lips as Y/N’s eyes fell closed seconds before his lips met her own.

The kiss was simple. There was no blinding passion or desperate need to pull the other closer. It was a simple, tentative first meeting of lips that left Jensen’s body tingling. That first slide of her lips against his own shot a new spark of life into him. He felt his heart leap inside his chest when she put her hand on his chest to balance as she reached up for him. He slipped a hand from her hair to small of her back and pressed her just a little bit closer. The kiss ended almost as quickly as it began.

 

Jensen pulled away slowly, holding his breath until he opened his eyes to see the blissful look on Y/N’s face. A blush creeped over her cheeks before she looked down at her feet, making Jensen smile. The fact that he wasn’t the only one that was affected by their kiss made his heart soar.

“Come on,” he said, taking her hand once more. “I’ll take you home.”

She smiled, giving his hand a light squeeze, before letting him lead her back to his car.

* * *

On the drive home, Jensen found himself looking over at her every chance he got. They stopped at a read light, and Jensen reached over to take her hand. Y/N smiled over at him. It made him happy to think that she was enjoying his company just as much as he was hers. He ran his thumb across her knuckles and did his best not to let go of her hand for the rest of the trip.

Jensen pulled into her drive and parked the car, quickly getting out and making his way around the car to open her door for her.

“Thank you,” Y/N said when she took his offered hand.

Jensen gave her his most charming smile and lead her to the front door.

“I had a really great time tonight, Jensen.”

She laced their fingers together.

“I did too.”

And it was the truth. Jensen hadn’t been sure exactly how the evening would go. He had hoped that it would end well. He’d hadn’t planned to kiss Y/N outside that theatre. His original thought had been to try and kiss her on her doorstep one more time before calling it quits for good, but the  look in her eyes had drawn him to her like a magnetic. It was the same draw he felt standing with her on her doorstep now.

“I’m going out of town for a couple of weeks,” she said, effectively breaking the spell Jensen found himself under. “I’m headed to New Orleans for a photoshoot, and then I’m photographing a wedding. Would, um,” Jensen raised his eyebrows at her. “Would it be okay for me to call you when I get back?”

A smile instantly formed on Jensen’s face. He was sad that it would be a few weeks before he got to see her face to face again, but the fact that she seemed as anxious see him as he was her was exhilarating.

“Sure,” he said, taking a step closer. “You don’t to wait until then to call me though.” He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “You can call me any time. Maybe you can even wake me up in the middle of the night.”

She gave a small laugh and smiled up at him before moving closer.

“I’d like that,” she said just before their lips met. “A little payback might be good for you.”

Jensen smiled at her sassy remark and moved a bit closer. His heart was still racing, but it no longer felt like it was going to break out of his chest when his lips met hers. This kiss was far more sure than the last. Jensen applied a bit more pressure and let his lips slide along hers for a bit longer before placing a final quick peck to her lips and backing away.

“Night, Y/N,” he said as he pulled the screen door open for her so that she could unlock the front door and let herself in.

She quickly found her key and twisted it in the lock. 

“Good night, Jensen.”

He stayed in his spot until the door softly closed behind her. Making his way to the car, he still wore the sweet dopy smile that had been on his lips since he’d first kissed her earlier in the evening 

That night as he got ready for bed, Jensen looked over at the picture of Danneel by his bed and sighed. He still felt guilty for wanting to move on, but he wasn’t sure he could deny what he was starting to feel for Y/N any more.

“Danni,” he said, holding his wife’s picture as he set up in bed, “I went out with Y/N again tonight.” He ran a hand down his face. “I, uh, I kissed her,” he said, trying to keep the smile off of his face as he looked at Danneel’s photo. “She… I think you would have really liked her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been a long time since Jensen had really indulged his taste in photography. Sure he’d bring his camera out for special events and family gatherings, but most of the photos he took these days were on his cell phone. Very rarely did he actually break out his professional camera. Maybe that was why he was so excited when he picked Y/N up earlier in the afternoon.

She’d mentioned seeing this beautiful park on the outskirts of town that she wanted to photograph.

“There is this great little pond with a arched bridge going over it with these massive shade trees on one side.”

“I know the place,” Jensen said. “Maybe we can go take pictures of it together some time? Make it a date.”

The smile she had given him had warmed him right down to the tips of his toes. That’s how he found himself pulling into a little gravel parking lot on the far side of the park. There was a light breeze, and the sun shining overhead gave off just enough warmth to give the air an almost dreamy quality.

Jensen quickly pulled both of their camera bags out of the back. He handed Y/N her bag, and they walked over to a small bench about 10 yards away from the pond she had described to him earlier. They sat in a comfortable silence, each carefully assembling their cameras and choosing from an assortment of lenses they each owned. Y/N snapped her lens in place, sending Jensen a quick smile before rising to her feet and seeking out the perfect shot.

He watched her wander over to some of the early blooming rose bushes and start snapping photos. He studied the way she carefully moved around her subject, adjusting her lens, and checking each photo on her view screen before moving onto the next. He saw her frown a little at the images once or twice, clearly unhappy with the result, before taking the photo again and nodding to herself in satisfaction.

A smile briefly pulled at the corner of his mouth before he turned his attention back to his own camera and set about taking his own pictures.

He didn’t have any particular subject in mind. He was just taking pictures of random things here and there that caught his eye. He took one of a butterfly that he knew JJ would love. The sound of ducks quacking caught his attention, and Jensen turned towards the pond.

It wasn’t the the small flock of ducks swimming and playing in the water that caught his attention though. It was Y/N. She was standing at the apex of the bridge, leaning over the side slightly in an attempt to get the perfect photo of the winged creatures. The sunlight broke through the trees behind her in soft beams of light that cast her in a gentle glow that nearly took his breath away. It was almost like she was the one giving off the light, not the sun. Jensen raised his camera and quickly snapped several pictures of her before walking over to join her on the bridge.

“Hey,” he spoke just above a whisper so as not to break the spell the moment had cast.

She took one final photo before releasing her camera, letting it hang comfortably from the strap around her neck.

“Hey,” she said. “Get any good pictures?”

Jensen couldn’t stop the knowing smile that spread across his face when he thought about the photo he’d just taken of her.

“One or two,” he said. “Ready for lunch?”

She looked confused. “You want to leave already.”

“No. Not exactly,” he said with a shake of his head. Jensen reached over and took her hand before gesturing towards the car with a tilt of his head. “Come on.”

He lead her over towards one of the larger shade trees where he had deposited their camera bags to keep a closer eye on them after setting up.

“Wait here.”

She gave him a rather curious look, but Jensen just gave her a boyish grin and darted towards his SUV. The anticipation at seeing her reaction to his surprise grew with each step he took. Opening the back door, he quickly retrieved the picnic basket and blanket he’d placed there earlier in the day before going to pick her up. He peaked around the side of the vehicle to see her watching him curiously. Shutting the door, he stepped around and lifted the basket high over his head with one hand before following suit with the blanket in the other.

She laughed with glee and clasped her hands together in front of her face. The overjoyed expression on her face gave Jensen this exhilarating feeling that made him to want to run back over to her. Instead, he did a little victory dance in his head before calmly walking back in her direction.

He spread the blanket out on the ground along the base of the tree trunk.

“Have a seat,” he said, motioning to the blanket with his hand.

Y/N took the camera from around her neck and took a seat on the blanket before carefully packing away her camera. Jensen did the same before moving to unpack the meager feast he had prepared for them earlier in the day.

“Alright,” he said as he took the first item out of the basket, “we have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, some containers of fruit and veggies, some cookies.” He pulled out a small ziplock bag of Oreos with a flourish that made Y/N laugh. “And, courtesy of JJ, juice boxes.”

Y/N smiled and reached for the box he held out to her. “Well, tell her I said thank you.”

“You know,” Jensen said as he pried the straw off of the side of the box, “I’ve always had a hard time figuring out how to get the straw in these things without..”

No sooner had the words left his lips than he forced the straw through the foil seal a little too hard, squirting juice all over his shirt. Jensen threw his hands up in the air in irritation. This was just great. Not only had he just made a complete fool out of himself, but now he had to walk around with a stain on his shirt for the rest of the day. A small squeak caught his attention, and Jensen looked over to see Y/N with a hand clasped over her mouth, face quickly turning red from the effort to hold in her laughter.

“Go ahead,” he huffed. “Let it out.”

Y/N’s head immediately flew back, laughter bellowing out of her. Tears started coming out of her eyes as she clutched her stomach to make it stop hurting from all of the laughter.

“Oh my god!” she said between belts of laughter and gasps for air. “The look on your face.”

A snort suddenly sounded from Y/N’s nose.

Jensen chuckled. “Did you just snort?”

She snorted again in laughter, a blush of embarrassment spreading across her face. It was one of the most adorable things Jensen had ever seen. He soon threw his own head back in laughter at her antics. The two of them continued to laugh and giggle for a little longer before they were able to settle down long enough to catch their breath.

“Well,” Jensen said as he started removing the flannel shirt, “that’s ruined.”

“I don’t know,” Y/N said as she looked him up and down. “I’d say this looks pretty good.”

It took Jensen’s brain a moment to catch up with what she had said, and he looked down at the black t-shirt he had been wearing underneath. It wasn’t exactly tight, but it did hug his body in a way that showed off the fact that he and Jared had been hitting the gym more often as of late. He couldn’t stop the sly smile from spreading across his face when he looked back up at her.

“Like what you see huh?”

She gave a casual shrug. “Maybe.” While she may have tried to sound nonchalant, the mischievous grin on her face gave her away.

“I like what I see too,” he said, leaning in for a tender kiss before pulling away to serve their food.

They ate quietly, enjoying the the gentle breeze and the sound of the birds singing in the trees as they ate. Jensen eventually moved over to sit with his back against the trunk of the tree. Lifting one knee and placing his foot against the ground, he motioned for Y/N to move and sit between his legs. She graciously accepted the offer and leaned back against Jensen’s solid chest, her head falling to his shoulder as he wrapped an arm gently around her torso. He kissed the side of her head and sighed in contentment. This felt like a little slice of Heaven to him. He let his hand run up and down her arm softly, reveling in the feel of her supple skin.

The thought that he was being a romantic sap crossed his mind, and he smiled, tossing his head back against the tree. He shut his eyes and let all of the tension leave his body. Her tiny hand joined with his, playing with his fingers, and he suddenly realized that he didn’t care. If he was a sap, so be it. He was a sap. He just knew he wanted this moment to last forever.

All of his worries about the future of their relationship melted away and were swept off on the early spring breeze as he held her in his arms. His fingers danced with hers, playing across the skin of her inner wrist and over her palm with no real plans or agendas, just enjoying the feeling of being that close to one another.

“Where’s JJ at today?” she asked.

“At the zoo with my mom and dad,” he said. “They wanted some one on one time with their ‘favorite granddaughter’,” Jensen made air quotes to emphasize the words. “Tom and Shep went too. I swear my parents spoil those kids more than their real grandparents do.”

Y/N nodded. He knew Jared and Gen had told her stories about the things his parents had done for their children. They treated them just like they were their own, buying them Christmas and birthday gifts as well as hyping them up on sugary candy any time they saw them.

The conversation eventually drifted from his parent’s antics to JJ’s upcoming birthday.

“I can’t believe she’s going to be 4 in a couple of months,” said Jensen, sighing and leaning his head back against the tree.

“Goes pretty fast I take it?” asked Y/N. Jensen nodded. “Do you have any big plans for her birthday?”

“We’re gonna have a pool party at the house for her and some of the other kids.”

There was a beat of silence before Y/N responded.

“I can photograph it for you if you want. I’ll just need to know when it is so I don’t schedule anything for that day.”

Jensen nodded at first, forgetting that she couldn’t see him in their current position. He was about to say okay when he realized something; she would be working the party instead of taking part in it. He thought about that for a moment. If he had her be the photographer, it would make her being there less personal. He could easily just pretend that it was only a business deal. No strings attached. The only problem was, Jensen wanted those strings.

In that moment, Jensen realized that he wanted her to be more than just some girl he was seeing. He wanted to start making her a part of his family.

“What if I told you I’d rather just have you there as a guest?”

A small jolt of panic went through him when she shifted away from him so that she could see his face more clearly. He was almost afraid to look at her. Thoughts of her wanting to keep that distance from him plagued his mind until he looked down at her to see the soft smile on her face.

“I’d love that,” she said.

Jensen let out breath of air and sighed of relief before bringing his hand up to the side of her face and starting to lean in for a kiss until the feeling of her hand against his chest stopped him. Jensen’s eyes flew open in panic. She’d never pushed him away like that before. Had he done something wrong? Was he moving too fast? He’d thought that they were doing just fine. Perhaps he was wrong.

“I still want to take pictures though.”

He smiled, his confidence slowly returning. “Of course.” He closed the space between them. Her lips met his with a subdued passion that sent a shiver down his spine when her fingernails scraped against the short hairs at the back of his neck. He wrapped his arms around her, losing himself in the kiss until a large noise startled him.

“Quack!”

Jensen peaked an eye open and looked in the direction the noise came from.

“Quack!”

He jumped back from Y/N as the ducks the had been watching earlier charged them in an attempt to get what was left of their picnic lunch. “Quack! Quack! Quack!”

“Oh shit!” Jensen exclaimed.

Y/N let out a shrieking laugh as Jensen pulled her to the side and started waving his hands frantically at the winged creatures

“Oh my god,” she said, falling into a fit of laughter for the second time that day.

Jensen paid her no attention and rose to his knees. “Go on. Get out of here!” he yelled. “Shoo.”

The ducks quickly started to disperse, leaving Jensen to survey the damage done to what was left of their picnic. Everything was pretty well destroyed. Tiny bits of leftover food were scattered all over the place, and upon further inspection, there was even a rather sizable blob of duck poop on their blanket.

“Well,” Jensen sighed, “guess that’s the end of that.”

A light touch on his shoulder drew Jensen’s attention from the mess in front of him to the woman at his side.

“At least it was nice while it lasted,” said Y/N, leaning her head on Jensen’s shoulder

Jensen tilted his head until it rested on hers in a brief show of affection before bending to collect their things. It had been a wonderful afternoon. Now that he thought about it, it was probably the most relaxed he had been in a long time.

* * *

It never failed. Any time Jensen stepped foot inside the Padalecki household, he was instantly attacked. It took no more than 10 seconds for him to have at least one, if not two, rambunctious toddlers attached to his legs.

“Daddy!”

JJ was the first to reach him. She leapt up into his arms, making him smile as he held her close.

“Uncle Jensen! Uncle Jensen!” Tom and Shep parroted as they hugged his legs.

Jensen laughed. “Hi boys.” They let go of his legs, and he placed JJ back on the ground before he started to make his way towards the living room. “Did you guys have fun at the zoo today?”

All three of the children started telling them all about the things they had seen with his parents that day. Tom and Shep had loved the large cats while JJ’s favorite had been the elephants. She was in the middle of telling him all about watching one of the little ones give themselves a bath when his mother walked up to him.

“Hi Mom.”

“Hello baby.” She reached up and pulled Jensen’s head down so that she could give him a kiss on the cheek that he quickly returned.

Jensen spotted his father getting up off of the couch where he had been sitting next to Jared and moved to give him a hug.

“Hey Dad.”

Jensen’s father, Alan, pulled him into a tight hug. They’d been in town most of the week, but anyone who saw their interactions in that moment would think that they hadn’t seen each other at all instead of just being separated for a few hours.

“I hope they weren’t too much trouble.”

“Nah,” said his father. “They were great. We had a lot of fun. Didn’t we guys?”

“Yes!” the kids all shouted in unison.

Jensen’s mother stepped up beside her husband. “And now, unfortunately, it’s time for us to go home.”

A frown formed on Jensen’s handsome face. “Already?”

“Yes,” Alan said with a nod. “We wanted to make it home by dark. We’ll be back in a few weeks when hiatus starts.”

Jared stood from the couch. “Bye, Papa Ackles,” he said as he pulled Alan into a hug. “Thanks for taking the boys with you today.” He moved on to Jensen’s mother and enveloped her in the same warm embrace. “Bye, Mom.”

Gen also gave the Ackles family a round of hugs and wished them a safe trip before following them down the hall and shutting the door behind them.

“Well,” Jensen said, “we should probably be headed home too. Ready to go, Jaybird?”

“Do we have to?” she whined.

Jensen was about to admonish her for her behavior when Jared spoke up.

“Why don’t you guys stay for dinner?” he suggested. “I was just about to go heat up the grill since it’s so nice outside. Fix us a couple of stakes and throw some hot dogs on for the kids?”

“Can we stay, Daddy? Please?”

Jensen looked down at his daughter. Her little hands were held together like she was praying, and her large green eyes, that were mirror copies of his own, looked to be the size of saucers, lit with hope and longing. He shook his head and sighed. He never could say no to her when she made that face. A fact that he was pretty sure she was beginning to figure out. He looked over at Gen. Anybody who knew anything about their family knew that she was the one that really ruled the roost around there. If she thought it was a good idea, then he would stay.

She game him a simple, closed mouthed smile. “I’m okay with it.”

He made a sideways glance back towards his daughter to see that Jared’s two boys had joined her in her pleading. All of the adults let out tiny chuckles at the looks on their faces.

“Okay,” Jensen said. “We can stay.”

All three children threw their hands up in victory, cheering in their triumph before scampering off towards the back yard. Jared just shook his head as he watched his wife lead them out into the back yard.

“You think they’d be tired after walking around the zoo all day,” he said.

“Yeah,” Jensen scoffed. “I’d be beat if I were them.”

“That’s because you’re old.”

Jensen punched Jared in the shoulder with a force that was just this side of playful before both men burst into smiles and headed towards the back yard.

* * *

The sun was just beginning to set. The smell of the juicy steaks they had just consumed still hung in the air as Jensen took the beer Jared offered him. The three adults all held their bottles up in a silent toast before taking long pulls of the hoppy liquid.

“So I take it things are going well with Y/N,” Gen offered.

Jensen nodded his agreement and looked over to watch the kids playing on the swing set a few yards away.

“Yeah. They are.”

“She and I went out to lunch the other day while you guys were filming.” Jensen turned his eyes back to her with a questioning gaze. “She couldn’t stop talking about you, Jay. I had to threaten to take her camera away from her just to get her to change topics.”

Jensen couldn’t help but laugh at that. He could just see the look of absolute horror on Y/N’s face when Gen had threatened to take away her most prized possession. She went everywhere with that thing. He was pretty sure that if he had been the one to issue that threat, he would have ended up with a black eye.

“Did you really?” Jared asked with a laugh.

Gen nodded. “Yeah.” She turned her attention to Jensen. “She really likes you, Jay.”

Jensen could feel the blush creeping up his neck and onto his face. Hearing that she hadn’t been able to stop talking about him made him feel as giddy as a schoolboy. He half expected Jared to jump in and say how much he’d been talking about her lately too. He’d loosened up a lot about their relationship. He hadn’t posted anything on Twitter or Facebook, but everyone on set knew there was something different about him. He was smiling more, and it was nearly impossible to miss the way he lit up when he checked his phone between takes to find a message from her.

“I like her too,” he said, looking down at the bottle in his hands. “She’s great.”

There was a pregnant pause while the others waited for him to go on. The way he’d left of when he spoke made it clear that he had something more on his mind. There were several things actually. Jensen picked at the label on his beer bottle while he tried to sort through what was going through his mind. One, above all, was something he’d been thinking about for a while.

“I was thinking about spending some time with her while JJ was around. You know, just the three of us.”

He lifted his eyes towards his friends with caution. The wide eyed shock on Jared’s face didn’t surprise him nearly as much as the sly smile Gen gave him. It was as if she knew what he had been about to say all along, like she suspected it.

“Wow.”

Jensen turned his attention back to Jared. “What?”

“No. Nothing.”

Jared sat back in his chair and tried to appear nonchalant by taking a drink of his beer, but Jensen wasn’t fooled.

“Don’t give me that crap,” he said. “I know you too well. What’s going on in that freakishly large head of yours?”

Jared weighed his words carefully before he spoke. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?” he asked. “It’s been what? 3 maybe 4 months since you first started going out.”

Jensen bristled slightly. He knew that Jared was just looking out for him. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t have his concerns as well, but it was time. Things were moving along really well with Y/N, and if he wanted them to continue to progress, he was going to have to make sure that she would fit into and be accepted by his family. That started with JJ.

“I think it’s great,” continued Jared. “Don’t get me wrong.  But this is a big step, man. Her spending time with JJ as your girlfriend is a whole lot different than her being around when we are all at the house.”

“I know,” Jensen said curtly, his tone silencing any lingering issues the others wanted to bring up. “I have my doubts. I’m not going to lie, but I wasn’t sure about taking her out in the first place either. Just look at how that turned out.”

The sound of Gen’s voice joining their conversation from across the table made both men look at her. “I know you want to do right by JJ,” she said. “And I know you don’t want to hear it, but Jared’s got a point. Introducing Y/N into a bigger role in her life is something you need to be sure about.”

Jensen looked down at the bottle in his hand. He twirled it around a bit, thinking over all his friends had said. His shoulders turned in towards his body, his head nodding slightly while he weighed their opinions with his own thoughts. He could already tell that Y/N was going to be someone very important in his life. What shape that would eventually take he wasn’t entirely sure of yet, but he knew it would be significant in some way. That meant his daughter would have to be a part of their relationship too if it was going to succeed.

Y/N and JJ seemed to get along well when they were at the Padalecki’s home, but that was always as a friend of her Aunt Gen’s. Nobody had ever said anything to her about Y/N being a special friend to her daddy as well.

“I’ve got an idea,” offered Jared, pulling Jensen from his cavalcade of thought. “How about we all go out together sometime? Hiatus starts in a couple weeks. We could all go out on the lake for the day or something. Give her a chance to interact with JJ and bit more and decide what you want to tell her after that.”

“That’s a great idea,” added Gen. “That way you can make sure it’s something you really want to do before you make any big decisions that will impact all three of you.”

Jensen thought about it for a moment. Most of the interactions he’d seen between them had been brief due to the number of family members that had been around. He’d heard all about the things she and the kids did with Gen while he was away, but hearing about it and seeing it were two very different things. Watching them interact with his own two eyes really was a good idea. If all went well, he could easily bring it up while reapplying JJ’s sunscreen or something. Maybe even have Y/N help him tell her.. He nodded. This really did seem like the best option.

“Yeah,” he said. “I like that. Thanks guys.”

“No problem.”

They all clinked their bottles together to seal the deal before going to collect their children before it got too dark.

* * *

Getting his daughter to actually lay down to go to bed had been a nightmare. If Jensen hadn’t known better, he would have sworn that the kid had been mainlining sugar all day long. She’d done nothing but talk a thousand miles an hour since they’d left Jared and Gen’s place. It had taken him nearly half an hour to get her in the tub for her bath and another half hour to get her clean before finally getting her into bed.

He’d read her two stories and even sang her favorite lullaby. Her eyes were droopy, but she kept doing all she could keep herself awake, mostly talking about some of the things she’d been doing with Aunt Gen and the boys while Daddy had been away at work. She told him about these fun little paper flowers they’d made for their teachers, and something in the way she said it reminded him of the flowers in the park and the day he had spent with Y/N.

“Hey JJ,” he said softly. “Do you remember Y/N?”

She scrunched up her face in thought for a moment before answer. “That pretty lady that is friends with Aunt Gen?”

He chuckled softly at her description. “Yeah,” he said. “Did you know that she is friend’s with Daddy too?” JJ shook her head no. “What would you say to us spending some more time with her? Just the three of us?”

Waiting to hear his daughter’s thoughts on spending time with Y/N made him nearly as nervous as he had been when he’d asked Y/N out for the first time. He wondered why for a moment before realizing that he wanted… No, he needed JJ to like her. Anyone he brought into his life would inevitably end up being a part of hers as well, and he needed to know that the impact they would have would be a positive one.

“I like her,” offered JJ. “The other day, she had lunch with Aunt Gen and played ball with us. She’s even better than you, Daddy.”

A light hearted titter left his lips as a smile spread across his face. He knew that he’d effectively just tossed the plan he made with Jared and Gen out of the window, but he felt good about it.

“Then we’ll have to have her over sometime and see then huh?” JJ nodded. “Okay baby. Get some sleep.” He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

“Night Daddy.”

“Night princess.”

He turned off her lamp and made sure her night light was on before walking out into the hall, leaving her door crack slightly so he could hear her if she needed him in the night before going about his usual nightly rituals. He made sure all the doors and windows were closed and locked before setting the alarm and going back up to his room.

Stripping down to his boxers, he put on some pajama pants and an old t-shirt before going to brush his teeth. The picture on his nightstand caught his eye as he passed. He looked at the photo and smiled fondly at the image for a moment before finishing up and going to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave feedback and kudos.


	8. Chapter 8

Floaties? Check. Sunscreen? Check. Extra snacks? Check.

Jensen checked their tote bag for the third time that morning. There was no reason to. He knew everything was in there. He’d packed it the night before and checked it twice before going to bed. The only reason he was doing it now was because he didn’t know what else to do.

Today was the day he was going to tell JJ that he and Y/N were seeing each other. He was so nervous that his hands would shake every time he reached out to grab something. They were planning to spend the day at the lake with the Padaleckies. Y/N was going to come to his house a little early so that they could tell JJ together before heading to his best friends house.

When he told Y/N that he wanted to “introduce” her to JJ, she’d been stunned. It had been during one of the may Skype calls they had shared while he was filming the season finale. They’d been discussing plans for the hiatus when he’d suddenly sprung it on her.

“I want you to meet JJ,” he told her.

Y/N chuckled and shook her head at him. “She already knows me Jay. She sees me at Jared and Gen’s all the time. Remember?”

He nodded and rubbed at the lower half of his face with his left hand before moving it to the back of his neck. “I meant, I uh… I wanted to introduce you to her as my girlfriend.”

The look of stunned silence on her face after he’d dropped the bombshell made him rethink his decision. Maybe he was doing this too soon. He was sure that he was ready for it, but maybe Y/N wasn’t. He wasn’t the only one with feelings to consider. Dating a single father couldn’t be easy for her. If their relationship continued on a normal trajectory, she’d end up having to help him raise his daughter someday. Something he wasn’t sure she wanted to do. It was a subject the two of them had never discussed. He hadn’t even asked her if she liked kids. He’d just made an assumption based off of what he’d seen when she was around JJ and the boys.

He looked at the screen and watched her expression shift from one of shock to one of joy

“I’d love that,” she said with a radiant smile on her face.

Hearing her say that had made him far happier than he had ever thought it would. He was letting her into his heart, and now he was ready to let her into his family as well.

“Daddy?” Jensen heard his daughter call meekly from the doorway. He turned to see her standing there, stuffed moose clasped tightly to her chest, giving him the biggest saddest eyes he had ever seen.

“What is it baby?”

“I don’t feel good.”

His brows knit in concern at the whine in her voice.

“You don’t feel good?” he asked while making his way towards her. He dropped to his knees and placed a hand on her forehead to check her temperature, but she felt normal. “You don’t have a fever,” he said. “What doesn’t feel good?”

“My tummy hurts.”

“Your tummy hurts?”

JJ nodded, and Jensen let out a long sigh. His baby girl getting sick was probably one of his least favorite things in the world. It tore at his heart in a way that nothing else could.

“Can we stay home Daddy?”

Jensen watched all of his carefully made plans go right out of the window. He hated it when his little girl was sick. It always made him feel so powerless. All he could do was give her medicine and hold her close until she got better. He just hoped that it wasn’t anything to serious. He ran a hand down his face in frustration. He couldn’t do this today. Not if JJ was sick.

Jensen glanced up at the clock. Y/N would be arriving any minute. He just hoped that he would be able to get in touch with her before she got there. Looking back up into JJ’s eyes, he was just about to answer her question when he heard the doorbell. There was no point in making that phone call now. Y/N was already there.

Jensen closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was going to suck. He knew that she had been looking forward to this. He had too. Now they were just going to have to wait. Opening his eyes, he pressed a kiss to JJ’s forehead.

“I’ll be right back sweetie.” He rose to his feet. “Daddy’s just got to answer the door real quick.” He stroked her hair lightly. “Why don’t you go get in bed, and I’ll up in just a minute okay?” He waited until JJ nodded before rising to his feet and making his way to the front door.

It was everything Jensen could do not to groan when he saw Y/N’s silhouette through the glass in the front door. His day had definitely taken a turn for the worse. He had no idea how he was supposed to turn Y/N away without sounding like a complete coward, or worse, a douchebag. It wasn’t that he didn’t think that she would understand. He was sure she would. He just felt like such an ass canceling on her like this. He’d been the one to suggest this to her. Now he was about to tell her today wasn’t the day after all.

Placing his hand on the door, he took one last deep breath before opening it and losing it all again at the sight Y/N standing on the other side. She had on a pair of shorts and a simple tank top over what he assumed was her bathing suit, based on the ties going back behind her neck, but even in the simple outfit, she was one of the most beautiful creatures he had ever seen. The smile on her face was nearly as bright as the sun shining behind her which only serving to make Jensen feel even worse for what he was about to tell her. His distress must have shown on his face, because Y/N’s smile quickly faded away.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. Yeah,” Jensen nodded while running a hand down his face. He stepped aside to let her into the house and quickly shut the door behind her. “I, uh,” he stuttered. He hated that he was going to have to cancel on her, but if JJ didn’t feel well, there wasn’t much he could do. “I was just about to call you. We can’t go out.”

She turned to look at him in confusion. “W-what?” she asked. If Jensen had been looking at her face instead of his feet, he would have seen the slight look of panic on her face. Instead, he was looking down and absentmindedly rubbing at the back of his neck. “JJ… I…”

“Oh.”

Something in the way she said the word made him look up at her. She looked sad, disappointed even. He knew she wouldn’t be happy about him canceling their plans, but he hadn’t expected her reaction to be quite like this.

“I,” she clenched her jaw and swallowed, nodding slightly to regain her composure. “I understand. You’re daughter is important to you.” He nodded in agreement, but her words only served to confuse him more. “If you don’t want to see me anymore I..”

Her voice wavered slightly, and Jensen’s eyes went wide in understanding. She thought he was breaking up with her.

“Oh god. Y/N, no. It’s not like that,” he said, cutting her short. “I didn’t mean… JJ isn’t feeling well.” He saw her shoulders sag in relief and decided to continue. “She was fine this morning. Then she came to me just a few minutes before you got here saying her stomach hurt and…”

A small noise from down the hall drew Y/N’s attention. Jensen watched her head turn and a small smile form on her face before following her gaze with his own. His head came around just in time to see JJ dart back around the corner she’d been peaking out from behind. Her little face reappeared a minute later, curious eyes studying them both.

“It’s okay, Jensen.” The feeling of Y/N’s hand on his arm had him turning back towards her. She gave him a reassuring smile before turning her attention back to his daughter. “Hi, JJ.” She gave her a small waive that the child tentatively returned. After dropping her hand, Y/N looked back at Jensen. “I’ll call you later okay?”

Jensen nodded, grateful that she was so understanding. “Yeah. Sounds good.”

He wanted to kiss her, but he couldn’t do that with JJ standing right there. Not yet anyway. So instead, he ran a hand down her arm and gave her hand a quick squeeze and a tight smile before reaching for the door.

“Daddy?” JJ called behind them.

“Yeah sweetie?” he replied, his hand resting on the doorknob

“Can Y/N stay and play?”

He blinked at her in confusion. “I thought your tummy hurt?”

She looked down at the floor, hands clasped behind her back while she towed at an imaginary rock on the hardwood floor.

“I feel a little bit better,” she said, her eyes still cast down at the hardwood floor.

Jensen gave her a knowing look. Apparently his green eyes and blonde hair weren’t the only things she’d inherited from him. Maybe she got some of his acting ability as well. He turned his attention back to Y/N. She gave him a little wink that let him know she knew exactly what was going on. He watched on in silence as Y/N walked down the hall and squatted in front of JJ.

“I don’t know if playing is such a good idea,” she told her. “Not if your tummy’s been hurting.” JJ pursed her little lips and looked down at the floor again. “But maybe we can watch a movie instead?”

The little girl’s head shot up, eyes bright. She started nodding furiously.

“Can we Daddy? Can we?”

Jensen sent Y/N a questioning look that she returned with a radiant smile. He crossed his arms over his chest and studied his two girls for a moment. They were both looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to answer.

“Don’t you think you should ask Y/N if she wants to first?”

The little girl’s eyes went wide in surprise at her forgetfulness. “Please Y/N? Please? Please? Pleeeeeeeeeeease?”

Y/N chuckled. “I’d love to.” She looked back at Jensen. “But only if your daddy joins us.”

He returned her smile. Here he was, convinced that his plans to tell JJ about his relationship with Y/N were ruined only to have his girls show him how little he really knew.

“Sure,” he said.

JJ threw her hands up in the air, jumping excitedly before grabbing Y/N’s hand and starting to drag her down the hall. “Come on, Y/N.”

The sound of Y/N’s laugh as she followed the toddler into the family room echoed off the walls of Jensen’s home and resonated in his heart. It had been far too long since he’d heard the sound of a woman’s laughter in his house, and if he was honest with himself, he was hoping to hear a lot more of it.

“I’m just gonna go call Jared real quick and tell him we’re not coming,” he shouted down the hall.

“Okay,” he heard Y/N respond before pulling out his phone and dialing Jared’s number.

The phone rang a few times before he heard his friend’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Hey dude. Where are you guys?”

“Uh, we’re not coming,” replied Jensen.

“What? Why?”

He started telling Jared about JJ’s supposed tummy ache and how she had miraculously gotten better when Y/N had shown up. He still wasn’t completely sure if she was feeling sick or not, but he decided that as long as she seemed to be doing better now, he wasn’t going to worry about it.

“Yeah,” he said as he walked down the hall. “I’m not sure why she…”

Jensen trailed off when he approached the doorway and found Y/N sitting on the couch with JJ. A soft smile formed on his face as he watched them, his heart growing light with each beat. JJ was telling Y/N all about how Merida was the “bestest princess ever” while Y/N just sat there listening intently, never looking away from her. She was listening to her the same way he did. She acted like every word out of the little girl’s mouth was the most important thing she had ever heard. He could feel his throat tightening up at the well of emotion the imaged caused inside of him.

Y/N must have caught sight of him out of the corner of her eye, because she glanced up at him briefly, flashing him a quick smile before turning her attention back to his daughter. He watched the two of them in awe for a moment longer until the sound of Jared yelling in his ear reminded him that he was still on the phone.

“Jared, I got to go,” he said, cutting Jared off mid sentence. “I’ll talk to you later.”

He ended the call and just stood there watching Y/N and JJ on the couch. In that moment, it was like Jensen’s whole future was laid out before him. Y/N looked like she had always been there. She just… fit. Almost like she was meant to be there. Jensen pulled himself from his thoughts with a shake of his head and stepped into the room.

“Jaybird,” he said, “why don’t you let Y/N watch the movie instead of telling her about it.”

JJ giggled at her father’s comment. “Okay, Daddy.” She settled down and turned towards the television to watch the movie in silence.

Jensen took a seat on the couch, sandwiching his daughter between himself and Y/N. JJ quickly snuggled into his side, fisting her little hand in his shirt and watching quietly. He put his arm around her and sent Y/N an apologetic smile for the way she had prattled on. She just smiled back before looking down and brushing a piece of hair out of JJ’s face before turning to watch the movie. It was everything Jensen could do to keep it together. His mind kept going back and forth between how right everything felt and how confusing everything was.

Looking around the room, he could see all of the photos of Danneel he’d never taken down. Photos of the two of them on a boat in L.A. when they first started dating. Another was of the day they bought the house in Texas. Her holding JJ just after she was born. Their wedding photo. He felt his daughter shift beside him and turned to see her crawling into Y/N’s lap. He watched her wrap her arms around her without missing a beat, almost like it was something that happened all the time. He wasn’t sure what to think. JJ was so comfortable with her. He knew that she sometimes joined Gen in playing with the kids while he and Jared were gone. He just hadn’t imagined it would lead to a moment like this.

As JJ’s eyes started to flutter closed, he wrapped his arm around Y/N and pulled her against him, enjoying the feeling of being this close to her, of feeling like a family.  This was most definitely not how he had imagined his day playing out, but he could honestly say he didn’t mind one bit.

Y/N layed her head on Jensen shoulder, both of them watching the movie in silence until JJ started to stir. She sat up in Y/N’s lap, rubbing her little eyes and blinking away the last of her unscheduled nap.

“Is the movie over?” she asked softly.

“Almost,” Jensen told her.

Her face fell. Jensen watched as Y/N ran her hand up and down JJ’s back to comfort her, telling her it was okay; they could watch it again another time. JJ’s face instantly brightened.

Looking at the clock, Jensen realized how late it was getting.

“How’s your tummy?” he asked JJ. “Think you could handle some lunch?”

“Mac ‘n cheese!” JJ exclaimed, bouncing slightly on Y/N’s lap.

Y/N let out a grunt at the force of the toddler pounding against her legs, and Jensen reminded his daughter to take it easy before studying her for a moment.

“I don’t think mac ‘n cheese is a good idea if your stomach is hurting,” he said knowingly. JJ looked down at her lap and started fiddling with her fingers. It was something Jensen had learned she did when she thought she was lying. “JJ?” he pressed, waiting for her to tell him the truth.

An uncomfortable tension settled over the room.

“I need to use the restroom,” Y/N said, shifting JJ off of her lap and onto the couch between herself and Jensen. “Where is it?”

Jensen looked up at her then and saw the look of pure understanding on her face. She didn’t need to use the bathroom any more than he needed to go skydiving. She was just trying to give them some alone time so that they could talk.

He gave her a grateful smile and told her where she could find the guest bathroom.She gave him a little nod and stood from the couch. Jensen watched her go, wanting to make sure she was well away before he had a talk with his daughter. Just before she turned the corner and went out of sight, he saw her look back over her shoulder and give him a reassuring smile that somehow made him feel more at ease with the situation than he had a moment before. She turned the corner, and he let out a little sigh before looking at JJ. She was still looking down at her hands and fidgeting slightly.

“JJ,” he asked, “did you really have a tummy ache this morning?” She paused for a minute before shaking her head no. “Then why did you tell me you didn’t feel good?” She shrugged without looking up. “JJ?” he said, his voice a little more sturn.

She mumbled out a reply, but her voice was so low he couldn’t make it out.

He softened his tone and spoke once more. “You’ve got to speak up a little, baby.”

“I wanted to stay with you,” she muttered, and Jensen’s heart sank.

In the crazy, chaotic mess that his life had become, the one thing he had always promised himself was that JJ would never feel neglected, and he had failed. His daughter had actually felt like she had to lie about being sick to spend some alone time with him, and it broke his heart.

“Sweetheart,” he whispered as he placed a hand on the side of her head to get her to look up at him. He could see the tears forming in her eyes and felt his soul shatter. Pulling her into his arms, he held her close and promised her that everything was okay. “You don’t have to lie about not feeling good to spend time with me. All you have to do is say you don’t want to go anywhere, and we’ll just stay in. Okay?”

She nodded against his chest, and he sagged in relief. He wiped the wayward tear from her face and loosened his hold on JJ so that he could look her in the eye.

“Do you want me to send Y/N home?” he asked in all seriousness.

As much as he loved having her there, he wouldn’t hesitate to send her home if JJ asked him to.

She shook her head no. “I like her. She’s fun.”

“Okay,” He chuckled softly at her response. “Why don’t you go play in your room for a little bit while I make us lunch okay?”

“Okay Daddy.”

She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek before scampering off. Jensen chuckled to himself as he watched her go. Her ability to go from sad to happy in less than a second always amazed him. He often wished he could have the same ability. Then again, the emotions of children were complicated, far more so than his own were at times. They weren’t able to process things in the same way, to deal with them. There were fewer shades of gray in between the two extremes for them to use. So everything was either the end of the world or the best thing ever. He shook his head. Yeah, maybe having that gift wouldn’t be so great afterall.

Rising to his feet, he made his way into the kitchen and started boiling the water for the pasta before he started gathering the rest of what he would need to make their lunch.

“You have a beautiful home,” he heard Y/N’s voice from behind him.

He turned and smiled at her before pulling the box of elbow macaroni out of the pantry. “Thanks.”

He turned his attention back to the task at hand and poured half of the box into the boiling water. He reached into the crisper drawer of the fridge and pulled out a head of broccoli. Taking a knife out of the knife block, he placed the broccoli on a wooden cutting board and began chopping it into little pieces.

“Broccoli?” Y/N asked as she watched him work.

“Yeah,” he said. “JJ loves it in her mac ‘n cheese.”

“Really?” she chortled

Jensen smiled at the sound. “Yeah. If it gets her to eat a green vegetable, I’m not going to complain.”

Jensen finished his chopping and sat the knife down on the counter before turning to Y/N. He reached a hand out for her. Taking her hand, he pulled her towards him until their bodies were practically touching. He looked down at their joined hands and ran his thumb back and forth across her knuckles.

“Thank you,” he said, “for giving us a moment back there.” He looked up at her face. “I really appreciate it.”

She placed a hand on the side of his face and brushed her thumb across his stubbly cheek. “Of course,” she said. “You’re a really great dad. You know that?”

It was everything Jensen could do to keep his lip from trembling. So he looked away from her y/e/c eyes before lost control of his emotions.

“Doesn’t always feel like it.”

“Hey,” she brought her other hand up to cup his face, forcing him to look at her, “you’re doing an amazing job raising her. JJ is a great kid and one of the sweetest little girls I’ve ever met. You, Jensen Ackles, are an amazing father.”

She was looking at him with so much compassion and sincerity that he nearly gave into his emotions and let the tears he could feel building behind his eyes fall. Not ready to show that kind of emotion in front of her just yet, Jensen took in a deep shuddering breath and composed himself. The corner of his mouth twitched into a sort of half smile. Whispering a simple “thank you,” he pulled her into a fierce hug. He let her hold him for a minute before pulling back slightly. His lips met hers in a gentle kiss as he pulling away. He gestured to the stove behind him with his head. “Want to help me make the cheese sauce?”

“Sure.”

He released her from his hold and turned back to the stove top. They worked together in perfect sync, stealing glances and small touches from time to time. At one point, Jensen looked over to see Y/N admiring a painting hanging on the far side of the kitchen.

“Where’d you get that?” she asked as if she knew he was looking at her.

“I think Danneel got it at Victoria’s just after we moved here,” he said. “She pretty much decorated this whole place by herself while I was in Vancouver. I’m not really sure where everything came from.”

She wrapped her arms around herself like a shield, and Jensen watched her shoulders slump a little. Something in her posture caused the room to take on a somber feeling. Jensen frowned. This wasn’t like her. She was usually so open and bright, filling every room she walked into with this light that he couldn’t really explain. Seeing her so closed of hurt his heart. He couldn’t understand what could have happened to cause such a dramatic shift in her.

“D-did the two of you go there often?” she asked hesitantly.

Jensen’s scowl deepened. Why would she be asking how often they went there?

“It’s a nice place,” she offered without turning to face him. “I can see why you would take her there.”

His face fell when he realized why her demeanor had suddenly changed. He’d just associated the place he’d taken her to on their first date with Danneel. He ran a hand down his face in frustration as he watched Y/N pull away from him slightly. He couldn’t see her face, but he was pretty sure there would be nothing but hurt and disappointment there if he did.

“I saw some of the pictures you have out in the hall when I was on my way to the bathroom earlier. She seems like an amazing woman.”

Jensen mentally kicked himself in the teeth. He’d never really taken into account what all of this must be like for her. He’d been so wrapped up in his own feelings and insecurities that he’d never paused to consider how difficult being with him was for her. There had been a few moments here and there that had shown him she had her own doubts, but Y/N had always moved past them so quickly that he’d never really given it much thought. Now she was standing in his home for the first time, surrounded by images and memories of the woman who had come before her, and Jensen had just reminded her that she was stepping into a void he’d never expected to fill.

Cursing under his breath, Jensen stepped up behind her and carefully placed his hands on her hips. “Hey,” he whispered softly into her ear. “Us going there has nothing to do with her alright?” He wrapped his arms around her waist and felt her lean back into him slightly. He ran his hands up and down her arms until he felt her let out a calming breath. “I took you there because I thought you would like it. Not because I went there with her. You did like it didn’t you?” She nodded, and he placed a quick kiss to her temple. “Good, because I had an amazing time that night.”

“I did too,” she whispered.

Jensen held her a bit tighter, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into her hipbones.

“We should go back there sometime,” he suggested, his lips close to her ear. “What do you think?”

The last of the tension left her body, and Jensen could hear the gentle smile in her voice when she said, “I’d like that.”

She turned her head towards him and kissed the underside of his jaw.

“Ya know,” he said, “I’m still surprised you agreed to go out with me.”

Y/N turned in his arms to face him. He could still see traces of the glum expression she’d no doubt been wearing a moment ago, but she was clearly pushing them away and trying to focus on the moment.

“Well,” she said, placing her arms around his neck, “you are kinda cute.”

Jensen chuckled lightly before leaning in and press his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. They were soft and pliable against his own. He felt her hum against his lips more than he heard it and tilted his head to the side to deepen the kiss as he brought his hand up to cradle the side of her face.

“Daddy?”

They quickly pulled apart and turned their attention to the entryway leading out into the hall to see JJ standing in the doorway with a curious expression on her face.

“O-oh,” said Jensen as he took a subtle step away from Y/N, “uh, hey baby girl. You ready for lunch?”

The questioning look didn’t leave JJ’s face. “Daddy, why are you kissing Y/N like Uncle Jared kisses Aunt Gen?”

He sighed. He took a quick glance over at Y/N to gage her response. She was wearing an expression that told him the ball was in his court. He nodded before looking back at his daughter. This wasn’t how he had wanted to do this, but it was now or never. Taking a deep breath, he crossed the kitchen and squatted down until he was eye level with JJ.

“Well,” he began, “Daddy and Y/N like each other a lot, and when grown ups like each other like that, they end up as more than friends. They end up as boyfriend and girlfriend, and boyfriends and girlfriends kiss sometimes.”

He watched her thoughts play out through her eyes and held his breath, waiting for her to say something. She chewed her lower lip and wrinkled her nose in thought before speaking.

“Boyfriend, girlfriend?” she asked.

Jensen nodded. “Yeah sweetie. So I was thinking that Y/N could start spending some more time with us. Is that okay with you?”

Jensen could feel his chest tightening, and he fought to keep his breathing calm and even so as not to scare his daughter or tip Y/N of to just how scared of this whole thing he really was. A beat passed before JJ nodded her head, smiling brightly and darting over to hug Y/N’s legs. Jensen looked on with wide-eyed wonder. Y/N returned his look and froze for a moment before placing a hand at the back of JJ’s head to giver her a tiny squeeze and let out a little laugh of relief. Jensen let out a long slow breath and let his head hang for a moment before rising to his feet.

“Okay,” he said. “Why don’t you go sit at the table Jaybird, and I’ll bring you your food in a minute okay?”

She nodded and bounded towards the small table in the breakfast nook that they usually ate at.

“That went well,” offered Y/N in a low voice.

“Yeah,” replied Jensen. He looked over her shoulder to see JJ climbing up into her chair. “That could have been a whole lot worse.”

A shrill ring sounded through the air. Y/N gave him an apologetic smile before pulling her phone out of her back pocket and gesturing that she would be just a minute before walking into the hall to take the call.

Jensen took a few bowls out of the cabinet and started ladling the cheesy pasta dish into them. He’d just taken JJ hers and returned to the kitchen to get some for himself and Y/N when she walked back into the room.

“I’m so sorry J, but I’ve got to go to the studio. Something just came up.”

“Noooo,” JJ whined. “I want you to stay.”

One look from her father quickly silenced her, but she continued to pout while he turned back to Y/N.

“It’s okay,” he told her. “I’ll walk you out.” He turned to his daughter. “Do you want to come say bye?”

JJ’s hopped down off of her chair and wandered over to give Y/N a hug. The woman chuckled and told JJ she’d see her again soon before Jensen told JJ to go sit back down and eat her lunch while he walked Y/N to her car.

He placed his hand at the small of Y/N’s back, an action he was realizing was becoming quite the habit, and started walking her out to her car. He shut the front door behind them and headed towards her car. They stopped beside the driver’s side door and just stood their for a moment, not wanting to say goodbye.

“I’m sorry about JJ,” offered Jensen. “I wasn’t sure how she was going to take that.”

“It’s okay,” she assured him. “She’s a cute kid.”

He laughed. “Yeah. Wait until you see her in a full blown temper tantrum. She’s anything but cute then.”

“Maybe we can save that for next time,” she said with a smile.

He nodded. “Next time.”

He leaned in and gave her one last quick kiss on the lips before opening the door for her. She promised to call him later before pulling out of the driveway and down the street. He watched her go until she turned a corner and went out of sight before going back into the house and joining JJ at the table with his own bowl full of food. As he ate, he noticed how unusually quiet his daughter was being. He watched her pick at her food with her spoon for a minute before sitting down his own spoon and asking her what was wrong.

Another tense moment passed. Then she asked him, “Is Y/N gonna be my new mommy?”

Jensen froze. This wasn’t a question he’d been prepared to answer. At least not so soon.

“Uh,” he stuttered, wiping his face with a napkin before continuing. “I, uh, really don’t know baby. It’s not something we’ve talked about.” He saw a look of disappointment cross her face and asked her why she wanted to know.

“‘Cause I want a mommy,” she said. “Tom and Shep have a mommy. And Katy at ‘nastics has a mommy. I want one too.”

He slid closer to her and made sure she was looking at him before he spoke.

“You do have a mommy JJ,” he choked out. “She’s just in Heaven. And even though she’s not here, I know she’s watching you and that she loves you very much.”

“But it’s not the same,” she whimpered.

His heart shattered. Hearing his little girl talk about how badly she wanted a mommy of her own was killing him. He did everything he could to protect and care for her each and every day, but there were some things that a girl just needed her mother for. He could play dress up and let her put makeup on him, but at the end of the day it just wouldn’t be the same.

“I know,” he said as he reached out and scooped her into his arms. She sniffled and made a small sobbing sound against his shoulder. He just held her tighter, rocking her back and forth. “I know baby.”

An overwhelming sense of guilt swept over him. Jensen had done everything he could to keep Danneel’s memory alive for his daughter. The photos and mementos everywhere were proof of that, but apparently that hadn’t been enough. Now she was asking if another woman was going to be her mother. That, in and of itself, made him feel like a failure.

* * *

Jensen studied the photos on the wall in front of him. He’d put JJ to bed a few minutes ago and had come back downstairs to have a beer and relax a bit before going to bed. Instead, he found himself reliving the conversations he’d had both with his daughter and with Y/N earlier that day. He took another swig of his beer and contemplated the wisdom of his decision to keep so many photos of Danneel around. He’d thought it would help JJ know her mother better, but now he could see that he wasn’t really doing either of them any favors. Maybe it was time to rethink his approach to decorating.

He took stock of all of the photos on the wall at the base of the stairs. There were a few of Jared, Gen, and the boys. A couple were of JJ by herself. A few more were of him with her, but the overwhelming  majority of them were of Danneel. He reached up and took hold of a photo that was always rather painful for him to look at. He’d taken it just a few weeks before his wife had died. He’d come home to find her passed out in the nursery’s rocking chair with JJ in her arms. The moment had been to perfect not to capture it. Now it was just a staunch reminder of something they both had lost.

Taking the photo in hand, he walked into the living room and gave he room the same once over he’d given the hall. Danneel’s ghost was everywhere. Every decoration, every splash of color was something she had picked out. He thought back to Y/N’s reaction when he’d mentioned Danneel buying art at the little Italian place he had taken her too. The way her voice had wavered when she spoke had made his heart ache.

Jensen sat down on the couch and thought back over the time he’d spent with Y/N and smiled. She was nothing short of amazing. Her laugh and her smile never failed to lift his spirits. He never wanted her to feel like she was second best to him in anything they did. She had her own special place in his heart, and while he would never stop loving Danni, he was sure he could love Y/N just as well. Closing his eyes, he remembered their last date at the duck pond. She had been absolutely breathtaking, and the quiet moments they had shared there were memories that he knew he would cherish forever.

Looking down at the photo in his hand, Jensen turned it over and popped the back of the frame open to take the picture itself out. He set the frame aside and walked over to the the shelf he kept all of the photo albums on and reached for one in particular. It was an album he’d put together for JJ to read through when she got older. It was full of photos and memories of her mother that he wanted to be sure to share with her when the time came. Opening it to a blank page, Jensen placed the photo inside before quickly closing it and returning it to his place on the shelf.

He turned and saw the now empty frame resting on the coffee table and smiled. He knew exactly what he wanted to do with it. He strode confidently into his home office and searched his desk draws for the envelope of photos he kept there. Pulling it from the drawer, Jensen quickly shuffled through the pictures until he came to the one he was looking for. The smile the image brought to his face made the corners of his eyes crinkle. He tapped the photo against his hand a few times before returning the envelope containing the rest of his photos to the draw he’d pulled them from.

As he walked towards the living room, Jensen suddenly realized that he wasn’t exactly sure what size the picture frame was. He hadn’t really paid attention when he’d pulled it off of the way. A little ball of nerves started to form in the pit of his stomach when he reached for the frame. His hands shook slightly as he fitted the new picture into the frame, relaxing slightly when he saw it was the perfect fit.

Jensen turned the frame over in his hands and looked down at it for a few minutes before walking back out into the hall. Hanging the photo on the wall, he took a step back and studied the way it fit into the rest of the collage he’d created. It didn’t stand out more than any of the others. In fact, it looked like it belonged there, like it had always been there. Jensen smiled to himself and turned to go up the stairs to his bedroom.

Settling into bed, Jensen grabbed the familiar photo from his bedside table and just looked at it. He ran his thumb along the familiar image and tried to make sense of the whirling tidal wave of emotions he was feeling. A tear escaped the corner of his eye and ran down his check as he tilted his head back to rest against the headboard. He didn’t bother to wipe the tear away. There was no point. He looked up at the ceiling and wished that it would all just go away. Jensen had finally realized that no matter what he did, no matter what choices he made, it was going to hurt. If he really wanted things to work out with Y/N, he was going to have to let go of Danneel.

He’d lied to himself and convinced himself that he could somehow have them both. He could still cling to Danneel’s memory and laugh with Y/N without hurting anyone. He’d told himself that a thousand times, but seeing Y/N’s reaction today had shattered that illusion. His grip on the frame tightened as another tear rolled down his cheek. He closed his eyes tightly and focused on his breathing as he tried to pull himself back together. Today had been a good day. He was going to focus on that.

Slowly, Jensen started to drift towards the realm of sleep. The battle raging inside of him had left him both physically and emotionally drained. He didn’t even realize he was falling asleep sitting up in his bed until he awoke the next morning, Danneel’s picture still clasped firmly in his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and comments.


	9. Chapter 9

Alone time was not something Gen came by very often. Between taking care of the boys and helping with JJ, she tended to stay pretty busy. So when she had called and asked Jensen to watch the boys for a while, he’d been more than happy to do it. He’d figured that he would take the kids out back and play ball for a while. Tom and Shep loved doing that, and JJ was happy as long as they were all playing together. What he hadn’t count on was that by boys she meant all three of them, Jared included

Sitting on the back porch swing drinking lemonade while the kids play tag, Jared brought up the changes he’d noticed inside the house since he’d arrived. He’d noticed the subtle redecorating Jensen had been doing and asked him about it. It didn’t come as a surprise to the older actor. He just wasn’t sure if he could really put into words what he was feeling. So he decided to start at the beginning.

“JJ asked me if Y/N was going to be her new mommy.”

Jared paused with his glass to his lips. “Oh, wow.” He took a quick drink of his lemonade before setting the glass aside. “W-what did you tell her?”

Jensen shrugged. “I didn’t know what to tell her, so I just said Y/N and I would have to talk about it.”

They watched the kids chase each other across the lawn, laughing when Shep tripped and went rolling a few feet before jumping up like a rabbit and taking off again. Jensen could tell Jared was dying to ask him something. He was constantly adjusting his beanie and trying not to look at him. It was actually almost comical in a way. Anyone else would have thought he was just keeping an eye on the kids, but Jensen knew better. He could read him like a book.

“Spit it out,” Jensen told him before taking another drink.

Jared turned to him with his brows pulled together in a frown. “What?” he asked.

Jensen just shook his head at him. “You know, for an actor, you’re a real shitty liar.” They both couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Come on man. Spit it out. What’s on your mind?”

It took a minuted for Jared to actually ask his question. He sat there, elbows on his knees, trying to figure out what he was going to say before he adjusted his beanie once more and turned his body so that he was facing Jensen completely.

“How far do you want things to go with Y/N?” he asked. “I mean, do you want her to be that big of a part of your life or…” Jensen shifted in his seat. Jared must have taken it as a move of aggression, because he threw his hands up in surrender and started verbally backpedaling. “Hey, it’s okay if you don’t. I’m not going to judge. It’s just…” He took a slow deep breath. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to be more serious than you’re ready for just because she’s friends with my wife or because JJ is asking about her.” He placed a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re getting back out there. Really I am. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to be with her if you don’t want to.”

Jensen nodded in agreement. “I know man. Thanks. It’s just… I-I…” Jensen hesitated, unsure of where he was going with what he was about to say. How could he explain something he barely understood himself. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees and eyes staring straight ahead while he tried to work through what was running through his mind.

“When she was at the house the other day, it was perfect.” The corner of his mouth twitched as if he was about to smile before schooling his features and continuing. “It was like, like she had always been there. She just… fit.” Jensen glanced over at his friend to see Jared grinning like an idiot. “What?”

The only way Jensen could describe the look on Jared’s face was shit-eating. It started as a small, knowing grin before slowly spreading across his face in a full on beam.

“You’re in love with her aren’t you?” Jared asked.

Jensen nearly choked on his tongue. “W-what?” He had to hold his glass of lemonade with both hands to keep from dropping it he was so stunned. There was a moment of panic. If Jared could see the way his feelings for Y/N were changing with so little effort, he feared that she would be able to see it as well.

“Dude.” Jared chuckled a bit before continuing. “You didn’t see your face just now.”

“M-my face?” Jensen stuttered.

He could feel the color draining from the face that supposedly gave him away. The word love had never been mentioned between himself and Y/N. He hadn’t even allowed himself to think it.

Jared nodded. “Yeah. You had this thousand yard stare and dopey little smile thing going on. It’s the exact same face you used to make fun of me for making when I was talking about Gen after we first got together. You’re in love with her aren’t you?”

There was no real way Jensen could answer that. He knew he cared deeply for her, but love?

“I know that face,” Jared said, voice full of concern. “What’s going through your mind, Jay?”

That really was the million dollar question.

“I don’t know.” Jensen ran a hand down his face and hung his head low. “I-I really like her. She’s… she’s amazing, and the way she is with JJ…”

Jensen knew he was smiling again, but he didn’t care. Jared could make fun of him all he wanted. He couldn’t help it. Thinking about her, her laugh, her smile. It made him happy. She made him happy. Really happy.

“I don’t think I’m quite there yet,” he said. “But I’m getting there.”

The feeling of Jared’s hand on his shoulder drew his attention from his befuddled thoughts to the present.

“I’m proud of you,” Jared told him.

“Thanks man.”

The two men shared a quick hug, Jensen patting Jared on the back a time or two, before pulling away. A squeal of excitement from the yard drew their attention. Turning, they saw JJ and Tom holding Shep down in the grass. The little boy was trying to wriggle away, but they were tickling him too hard for him to be able to get very far.

“We should probably go rescue your son before my daughter makes him pee his pants,” offered Jensen.

“Yep.”

They rose to their feet and made their way towards the the children. Jensen grabbed JJ by the waist and tossed her up over his shoulder. “Come here you.” He spun her around in a circle that caused the air rang with his favorite sound in the whole world. His daughter’s laughter.

* * *

Waking up to a light early Summer rain had put Jensen in a foul mood. He’d been planning this park date with JJ and Y/N for close to a week. The thought of having to cancel a day of outdoor fun with the two of them once again was utterly infuriating. Thankfully, the rain had stopped almost as soon as it had started, and now all that was left were a few wet patches of grass under the shade trees that surrounded the park’s playground.

JJ started bouncing up and down the instant Jensen pulled her out of her car seat.

“Hurry, Daddy. Hurry,” she chanted as he collected their things and shut the car door.

He could hear Y/N chuckle softly beside him. He glanced over at her and raised a questioning eyebrow. She just shrugged in response before he shook his head and shut the door. Y/N still found the majority of the things JJ did amusing, and for the life of him, Jensen couldn’t figure out why.

“Alright, Jaybird.” Jensen turned away from the car, small bag of supplies in one hand and adjusting his ballcap with the other. “Let’s go.”

JJ took off like a shot for the playground. Jensen reached over and took Y/N by the hand. They shared a brief smile before moving to follow his daughter on their little adventure. He turned his head just in time to see JJ’s feet fumble a bit when her legs couldn’t quite keep up with her excitement.

“Slowdown, JJ,” he called.

She took a few stuttering steps before regaining her balance and skipping the rest of the way to the slide, making him shake his head at her silliness. 

Jensen and Y/N followed along slowly, content to just enjoy the day. Y/N’s head fell against his shoulder with a contented sigh that brought a smile to Jensen’s face. He had to agree that the moment was pretty wonderful. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and kissed the top of her head.

A bench off to the side of the play area caught his eye. It was on the edge of the shade provided by one of the elm trees. It was out of the way but still offered a perfect view of the playground where he could keep an eye on JJ.

“Want to go sit down?” Jensen asked, raising the hand holding the small tote bag to gesture towards where his eyes were looking.

Y/N lifted her head from his shoulder to follow his gaze. “Sure,” she said with a nod, going to take a seat while Jensen let his daughter know where they would be.

“JJ,” Jensen called. The little girl stopped what she was doing and turned to look at her father. “We’re just gonna be right over here okay?”

She nodded and went back to climbing the jungle gym.

Jensen turned to take a seat beside Y/N and saw her wearing that little smile again. It was the smile she wore any time she thought something was amusing. The corners of her mouth would pull up and in, causing the little dimple on her left cheek to stand out a bit more. Jensen loved that dimple. He returned her smile, puffing out a little breath of air, and took a seat beside her.

“What?” he asked, placing his arm across the back of the bench behind her.

She shook her head. “Nothing.”

“I don’t believe you.”

He scowled mockingly at her.“It’s nothing,” she insisted, but he raised an eyebrow and waited for her to answer. “Seriously,” she chuckled. “It’s nothing. It was just cute.”

Jensen’s head jerked back a bit. Now he was confused. “Cute?” he asked.

“Yeah. The way you are with her. It’s just… cute.”

He scoffed playfully at the thought and shook his head gently. The more he got to know Y/N, the more confusing she became.

“I’m serious, Jay.” He looked at Y/N with interest. “It’s easy to see how much you care about her.” He started to speak, but Y/N placed a finger on his lips, effectively silencing him. “I know you’re about to tell me she is your kid and you’re supposed to care about her,” Jensen nodded as her hand fell away from his face, “but not every parent responds to their child the way that you do. You practically worship the ground she walks on, and JJ adores you. Hell, Jared’s kids adore you.” They both laughed softly, Jensen looking away for a minute before looking back up into her beautiful y/e/c eyes. “It’s just the way you are with kids, Jay. It makes me smile.”

He watched her in silence. He studied her face for any sign of sarcasm or teasing, but there was none to be found. Y/N meant every word of it. The first reaction that crossed his mind was to tell her thank you, but that didn’t seem to be the right reaction. What was he supposed to say when the woman he was dating found his interactions with kids adorable? He wasn’t even sure what it meant or even if it meant anything at all. So instead of speaking, he leaned forward, closing the gap between them and giving her a sweet, simple kiss before pulling away with a smile.

They both turned their attention to JJ and sat in silence. Jensen placed the hand that had been resting on the bench behind Y/N on her shoulder, pulling her closer to his side. He saw her give him a little sideways smirk before setting into his side and relaxing into his embrace, her head resting gently on his shoulder once more.

Jensen leaned his head and rested it on top of her own, sighing in contentment. His fingers brushed up and down the patch of skin on her upper arm that he could easily reach without moving his arm too much. The two of them sat in a comfortable silence, just watching JJ play with some of the other children on the playground and enjoying the moment. A thought ran through Jensen’s mind, and he let out a little chuckle.

Y/N lifted her head and looked at him in curiosity. “What’s so funny?” she asked.

The mirthful smile on Jensen’s face only grew. “Parks are kind of becoming our thing.” Y/N tilted her head to the side and furrowed her brow. “The last date I took you on was to a park. Now I’m finally getting to go out with you and my daughter, and we ended up in a park again.”

He watched the scowl on her face slowly melt away, transforming into a radiant smile before she threw her head back in laughter. The sound made Jensen’s heart skip a beat for a moment before he joined her in her merriment.

“Oh my God,” she said when she finally managed to stop laughing. “You’re right.”

Jensen quickly composed himself and nodded. “Yeah.” He ran a hand down his face and chuckled. “Too bad we don’t have our cameras this time.” A mischievous glint formed in Y/N’s eye. Jensen frowned slightly. “What?”

Y/N grinned at him before bending down and rifling through her bag. Jensen watched her curiously until she shot up suddenly with a look of triumph on her face and a camera in her hand. Jensen started laughing again when she wiggled her eyebrows at him.

“Oh my god,” he said. “You really do take that thing everywhere don’t you?”

She nodded. “Of course.”

She took the lens cap off and quickly started snapping photos of Jensen. He tried to waive her off, but he was only halfheartedly pushing her away.

“Oh come on, Jensen,” she groaned. “Just one good shot, and I’ll stop. Promise.”

He rolled his eyes at her and shook his head before dropping his hand and letting her take the photo. He adjusted his baseball cap and threw an arm across the back of the bence. Pulling the corner of his mouth up into a pseudo half smile, he let her snap a couple of quick photos before reaching out a hand towards her. Y/N backed away, sending him a brief smile before turning and moving to take some photos of JJ on the playground.

Jensen watched her in much the same fascination he had the day they had visited the pond. He loved watching the way she lined up the shot, moving this way and that, tilting her camera to make sure she had the angle she wanted all in a matter of seconds before snapping the shot and moving on to the next. He smiled when he saw JJ run up to her and ask her what she was doing. Y/N squatted down to the girls level and showed her some of the photos she had taken. Their heads were close together as they talked softly back and forth. Y/N pointed something out on the screen, and JJ looked up at him with a smile just before Y/N smirked in his direction. He wasn’t sure what they were talking about, but he had the distinct impression it had to do with him.

“Daddy!” JJ shouted. Jensen tipped his chin up at her so she knew he was listening. “Come swing.”

He watched her trot over to one of the swings and take a set before rising to his feet and going to join her.

“Push me, Daddy! Push me!” she shouted as he drew near.

Jensen puffed out a little breath of air and smiled. “Okay baby. Hold on tight.”

He started gently pushing her forward, but it wasn’t enough.

“No, Daddy. Not like that.”

Jensen took hold of the swings chain to stop its momentum. “Not like that?” He tossed Y/N a knowing smile and saw her smirking up at him over the top of her camera.

“No,” JJ continued. “Under.”

“Under?” He sent Y/N a look of mock confusion at his daughter’s request.

Moving from the crouch she had been in a few feet away, Y/N rose to her feet and moved until she was just a foot or so away from them.

“Do you mean an underdog?” she asked.

“Yeah!” JJ squealed in excitement. “I want an under dog, Daddy.”

“I don’t know,” Jensen drawled. “Are you sure you can handle it?”

He winked at Y/N. The look on her face told him she was having just as much fun playing along as he was lightly teasing his daughter

JJ nodded emphatically. “Uh huh.”

“Alright Jaybird.” He turned his hat around backwards and moved so that he was standing behind the swing. “Best get ready to fly. Y/N,” he said in a voice that mimicked concern, “you may want to take a step back. This could get a little crazy.”

She did her best to look serious as she nooded and took the suggested step back, wishing JJ good luck as she went. The little girl giggled at how ridiculous the two adults were being.

Jensen bent to take hold of the chain just above the seat. With a final warning to JJ to hold on tight, he started slowly pulling her back and forth. He shuffled forward, lifting her up over his head before running backwards and doing the same thing. Jensen started slowly building speed, lifting her higher and higher each time. “Here we go!” he shouted before sprinting forward and giving JJ one final push before letting go of the swing and dashing out below her legs.

Once he was at a safe distance, Jensen turned to watch her pumping her legs and shrieking with laughter.

“Look at me, Daddy! I’m way high.”

“I see you baby,” he said with a smile.

He was so entranced with the sight of his daughter enjoying herself that he’d nearly forgotten the photographer was there until she playfully elbowed him in the side. Tearing his eyes from his daughter, Jensen looked down into Y/N’s smiling face. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and placed a kiss to her forehead before realizing that she was showing him the display screen on her camera.

“What ‘cha got?”

He watched as she shuffled through several of the photos she’d taken. She’d gotten several action shots of him pushing JJ, but one in particular stood out from the rest. It was the moment Jensen had let go and started to run under the swing. She was screaming with laughter, hair blowing in her face as she started to fly backwards.

“I like that one,” he told her.

She nodded in agreement before resuming flipping through the photos until she landed on the one of him she’d taken earlier. He had to admit it was a good shot. The woman knew what she was doing.

“Sexiest model I’ve had all day,” she said in a voice so low Jensen wasn’t even sure he had heard her at first, but when he looked down to see the pink tinge to her cheeks and the way she was shuffling from foot to foot while refusing to look at him told him that what he thought he had heard was correct.

Jensen slid his arm down to her waist and pulled her closer. “That so?”

She nodded. He pulled her close and slanted his lips across hers before pulling away and flipping back through the photos on her camera until he found the one of JJ he liked so well.

“Think you could print me one of these?” he asked.

“Sure. I can print it tonight if you want.”

He nodded and started to move to give her another kiss when his phone started ringing. Rolling his eyes in annoyance at the interruption, he pulled the infernal device out of his pocket and answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Hey Jensen,” Gen’s chipper voice sounded through the phone.

He smiled. “Hi Gen.”

“Oh! Tell her I said hi,” Y/N said, patting his chest to make sure she got his attention.

The enthusiasm she showed for the simplest of things cracked him up. Jensen chuckled slightly and said, “Did you get that?” into the phone.

“Yep,” Gen replied. “Hi Y/N.”

He pulled the phone away from his ear. “She says hi.” Y/N kissed him on the cheek before moving to join JJ on the swings. “What’s up?” he asked Gen.

“Oh nothing much. Jared and I were about to take the boys for ice cream.”

The rest of Gen’s words fell on deaf ears as he watched Y/N move. The sunlight was catching her flowing peasant top just so, causing it to appear almost opaque. He mouth ran dry. He could see every luscious curve and outline of her body, and it made him long to reach out and touch her. He’d seen her in much more form fitting clothing before, but something about the way she looked in that moment mad him wanted to reach out and hold her tight against his body. He wanted to feel the way those curves felt moving underneath him as…

“Jensen?” Gen asked, snapping Jensen out of his revere.

“Huh?” Jensen asked on reflex at the sound of his name. “Sorry. What did you say Gen?”

He could practically hear her shaking her head on the other end of the line. “Quit staring at my best friend’s ass and pay attention.”

“I wasn’t staring at her ass,” he countered, blushing slightly at being caught in his dirty thoughts. “Well, not really.”

“But you admit you were staring at her?” she sassed.

“What makes you say that?”

“I know you.”

Jensen groaned. He could hear the smile in Gen’s voice, and he knew he would never hear the end of it if he didn’t change the topic soon.

“You said something about ice cream?”

Gen chuckled. “Yeah. Jared and I were about to take the boys. We wanted to see if you guys wanted to join us, and then maybe JJ could have a sleepover after?”

There was a suggestive lilt to her voice that Jensen would have to be an idiot to miss.

“Hold on,” he said. Jensen pulled the phone away from is face and looked over to see Y/N chasing JJ around the monkey bars, both of them laughing and squealing with joy.  He almost hated to break up the moment, but he couldn’t keep Gen waiting forever.

“JJ!” he called.

Y/N and JJ both stopped dead in their tracks and looked over at him. They had identical expressions of surprise on their faces, almost like they were both expecting to be in trouble. His heart clenched. For a second, Jensen thought they looked like mother and daughter. The way they were looking at him, how they were holding their bodies, it was all so similar. A flash of the two of them running around the house in their pjs on a Sunday morning dashed across his mind. He pictured seeing JJ curled up between them in his bed, fast asleep while he watched adoringly from the other side of the bed. He imagined lazy days with Y/N, holding one another and kissing slowly as the world drifted by. He saw breakfasts in bed and bouquets of flowers. He saw Y/N cheering JJ on at gymnastics meets. Moment after moment ran through his brain until he was able to shake his head, banishing the thoughts from his mind and pulling himself back together.

“You want to go get ice cream then spend the night with Tom and Shep?”

JJ’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. She clapped her hands and jumped up and down excitedly. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” she chanted.

Jensen chuckled into the phone. “You get that?” he asked Gen.

“Yeah,” she said through her own laughter. “Want us to come pick her up?”

“Nah,” said Jensen. “We’re still at the park. Let me get her home and clean her up a bit. Then we’ll meet you. Usual place?”

“Sure thing. See you there.”

“Later.” Jensen hung up the phone and looked up to see Y/N slowly approaching him. “That was Gen. We’re gunna go met her and the boys for ice cream. You want to come?”

Jensen lifted an arm to throw around her shoulders. Y/N settled under it instantly, putting an arm around his waist and resting the other on his chest in a familiar show of affection.

“Sure.” She tilted her head to look up at him and squinted at the bright sunlight. “I thought you said JJ was spending the night?”

“She is.” Jensen took the hat off of his head and plopped it onto hers so that it would shield her eyes from the sun. “I’m gunna run by the house and get her a bag first.”

The realization that Jensen would now have a child free night at home suddenly dawned on him. He unconsciously moved his arm from around her shoulders down the side of her body until it was resting on her hip. He started drawing circles there with his thumb. Occasionally dipping under her top to graze the skin just above the waistline of her shorts. He felt her body stiffen and heard her breath hitch a little.

“What are you doing tonight?” he asked, hoping his voice wouldn’t betray the nervousness he felt at seeing her response to his touch.

“Nothing really? Why? Have something in mind?” she asked.

Jensen’s mouth felt like the Mojave Desert. He did indeed have something in mind after getting a glimpse of her sinfully delicious body. He licked his lips and tried to brush his trepidation aside. He wanted to ask her to spend the night with him, see where things went. He wasn’t sure how far he wanted to take things yet, but he knew he wanted to feel more of her soft skin against his and find the areas of her body that would make her suck in a breath the same way she had when he’d touched the skin of her hip. He just wanted to be close to her, to hold her against his chest and revel in the feeling of having he in his arms.

There was just one problem. Every time he tried to open his mouth to ask her if she wanted to come back to his house with him once they were done, he froze. His throat would close off, and the words would catch in his throat at the thought of being with her in the same place he’d been with Dannel.

‘Come on, Jensen,’ he told himself. ‘You’re being ridiculous. Just ask her to come back to your place. It’ll be fine.’

He took one more deep breath and asked her, “What do you say we drop JJ off and then you can show me that studio you keep talking about?”

He wanted to kick himself the minute the words left his mouth. Of all the things he could have come up with, that had to be the most pathetic sounding thing he’d ever heard. He half expected Y/N to laugh at him for being such an awkward bumbling mess. Instead, all he saw when he looked at her was the thousand mega watt smile he’d grown to love.

“I think that sounds great,” she told him, rising up on her tippy toes to press her lips soundly against his own before depositing his hat back on his head and resting back on her heels.

Jensen adjusted the bill of the cap so that it sit in the proper place on his head before giving Y/N a lopsided grin and calling to JJ that it was time to go. Once JJ was settled in the car, Jensen grabbed Y/N by the hand and pulled her so that they were standing out of the site of the curious toddler. His heart began to race as he looked down into her stunned y/e/c eyes. Cupping her face in his hands, he kissed her soundly on the mouth. He poured everything he had into the kiss, hoping against hope that his actions could say what his words could not. A soft groan escaped her lips as her arms came up to wrap around his neck. She pressed herself up against him, rolling her body into his, and Jensen was forced to pull away before things became a little to heated for public consumption.

They both stood there panting, just watching each other. The look in Y/N’s eyes was a mixture of shock and something Jensen couldn’t quite describe. Her eyes were bright and shining, but he couldn’t tell if her pupils were dilated or not with the sun shining into them like that. He placed one more tender kiss to her lips, his hand trembling slightly against her cheek, before taking a step back and reaching to open the passenger side door for her. She gave him a knowing smile as she passed. That one look told him all he needed to know. She got the message loud and clear.

She had responded to him in much the same way he had her. Hungry. Needy. She hadn’t pulled away. No. She’d actually pulled him closer. A wide grin spread across Jensen’s face at the slight blush in her cheeks as he closed the door, a grin that didn’t fade away as he drove them towards his house.

* * *

The sun was just starting to set by the time Jensen pulled up outside of the studio. It had taken them a bit longer to get the kids situated and their dinner eaten than they had planned. Jensen had decided to stop for the ice cream first since it was on the way to the house. Just a quick round of ice cream had turned into a fast food dinner, and by the time they were done, all three kids were so hopped up on carbs and sugar that Jensen thought JJ might bounce right out of her seat on the way home.

Getting JJ out of and back into her seat would have been a nightmare. So Y/N had offered to stay in the car with her while he ran inside to pack her a bag before dropping her off at the Padalecki’s and heading for the studio.

“This is it,” Y/N said, gesturing to the sign for Y/L/N Visual Arts.

Jensen studied the storefront window. It was crisp and clean. The logo in the window showed that this was a serious business, but something about the design made it inviting. He could easily see himself stopping on the street and going in to have a look at some of the artwork he could see hanging gallery style in the foyer.

“We going in,” Y/N chuckled, “or are we just going to sit here and look at it all night?”

The teasing smile on her lips put one on Jensen’s as well.

“It would probably help if you’re gunna show me how you work your magic huh?” he asked.

Y/N shrugged and gave a small nod. “Probably.”

They smiled at each other for a moment more before Jensen reached for the door handle and stepped out of the car. He tried to get around to the passenger side to get the door for Y/N before she got out, but she beat him to it. She’d told him the last time they’d been out that he didn’t have to keep doing that for her all the time anymore. She was already dating him. He didn’t have to try and impress her anymore. He’d laughed her off and told her that it was something he wanted to do, but clearly he was going to have to be a bit quicker on the draw if he wanted to continue being chivalrous.

It had actually turned into a bit of a game with them. Jensen would try and rush around the car to beat her to opening the door. Y/N won more often then not, sending him a smug little grin when he was forced to just offer her his arm instead. He wasn’t even able to do that this time. She’d already made it have way to the door before he could reach her. So Jensen settled for placing a hand at the small of her back while she unlocked the door. She looked at him over her shoulder and smiled victoriously before leading him inside. She quickly turned to her right to deactivate the alarm and turn on the lights.

“This is it,” she said proudly.

Jensen looked around the space. A few rather comfortable looking leather couches rested along the wall near the front desk area. The other wall was dotted with several photos of various sizes and composition laid out in a rather impressive display.

Jensen pointed to the the wall of photos. “These all yours?” he asked as he slowly made his way over to examine them more closely.

Y/N hummed her agreement and nodded while he studied the pieces. He knew she was good, but these were utterly fantastic. They ranged from beautiful landscapes to up close images of people’s faces that felt more intimate than any naked photograph could ever be. The thought that he should have her take his headshot the next time he needed to update his resume for work crossed his mind, and he resolved to ask her about it later.

“Come on.” The sound of her voice drew his attention away from the images in front of him. Turning, he saw her standing near an unmarked white door with her hand on the handle. She beckoned him closer with a wave of her hand. “Let me show you the rest.”

Following her through the door, Jensen found himself staring at the familiar site of a professional photoshoot arrangement.

“Wow,” he uttered in surprise.

It wasn’t the fact that she had a professional studio that amazed him. He’d expected it. What amazed him was the size. The space was massive if you took into account the size of the storefront. He could see a variety of tripods and a selection of cameras sitting on a table in one corner. There was a deep blue backdrop with a stool seated in front of it taking up the majority of the space. He could tell she’d been working in it recently due to the camera and large lights set up around the staging area.

“What do you think?”

Jensen could hear the apprehension in Y/N’s voice. When he looked at her, she suddenly seemed very different from the woman he had come to know. He was used to seeing the proud, confident woman in charge that knew what she wanted and went for it. The person standing before him now seemed shy, almost timid in a way. She still stood tall, but she was worrying her lower lip between her teeth and playing with the fabric of her flowing peasant top with one hand, refusing to look him in the eye. It took Jensen a moment to realize that she was actually nervous, and it threw him for a loop. He’d never seen her this way before.

“It’s great,” he told her. “Why? Don’t you like it?”

He watched her visibly relax before she nodded. “I love it,” she said, her eyes still traveling around the room. Something in the way she said it made Jensen worry.

He crossed the room in three long strides and placed his hands on her shoulders to get her to look at him.

“Then what’s wrong?” he asked.

She gave a nervous laugh. “Nothing.” She was smiling softly as she looked up at him, but he still wasn’t sure he believed her. “You’re the first person I’ve brought back here,” she told him. “Not even Jared and Gen have been back here.” He brushed a piece of hair behind her ear and ran his thumb along her cheek. “Just the front.”

An overwhelming weight felt like it was pressing against Jensen’s chest. Out of all of the people in the world, she’d chosen to share this with him first. He was honored.

“I’m glad you showed me,” he said, cradling her face in his hand and taking the smallest step forward.

Y/N smiled, sliding her hands up his arms until her hands were resting on his shoulders. “I am too.”

Their lips met in one of those lazy kisses people always dreamed about. There was no rush. No push for anything more. Just the languid movement of their lips meeting in a show of mutual appreciation for all the other had to offer, taking joy in being so close to one another with no concern about where things were going or what would happen next.

Jensen slowly pulled away, cradling Y/N’s face in his hands. “So,” he said, his voice low and husky from the after effects of the kiss, making him realize that it affected him a bit more than he’d thought, “you going to show me how all of this works?”

Y/N giggled and looked down at her feet for a moment. “Sure.” She took a step back, and Jensen’s hands fell down to his sides. “But let me show you the rest first.”

Jensen’s eyebrows rose. “There’s more?” he guffawed.

“Not much,” Y/N said with a titter. “Just the dark room. I was going to print you that photo remember?”

Right. He’d almost forgotten. The whole reason they’d come down here was so that she could print the photos she’d taken earlier that day.

“Come on,” she said, taking Jensen by the hand and leading him toward one of two small doors in the very back of the space.

She stopped briefly along the way to grab the camera she had been using before leading Jensen into the room on the right. For a moment, Jensen wasn’t sure she would be able to get door closed with both of them in there. The small space was taken up with chemical trays, clothes line, shelving units, and some sort of giant machine that looked like it had come from the dark ages of technology. Y/N must have been able to shut the door however, because Jensen soon found himself standing in total darkness for a moment before he heard the click of a light switch and found the whole room bathed in an eerie red light. He stumbled and nearly face planted into one of the shelving units along the wall when Y/N bumped into him from behind.

“Sorry. Kind of tight quarters in here,” she said.

“Just a bit.”

“Here.”

Y/N started to shuffle past Jensen towards the large machine he had spotted earlier but could now only see the hazy outline of. As she tried to squeeze past him, their bodies ended up flush against one another and got stuck for a moment. Y/N gave a nervous laugh as she tried to wriggle through, but Jensen’s body went rigged with tension. He shut his eyes tightly and gulped, trying to force his body not to react to the fact that the woman who had recently taken up 95% of his thoughts was flush against him. He tried to think of anything but how amazing she felt pressed up against him. He thought about baseball, pranks on set, even JJ’s dirty diapers from when she was a baby. He thought of absolutely anything he could to keep his body in check while she wriggled against him. He let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding when she finally managed to squeeze through.

“Sorry Jay,” she told him. “Guess I didn’t really think this one through.”

“Y-y,” Jensen raised a fist to his mouth and cleared his throat. “Yeah. Guess not.”

For a moment, he thought he saw a knowing glint in her eye, but it was impossible for him to know for sure in the dim lighting.

“Here,” she said as she moved towards the large machine, “this is how I convert the digital to negatives for photo prints.”

She motioned for him to come stand beside her. It was difficult for him to see, but Jensen’s eyes had adjusted to the light enough that he could just make out her figure in front of him. The trip over to her was short but perilous. He nearly took himself out hitting his head on a box of chemicals that was sticking out over the edge of a shelf.

“Son of a bitch,” he grumbled, holding his hand to his throbbing forehead.

“Sorry,” Y/N hissed. “I forgot to warn you about the box.”

“It’s fine,” Jensen groaned as he came to stand next to her. “Alright. Show me whatcha got.”

Y/N walked him through the process of selecting and preparing the digital images.

“Can’t you just like, I don’t know, print them from your computer?” Jensen asked.

“I could,” she agreed, “but the images don’t turn out quite the same. I still like working with regular film for a lot of stuff. The only time I print from my computer is if I need a super sharp image or have to edit the final renderings. Otherwise I use this. I like it better.”

Jensen nodded. While he may not know nearly as much about photography as Y/N did, he knew there was a marked difference between the look of digital prints and a picture taken from a photo negative. The little nuances of the film got lost in the digital rendering. The fact that she was willing to take the extra time and care to capture those in an age where most would just let it fall by the wayside made him admire her even more. Not only was she a great talent, but she was a good soul.

He’d seen it when she was playing with JJ. The care and attention she had showed his daughter was the same attention she was giving her work now. There was a singular purpose to what she was doing. All of her focus was on what was right in front of her. Hell, he wasn’t even sure she was aware he was there anymore.

Jensen felt drawn to her. Even in the cramped space, he didn’t feel like he was close enough. He need to be touching her. His fingers itched to graze along her skin, enjoying the softness. Unable to hold back any longer he reached out. The question as to whether or not she remembered he was there was quickly answered when he felt her stiffen slightly at the feel of his hand at the small of her back. The thought that he might be overstepping cross his mind, but he decided that he could always play it off as trying to get a better look at what she was doing if she asked.

In the quiet space, he could hear her breathing quicken, and he wondered if her heart was pounding nearly as loudly in her ears as his was in his own. Feeling emboldened by her reaction, Jensen took a step closer to her and pressed himself gently against her as he placed his hands on her hips. Having her so close was a rush. Her scent enveloped him, making his blood sing, but it still wasn’t enough. He wanted to be even closer.

“What would you like me to do?” he asked.

He shut his eyes and bit down hard on his lower lip at how stupid he had sounded. ‘Way to go, Jensen,’ he thought. ‘There is no way in hell she is going to think this is sexy.’

“Well,” she answered, and Jensen couldn’t help but notice that her voice was a bit lower and more breathy than normal. Maybe he hadn’t sounded quite so stupid after all. This time it was Y/N’s turn to be the one to clear her throat. “Can you go over there and open those containers of developer for me?” She gestured to a couple of trays on a table against the side wall before holding up the two pieces of photo paper she’d just created. “We need to get these started.”

Jensen nodded and moved to do as she asked even though he hated the thought of moving away from her. Her touch both grounded and excited him in a way he couldn’t describe. So he let his hand linger on her waist for as long as possible as he passed.

He could feel his nervousness returning and sent up a silent prayer of thanks that she wouldn’t be able to see his hands shaking in the low light while he tried to open the containers.

“These two here?” he asked as she moved up next to him.

“Yeah.” She pointed to two more a bit farther down on the table. “Can you get those too for me please? Won’t do much good to put them in the developer if I don’t use the toner too.”

He smiled down at her briefly before shuffling over to make room for her and opening the second set of containers. Once they were open, he moved back beside Y/N and slide a hand along her low back towards her hip as he moved to stand behind her in the small space.

“The one on the left is for color,” she told him. “The other is for black and white.”

“Black and white?” he asked. Jensen didn’t really care what the answer was. He just wanted to hear her voice.

She nodded and leaned back against him, making his body spring to life. He started brushing her hair aside, intending to just envelop himself in her sent and enjoy the feel of her silky strands between his fingers, but that all changed when he got a good look at her slender neck.

“I thought the one of you I took would look better that wa…”

She stopped short when Jensen pressed his lips to her exposed neck. He gauged her reaction carefully. She gasped, and a small shiver ran through her. Jensen smiled against her neck before kissing it again. When she leaned into him more heavily instead of pulling away, Jensen took advantage of the opportunity and wrapped his arms around her, nipping gently at a patch of skin just below her ear. Her answering moan gave him courage. He wanted to see what else he could do to make her sound like that again. He needed to hear her make that sound again.

He started working his way down the column of her throat, nipping gently and soothing each bite with a swipe of his tongue before moving on. One of her hands came up to run through his hair, scraping her nails along the nape of his neck, making him glad he’d decided to leave his hat in the car.

A gentle tug at the back of his neck prompted Jensen to shift his stance and bring his lips back up to met her own. He wasted no time answering her silent request and capturing her lips with his own. He let out an audible groan when her tongue slipped past his lips to duel with his. She tasted like the mint chocolate chip ice cream she’d had at dinner and something else that was purely and simply Y/N. It made his head spin. He could feel himself hardening inside his jean shorts and hauled her up against him in the search for some form of relief.

One of his hands shifted slightly, allowing him to graze a thumb along the soft skin of her lower belly just below her shirt, and he felt her shudder against him, grinding her ass against his burgeoning erection. He moved his hand up until it was beneath her shirt and spread his large hand across her rib cage. She pulled at the short hair on the back of his neck, turning to wrap her arms around him just as timer for the developer went off.

They jumped apart, smacking into tables and making chemicals splash on the table and floor.

“Oops,” Jensen offered in a low sensual tone.

“Oops,” Y/N sighed. He watched her swallow and slowly right herself. “We should get these in the toner before they over develop.”

She turned to pull the photos from the their respective trays. The minute her back was turned, Jensen threw his head back in frustration. Of all the times for him to decide to grow a pair and actually go for it with this woman, they had to be stuck in a tiny cramped space where nothing could ever actually happen. He stayed still and tried to will his body back into submission as he watched her carefully remove the final products from the toner and hang them up on the line to dry.

“It’s going to be a while,” Y/N offered. “I usually let the prints dry overnight.”

“O-okay.” Jensen’s voice was so rough to his own ears that he barely recognized it.

“Do you think that,” she looked down at her feet momentarily, “maybe we should get out of here?”

Jensen took a deep breath and tried to stay calm. “Yeah. That sounds good,” he said before carefully following Y/N out of the darkroom and through the studio.

He opened her car door in silence and slid behind the wheel without saying a word. There was a moment of hesitation as he put the key in the ignition. There was no doubt in his mind where the night was headed. God knows he wanted it too, but he just wasn’t sure. Something was making him hesitate.

“I’ll take you home,” he said before turning the key.

He listened to the engine roar to life and carefully pulled out onto the road, refusing to look at Y/N. If he had, he may have seen the shadow of disappointment that briefly washed over her features. Instead he remained silent, reaching for her hand and caressing her knuckles with his thumb as he drove.

The silent tension that had filled the car when they left was all but gone by the time Jensen pulled up in front of her house. This time she let him come around and open the door for her. He took her hand and kissed the back of it as they walked to the door. He could feel the nervous tension from the car slowly returning when he stepped up onto the porch.

Y/N paused, keys in hand, and turned to face him before opening the door.

“I’ll bring the photo by tomorrow,” she promised. Jensen tried to assure her there was no rush, but she just brushed him off and continued on. “Gives me an excuse to see you again.”

Jensen smirked down at her and took a step closer. “So you need an excuse now?”

“Well,” Jensen’s heart fluttered when she ran a hand up his chest and neck to pass her thumb across his jaw, “I kinda like your face.”

Her hand moved back down to rest over Jensen’s heart, a laugh rumbling in his chest at her antics. She wasn’t being subtle. Then again, he hadn’t exactly been playing coy in the darkroom himself.

Bringing his own hand up, he held her own against his chest, hoping and praying that she couldn’t feel just how erratic his heartbeat had become at her touch.

“I kinda like your face too,” he said with a smirk.

“Oh really?”

He nodded and hummed in agreement as he slowly lowered his lips to hers. She reached up to circle her hand around the back of his neck, bringing him closer. Jensen smiled into the kiss. He loved the fact that she threw her whole self into every kiss they shared in private. She was always so eager. So pliant. He placed his hand at the small of her back and pulled her flush against his body as he dipped his tongue into her mouth for one final taste before pulling away slowly.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked, voice a bit lower than before.

Y/N nodded. “Tomorrow.”

Jensen’s hand gently grazed her ass as she stepped away, and he couldn’t help the elation he felt when he saw her breath catch in her throat at the light tough.

“Good night,” he said.

“Night, Jensen.”

He watched her walk into the house and close the door before going back to his car and driving home. The whole way there, his ears kept ringing with the unspoken promise they’d made to one another. Tomorrow. He could feel his blood practically sing at the thought. He was so distracted by the thought of what was to come that he hadn’t even realized he’d reached his house until he was pulling into the garage and shutting off the ignition.

The thought that the house was to quite passed through his mind, causing him a brief moment of fear and panic before he remembered that JJ was having a sleepover. He went about his nightly routine of checking windows and doors before setting the alarm and going upstairs to his room.

The first thing his eyes fell upon when he opened the door was Danneel’s photo. Her smiling face had been a source of great comfort for him over the years, but looking at it now, it wasn’t comfort he felt. It was acceptance. He didn’t have to fight anymore. He finally felt like it was alright to let go and move on.

Picking up the photo, he couldn’t help but smile as he let his mind wander through all the memories he had of her. Life with Danneel had been great. She’d given him the life he could only dream of and the most beautiful daughter a man could ever ask for. She’d given him everything, and he would always love her for that.

He turned and walked out into the hall, photo still in hand. He didn’t look away from Danneel’s face until he pushed open the door to JJ’s room and stepped inside. His eyes scanned the room until they landed on the little pink wooden table near JJ’s bed. He crossed the room and placed the photo carefully on the table.

Taking a step back, he smiled and said, “Goodnight, Danneel,” before turning and making his way back towards his own room.

Jensen prepared for bed without feeling a sense of guilt or emptiness for the first time in ages. He knew that Danneel would always have a place in his heart. There was no escaping that. Danneel would always be a part of his past, but Y/N… Y/N was his future, a future that he finally felt like he was ready for.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mature content and my not be suitable for all readers. Reader discretion is advised.

The only thing Jensen dreamt about that night was Y/N. He watched a lifetime with her play out like a movie before his eyes. When he woke up the next morning, he felt lighter. He could barely keep the smile off of his face while he got ready for the day. His cheeks were actually starting to hurt from smiling so much by the time he knocked on the Padalecki’s door to get JJ.

“Hey man. Come in,” Jared offered, still dressed in his pjs.

He followed his friend into the kitchen where he found JJ seated at the counter eating a bowl of cereal.

“Hi Daddy!” she shouted when she saw him.

Jensen walked up behind her and kissed her on the top of her head. “Hey princess. Did you have a good time last night?”

“Uh huh.”

She started telling him all about the things they had done the night before, but it was all going in one ear and out the other. He was still to preoccupied with thoughts of seeing Y/N later to really pay attention, something that did not go unnoticed by his friend.

“Feel like joining the rest of us on planet Earth?” Jared teased when he handed Jensen a mug of steaming hot coffee. Jensen took the coffee from him with a raised eyebrow. “I take it you guys had a heck of a time last night.”

Jensen had to fight not to roll his eyes at the way Jared was wiggling his eyebrows at him.

“Ow,” Jared said, rubbing the spot on his arm his wife had just smacked.

“Be nice,” Gen chided from her seat next to him before turning her attention to a very amused Jensen. “Did you have a good night?”

The smile was back on Jensen’s face. “Yeah. It was good.” He took a drink of his coffee and spotted the knowing look on Jared’s face. “No it wasn’t that kind of good time. Get your head out of the gutter.”

“I don’t think he knows how,” Gen deadpanned, causing them all to laugh a bit.

“Seriously though,” Jensen continued. “It was a great night. I’m gonna see her again today.”

“Do you need us to watch JJ for a while longer?” Gen asked.

As much as Jensen appreciated her offer, he would have felt like he was taking advantage if he accepted.

“No,” he said. “I think it’s better if we spend more time together, the three of us.”

His friends nodded their agreement. 

* * *

Jensen took JJ by the hand and lead her outside. It had been a nice morning, not too hot for a Texas summer, so he’d decided to just walk the two blocks to his friend’s house instead of driving.

“Daddy?” JJ drawled.

“Yeah baby?”

“Is it okay if I invite Y/N to my party?”

Jensen couldn’t help but smile. JJ’s birthday was that weekend. While he and Y/N had talked about her coming to the party before, the fact that JJ wanted her there made him happier than he ever would have guessed. No matter how much he cared for Y/N, JJ was still the number one girl in his life. Nothing would ever change that.

“I think that’s a great idea,” he said with a smile.

JJ happily returned his smile before prattling on about all the fun things she was going to do with Y/N at the party. Jensen just shook his head at her and walked on in silence.

They spent the day playing in the pool and watching _My Little Pony_. JJ even decided that the two of them needed to play dress up so that she could “make him beautiful.”

He’d just finished washing the smears of color from his face when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. His heart gave a little flip when he saw the message was from Y/N. Swiping his thumb across the screen, he quickly unlocked the phone and opened the message to see a photo of her making a rather disgusted face with the caption. “Now I know why they say it’s hot in Texas.” Jensen brought a hand up to his mouth to stifle his laughter before quickly typing out a response.

_Jensen: First it’s too cold. Now it’s too hot. There is no pleasing you is there? ;)_

He hit send and instantly felt proud of himself for how clever he was being. Y/N probably wouldn’t see it that way, but he didn’t care. He knew that, even if she was annoyed, she would see it as the gentle teasing he meant it to be. His suspicion was proven right a few seconds later when her only response was an emoji with it’s tongue sticking out. He was about to send her another smart mouthed reply when his phone started ringing, and his smile only grew.

“Hey you,” he said by way of greeting.

“You think you’re pretty smart don’t you?” Y/N sassed him from the other end of the line, and he could no longer hold back his laughter.

“Most days. Yeah. What are you up to?”

“Outdoor photoshoot. The weatherman lied when he said it was going to be cool today.”

“It was cool this morning,” he teased.

Jensen could practically hear her rolling her eyes at him. While her tone may have been a bit annoyed, he could still hear the smile in her voice.

“Do you get a break soon?” he asked. “JJ and I could take you to lunch.”

Jensen bounced lightly on the balls of his feet. Just the thought of seeing her had him feeling like he was on cloud 9. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to start floating 10 feet off the ground before much longer.

“I wish I could,”Jensen face fell, “but we’ve got to get as much of this done as possible before the weekend.”

“I understand.”

He tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice, but he was sure she could hear it. He knew he was being ridiculous. She had a life and carrier apart from him that she loved. He was proud of her. She’d worked hard for what she had. Still, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed that he might have to go a day without seeing her.

“Those pictures we developed last night turned out great,” she said in a slightly lower tone than normal. “I may have to have you help me in the dark room more often.”

The way she said that sent a thrill through him. Jensen would have had to of been deaf to miss the suggestive lilt in her voice. Licking his lips, he pulled the lower one between his teeth before rubbing his free hand along his jaw.

“That a fact,” he said, his voice dropping an octave or two.

“Yeah.”

There was a moment of heavy silence. Jensen didn’t feel the need to say anything, and he was pretty sure Y/N didn’t either.

A small commotion on the other end of the line must have gotten Y/N’s attention, because she shouted at somebody in the distance before speaking into the receiver.

“I’ve got to go. It still okay if I bring you that photo later? I’d really like to see you.”

Jensen smiled. “Yeah. I’d like to see you too.”

“Bye, Jensen.”

“Bye.”

He ended the call, feeling even better about where their relationship was headed than he did before their conversation. Now he just had to try and keep himself distracted until she showed up.

* * *

After four hours of waiting, Jensen decided that she must be stuck at work. He kept checking his phone off and on throughout the day to see if she’d sent him a message, but there was nothing. By 5 o’clock, Jensen decided that she wasn’t coming and started fixing dinner as a way to distract him from the disappointment he felt.

“When’s Y/N coming?” JJ asked him in a whiny voice.

Jensen turned away from the stove and squatted down so that he would be eye level with her before pushing a piece of blonde hair that escaped her ponytail out of her face.

“I don’t think she is coming today,” he said sadly.

He watched JJ’s face fall, and his heart went with it.

“But she was gonna play with me…”

“I know. I know,” he sighed. “I wanted Y/N to come over too, but she had to work.” JJ stuck her lip out in a pout. “Tell you what, go wash up for dinner, and after we’re done, we can call her and see if she wants to go get ice cream.”

JJ nodded. “Okay Daddy.”

He kissed her on the head and sent her on her way to get cleaned up while he worked on dinner. The minute she was out of the room, his shoulders slumped. This sucked. He could handle his own disappointment a lot better than he could his daughter’s. She didn’t have the same perspective an adult would on the situation, and he honestly didn’t know how to explain it to her. All she knew was that Y/N was going to be there. Now she wasn’t. He just hoped that she wouldn’t hold it against her when she did come.

* * *

Jensen had just gotten JJ settled and the food on the table when he heard the doorbell ring. He glanced at the clock and thought that it was unusual for someone to show up this late without calling first. The only person that ever did that was Jared, but he would be eating with his own family right now.

For a moment, Jensen worried that he’d forgotten about a barbecue or something before quickly dismissing the thought.

“Sit tight, Jaybird,” he told her. “I’ll be right back.”

Jensen had just turned the corner and entered the hallway when he heard the doorbell again.

“Coming!” he shouted.

He could just make out the shadow of the person ringing the bell through the frosted glass of the front door, but he couldn’t see them clearly enough to make out who it was until he opened the door. A face splitting smile spread across his face the instant his eyes met her’s.

“Hey,” he said.

Y/N returned his smile. “Hi.”

“W-what are you doing here?” Jensen shook his head. “I mean, I didn’t think you were still coming.”

She held up the photo of him and JJ from the day before that now rested in a simple black picture frame.

“I promised to bring this by didn’t I?”

Jensen didn’t think it was possible, but his smile grew even wider. This woman was surprising him at every turn.

“Yeah you did.” He stepped aside and gestured for her to come in. “ We’re just about to eat some spaghetti if you wanna join us?”

“Sure,” she replied. “You know I can’t say no to pasta.”

With a little chuckle, he took the photo from her hand and gestured for her to go on ahead. He took a quick look at the photo, smiling at the look of pure joy on JJ’s face before setting it on the hall table and following her into the dining room.

He thought it was funny the way his heart suddenly jumped up into his throat in anticipation of her answer. It felt like they were turning some kind of corner in their relationship. They’d gone to dinner several times. She’d spent plenty of time with both him and JJ before, but there was something about the thought of her sitting down to a meal with them in his home that made him almost giddy.

“Y/N!” JJ squealed the moment they came into sight.

The little girl slid down off of her chair and scampered around the table into Y/N’s waiting arms. It was the first thing Jensen saw when he rounded the corner, and it nearly took his breath away. There was Y/N, kneeling on the hardwood floor, with JJ in her arms, both smiling from ear to ear. It was the perfect picture of family, and the thought that this could one day be his had Jensen choked up.

JJ spotted him standing in the doorway and pulled out of the embrace. “Daddy, she came!” she shouted, her eye twinkling with joy.

“Yeah baby. She did.” Y/N turned to look at him, matching JJ’s smile. “Now what do you say we eat some dinner before it gets cold huh?”

JJ nodded in agreement before trotting back to her seat.

“Sorry about that,” Y/N said as she rose to her feet. “Didn’t mean to cause a ruckus.”

Jensen kissed her on the side of the head and assured her that everything was fine before pulling out a chair for her.

“I’ll go get you a plate,” he told her.

He turned and made his way into the kitchen to get another place setting out of the cabinet. The sound of JJ prattling on and on about her day made him chuckle. She always did the same thing to him as soon as he got home. She was still going on with no end in sight when he sat down at the table after bringing Y/N her plate.

“JJ, eat your dinner,” he admonished softly.

They ate in silence for a few minutes until Jensen asked Y/N about her day. She took a drink of water and proceeded to tell them about the technical difficulties they’d run into throughout the shoot.

“We’re going to have to go back out there tomorrow,” Y/N told them in a voice that made it clear she was in no way pleased about the situation. “If we can’t get everything working tomorrow, we’ll have to do it again on Saturday.”

“But that’s my birthday!” JJ’s distressed voice interjected. “You’re going to come to my party aren’t you, Y/N?”

Jensen frowned slightly. Making sure his daughter was not a whining brat had always been a source of pride for him. All he had to do was say her name, and the little girl shrunk back a bit before asking nicely if Y/N was going to be there for her party.

Y/N leaned forward in her seat and looked at JJ with one of the most earnest expressions Jensen had ever witnessed.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she said.

“Promise?” JJ asked, sticking out her little finger.

Jensen hid the lower half of his face behind his hand to disguise his smile. It was one of the sweetest things he’d ever witnessed. They were both being so serious that he would have thought they were discussing ending world hunger if he hadn’t know any better. He closed his eyes for a moment and bit his lower lip to try and keep the smile from breaking his face. They were incredible, and he honestly didn’t think he would ever get tired of watching the two of them together.

Y/N hooked her finger with JJ’s in a pinky swear. “I promise.”

JJ’s face lit up. “Did you hear that, Daddy? Y/N’s coming to my party!”

“I heard,” he said, moving his hand away from the lower half of his face just enough that it wouldn’t obscure the sound, but close enough that he could cover his face again if he needed to.

“We’re having a party at ‘nastics tomorrow,” JJ continued excitedly before a look of horror crossed her features. “Daddy, we didn’t make the cookies!” He gently assured her that they would make the cookies as soon as she was done with her dinner.

JJ turned to Y/N. “Are you going to help us with the cookies?” she asked.

‘Where was this coming from?’ he wondered. JJ never acted like this. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say that she was even more excited to see Y/N that he was. He started to jump in and remind his daughter that Y/N still had to work in the morning when the woman in question answered first.

“I’d love to.”

“Are you sure?” Jensen asked her, reaching across the table to place his hand on top of hers.

She looked at him with a smile and nodded. “I’m sure.”

They quickly finished eating and cleared the dinner dishes before moving on to baking. Jensen grabbed the small stepping stool from the bathroom that JJ used to reach the sink so that she could reach the counter top to help with the cookies. He got the girls settled and excused himself, promising to return in a moment.

He made his way out into the hall and retrieved the picture Y/N had delivered. He could practically hear JJ’s roaring laughter coming from the photo. Looking at the photo, Jensen noticed something he hadn’t the day before. In the picture he wore a bright smile on his face, telling him that he had been laughing when he was pushing his daughter on the swing. He didn’t remember laughing when he was pushing JJ, but the expression on his face told him he’d done just that.

Jensen studied the photo for a bit longer before moving to the wall of photos at the bottom of the stairs. There was no doubt in his mind that this was where the photo belonged. It was a perfect moment that had been captured by what Jensen was quickly coming to consider the perfect woman. His eyes scanned the wall, trying to find the right place to put it. His eyes fell on an old photo of Jared and Gen holding Tom and JJ at a Halloween party from years ago and smiled. He’d been too sick with the stomach flu to take JJ trick-or-treating that year, so the Padalecki’s had taken her instead.

He loved that photo. It reminded him just how much love and support both he and JJ had from their friends and family, a family that felt like it was growing.

Jensen took the photo with Jared and Gen down and replaced it with the one Y/N had taken. He took a step back and studied the wall. Perfect. He looked down at the old photo in his hand. For now, he could just sit it on the hall table. There would be plenty of time to put it in a photo album later.

The sound of JJ giggling as he moved towards the kitchen drew his attention. The sight that greeted him made his heart so full he was afraid it was going to burst. He could feel his throat beginning to close as he watched them.

JJ stood on the stool beside Y/N in her little play apron, hands sticky with dough and flour on her nose. Y/N stood beside her in one of the aprons he kept around for emergencies, carefully taking JJ’s hands in hers, guiding her through the process of forming each ball of dough before placing it carefully on the baking sheet. They were both smiling from ear to ear, talking quietly about how many cookies they were going to need before Y/N spotted him loitering in the doorway out of the corner of her eye. She turned her attention from JJ to him and sent him a radiant smile. If he wasn’t sure about it before, he was now. She belonged here, and he was going to do everything in his power to make sure she knew it.

“How’s it going?” he forced out past the lump in his throat as he made his way over to them.

He kissed Y/N sweetly on the lips before turning his attention to his daughter, running his hand across the top of her little blonde head.

“We’re making cookies, Daddy.”

JJ turned towards him, sticky hands outstretched towards his face, and Jensen ducked away.

“Woah,” he chuckled. “Hold on there. Let’s get you cleaned up before you start grabbing people okay?”

JJ nodded her head before stepping down off of her stool so she could slide it over towards the sink while Y/N went to put the cookies in the oven.

* * *

Jensen let out a sigh of relief. Putting JJ to bed had been much harder than normal. The combination of Y/N’s visit and the excitement of her upcoming birthday had her so wired that he thought she was never going to go to sleep. When he’d gone upstairs to read her a story and tuck her in, he’d told Y/N he’d be back in just a little bit. That was a good half hour ago. He just hoped she wouldn’t be too upset that he kept her waiting.

Jensen was about halfway down the stairs when he spotted her standing in front of his wall of photos near the landing. A feeling of apprehension ran through him when he noticed the way her arms were crossed protectively against her chest as she studied the images. He knew some of the photos he kept had made her uneasy the last time she was there. With any luck, they wouldn’t do so this time.

“Hey,” he said, making her jump slightly before he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest.

“Hey,” Y/N whispered back. “She asleep?”

“Yeah. Sorry it took so long. She’s not usually like that.”

Y/N nodded and assured him that she didn’t mind, but there was something in the way she said it that made him second guess her answer. He watched her for a moment as her eyes flittered from one picture to the next. He tried to read her mind, but he couldn’t quite make out what she was thinking. A ghost of a smile danced across her face, and Jensen followed her gaze to the photo he’d taken of her at the duck pond.

“Nice picture,” she teased.

He dropped a kiss on her exposed shoulder and held her a little bit tighter.

“Thanks.”

He was glad she liked the picture. Most photographers he’d met were severely uncomfortable in front of the camera, a few even got down right mean when you tried to get them in a picture. The thought that he might be able to get one of the two of them, or better yet, one with all three of them together made him smile.

They stood there in silence for a bit longer, just looking at the photos and holding one another until Jensen felt Y/N tense ever so slightly. He followed the path her eyes had taken to a photo of himself and Danneel smiling into the camera he had been holding over their heads as if they didn’t have a care in the world. When Y/N pulled away, he felt his heart begin to race.

This was it. This was the moment her doubts regarding what he still felt for Danneel became too much, and she told him she couldn’t do it anymore. This was when she was going to walk away before either of them became too attached. Problem was, Jensen was pretty sure that he already was. He couldn’t imagine his life without her in it anymore, and he didn’t want to.

“Tell me about her,” Y/N said. Jensen went from panicked to befuddles, and he frowned at her. “Your wife,” she continued, “Danneel. Tell me about her.”

The look on his face was one of pure shock.

“Are you sure?” he asked hesitantly, convinced that there was no way she would want to spend the remainder of their evening talking about his dead wife, not after how uneasy the thought of the topic had made her before.

Y/N nodded. “I’m sure.”

Jensen took a step back and tried to gather his thoughts. Where did he even begin? Danneel was not something he liked talking about with anybody. The thought of doing so with the woman he was currently seeing was daunting to say the least. This was not a conversation he was excited about having.

Running a hand down his face, Jensen let out a long slow breath before looking Y/N in the eye.

“Why don’t you go have a seat on the couch,” he told her, gesturing towards the living room, “and I’ll open us a bottle of wine.”

“Okay.”

Y/N’s voice was small, but Jensen was still able to hear her. He drew his mouth into a tight, mirthless grin and nodded to her before turning and heading towards the kitchen to retrieve a bottle of wine from the small collection he kept in the pantry. Jensen retrieve a couple of glasses and reached for the corkscrew before stopping short. He rested his palms on the counter and closed his eyes, his head ducking towards his chest.

How was he going to do this? He knew he’d have to tell Y/N about Danneel some day, but he hadn’t thought it would be so soon. In truth, part of him hoped it would never happen. He hoped that they would just fall in step one day without ever needing to address the elephant in the room, but he knew that he was being unrealistic. He’d seen the way she reacted to the photos he kept everywhere when she came to his house for the.first time. He’d seen the way she’d pulled back while putting up walls to protect herself and nearly shut him out for fear of being hurt by him. Jensen couldn’t even blame her. He hadn’t always presented as the most confident participant in their relationship. Now he had to try and tell the woman he was growing to love all about the woman he thought would be his forever.

Jensen rose to his full height and reached for the corkscrew once more. He quickly opened the bottle and started to pour the red liquid into one of the glasses before stopping. He sat everything back down on the counter and sighed.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath.

How was he going to do this? What was he going to say? Danneel had been his wife. She was the mother of his child, and there was no way anyone would ever be able to replace her. Her loss was something he was always going to feel. Nothing would change that, but that didn’t mean he would care about Y/N any less. She’d brought him to life again. She’d made him believe in a future that he’d thought was lost to him, but how did he make her believe that?

He ran a hand down his face and told himself that it was going to be okay.

“You’ve got this, Jensen.”

Deciding this conversation was going to require a bit more than a single glass of wine, Jensen snatched up the bottle and both glasses before marching into the living room.

Y/N was sitting quietly on the couch when he came around the corner, her eyes studying her hands where they resting in her lap. She must have heard his footfalls, because her eyes suddenly shot up to his, stopping him in his tracks. She looked just as terrified of this conversation as he was, and in some small way, that soothed him.

“I, uh,” Jensen began, holding the bottle and two empty glasses up for her inspection, “I thought we might want more than just one glass.”

Y/N nodded and shifted so that she would be facing him fully when he sat down beside her on the couch. Jensen quickly poured them both a glass and handed one to her. She thanked him before taking a sip.

“It’s good,” she said.

“Glad you like it.” Jensen threw an arm over the back of the couch and took a large gulp of his wine before asking her, “So what do you want to know?”

He watched her study the contents of her wine glass. She was looking into it like it held the secrets of the universe. Tension started to build between them, and Jensen was starting to wonder if this was a good idea. Just when he thought he wouldn’t be able to take it anymore, Y/N looked up at him.

“Tell me everything,” she said.

“Everything?”

She looked down again. “No.” There was another pause. “I know some of the basics. Gen told me when I asked her about you.”

A sly little smile smile spread across her face, and she looked up at Jensen through her lashes in embarrassment. Jensen quirked an eyebrow at her.

“You asked her about me?” he asked in a cocky manner.

She pushed his shoulder playfully, causing them both to laugh and effectively breaking the tension between them.

“You know I talk to her about everything,” she said. “Just like I know you tell everything to Jared.”

Jensen nodded. She had him there. He took another drink from his glass.

“So what did she tell you?” he asked, dropping his arm from the back of the couch to hold one of her hands in his own.

“Just the basics. That the two of you were married, and that she died suddenly. That you have the most adorable daughter in the world, but I knew that one already.” Jensen ran his thumb over her knuckles. “She told me you loved her, and that losing her nearly broke you.” Jensen felt his throat tighten. This was the part he wasn’t sure he was quite ready for. “Is that true?”

He didn’t know how to answer her. He hung his head, holding her hand a little bit tighter and simply nodded. He saw her raising her glass to her lips out of the corner of his eye before she set both her glass and his aside before covering the hand that held hers with her other.

“What do you miss most about her?”

Jensen’s apple green eyes shot to her’s in surprise. He couldn’t really decipher what he saw on her face when he looked at her. Maybe it was apprehension, but he could see that there was a bit of curiosity there too. He could tell that she genuinely wanted to know. Not just to satisfy her own needs, but to help him as well.

“I don’t know,” Jensen said. “There’s a thousand little things.” He ran a hand down the lower half of his face and let out a mirthless chuckle when he felt the overgrowth of stubble there. “She used to love it when I grew a beard.” He reached out and took ahold of Y/N’s other hand without looking up at her. “She used to shave it for me when hiatus was over,” he told her. “She’d sit me down on the toilet in our bathroom the night before I left and shaved it off with a straight razor. I haven’t really let it grow much since.”

There was a tension in the room again after that. Jensen never looked up. He just ran his thumb back and forth across Y/N’s knuckles as he lost himself in thought.

“That’s a great memory,” she told him.

Jensen looked up to see Y/N smiling gently at him with tears in her eyes. She reached up to swipe a piece of hair that had fallen out of place from his forehead in a simple gesture of comfort that made Jensen’s heart ache for her. How could a woman this incredible be real? He knew she was insecure about the feeling he still had for Danneel, but here she was, putting her own unease aside to comfort him.

He leaned into her touch, kissing her palm before taking a hold of her hand.

“It is,” he agreed.

“Tell me another one.”

“You sure?”

Y/N hesitated for a moment before nodding.

He smiled. “She never missed a chance to call me on mybullshit,” he offered.

“Well, you can be pretty full of it sometimes,” Y/N retorted.

They shared an uneasy laugh before falling into silence.

Y/N bit her bottom lip and hesitated before she spoke. “D-do you still miss her?”

Jensen took a slow calming breath. This was it. This was the moment he’d been waiting for.

“Yes,” he answered truthfully, praying that she would hear the rest of what he had to say. “But not as much as I used to. You see, I met this woman,” Y/N’s eyes moved up to meet his, “and she’s amazing. She makes me smile, and I’m happier than I ever thought I could be because of her.”

Jensen reached out to run his thumb along her cheek, and Y/N shut her eyes as she leaned into his touch.

“She sounds pretty wonderful.”

Jensen nodded and leaned a bit closer. “She is.” He cupped his hand around the back of her head and pulled her in for a slow sweet kiss.

It was unhurried. It didn’t press for more. There was no need to. It was everything they needed and more. Jensen poured every ounce of feeling he had for her into the kiss. He wanted it to push every doubt and insecurity she’d ever had from her mind. He wanted her to know how much he cherished her.

Jensen didn’t pull away until the need for air forced him to, and when he did, he watched as a simple dreamy expression washed over Y/N’s face. He placed one last peck on her lips before pulling away completely.

“Well,” Y/N said, her eyes still closed, “if you kiss her anything like that, then I’m pretty sure she’s the lucky one.”

He smiled, chuckling softly as he watched her eyes open. They were shining and bright, like the stars in the sky that had come down to join them for a while.

“No,” he said, his heart giving a flutter. “I’m the lucky one. She puts up with me and all the baggage I come with when she doesn’t have to. She loves my daughter like she was her own, and she doesn’t have to do that either.”

“Something tells me she doesn’t mind too much.”

“Is that so?”

Y/N nodded and slid closer to Jensen on the couch. She attached her lips to his, holding his face in her hands and moaning softly when his tongue slipped past her lips to dance with her own. A small mewling sound escaped her, and Jensen reached up to tangle his fingers in her long y/h/c hair to keep her close.

Her kiss was like a drug. It was everything he could want and more. It left him breathless and dizzy by the time he pulled away, but he only moved back far enough to catch his breath, still reaching out and tasting her lips every so often, like he can’t get enough of her.

When Jensen opened his eyes, he found her gazing at him with the most open, honest, downright vulnerable expression he’d ever seen. In that moment, Jensen knew he was holding her heart in his hands, but what she didn’t know, what he couldn’t seem to tell her, was that she was holding his as well. He tried to make his lips form the words. God knows he tried, but they wouldn’t come out. It was just three little words, three simple little words that he knew would change everything.

“I…” he started, but the words got caught in his throat. His lower lip trembled.

He saw the breath catch in Y/N’s throat. She swallowed. Her eyes darted all over his face in wonder. He tried again to utter the phrase he so desperately wanted to tell her, but the words died on his lips when she leaned forward and kissed him once more.

The air around them suddenly changed, growing thick with tension. Jensen’s body reacted almost instantly. He could feel a bolt of electricity shooting through him, starting at where their lips joined before moving all the way down to his quickly growing erection. Jensen pulled her closer, running a hand along her side until he was able to hook his hand behind her thigh and pull it over his legs until she was straddling him. She rolled her pelvis against him, drawing a long, low moan from his throat.

She rolled against him again, and Jensen was forced to pull away for a breath. They were both panting, hands roaming aimlessly over clothed skin. Y/N let out a shuddering breath when Jensen’s hand slid underneath the hem of her shirt to span across her low back. He felt a tremor move through her, and moved his other hand around to join its partner. His thumb grazed across her ribcage just below the band of her bra. She sucked in a breath of air so suddenly, her body jerking at the contact, that he wasn’t entirely sure he hadn’t hurt. Then he accidentally did it again when she moved to settle back over him, and she let out the most erotic sound he’d ever heard as her head rolled back in pleasure.

“Fuck,” she uttered, bringing her head forward to capture his lips in a searing kiss.

Her hands slid down over his chest, pulling at his shirt, every bit as desperate to touch his heated skin as he was to keep feeling hers.

“I didn’t know you’d react like that,” Jensen uttered when she pulled away to rid him of his shirt.

“Neither did I.”

Y/N tossed his shirt aside. They grinned at each other for a moment before joining in another heated kiss. Y/N rolled her hips, and it was Jensen’s turn to curse. He yanked her shirt up and over her head, his eyes feasting on the newly exposed flesh. She was without a doubt the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen. The simple cotton bra she wore framed her breasts perfectly, lifting them up in invitation to him. His right hand slide from around her back to cup one of them. He loved feeling the weight of it in his palm, the soft globe jiggling slightly with her movements. Jensen squeezed the mound and felt her arch into his touch.

He told himself that he needed to stop before things went too far. They were quickly approaching a point of no return, and he didn’t know how much more he would be able to take without being unable to stop.

“Do,” he stopped and swallowed in an attempt to regain control of himself, “Do you…”

He didn’t even finish the question before she’s nodding emphatically.

“Yes,” she mewed. Her hands moved to his back, gripping at his shoulders as she brought her lips close to his ear. “Yes please.”

Jensen moved his hands to her waist to still her movement and slowly pushed her away from him. He saw a look of hurt and confusion on her face and leaned forward to plant a reassuring kiss to her lips.

“Bedroom,” he uttered. “I don’t want JJ to see us.”

She nodded in agreement before rising to her feet, grabbing her discarded shirt along the way. Jensen quickly reached for his own before taking her hand and leading her towards the stairs. He stopped at the base of them and pulled her arm until she crashed against his chest. Y/N giggled as he kissed her before hurrying up the stairs with her it tow. He paused at JJ’s cracked doorway and looked in to make sure she was still sleeping before continuing down the hall towards his room, gently pulling Y/N inside before turning to close and lock his bedroom door.

When Jensen turned around, the sight before him sent him reeling. Y/N had already pushed her shorts down her rounded hips and was kicking them to the side. She was so fucking beautiful that it almost hurt to look at her. His cock jumped at the sight, making him all to aware of how confining his jeans were at that moment.

She watched him with hungry eyes as he crossed the room in three quick strides, pulling her body flush against his and kissing her with every ounce of passion he possessed. She arched up into him, rising onto her toes for better access. Jensen groaned when she racking her blunted nails across the short hairs at the nape of his neck. He reached for the clasp of her bra, popping it open with one hand. Y/N pulled back to smile up at him.

“Impressive,” she teased.

Jensen just lifted an eyebrow and smirked before leaning back down to kiss her while he lowered the straps and tossed the brasserie aside. He pulled back and looked down at her briefly before ducking to capture one of her dusky nipples between his lips. She let out a high pitched keening noise, her hands sliding down his chest and abdomen to start working the button of his jeans open.

“Shh,” he said, pulling back and pushing a piece of hair away from her face. “We don’t want JJ to hear.”

She nodded, smiling up at him as she lowered the zipper on his pants. Her hand grazed across the bulge in his boxers, and he let out a wanton moan so loud that he had to bite his lower lip to stop the sound.

“Shh,” Y/N mocked. “We don’t want to wake JJ.”

The smirk quickly left her face when Jensen turned, scooping her up into his arms and tossing her onto the bed.

He kicked his jeans off the rest of the way and stood their for a moment, just looking at her. He studied the way her hair fanned out around her like a halo, her chest rising and falling with each breath. She was fucking perfect. He wanted to taste every inch of her, lose himself in her until the rest of the world faded away.

He knelt down, placing one knee on the bed and started kissing his way up her body. He paused to suckle one of her pert nipples, rolling the other between his fingers. He gave a hard pull, and Y/N arched up off of the bed, her mouth falling open in a silent moan of delight. She pulled at his hair gently to let him know where she wanted him, and Jensen released her nipple with a loud pop before trailing kissing up her body until he reached her eager lips.

The first touch of her skin against his was heaven. They sighed into each other’s mouths, their bodies molding together perfectly. Jensen felt like his body was on fire everywhere she touched. Her fingers left a trail of fire down his back. His hips shot forward when he felt her squeeze his ass in her small hand, bringing his clothed erection into direct contact with her panty covered center.

“God,” she moaned before rolling her hips against him. “That feels good.”

That was the understatement of the century. All Jensen could do in response was moan. They both gave wordless cries of pleasure when he ground against her again.

“Fuck,” tumbled from Jensen’s lips.

This was too much. It felt too good. There was no way he was going to be able to last at this pace. He wanted to worship her, to make her come completely undone beneath him before burying his cock deep inside of her and fucking her until they both came with a shout, but he didn’t think he’d be able to hold out that long. Every fiber of his being was crying out, begging to be buried balls deep inside of her. It was like his entire universe had been reduced down to the feeling of her skin sliding against his own.

He moved a hand down her side, making sure to graze the spot along her ribs he’d discovered just minutes earlier before slipping between their bodies to cup her sex.

“Jesus,” he said. “You’re so wet.”

Her panties were already soaked through with the evidence of her arousal. Jensen rubbed at her mound gently, coaxing the most beautiful, delicate moan from her that he’d ever heard. He pushed her underwear aside and stroked her drenched folds with his fingers before pushing one inside of her to massage her inner walls.

“Jensen,” she begged as she ground down against his hand. “Please.”

He crooked his fingers inside her and she had to bite down on his shoulder to keep from moaning loud enough to wake the dead.

“I-I want you inside me,” she pleaded once she’d regained the ability to speak.

Jensen grazed his teeth along the pulse point in her neck, and she gasped. He trailed kisses up to her ear and whispered, “I need to get you ready first. I don’t want to…ugh.”

His brain short circuited when he felt her hand slip past the waistband of his boxers and begin to stroke him. She squeezed his hard shaft ever so slightly and ran her hand up and down his length until he bucked into her hand unconsciously.

“Babe,” he moaned, pulling back to look her in the eye, “if you keep doing that I’m not going to be able to hold out much longer.”

She craned her neck to whisper in his ear. “That’s the idea.” She ran her tongue along the shell of his ear, and he shivered. “I want you,” she whispered.

He looked back and forth between her eyes and felt his heart skip a beat at the look of adoration she was giving him. There was nothing he could have denied her in that moment. She could have asked for the moon and he would have given it to her in a heartbeat.

“Then you’ve got me,” he said.

She sucked in a sharp breath at his admission, but he doubted she knew just how far that statement went. She had him heart, body, and soul… forever.

Y/N whimpered when Jensen pulled his fingers out of her aching cunt and moved to stand, a cocky smile on his face at the thought that he’d caused that sound. Hooking his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers, Jensen pulled the last article of clothing he had on down his slender hips and away from his body.

There was a moment when her eyes first started to take him in that he nearly felt self conscious. His looks had never been something that really concerned him before. Jensen knew he was a good looking man. His body wasn’t perfect by any means, but he was comfortable in it. Even so, the moment he dropped trow and looked up into Y/N’s face, he felt a momentary wave of panic. He hadn’t been this bare in front of someone in years. For a moment, he worried that the sight of him may make her change her mind, but that all disappeared when she let out a small breathy moan, pulling her lower lip between her teeth and wriggling out of her own underwear.

They stood their studying each other for a moment, enjoying the deliciously sinful flesh laid out before them. Jensen reached for the top drawer of the bedside table. He reached side and found nothing. He let out a curse and slammed the drawer closed.

“What’s wrong?” Y/N asked.

A slight blush crept onto Jensen’s cheeks. “I don’t have any condoms,” he said, sheepishly rubbing at the back of his neck. “I didn’t exactly plan on this happening tonight.” His eyes shot to her’s. “Not that I don’t want it to,” he babbled. “God I want it to. It’s just…”

“It’s okay,” Y/N assured him.

She sat up and slid towards the edge of the bed where she started running her hands up his muscular thighs and across to his soft abdomen before settling on his strong chest. “I’m on the pill.”

“You sure?” he asked after a moment’s hesitation.

Y/N nodded, taking the base of his stiff cock in her hand and placing a wet, open-mouthed kiss to the tip, causing him to twitch against her palm.

“I’m sure.”

Jensen took hold of her hair and pulled her mouth away from his member before she could envelope him completely.

“As much as I would love that sweetheart, I don’t think I’ll last very long if you do that.”

Y/N just smiled up at him. Jensen moved the hand in her hair to her face and leaned down to capture her mouth in a steamy kiss. He guided her back onto the bed, and she spread her legs willingly for him, her thighs cradling him like they were made for it.

Jensen sucks in a harsh breath when he spread out on top of her, his arms supporting the majority of his weight, and felt his cock drag through her slick. Taking the base of his cock in hand, Jensen looked down to watch as he moved the head up and down her slit once, twice, three times before slowly pushing  inside of her. He groaned at the contact, and Y/N grabbed his shoulders so hard that he knew he’d have little half moon shape marks embedded in them the next morning.

“Oh god,” Y/n moaned as he pushed farther inside of her.

Jensen looked from where their bodies were joined to her face. Her eyes were clamped shut against the sensation, and Jensen worried that he had gone to fast. He started to pull out until one of Y/N’s hands flew from his shoulder to his ass and tried to pull him deeper inside of her.

“Don’t stop,” she pleaded. “It feels so good. Just… just go slow.”

“Okay.”

Jensen kissed her face, her neck, her shoulder, any piece of skin he could reach as he started gently pumping his hips, sliding a bit deeper inside of her with each thrust.

Uagh,” he groaned once he was fully seated inside of her.

She was so tight and hot around him that for a moment he thought he’d died and gone to Heaven. He looked into her eyes and saw that she felt the same. It was perfect. They were perfect. Jensen couldn’t remember ever feeling so right in his life as he did in that moment.

Y/N ran her fingers through his hair, drawing him into a slow sensual kiss as he started to move.

Jensen pumped into her in slow steady strokes that set his blood on fire. Her walls squeezed around him like they were trying to keep him inside of her each time he pulled back and welcomed him like an old friend each time he pushed back inside of her. His eyes never left her face. Her y/e/c eyes bore into his green ones as he moved at a leisurely pace. The moment was so intimate, so perfect that it nearly brought him to tears. They were sharing the same breath, clinging to one another like a lighthouse in the storm. The only sound in the room was their strangled moans as Jensen pumped into her.

The moment quickly became too much, and Jensen had to look away before it overwhelmed him and he lost all control. He buried his head in the crook of her neck and started moving faster, building his pace until they were both driving rapidly towards completion. Jensen adjusted his angle, and Y/N cried out in pleasure.

“Oh god! J-Jensen. I… I’m gonna cum.”

Jensen couldn’t answer. He was barely holding on to his self control as it was. He was afraid that if he said anything he would be gone. So he stayed silent, screwing his eyes shut and willed his body to hold off just a moment longer.

“U-u-aaah!”

Her walls began to flutter around his cock, squeezing him until Jensen couldn’t hold back any more. His body began to shudder, and a long low moan escaped his lips as he emptied himself inside of her.

“Danneel,” he moaned softly against her ear.

He pumped into her a few more times, so lost in his own euphoria that he didn’t realize she’d gone still beneath him. He laid on top of her for a moment as he worked to regain his breath. Eventually, Jensen lifted his head, slowly pulling out of her and placing a tired kiss to her lips. A kiss that she didn’t return. That was the moment when he felt the rigidity of her body and pulled back to look at her face.

“Babe?” he asked as he pushed himself up a bit with his arms to get a better look at her.

Her face was stone, but he could see the barely contained tears forming in her eyes. Jensen’s heart constricted with the fear that he had been to rough, that he had hurt her in some way. He cursed himself for not taking the time to open her up properly before entering her and tried to come up with a way to make it better.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

Y/N turned her face away and pushed at his chest with her hands until he rolled away enough for her to move out from underneath him. She started to quickly gather her clothes, dressing herself in silence while Jensen watched.

He could practically feel the tension rolling off of her, her neck and shoulders so stiff that he see the corded muscles ache.

“Y/N? Baby, what’s wrong?”

He reached a hand out towards her, but she shied away from his touch. She refused to look at him as she pulled her pants back up her shapely legs. Jensen felt his panic level rise higher and higher with each passing second. His mind was a whirlwind of possibilities. He just wished she would talk to him. If she would just look at him, just say something, then perhaps he could fix it.

“I can’t do this, Jensen,” she said without ever turning around.

Her words were like a dagger to his heart and left him reeling. He couldn’t understand how they had gone from sharing the most perfect moment imaginable to her wanting to run away from him so quickly.

“I can’t be her,” she said, catching Jensen off guard.

“W-what?” he asked in confusion.

Y/N turned to face him then, tears quietly running down her face. “I thought there was something real between us, but I guess I was wrong.” She whipped a tear from her eye and bent to pick up her shirt. “I don’t want to be with somebody that is only with me because they can’t have who they really want.”

Jensen only grew more confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“Her name, Jensen,” Y/N spat. “You called her name.”

Jensen’s brows knit together as he racked his brain for some kind of understanding. He replayed the last several minutes over again in his mind in search of what she meant. Then it hit him, and he felt a cold shiver run down his spin. His eyes went wide.

“Oh god,” he breathed. He looked towards Y/N and saw that she was already nearly dressed and heading for the door. “No.” He scrambled from the bed and took hold of her arm. “Y/N, wait. Please, just listen to me. I’m sorry. I didn’t…”

“You know, Jensen,” she said, turning to face him. “I saw all of the changes and thought…” Her voice broke, and Jensen could feel the vice around his heart twist even tighter. Y/N shook her head, wiping a tear from her face before carrying on. “It doesn’t matter. I love you, Jensen. I just can’t be who you want me to be. I’m sorry.”

Everything around him stopped. She loved him. Y/N had just told him that she loved him. The corner of his mouth twitched into the barest hint of a smile. He suddenly felt lighter. The panic of a moment before melted away to complete and utter joy. Her admission so stunned him that it took Jensen a moment to realize that she had pulled out of his grasp, and the panic returned.

“Y/N wait!” Jensen quickly threw on the jeans he had discarded near the door and started chasing after her. She was already heading down the stairs to the first floor by the time he reached the hall. “Y/N, let me explain. It’s not what you think. I..”

But she didn’t listen. She never even turned to look back at him before she headed out the front door, letting it close behind her. Jensen ripped it open and shouted after her.

“Y/N!”

He was just about to run out into the night after her when the sound of a small voice behind him stopped him in his tracks.

“Daddy?” Jensen paused, door opened wide and turned to see JJ standing on the steps, rubbing her tired eyes and frowning at him. “Why are you yelling?”

Jensen’s eyes traveled from his daughter’s tired eyes to the retreating form of Y/N’s car. Silently cursing his own stupidity, he shut and locked the front door before taking his daughter back up to her room and putting her back to bed.

He called Y/N the moment JJ fell asleep again. No answer. He hung up and dialed again with much the same result. In a last desperate attempt to get her to listen, he called one last time. She must have turned her phone off, because it went straight to voicemail. With a sigh, Jensen left her a message begging her to call him, to just hear him out before she shut him out of her life for good.

He stayed on the line until he heard her voicemail beep, signaling the end of his message. Jensen hung up and stared down at the phone in his hand, trying to figure out how his life had become so messed up.

He was a fool. His first real shot at happiness in years, and he’d thrown it away with both hands.

“What the hell?” he asked the now empty room.

Why had he done it? Why had he said her name? He struggled to find an answer, something he could tell Y/N that would make it all right. He could’ve said anything else in moment, and it would have been fine. But no. He’d called Danneel’s name instead of hers, confirming every fear and insecurity she’d ever had.

He grabbed one of the pillows beside him and threw it across the room with all the force he could muster. It hit the wall with a thud before landing on the floor. He wanted to scream, to cry, to curse the powers that be for putting him in this situation. He’d had a chance to have everything he’d ever wanted, but all he had now was an empty room and a broken heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos.


	11. Chapter 11

Jensen ran his had back and forth across his forehead, trying to ease the tension in his temples. He’d barely slept the night before, and the fourth cup of coffee he was on wasn’t doing him any favors.

He’d spent the night tossing and turning while he replayed his fight with Y/N over and over again in his mind. He’d thought of a thousand things he could have done differently, keeping his damn mouth shut being chief among them.

Jensen reached for his phone and tried to call her again.

Ring. Silence. Ring ring. Silence. Ring.

_Hi. This is…_

Jensen disconnected the call when it went to her voicemail yet again. He leaned his head against the fist currently clutching his phone and screwed his eyes shut. Every time she ignored his call, it made him hate himself a little bit more. He felt like the biggest asshole on the planet. She’d been nothing but good to him from the minute they first met, and he’d hurt her.  He hoped that she would call him back soon. The sooner he got to talk to her, the sooner they could mend the damage he had done. 

“Daddy, I can’t find my shoes!”

He looks from the phone in his hands to JJ standing in his doorway. She’s already dressed in her little gymnastics outfit with her hair pulled back, ready to go.

Jensen ran a hand down his face. “Okay, Jaybird. Let’s go find your shoes.”

It only took him a few minutes to find her shoes, but when he went to help her put them on, she insisted on doing it herself. So he went downstairs to finish packing up the cookies she and Y/N had made the night before. Y/N…

He could still see her standing in the kitchen with JJ, his apron covering her clothes, while the two of them whispered together and laughed while making cookies. It had seemed so natural. So normal, like they had done it a thousand times, but now she wasn’t returning his calls. He wasn’t even sure she was listening to his voicemails.

Jensen racked his brain in an attempt to figure out why he had called Danneel’s name instead of her’s. He’d come up with a variety of things. Habit for one. Their earlier conversation bringing thoughts and feelings long since buried for another.

The list went on and on. For a moment, he even found himself doubting his feelings for Y/N. He had glancing thoughts that nearly made him believe that he’d only stayed with her so long because she was friends with Jared and Gen, but the thought was quickly pushed aside. What he felt for her was real. The connection he shared with her was real. It was the most significant connection he’d made to anyone in years.

Opening his eyes, he looked out the window and tried again to come up with some idea as to why he had called Dannel’s name. Several thoughts and theories came to him, but none of them seemed to fit. Nothing he could think of nailed down the reason he’d made such a horrendous mistake. That scared him more than anything. He knew Danneel would always be a part of him, but this was not something he ever expected to happen.

What if he got Y/N back and it happened again?  It would undoubtedly sever whatever remained of the feelings she had for him. She’d turn and walk out his door without even thinking about  looking back at him. JJ would be crushed. He was no fool. He saw the way JJ was with her. She looked at her the way his younger sister, Mackenzie, had always looked at their mother. He let out a mirthless chuckle.

‘God,’ he mentally chided himself, ‘you really screwed up this time Ackles.’

He leaned against the counter, hanging his head in his hands while he tried to sort through the jumbled mess in his mind.

“I’m ready, Daddy.”

He shoots up from his position on the counter and turns to look over his shoulder to see JJ was waiting.

“Alright baby,” he said as he grabbed the box of cookies and started heading for the door. “Let’s go.”

He was soon driving down the highway, focusing on the early morning rush hour and humming quietly along with the radio.

“Daddy?” JJ asked from her car seat.

Jensen cast her a quick glance in the rearview mirror. “Yeah baby?”

“Why were you and Y/N yelling?”

If he hadn’t needed to focus on driving, he probably would have shut his eyes and counted slowly to gather himself. There was no way he could really tell his nearly 4 year old daughter that they were fighting because he moaned the wrong name during sex. The sex conversation was something he was hoping to avoid until she was at least 30.

“Sometimes grownups yell when they’re mad,” he offered.

“But you told me not to yell. You said it was bad.”

The little pout he saw on her face when he looked back in he mirror made him smile.

“You’re right, Jaybird. I did.”

“Then why did you do it?”

He sighed. “Daddy messed up sweetie. He said something he shouldn’t have that really hurt Y/N’s feelings.”

“Did you say sorry?” JJ asked. “When I make Tom and Shep mad I say sorry, and they always forgive me.”

Jensen smiled at her childish innocence. She was so precious. She hadn’t been tainted by years of living yet, and it was a good thing. Sometimes she reminded him that things didn’t always have to be complicated. They could be just as simple as saying a few words, and the world would suddenly be better. Sadly, life had taught him that wasn’t always the case.

“I tried,” he told her honestly. “It’s just not always that easy baby.”

He switched lanes and started making his way towards the exit. The car grew quiet for the moment. JJ’s Disney playlist floated softly from the speakers, distracting him for a moment until he heard JJ gasp from the back seat. Jensen looked back in worry to see a startled expression on her face.

“Is she still going to come to my party?” she asked

Great. Now his mistakes were upsetting JJ as well.

Jensen shrugged and shook his head softly. “I don’t know baby. We didn’t talk about it.”

“But she promised…”

“I know baby. And I’m sure she wants to be there. She loves you.”

“But she pinky promised,” JJ whined, clearly disappointed by the thought of Y/N missing her birthday.

“I know baby. I just don’t have an answer. I’m sure she’ll be there if she can.”

The little girl nodded and went back to looking out the window for a few more minutes.

“You should send her flowers,” JJ offered from the back seat.

“Oh yeah?” He cast her another quick glance and saw her nodding. “And why is that?”

“Because girls love flowers!” she exclaimed. “She’ll let you say sorry if you give her pretty flowers.”

He laughed quietly. He was preparing to tell her that it’s not always that simple, but an idea hit him. Maybe JJ was right. Maybe all Y/N needed was some sort of gesture to show he cared. It would in no way make up for hurting her like he did, but maybe it would at least open the door so that he could prove that all he wanted was her.

“You’re right baby. I’ll pick some up and have them delivered later. How does that sound?”

She clapped in excitement and made Jensen promise that he would make everything alright between them so she would come to her birthday. He gave her a half smile and told her he’d do what he could, all the while silently praying that it would be enough.

* * *

The script pages full of notations in front of him might as well have been written in Chinese for the amount of progress he was making. He couldn’t focus on anything. All he could think about was Y/N and what she was doing at that moment.

He’d sent her flowers at JJ’s suggestion. The mixed dozen of white tulips and yellow roses with red tips had been delivered to her studio nearly an hour ago. He’d called the florist and had been assured that a driver had left shortly after he did. The delivery had been signed for and accepted upon arriving at her studio.

Jensen’s eyes darted over to his phone. He knew what he would find, but some small part of him still hoped that he would see the blinking light of a text message or missed call waiting for him. There was nothing. He reached for the phone anyway and dialed the now all too familiar number from memory and waited.

_Hi. This is Y/N…_

Jensen ended the call without leaving a message. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. This was ridiculous. She had to talk to him sometime. That was it. He couldn’t take it anymore. He had to see her. Grabbing his keys he started to head for the SUV,  but he stopped before he could even reach the door. He couldn’t just leave. JJ was taking a nap upstairs, besides he no idea where he could find her.

Going to her studio most likely wouldn’t do any good. While she may have been there an hour ago, she wouldn’t be there now. He chanced a glance at his watch. She’d be on location by now. He cursed himself for never finding out where she was going. Even if he did know, there was no guarantee she’d speak to him if he showed up.

He tossed his keys onto the worn leather couch in his office and gave a low level growl before trying to focus on his work. Another half hour passed with no word from Y/N, and Jensen felt like he was losing his mind. Every second that went by without talking to her was another second that he felt his hope begin to slip away. He’d hoped that the night away from him and a morning to gather her thoughts would have been enough that she would at least have been able to speak to him, but apparently it wasn’t enough.

His leg started bouncing up and down as his anxiety grew. Shoving away from his desk, Jensen paced around his office, trying to calm his racing mind before deciding it call for reinforcements.

“Hello?”

“Gen,” Jensen practically shouted into the phone, “have you seen Y/N?”

“You could say that.”

The venom in her voice threw Jensen for a loop. She’d never spoken to him like that before. Not even when he’d pissed her off, and he wasn’t exactly sure what to make of it.

“Gen, is everything alright?” he asked.

“No. It’s not alright. What the hell were you thinking, Jensen? Calling out for Danneel? Really?”

He closed his eyes tight against her harsh rebuke. “So you have talked to Y/N?”

“Talked to her? Jensen, she spent the night in our guestroom crying her eyes out because apparently she isn’t enough for you.”

Jensen felt an overwhelming sense of dread overtake him.

“Wait what?”

Y/N was one of the strongest women he had ever met. She looked adversity in the face and smiled. She’d packed up her entire life to pursue a dream that most people would have given up on long ago. She was magnificent. The thought that he’d reduced one of the most marvelous people on Earth to tears made his stomach churn.

“She showed up on our doorstep last night crying,” Gen told him.

He listened to Gen talk about the state Y/N had been when she’d arrived and how she’d spent half the night sitting up with her. He covered his face with his free hand in shame.

‘Oh God,’ he thought. ‘No wonder she wasn’t answering any of my calls.’

If what Gen was telling him was the truth, his blunder had wrecked her far more than he had ever realized. He had seen the beginnings of tears in her eyes when she left his room. He had just never imagined it had gone so far.

“Why Jensen? Why did you do that?”

“I don’t know,” he blurted. “It just came out.”

He could hear Gen’s groan on the other end of the line.

“That’s not going to be good enough Jay.”

“Don’t you think that I know that?” His came out much harsher than he had intended. He ran a hand down his face and slowly collected himself. “I just…” Tears started to burn the backs of his eyes. His breath caught in his throat, and he couldn't’ seem to get the words out.

Gen’s voice was much softer than before when she asked Jensen what happened.

“I don’t know,” he breathed.

He told her about the photos and about the conversation they’d had. He’d told her how terrified he had been to go there with her, knowing how hesitant the topic made her feel in the past.

“Things just kind of evolved from there,” he said. “I wasn’t even thinking I just…” He let his voice trail off into silence.

“Do you love her?” Gen asked pointedly.

“What?”

“Y/N? Do you love her?”

“Yeah,” he said without a moment’s hesitation.. “I do.”

“Then give her time,” Gen told him. “She loves you Jay, and hearing that last night hurt a hell of a lot more than I think you know.”

Jensen knew she couldn’t see him, but he found himself nodding in response anyway.

“Then what am I supposed to do?” he asked, voice thick with emotion.

“Just give her time, Jay.”

“How much time?”

“I don’t know.”

His heart fell at her answer. One of the tears that had been threatening throughout their conversation escaped from the corner of his eye and ran unchecked down his face.

“It’ll be okay, Jay,” she told him. “I promise. Y/N’s a lot more understanding than you might think. She just wasn’t expecting this. Give her some time to clear her head, and she’ll come to you when she’s ready okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.” He cleared his throat. “Thanks Gen.”

“You’re welcome. Bye, Jensen.”

“Bye.”

He stood their staring down at the phone in his hand. He felt like such an ass. He’d know that Y/N was upset when she left his house, but he could have never imagined that she would have been in such a state that she would have gone to them instead of going home. In his mind’s eye, he could see her lying on the bed in the Padalecki’s spare room crying while Gen held her and tried to reassure her that it would all be okay. He hated himself for doing that to her. He wouldn’t blame her if she never spoke to him again. Hell, he probably deserved it. He just hoped that he was wrong.

“Daddy!” he heard JJ call from her room.

He sniffed and ran a hand down is face to compose himself before heading up to JJ’s room to get her up from her nap. He’d just finished getting her settled with an afternoon snack when there was a knock on his door.

The first thing he thought of when he heard the sound was Y/N. His heart swelled. She’d come back. He told JJ to stay put and used every ounce of willpower he had not to sprint towards the front door. Ripping it open, his face fell slightly when he saw his best friend standing on the doorstep instead of his love.

“Bad time?” Jared asked when he saw the way Jensen reacted.

“No. Not at all,” Jensen said with a shake of his head. “Come in.”

He stepped aside to let Jared through, but instead of coming inside, the giant of a man scooped him up into an enormous hug. Jensen clung to him for a moment, letting him anchor him while he allowed himself a moment of pure weakness. For that instant, he didn’t have to try and keep it together for JJ’s sake. He didn’t have to be calm and level headed so that he could talk to Y/N. He just allowed himself to feel wave after wave of emotion crashing over him before patting Jared’s shoulder and pulling back slightly.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he told him.

Jared gave him a sad little smile before nodding in understanding.

“Yeah,” he said. “Gen said you sounded kind of rough on the phone. So I thought maybe you could use a friend too.”

Jensen nodded his agreement and led Jared through the main entry way. JJ ran over to give her Uncle Jared a hug as soon as she saw him.

“Daddy, can I watch ‘Punzel?”

“Sure thing kiddo.”

He got her settled before joining Jared on the couch. All of the air left him when he threw himself back against the cushions. The rollercoaster of emotion he’d been on in less than 24 hours had left him drained. He had a feeling that Jared was going to want him to talk, but he knew his friend wouldn’t pry. He would just sit there quietly showing his support until Jensen decided he was ready.

“I don’t know how to make this right,” he said lowly so that JJ wouldn’t hear him.

“Do you want to?” Jared asked.

Jensen’s head shot up off of the back of the couch. How could he ask him that? Wasn’t it obvious?

Something in his face must have show Jared how much the question upset him, because he quickly threw up his hands in surrender.

“Hey, I’d be a pretty shitty friend if I didn’t at least ask. I mean, this kind of thing happens to everyone at some point, but not like this. I just want to make sure you’re not trying to force something you’re not ready for.”

“I am ready, Jared,” he said without a hint of uncertainty in his voice. “I wouldn’t have done anything if I wasn’t. That’s why I hadn’t been with anybody yet. You know that. It would have felt like I was betraying Dee but now…” His words trailed off, leaning forward to rest his arms on his thighs.

“Now you’re not sure where anything stands?” Jared offered.

Jensen nodded.

“Jay, man listen to me.” Jensen turned his head slightly to look at Jared. “You’ve been to Hell and back when it comes to relationships, and there’s a lot of baggage that comes with that. I know that. Y/N does to. She’s not going to hold that against you.” Jensen started to interrupt, but Jared just held up a hand to stop him before continuing on. “Last night was probably the worst possible time for something like that to happen. It struck a chord with Y/N because she wasn’t expecting it, but she understands. Believe me she does. Once she’s had a minute to catch her breath, she’ll come to you. I promise.”

Jensen looked back down at his clasped hands. He wanted to believe Jared. God knows that he did, but something in the back of his mind just wouldn’t let him.

“She loves you,” he heard Jared say beside him, “a lot. Just give her time. It’ll all work out. You’ll see.”

Jensen sat in silence, nodding his head ever so slightly as a tear rolled down his cheek. He wanted to go lay down, to lock himself away in a dark room until enough time had passed for her to come around.

A small blonde bundle threw herself into his arms, effectively breaking him out of his revelry.

“Don’t cry, Daddy,” JJ cooed as she held his neck tight. “It’ll be okay. I still love you.”

Jensen held his daughter tight. “I love you too, baby. So much.”

Pulling himself back together, he let go of JJ and gave her the brightest smile he could muster.

“All better now?” she asked him.

He nodded. “Yeah. All better now.”

JJ beamed up at him before planting a kiss on his cheek hopping off of his lap before going back to her cushion on the floor to continue her movie. He spoke quietly with Jared for a while longer before walking his friend to the door, promising he’d see him at the party tomorrow.

The rest of the day was mostly uneventful. More than once during dinner, Jensen caught JJ looking at him with a concerned scowl on her face. He would just give her a little smile to try and reassure her that everything was okay. She’d look back down and kept eating, but he knew she wasn’t really buying it. It was moments like that that made him curse the fact that he had such a smart kid. Even as a baby, she’d always been able to pick up on when something wasn’t right. He just hoped that things would resolve themselves soon, just as much for her sake as for his.

He could see how attached to Y/N JJ had become. He wondered if perhaps he had moved too fast. Maybe having them hang out so soon was a bad idea. Maybe he should have waited until he and Y/N were farther along in their relationship before saying anything. JJ still would have seen her when she was staying with Gen, but maybe the attachment wouldn’t have been the same.

Deep down, he knew it probably wouldn’t have mattered. JJ would have still formed a bond with her regardless. She was around too much as just one of his friends for her not to. Jensen had thought Y/N was attached to her too. He just hopped that attachment would be enough to keep her from breaking his daughter’s heart.

“Daddy?” JJ asked as he tucked her into bed later that night. “Is Y/N gonna be at my party tomorrow?”

“I don’t know sweetheart,” he answered truthfully.

His heart gave a painful tug when he saw her face fall.

“She promised,” JJ muttered quietly.

Jensen brushed a piece of hair out of her face.

“I know baby.” He smiled weakly and continued to run his finger through her hair soothingly. “I know. Just don’t be mad at her if she doesn’t come okay? Daddy said some things that might make it hard for her to be around for a little while, but I promise that she still loves you no matter what. Okay?”

He didn’t know what else to say. He could promise her that Y/N would be there regardless of what was going on between them, but he didn’t want to lie to her. She was already upset enough. If he made a promise to her, knowing that he couldn’t keep it, it would break her heart even more if Y/N didn’t show. He was still holding out hope that she would be there for JJ if nothing else. Part of him hoped that they’d be able to talk if she came, but he knew it was a long shoot.

JJ just nodded and held her stuffed moose a little tighter before rolling onto her side and slowly drifting off to sleep.

Once Jensen was sure that she was sleeping, he tiptoed down the hall to his own room and retrieved the phone from his pocket. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he dialed the number and raised the phone to his ear. The now all too familiar sound of Y/N’s voicemail greeted him, but unlike before, he didn’t hang up.

“Hey, Y/N. It’s me. I don’t know if you are just ignoring my calls or what. That’s fine. It’s just,” he sighed, “JJ’s party is tomorrow, and she really wants you to be there. So, could you please just come for her sake? You don’t even have to look at me if you don’t want to. Just be there for JJ okay? Please? Anyway, I hope we’ll see you tomorrow.”

Ending the call, Jensen took a seat on the edge of the bed, tossing the phone aside and ran his fingers through his hair. Tomorrow was going to be difficult no matter what happened. If Y/N came, there was sure to be some tension between them. If she didn’t come, JJ would be heartbroken. No matter what he did, chances were that someone was going to be disappointed.

He wondered if perhaps he was putting too much pressure on Y/N. She was under no obligation to try and make his child happy. They’d never even really talked about what her role in JJ’s life would be. They’d only ever discussed letting JJ know they were a couple, all of the ins and outs of what that would mean never came up. Expecting her to put everything aside for JJ was selfish, but he wanted his daughter to be happy. She wanted Y/N there so badly, and he wanted that for her. He just wanted to see JJ smile. He wanted to see them both smile. He just didn’t know if he was going to be able to make that happen anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos.


	12. Chapter 12

he sound of kids laughing and splashing away in the pool while the adults looked on filled the air. There were a couple dozen people milling around Jensen’s backyard for the party. Jensen’s parents had even driven down for the occasion. There were several kids from JJ’s school and gymnastics classes there. They were all smiling and playing, but Jensen couldn’t help but notice the way his daughter’s head stayed on a swivel the entire time. It was like she was looking for something. No someone, and he had a sinking suspicion that he knew exactly who it was.

“She’s still looking for her,” he said casually to Jared as the two men stood by the grill fixing hotdogs and burgers for everyone in attendance.

Jared nodded. “Yeah. Have you talked to her at all? The party’s been going for a hour. She’s not usually this late.”

Jensen shook his head and looked out over the yard, chewing at his lower lip. The lack of response from her worried him. She was upset. He knew that. She had every right to be. He just couldn’t believe that she would purposely miss this if there wasn’t something forcing her away.

“I left her a voicemail last night,” he said. “She never called back.”

“Maybe she just hasn’t had the chance,” offered Jared.

Jensen gave him a weak smile.

“Yeah, maybe.”

He could see what his friend was doing, and he appreciated it. He just didn’t think there was much point in optimism anymore. Y/N would have been there by now if she was coming.

“I just wish she was here for JJ,” Jensen said, his heart breaking at the memory of their conversation the night before. “You should’ve heard her last night, man. She kept asking if Y/N was going to be here. Then this morning she went on and on about how she wanted all of her friends to meet her. It just…” He ran a hand down his face. “How am I supposed to make this better if she doesn’t show?”

Jensen’s wished he knew what to do to. Every minute that went by was another minute he had to watch his daughter slowly become sadder and sadder. _This isn’t what her birthday is supposed to be like_. He wanted her to be happy. He always did, but especially today.

“You can’t,” Jared said flatly.

Jensen nodded before slowly turned his head in his friends direction. He could see that Jared was just as unhappy with the situation as he was. Jensen reached for the can of soda he’d put on the table beside the grill. He sniffed, regaining control of his emotions, and took a drink.

“Look,” Jared placed a hand on his shoulder, “I get where you’re coming from. Really, I do, but you’re going to have to give Y/N some time. She just..”

Jensen cut him off. “How much time Jar?”

Jared flinched at the harshness in Jensen’s tone. Jensen quickly apologized for the outburst. His friend didn’t deserve to bear the brunt of his frustration.

“How am I supposed to fix it if she won’t even talk to me?” he asked. “How am I supposed to tell my little girl that it’s my fault Y/N isn’t here?” Jared looked at him pityingly. “Tell me, how am I supposed to do that?”

There was a slight break in Jensen’s voice. The thing that hurt him the most in all of this was knowing that he was to blame. The saddened look on JJ’s face wasn’t Y/N’s fault. It was his. He was the reason she wasn’t there. He knew he could deal with her hating him in time if he had too, but he didn’t know if he could handle being the reason she hurt his little girl.

Jared squeezed his shoulder before shaking him slightly, bring him out of his head and into the moment.

“It’ll be okay,” he assured him. “I promise.”

There was moisture in Jensen’s eyes. It wasn’t enough to form tears, but it was enough to let anyone who looked at him know exactly what he was feeling in that moment. He looked away, licking his lips before drawing the lower one between his teeth. He looked down at his feet and nodded.

He didn’t know what else to do. He thought about how upset JJ had been the night before when he’d been forced to tell her that he didn’t know if Y/N was going to be at her party or not. He could only imagine the devastation she would feel later on when he had to comfort her after Y/N didn’t show at all.

The sound of his daughter’s high pitched squeal made him jump to attention. His eyes quickly scanned the yard for her. He spotted her running across the lawn just as fast as her little legs could carry her. Jensen worried that she was hurt for a moment, but then he noticed the smile on her face. It was bigger and brighter than any he’d seen all day.

His eyes followed the path she was taking, and his heart skipped a beat at the sight of Y/N coming through the side gate on the opposite end of the yard, sporting a smile just as wide and as radiant as JJ’s. He watched her kneel down and scoop the little girl up into her arms, kissing her cheek and twirling her around in a circle.

The corner of his mouth ticked up into a little smile for half a second or so before turning into a wistful expression. They looked perfect. Anyone watching would have thought they’d been separated for much longer than a day.

Jensen didn’t react at first. Then the reality of the situation hit him with full force. He released a shuddering breath and fought to keep it together. He wanted to run up to Y/N and pull her into his arms and beg her to listen. He wanted to take her face in his hands and kiss her until neither of them could remember why they were quarreling in the first place. He wanted her beside him, but instead, he stayed rooted to his spot next to Jared, silently watching everything.

“You came!” JJ yelled, her arms still around Y/N’s neck.

Y/N smiled at her. “Of course I did.” She held a pinky up in front of her face. “I promised didn’t I?”

JJ nodded and hooked her finger with Y/N’s before giving the woman another hug and scampering out of her arms. She reached for Y/N’s hand the moment her feet hit the ground and started dragging her across the yard.

“Look Daddy! She came! She came!”

Jensen chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I can see that, Jaybird.” He looked to Y/N and had to clear his throat before speaking again. “Glad you could make it.”

“Sorry I’m so late,” she said, an apologetic smile on her face. “We ended up having to finish the photoshoot today, and it took a lot longer than expected.

“That’s alright. I’m just glad you’re here.”

Jensen had to hold onto his biceps to keep himself from reaching out for her when she tensed at the sound of his voice. Every cell in his body was screaming at him touch her, to make sure she was real, but he couldn’t risk it. Not yet.

“Me too.”

Her voice was little more than a whisper. It sounded hollow. Scared even. Jensen frowned. For a moment, they just stood their staring at each other. Neither moved. Jensen wasn’t even sure if either of them breathed.

He studied her. She looked tired. Even through her makeup, he could see the dark circles under her eyes and the slight puffiness in her face. Her eyeballs had just the smallest hint of red to them as if she’d been crying. His brows knit with concern.

The corner of her mouth twitched every so often like she was trying to hid a smile, but what struck him most was the way she was fidgeting under his gaze. She kept shifting her weight from foot to foot, her eyes darting around the yard like a dear searching for a predator in the woods. What little air was left in his lungs left Jensen completely when her eyes met his again. Pain. All he could see in her beautiful y/e/c eyes was pain.

“Jensen,” a woman’s voice said behind him, “aren’t you going to introduce us?”

“Uh, yeah,” he said, snapping out of his daze. “Sorry.” He turned to find his mom and dad coming up behind him. “Mom, Dad, this is Y/N.” He gestured to her. “Y/N, this is my mom, Donna, and my dad, Alan.”

She gave them each a polite nod, her hands still resting on JJ’s shoulders.. “It’s a pleasure to meet you both.”

“Oh don’t be so formal,” Donna said, stepping forward to embrace her. “We’ve heard so much about you.”

JJ let go of Y/N’s wrists and stepped aside to make room for her grandmother. Y/N’s eyes went wide. She looked over at Jensen in a panic, but he just shrugged his shoulders. He hadn’t told them anything.

“JJ hasn’t stopped talking about you since we got here,” Alan offered.

Both Jensen and Y/N relaxed a little at the comment. He was about to offer her a drink when he felt JJ tugging at the leg of his shorts.

“Daddy?”

He looked down at her and smiled. “What baby?”

“Can we have cake now?” she asked.

The adults all laughed.

“Sure sweetheart. We just need to eat some lunch first, okay? It’s almost ready.”

“Okay.” She took Y/N’s hand and started dragging her to the table. “Come on, Y/N! You can sit with me.”

Jensen watched his daughter prattle on about her party and the _My Little Pony_ cake they’d ordered for her with a heavy heart. Anybody watching them that didn’t know any better would think that they were related. Y/N never looked away from JJ when she spoke. She kept her eyes on JJ’s face and listened carefully to everything the little girl had to say.

Jensen smiled and let out a long slow breath before turning back to the grill. Maybe there was still some hope after all.

* * *

Watching Y/N take pictures of the kids playing seemed to be Jensen’s main source of entertainment for the afternoon. He could barely take his eyes off of her. It was almost like she’d gotten even more beautiful in the last 48 hours, if that was even possible.

She stood and started to turn her head in his direction. He quickly looked away in an attempt to make it look like he was focusing on JJ bouncing a ball with some of the other children. He could tell from the small tingling sensation running across his skin that she was watching him and slide his eyes back in her direction. Y/n quickly looked away as soon as their eyes met.

A weak smile formed on his face at the knowledge that she had been just as intent to watch him as he was her. Perhaps she was missing him just as badly. _Maybe Jared and Gen were right?_ Sitting down his glass of lemonade, he started making his way across the lawn towards her.

She’d already turned her attention back to the party and was snapping away for all she was worth. He stopped a few feet from her and turned his body so that he was facing the same direction she was. He knew she was aware of his presence. He’d seen her body tense when he’d gotten close, but he didn’t say anything. Neither of them did.

The tension in Jensen’s body grew. He could feel every muscle in his body getting tighter and tighter as the moments ticked on. He wanted to say something, to take her hand and lead her away so that they he could explain things to her, but he didn’t know what to say. _How do you convince someone you love them when all you seem to do is hurt them?_

“I got the flowers,” she told him, breaking the silence. “They were beautiful. Thank you.”

Jensen let out a little sigh. _Thank God she’s talking now_.

“You’re welcome.” He chanced a glance at her out of the corner of his eye to see her looking down at her camera while she absentmindedly fiddled with the settings. “I was hoping you’d call me.”

Equal parts hurt and longing could be heard in his voice.

“I wasn’t ready to talk to you yet,” she said with an almost imperceptible shake of her head.

“Are you ready now?” he asked apprehensively.

Y/N looked up from her camera. Jensen could see the struggle playing out through her eyes. He watched her go from sadness, to anger, to something that almost looked like longing. As much as he hated to see her so conflicted, it gave him hope. The fact that she was struggling meant she wanted this just as badly as he did. When she sighed and looked away without answering, he began to panic. He couldn’t let her pull away. Not now. Not when she was standing so close to him.

“Please,” he pleaded. He placed a hand on her wrist, forcing her to look up at him. “I made a mistake. I didn’t even realize what happened until…”

She cut him off. “I know Jensen.” She looked back down at her camera as she spoke. “I know you didn’t mean it. At least not really, and I’m not mad at you.” The corner of Jensen’s mouth pulled up into a half smile, but it quickly faded as she continued. “I just… I don’t want to be competing with her Jensen.” She looked up at him with watery eyes before quickly looking back down. “I know she was your wife, and you’ll always love her. That’s fine. I expected that. It’s just…” She turned her head to look out across the lake that ran along the back side of his property. “I just don’t want to wonder if you’re thinking of her when you’re with me.”

His heart wrenched. The fact that she saw herself as a substitute in his life hurt him more than her walking away ever had. She meant so much more to him then that. He just had to make her see it.

“I’m not,” Jensen forced out through the lump her speech had formed in his throat. When she still wouldn’t  look at him, he placed a hand along her jaw and slowly turned her head until she was looking him dead in the eye.

He could see the pain and fear resting there, and he wanted nothing more than to wipe those feelings from her mind forever.

“I want you,” he whispered fervently.

Her lip trembled as a tear rolled down her cheek. Jensen quickly wiped it away with his thumb before she took a step back to create space between them.

“I can’t do this right now,” she said, shaking her head gently from side to side.

Jensen’s heart shattered. No. She can’t do this. He started to take a step towards her, but she held up a hand to stop him.

“The only reason I came today was because of JJ. I promised her I’d be here, and I never break a promise if I can help it.” They stood in silence for a few moments before she continued. “I listened to your messages. All of them.” Her shoulders rose and fell with her next breath. She looked back up at him in such a way that gave him a sliver of hope that they were finally going to talk.

“Then,” he ran a hand down his face, “can we talk?” He could see her walls go back up and quickly added, “Not right now. Later? After the party’s over? Please, just… just give me a chance to explain. I really want this.” He gestured back and forth between them “Us. Please?”

She watched him in silence for a minute before nodding.

“Okay,” she said. “Once everyone’s gone we’ll talk.”

Relief flooded Jensen’s body. Thank God. He gave her a tiny, closed lipped smile.

“Okay.”

She returned his smile, and Jensen felt some of the weight lift from him for the first time since she’d walked out of his house a few days ago. There was hope, real, honest to goodness hope that he could salvage whatever was left between them.

“Daddy!”

Jensen turned at the sound of his daughter’s call to see JJ running up to them with her big blue bouncy ball in hand.

“What baby?”

“Can we open presents now?”

He chuckled warmly and smoothed the hair on top of her head. “Sure thing sweetheart. I’ll get Uncle Jared, and we’ll round everyone up okay?”

JJ bounced excitedly on her toes.

“I’ll be right back,” Y/N told them. “I just have to go get your gift out of my car.”

“Can I go with you?” JJ asked.

Y/N exchanged a quick look with Jensen. He shrugged to let her know it was her choice.

“Okay,” she said, holding her hand out to JJ. “Let’s go.”

JJ tucked the large ball under her arm and reached up to take Y/N’s hand. Y/N looked to Jensen and told him they would be right back before leading the little girl towards the side gate.

A small feeling of relief filled him. He took a deep breath and let it out quickly. Okay. Let’s do this. Jensen knew that just talking wasn’t going to fix everything. It would take a lot more than just words to get them back to where they were. He was going to have to show her.

He already had a few ideas about what he wanted to do, but first, he was going to have to make it through the rest of the party and convince her that he was deserving of the chance.

Focusing on the moment, he quickly started looking around for his best friend and spotted him sitting on a lounge chair near the pool with his wife. Jensen asked to borrow him for a second, and the two started working to carry all of the gifts from the table inside out to the picnic tables they’d eaten at earlier while Gen gathered the party goers.

“You look like you’re feeling better,” Jared observed as he helped Jensen carry the last of the presents over to one of the tables.

“Yeah,” Jensen said, a wide smile on his handsome face. “I am.”

“So I take it that little conversation I saw the two of you having earlier went well?”

Jensen nodded. “We’re gonna talk after the party’s over,” he told him, unable to keep the smile off of his face. “Let’s just hope I can convince her I’m worth a second chance.”

Jared threw an arm around Jensen’s shoulders, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“I’m sure you can.”

Jensen gave him a little nod in return before patting him on the chest and stepping away. Knowing that his friend believed in him meant a lot. He knew he was going to be fighting an uphill battle, but it was one he knew was well worth it.

Jensen started looking around as the last guest took their seat. He wondered what was keeping Y/N and JJ so long. He looked out across the yard, thinking he had missed them, just as the sound of squealing tires reached his ears.

“JJ!”

Y/N’s bloodcurdling scream halted his heart before letting it drop completely from his chest when he heard the sickening sound impact coming from the front of the house.


	13. Chapter 13

Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. Jensen barely even registered the startled expressions on the faces around him. All he noticed was the way his heart slammed inside his chest, forcing every last ounce of air from his lungs.

“JJ,” he breathed, his brain racing to catch up with what he had just heard. “JJ!”

He sprinted as hard as he could for the front of the house, but it wasn’t fast enough. He felt like he was running through quicksand. Each step forced him deeper and deeper into the muck, slowing him down until he felt like he wasn’t moving at all. The only sound he could hear over the pounding of his heart was the sound of his daughter screaming.

Jensen burst through the side gate, his leg muscles aching from exertion. His eyes darted in every which direction until they settled on the small girl sitting on the opposite side of the street.

“JJ!”

She turned her teary eyes towards him, her wails reaching a fevered pitch, and reached her arms up for him as he drew near. He scooped her up in his arms and held her small shaking form tight against his chest.

“It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you,” he said just as much for his own benefit as for hers.

He closed his eyes and held her close to his chest, inhaling her scent before kissing the side of her head. He let out a long shuddering breath in relief that she was alright. He’d felt his whole world shatter when he’d heard Y/N scream JJ’s name. Now that he knew his world was safe, he could breath again. _Y/N!_

Jensen’s eyes flew open. He started looking everywhere for Y/N. She wouldn’t abandon JJ for the world. He knew that. A deep pool of dread formed in the pit of his stomach. His eyes started darting left and right across the lawn, looking for her. His eyes landed on a shiny pink bike wrapped in ribbon laying in the driveway, Y/N’s gift, but there was no sign of Y/N. He started to move towards the house until the black SUV sitting at the curb caught his eye. There was a large dent in the front of the vehicle, and the windshield was spider-webbed from what he could only assume was a heavy impact. JJ shifted in Jensen’s arms, her screams growing even louder. He noticed her reaching for something and followed the direction of her outstretched arms to the back of the vehicle. A pair of legs lying in the street were just visible beyond the rear bumper.

Jensen felt all of the strength seep out of his bones. His knees wobbled, and for a moment, he thought they may give out beneath him entirely. He turned back towards the house just in time to see Jared telling Gen to keep the kids in the back yard. Jensen saw his mother and father push past his best friend and come to a dead stop on the front lawn when they saw what was going on.

“Mom,” he called as he raced towards them.

He tried to keep JJ turned so that she couldn’t see any more of what he knew was Y/N’s body, but the damage had already been done. She’d seen it all.

Donna lowered the hand that had stifled her gasp. Jensen shoved JJ into her arms and barked at her. “Get her inside. Go. Call 9-1-1!”

Jensen turned and dashed towards the rear of the car. A young blonde girl, no more than 16, stumbled into his path.

“Ohmygod. I’msosorry,” she rambled.

Her legs wobbled to the point of barely holding her up. She tried to hold onto Jensen for support, begging and pleading for his forgiveness.

“I don’t know what happened,” she said. “They just jumped in front of the car.”

He paid her no heed. Brushing her aside, he continued to move toward the rear end of the vehicle. All he cared about in that moment was getting to Y/N.

A gasping breath pulled at his lungs when she came into view. She wasn’t moving. One of her legs was twisted at an unnatural angle, and judging by the pool of blood forming beneath her, she didn’t have much time.

“Oh God,” Jensen began to panic.

He fell to his knees beside her and tried to pull her into his arms. He knelt there in the middle of the street, hands darting along her body, desperate to find some way to help her. It looked like the blood was coming from everywhere. From her head. Her leg. Her side. He didn’t know what to do. He felt helpless.Tears stung at the back of his eyes before cascading down his cheeks while he did the only thing he could. Jensen scooped her into his arms and began gently rocking her back and forth.

“It’s okay,” he choked between barely contained sobs. “You’re gonna be fine. Help’s on the way. You’re gonna be okay.” He tilted his head back and roared. “Where’s the fucking ambulance?”

He pushed her blood soaked hair away from her face. Jensen shuddered. The rosy color in her cheeks had drained away to a deathly pale, leaving her looking more like a corpse than the vibrant woman he had spoken to just minutes before. His fingers wiped some of the blood from her face, leaving an angry read smear behind.

“Y/N?” he choked, cradling her face with his hand. “Come on sweetheart. Open your eyes.”

Her skin felt cold against his palm. Jensen’s breathing became more ragged. He placed a hand on her chest and tried to see if she was breathing, but his frazzled nerves made it impossible for him to tell if the rise and fall he felt was from her breathing or from the tremor in his hands. The sickening metallic scent of blood filled his nostrils, making his stomach roll like the evening tide on Lake Austin. Jensen took her delicate hand in his and leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“Y/N,” he forced out, “can you hear me?” She didn’t respond. “You’re gonna be okay baby. Helps coming. They’ll be here soon. You’re gonna be fine. I promise.”

Another tear rolled down his cheek and splashed onto her face. She didn’t move. Her muscles didn’t even twitch at the sensation. Jensen’s soul groaned, and he caved in on himself under the weight of his grief. He held her close, tears rolling down his face. He didn’t hear the sirens as the ambulance approached. It didn’t even register that anyone else was beside him until one of the EMTs put a hand on his shoulder.

“Sir,” he said, “you’re gonna have to step aside.”

Jensen didn’t move away. He just simply looked up at the man like he was speaking a different language. _Move?_ He couldn’t understand why they would want him to do that.

“Sir, step aside.”

Jensen understood the words, but their meaning didn’t register in his mind. He couldn’t understand why someone would want him to leave her when she was like this. He couldn’t leave. He had to stay and help her.

The EMT took him by the shoulder and forcibly pushed him aside. Jensen panicked. He started to surge forward, desperate to get back to her, but he never reached his destination. Two pairs of hands took him by the arms and pulled him away from the scene. Confused, he looked to either side and found Jared and his father there, each taking hold of him by one of his arms to keep him upright and away from the men that were frantically working to save Y/N’s life.

Jensen felt lost. He didn’t know what to do. Logically, he knew that he needed to stay away so that the experts could help her, but another part of him was screaming for him to stay by her side. He struggled weakly against the hold he was under. He needed to do something. He just didn’t know what. All he knew was that he couldn’t stand there and watch her die.

“Alright we’ve got to roll her over,” the EMT said, placing a back board next to Y/N’s body. “On my mark.”

He counted to three. The two paramedics moved in tandem to slowly roll her onto the back board. In this new position, Jensen was able to see the damage to her body more clearly. Tears blurred his vision. He tried to go to her, but the press of his father’s hand against his chest stopped his movement.

“It’s alright, son,” Alan told him. “She’s going to be just fine.”

Jensen looked at his father like he was seeing him for the first time. Alan gave him a quick nod before turning his attention back to the paramedics. Jensen followed his gaze to see them carefully lifting Y/N onto a stretcher. He wanted him to be right. He needed him to be right. Every hope and dream he had begun to build for the future was slowly dying in front of him, and he didn’t know how to stop it.

“We gotta move,” said the EMT. “The faster we get her to the hospital, the better off she’ll be.”

The three men watched as Y/N was loaded into the back of the ambulance. The first door closed, and Jensen took a step forward.

“Woah, sir.” Jensen was once again stopped by the feeling of a hand placed on his chest. “You can’t ride back there,” the paramedic told him.

Jensen tried to step forward again. “I’m going with her.”

“I’m sorry. There’s no room. We’re taking her to the Seton Medical Center. You can meet us there.”

Jensen didn’t move. His just kept his eyes trained on what little of Y/N he could still see through the open door. He was too terrified to look away. A little voice in the back of his mind kept telling him that if he looked away, he wouldn’t see her again.The only way he would know she was alright was if he could see her with his own two eyes. If they shut those doors without him sitting beside her, he was afraid that he would never see her again.

“Thank you,” Jared said before turning to Jensen. “Come on. We can follow them. I’ll drive. Just get in the car.”

“Don’t you think we should get JJ checked out too?” Alan asked.

The sound of his daughter’s name got the first real reaction out of Jensen since he had laid eyes on Y/N’s lifeless body.

“Oh God, JJ.”

The weight of everything came crashing down on him ten fold.

“She saw it,” he panted. “She saw everything.” He turned to his father. “Dad, I…”

Alan took Jensen by the shoulders and forced him to look him in the eye.

“Jensen,” he said, “you need to breath son.”

Nodding roughly, Jensen closed his eyes and took a few slow ragged breaths to collect himself. He focused on quieting the noise inside his head and focused on what he needed to do. He opened his eyes and rubbed at his face with both hands before running them through his hair..

“We need to get to the hospital,” he said. “I’ll, uh, I’ll go get JJ.”

He started to walk away, but Alan grabbed his arm.

“You may want to change your clothes before you see her,” he suggested. “Seeing you like this isn’t going to help her any.”

Jensen looked down to see dark red stains seeping into everything he had on. He wiped his hands absentmindedly on his already ruined shit to clean the blood off of them, but it was no use. He could feel the panic starting to well up in him again. He started wiping frantically at the dark splotches on his clothes, desperate for them to go away. Jared’s hand closing around his wrist stopped him.

“Jay.”

Jensen swallowed the lump in his throat and looked up at his friend.

“Go get changed,” Jared told him. “Gen can go on ahead. The rest of us can meet her there alright?”

Jensen nodded silently before turning to go into the house with Jared trailing behind in search of Gen.

Jensen walked up the stairs and into his room without saying a word. He went to his bathroom sink and started scrubbing the dried blood from his hands. He scrubbed until the skin turned pink and there was no trace of evidence left behind. He tossed the bloody clothes in the corner and went to retrieve a fresh set from his chest of drawers.

Moving back down stairs, he strode into the living room to see his mother sitting on the couch, gently rocking JJ in her arms.

“We’re going to the hospital,” he said, bringing his mother’s attention to him in the doorway. “Dad suggested getting JJ checked too.”

Donna nodded gravely. “That’s a good idea. Why don’t you go on ahead. Your father and I can follow once everyone leaves?”

Jensen nodded in agreement, not trusting himself to speak without breaking down. He turned his attention to his still trembling daughter. She slowly turned her red, puffy eyes to him. As soon as she saw him, she started pushing away from her grandmother and running into his arms. Jensen held her tight, kissing the side of her head.

“It’s okay,” he whispered.

He scooped her into his arms and rose to his feet. The sound of someone coming through the back door drew his attention, and Jared appeared from the kitchen a moment later.

“Gen’s already on her way to the hospital,” he said. “I told her we’d follow behind. Mom,” he turned his attention to Donna, “I hate to ask, but can we leave the boys here with you?”

“Of course. The hospital’s no place for them anyway. You two go on ahead.”

Jared nodded his thanks before turning to Jensen. “You ready?” he asked.

Jensen nodded and quickly thanked his mother before following his friend out to the waiting car. Jared had grabbed Jensen’s keys and pulled the sedan out to the curb already. Jensen opened the back door and started to lower JJ down into the car seat, but she refused to let go of him. Her little fingers dug into his shirt, clinging to him even harder as she started to cry anew.

Jensen took one look at his daughter’s terrified face and knew he couldn’t let her go just yet. Picking her back up, he quickly made his way around to the other side of the car where he could climb into the back with her. He held her against his chest as they pulled away from the curb and started making their way through the neighborhood streets. She made little whimpering sounds here and there. Jensen ran his fingers through her hair and kiss her head to try and comfort her. He was trying to be strong for his daughter’s sake, but all he could think about was Y/N fighting for her life and how close he came to losing the little girl in his arms. He couldn’t imagine his life without either of them anymore. The thought of losing JJ alone… the pain he would have felt if it had been JJ lying behind that car was unimaginable. Just the thought of it made his throat close and his eyes well with tears. He pressed her closer to his chest and closed his eyes to will the mental image away, but it was replaced with the image of Y/N’s bloody body lying in his arms. He opened his eyes and sucked in a slow breath.

He didn’t say anything. He just looked straight ahead, past everything that was in front of him to the scene he’d just left. In his mind, he watched Y/N’s body go up and over the SUV and shuddered. He pictured her bloody broken body crashing onto the street like a sack of meat and had to bite down on his lip to keep from screaming.

“Jay?” Jared asked from the front seat when he noticed the look on his friends face in the rear-view mirror. “You still with me back there?”

Jensen let his lip go from between his teeth and gave a nearly imperceptible nod.

“She’s gonna be okay man. I promise. She’s strong.”

Jensen tried to smile in appreciation at his friend’s words, but he wasn’t sure if his expression ever showed anything but a pained grimace. He knew Jared was right. Y/N was one of the toughest people he’d ever met. If anyone could make it out of this, it would be her. Even so, that didn’t stop a single solitary tear from rolling down his face as he gazed out of the window at the emergency room sign appearing in the distance.

* * *

The pale blue walls of the private waiting room were meant to be soothing, but they did little to help calm Jensen’s nerves. He sat in a hard, darkly upholstered chair with JJ in his lap. He’d barely moved from the spot since he sat down.

He’d gotten JJ checked out immediately upon entering the hospital. The doctor struggled with examination when she refused to let go of Jensen so he could look at her. Jensen had been forced to pry her fingers from his neck and hold her facing away from him in his lap, whispering gentle calming words in her ear while she screamed. Despite the difficulty, the doctor had given her a clean bill of health. She had a couple bumps and bruises, but it was nothing that wouldn’t heal on it’s own in time.

Jensen pulled her closer and placed a kiss on the top of her head when his mind once again drifted to how close he had come to losing her. He tried to tell himself it was because he wanted to comfort her after all she had seen, but he knew that she was probably just as much of a comfort to him as he was to her. She was like an anchor for him. She always had been. She gave him something to focus on other than his own pain so that he could keep moving forward.

Jared’s quite constant presence beside him was a major source of comfort as well. It had been nearly two hours since they had arrived, and all they had been told was that she was still in surgery. It was what the hospital had told Gen when she had arrived. Every time any of them had tried to get an update, all they were told was that she was still in surgery.

JJ whimpered and buried her face in her father’s neck. Jensen looked to Jared for some kind of help. Seeing his daughter like this was killing him. She was always so happy. So full of life. Having her barely speaking and clinging to him like there was no tomorrow scared him.

Jared gave him a tight lipped smile before placing a hand on his shoulder.

“She’s gonna be alright.”

Jensen wasn’t sure who he was talking about at the moment, his daughter or Y/N, but he needed to hear the words regardless of who they were intended for. The combination of his worry for JJ and his fear for Y/N’s life had him feeling like a rag doll that was stretched so far that it was ripping apart at the seems.

Time marched on, and Jensen found himself staring straight ahead at the wall in front of him. The only change was that JJ had fallen into a fitful sleep in his arms. It was everything he could do to hold it together. Every minute that ticked by without word on Y/N’s condition felt like an eternity. He didn’t know if he could keep sitting around like this without losing his mind. The occasional feeling of Jared’s reassuring hand on his shoulder was the only thing that kept him in his seat.

Gen was resting her head on Jared’s shoulder, looking off into the distance in much the same way Jensen had been. All three of them shot to attention when the door to the private waiting room opened. Jensen sagged in disappointment when he saw his father standing in the doorway. Jared and Gen rose to their feet and enveloped him in a warm hug of greeting.

“Any word yet?” asked Alan.

Jared shook his head. “Not yet.”

“How are the boys?” Gen countered.

“They’re fine,” Alan answered. “A bit confused, but Donna is keeping them distracted for the time being.” He nodded towards JJ. “How is she?”

“She’s sleeping,” Jensen offered from his chair. “She hasn’t really said much.”

Alan moved to stand in front of his son.

“And how are you holding up?” he asked.

Jensen let out a shuddering breath, a tear falling down his face.

“I don’t know.”

It was the truth. He was trying his best to be strong. He knew that he needed to be, but he could feel the walls he’d built beginning to crumble. The total lack of information about Y/N was scaring him. Surly they would have sent word by now if everything was okay. The longer they waited, the more terrifying the scenarios playing out in his mind became. _What if she died on the operating table and they just hadn’t told them yet? What if she was paralyzed for the rest of her life? What if…._ The list went on forever.  
Gen must have sensed his impending meltdown, because she darted across the room and pulled him into the strongest hug she could manage without waking the sleeping child in his arms.

“She’ll be okay.”

Everyone kept saying that, but Jensen wasn’t sure he believed it. He didn’t know if he had the strength to believe anymore.

“Why don’t you let me take her for a minute?” Alan offered. “Go get yourself a coffee. Stretch your legs for a minute. I promise we’ll call you the minute we hear anything.”

Jensen shook his head. “I’m good.”

“No you’re not.”

Jensen looked at his dad then. It was clear that no matter what he said, he couldn’t fool his old man. He’d always been able to tell when Jensen was lying. There was no reason to believe that this time would have been the exception.

“Go outside and get some air,” Alan told him. “Call Y/N’s parents if you haven’t done that already. I’m sure they’ll want to know what’s going on.”

 _Shit_. Her parents had never even crossed his mind.

“Actually,” Gen was quick to offer, “they haven’t been a part of her life in years. She wouldn’t want us calling them. That’s why I’m her emergency contact.”

Jensen frowned at her comment. _Why would they not want to know?_ He didn’t have the opportunity to ask for more details before Jared was prodding him.

“Go on man,” he said. “I don’t think anything is going to change in the next five minutes. Just walk a lap, and I’ll call you if the doc shows up.”

Jensen studied the faces of his loved ones. There was no way he was going to win this battle. They all knew as well as he did that sitting in one spot for too long was making him crazy. He’d feel a lot better if he was getting up and doing something. It didn’t have to be anything of consequence, but if he at least felt like he was being useful, that could help.

“Okay,” he said with a nod. “I’ll, uh, I’ll go get us all some coffee.”

He shifted slightly in his chair and started to hand JJ over to his father. She stirred and made a small whimpering sound, her tiny hands grasping tightly to his shirt when she realized he was letting go, and he stopped.

“It’s okay baby,” he soothed. “Daddy’s just gonna get up for a minute. I’ll be right back I promise.”

She held him tighter. A few small tears starting to run down her face.

“Shh. It’s okay.”

Gen stood from her seat and came around until she could kneel in front of JJ.

“Come here kiddo,” Gen said reaching her arms out to JJ. “Come see me.”

JJ shook her head at first, but Gen knew just how to reach the little girl. She was the closest thing to a mother JJ could ever remember having. She spent almost as much time with Gen as she did with Jensen. It took a fair amount of coaxing, but she eventually released her hold on her father and let her aunt take her.

Jensen had to fight the urge to cry at the look on his daughter’s face. It ripped at his heart and tore at his soul. He started to tell them that he would stay, but Alan stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Go,” he told him. “We’ll take care of her.”

Nodding, Jensen slowly rose to his feet and made his way over to the door. He paused at the threshold and turned to look back at the room. JJ was quietly sniffling against Gen’s shoulder as she rocked her back and forth. Jared had his arm thrown around Gen’s shoulder, offering them both as much comfort as he could.

Jared must have sensed Jensen’s hesitation. He looked up and locked eyes with his friend, nodding for him to go ahead and go. He had it under control. Jensen took a deep breath and turned to go searching for the cafeteria.

He wandered the halls aimlessly for a few minutes until he stumbled upon what he was looking for. Moving to the counter, he placed his order and stepped aside to wait until they called his name.

He was loading little containers of cream and sugar into the center of his drink carrier between all of the cups when he heard someone call his name.

“Mr. Ackles?”

Jensen’s head whipped in the direction of the voice. A uniformed officer was standing about 5 ft away from him. She was a slender woman, slightly taller than most but still very much feminine. She had a kind, open face, but her demeanor made it clear that she could easily hold her own.

“Yes?” he asked.

“I’m Officer Spinelli with the Austin PD. I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time please, sir?”

Jensen’s back straightened. “What for?”

The officer’s expression and stance softened.

“I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about the accident this afternoon. We have the driver in custody, but she hasn’t been able to tell us much. She’s pretty shaken up.”

Jensen scoffed. She’s shaken up? That’s rich.

“I was wondering if we could get your take on things.”

“Uh, sure,” he agreed.

He gestured for the officer to lead the way. She directed him to a table in a secluded corner of the cafeteria. She gestured for him to take a seat across from her before taking her own seat. Jensen slid into the seat, sitting the carrier full of coffee between them, and waited for the officer to start asking him questions.

“So, Mr. Ackles, what exactly happened in the moments leading up to the accident?”

“I, uh, I didn’t see much,” he told her. “I was in the back yard when it happened.”

Jensen’s pulse began to quicken. His errand had momentarily distracted him, but now he was forced to face the situation head on. He closed his eyes, and he was transported back to the moment everything had gone horribly wrong. He could hear Y/N’s voice calling JJ’s name just as clearly now as he could at the party. The smell of burning tires tickled at the hairs in his nose before the memory of the solid thud of impact made his stomach churn.

“Was there anyone out front with her at the time of the accident,” the officer asked.

“M-my daughter,” Jensen’s voice broke. “My daughter was with her.”

Jensen ran a hand down his face, his fingers covering his mouth. He could only imagine what JJ had seen. That would be a horrific sight for anyone, but for a little girl…. He forced back tears. This never should have happened to her, to either of them. This day was supposed to be full of games and laughter. He was supposed to open presents with his daughter and sit down to talk with Y/N so they could work things out between them. Instead, he was sitting in the cafeteria of a top level trauma center telling a police officer about the moment that very well may have ruined all of their lives.

“Would it be possible for me to speak with your daughter?” Officer Spinelli asked.

Jensen looked at her like she had lost her mind. There was no way he was going to force his daughter to relive this.

“No.”

“Mr. Ackles, it will only take a few minutes. I..”

“I said no dammit!” Jensen slammed his hand down on the table in anger. Closing his eyes and taking a few calming breaths, Jensen reigned in his sudden anger. “I’m sorry,” he told the officer, voice still holding an edge. “It’s just, it’s been a long day. She’s only 4 and…”

She nodded. “I understand. Perhaps I can come by some time in the next few days and…”

“I’d rather you didn’t.” Jensen knew he was being flippant, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Excuse me,” he said as he rose to his feet. “I need to get back to my daughter now.”

Jensen grabbed the drink carrier and started striding to the door.

“Any word?” he asked once he’d come through the door.

Jared shook his head no. Jensen deflated slightly. Placing the coffees on a small table in the corner, he took his cup in hand before resuming his seat. JJ was out of Gen’s arms and crawling across Jared’s lap to get to him the moment he sat down. She threw her little arms around his neck and held him close. Jensen wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead.

He wished he could take the painful memories of what happened from her, but all he could do was hold her. That would have to be good enough for now.

“I want Y/N,” she whimpered.

Jensen’s heart shattered. The first thing his daughter had said in hours, and she asked for the one thing he couldn’t give her. He looked around the room with teary eyes, desperate for any kind of guidance, but there was none to be found. Everyone looked back at him with pale, sorrowful expressions.

“I know baby,” he said in a broken whisper. “I want her too.”

JJ pulled away just enough to look him in the eye.

“I want Y/N.”

Every last drop of air was stolen from Jensen’s lungs. He wanted to tell her that Y/N was going to be fine, that she’d be chasing her through the park again in no time, but he couldn’t lie to her. Not now. Not ever.

A tear ran down his face. All he could do was pull JJ against his chest and offer her physical comfort. There was nothing for him to say. Jensen didn’t have the words to express what he was feeling. It was as if every negative emotion he had ever felt was colliding all at once against his heart. He couldn’t breath. He couldn’t speak. All he could do was sit there and pray that it would all be over soon.

JJ responded in kind by throwing her arms around his neck and sobbing. He’d thought she’d be all out of tears by now, but he was mistaken. His own tears started falling silently down his face while he held his daughter close, both of them holding on to the only thing they had left. Eachother.

* * *

Jensen absentmindedly ran his fingers through JJ’s hair as she slept in the seat beside him. She’d cried herself out nearly half an hour ago and had been sleeping soundly ever since. His father had convinced a nurse to give them a pillow and blanket for the young girl to use. She hadn’t even moved when Jensen had shifted her to the makeshift bed. She made small whimpering sounds here and there that he would quickly sooth by running his fingers through her hair.

The only other sound in the room was the ever constant ticking of the clock as it counted the endless seconds that passed without an update on Y/N’s condition. The most anyone would tell them was that she was still in surgery. 4 hours. She’d been in surgery for 4 hours. Every second that passed made Jensen feel all the more hopeless. He’d started preparing himself for the worst, turning his heart to stone and trying to find the right words to tell JJ that she wouldn’t be seeing Y/N anymore.

The sound of the door to his left opening drew his attention. He glanced over, expecting to see another officer or nurse checking up on them. His eyes went wide when he saw a doctor in green scrubs and a surgical cap standing in the doorway.

“You’re all here for Y/F/N Y/L/N I take it?”

“Y-yes.” Jensen checked to make sure JJ was still asleep in the chair before rising to his feet and moving to stand in front of the doctor. “How is she?”

The doctor sighed. “She’s stable. We were able to repair the damage to her spleen. There was a massive internal hemorrhage…”

At the word hemorrhage, Jensen felt himself going white. He didn’t understand a lot of what the doctor was saying, but he understood that. He felt a hand on his shoulder and glanced behind him to see his father giving him a reassuring nod. Jensen placed his hand on top of his father’s and held it tightly.

“The impact fractured her femur in several places. We used a series of pins and rods to repair the damage. She’ll need a lot of therapy to walk properly again, but is shouldn’t require any further surgery.”

A spark of hope lit in Jensen’s eyes. _No more surgery? That means…_

“So she’s gonna be okay?” he asked.

“There was some head trauma that’s mildly concerning. She’s in a medically induced coma for the time being. We have her on a ventilator to allow her body to do as little as possible while it tries to heal. Once she starts showing signs of improvement, we’ll take her off the ventilator and bring her out of the coma.”

Jensen couldn’t help but notice the way he avoided answering the question. From the way he could see Jared holding onto Gen out of the corner of his eye, he wasn’t the only one that noticed.

“Is she going to be okay?” Gen asked.

It was the first time Jensen had heard her voice waver throughout the whole ordeal. She’d been so calm and collected, strong. She’d been strong for everybody. Now she was showing signs of the strain they were all feeling.

Jensen turned his worried gaze back to the doctor.

“We can never know for sure,” he said. “She coded twice on the table, but we were able to revive her. She’s a fighter. That is definitely something in her favor.”

Jensen’s body went numb. _They don’t know_. His eyes drifted down and away from the doctor’s face. He was vaguely aware of his father stepping forward to shake the doctor’s hand and thank him for all of his hard work. Jensen knew he should be doing the same, but he couldn’t seem to form the words. His tongue had turned to lead in his mouth.

“We’ll be moving her to a private room in a few minutes.” He turned his attention to Gen. “I take it you’re Mrs. Padalecki.”

She nodded. “I am.”

“You can see her then. The rest of you are welcome to wait here for as long as you’d like.”

“Wait,” Jensen all but shouted, “what do you mean the rest of us can wait here?”

He had a sinking suspicion that he knew what the doctor meant, and he didn’t like it.

“Seeing as Miss Y/L/N has no immediate family in the vicinity, only her emergency contact is authorized to be in the room with her. The rest of you will have to wait until she has recovered enough to be moved out of ICU.”

The only thing holding Jensen up was his father’s firm grip on his arm.

“Doc, you don’t understand,” he pleaded. “I have to see her.”

“I’m sorry sir. There’s nothing I can do. I’m afraid you’ll have too…”

Jensen had started to advance on the medical professional, but Gen’s steady voice cut through the haze and gave him pause.

“What if I want to authorize them to see her?” she asked. “I’m listed as her medical contact and power of attorney. They have every bit as much of a right to be with her as I do. Y/N would want them there. Especially Jensen.”

The doctor frowned for a moment before nodding.

“Very well. Follow me to the nurse’s station and I’ll get you the proper paperwork.”

“Thank you.”

The doctor nodded before leaving the room. Jensen pulled himself together just long enough to reach out and pull Gen into a crushing hug.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“Don’t mention it.” She stepped back. “I meant it. She’d want you there more than any of us.”

Jensen managed a weak nod, pulling himself together enough to release her so that she could go take care of the paperwork that would allow him to see Y/N. No sooner had she left than Jensen found himself enveloped in a litany of hugs. First his father. Than Jared.

They all stood their for a moment, holding each other and taking comfort in the familiar presence around them. Jared was the first to pull away. He sniffed and wiped at his tired red eyes. Jensen paused. He couldn’t even remember seeing Jared crying at any other time during the night.

“She’s gonna be fine,” he said to everyone. “She has to be.”

Alan nodded his agreement, but Jensen just stood there. He didn’t know what to feel anymore. Hope was to much. Grief, he’d had enough of that to last a lifetime. He moved back over to his daughter and watched her sleep.

“Why don’t I take her home,” Alan offered. He turned to Jared and Gen. “We can keep the boys too so the three of you can all stay here.”

“You don’t need to do that,” protested Jared.

“Y/N’s going to need the people she loves most in this world near her when she wakes up,” he countered “That’s you three. Donna and I can take care of the little ones for a while.You three take care of her.”

“Thank you.” Jared pulled Alan into a hug.

Gen quickly returned, and it was decided that Jared should stay behind with Jensen while she went to pack the boys an overnight bag. Chances were that they would long be asleep by the time all any of them were were ready to come home. Jensen thought about the way JJ had been acting. She’d barely let go of him since they got there. He was worried about what would happen if she woke up and he wasn’t there.

“Maybe I should just take JJ home and come back in the morning.”

“Son,” Alan said, “you and I both know you aren’t going to be able to focus on a single thing until you see Y/N with your own two eyes.”

Jensen knew he was right. Even if he did go home, he wasn’t going to be any good to JJ or anyone else for that matter. Not until he saw Y/N. Still, he found himself wavering.

“I’m going to run home and get an overnight bag together for the boys anyway,” Gen said, placing a hand on Jensen’s back. “If it makes you feel any better, I can stay with JJ for a while. She seems to be more comfortable with me than she does anyone other than you right now. We can trade off. You and Jared can stay here for the night. Then I can come back in the morning, and you and Jared can go be with the kids. We’ll all take shifts. How does that sound?”

Jensen thought it over for a minute. JJ had barely let go of him since they arrived. She had more or less refused to go to his dad earlier, and it had taken nearly an hour of coaxing from both himself and from Gen to get her to let him go even for a moment. She’d even refused Jared when he had tried to hold her, and she loved her Uncle Jared. If Jensen was going to try and stay so that he could be there for Y/N, this was how he was going to have to do it.

He nodded. “Okay. Sounds good.”

The two shared a brief smile before Gen and Jared left to go get the car. Jensen turned and prepared to scoop a still sleeping JJ into his arms.

“You want me to get her?” Alan offered.

“Nah. I don’t want her to wake up on the way to the car and freak out if I’m not there.”

“What about if she wakes up on the way home?”

Jensen sighed. “I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

She barely stirred until he was buckling her into her car seat.

“Daddy?” she asked in a sleepy voice.

“Yeah baby,” he said in a harsh whisper, his voice rough from all the time spent crying.

“Don’t leave me,” she cried.

A thousand horses stampeded across his heart at the sound of her voice. Jensen hated how broken and helpless she looked. He wanted to make it better. He just didn’t know how.

“Hey. Hey. Hey. I’m not leaving okay?” He brushed a strand of hair out of her face. “Daddy’s just going to let Grandpa and Aunt Gen take you home so you can eat dinner and get a good night sleep while I take care of Y/N. Tom and Shep are even going to stay the night and help you play with all of your new toys. How does that sound?”

JJ didn’t answer. Her eyes just started watering, and her lower lip trembled.

“It’s okay baby,” Jensen said, leaning in to kiss her on the head. “I’ll be home soon. I promise.”

“Hey munchkin,” Gen said as she slid into the back seat beside her. “I’m right here. I promise I won’t leave you until Daddy gets home alright?”

JJ didn’t look any happier at the development, but she let Gen comfort her all the same.

Jensen had to look away when he closed the door. His heart broke at the sound of soft whimpering coming from the backseat of the car as he turned away. He felt like the worst parent in the world. _What kind of father lets his little girl leave without him when she’s crying?_

“She’ll be fine.”

Jensen looked his father in the eye. He hoped he was right, but he didn’t feel it. Alan must have sensed his son reaching his breaking point, because he pulled Jensen to him in a crushing hug. Jensen held tight to his father and let his head fall onto his shoulder.

“It’s gonna be alright, son.”

Jensen nodded, but he didn’t look up. He just stood there, taking comfort in his father’s arms until he felt strong enough to stand on his own. He pulled away slowly, sniffling slightly and rubbing at his tear stained face.

“Thanks Dad.”

“Anytime.”

He stepped aside to let his father reach the driver’s side door. Jensen looked towards the back of the car to see Jared and Gen saying their goodbyes through the open window.

“Go on ahead,” Jared told him when he spotted Jensen watching them. “We cleared everything with the hospital. They should let you in as long as you show them your ID beforehand.”

Jensen nodded and turned to go back through the hospital doors. He went back to the floor they had been waiting on previously and stopped at the nurse’s station to check in.

“Can I help you?” a rotund woman in maroon scrubs asked him.

“Yeah. Can you tell me what room Y/F/N Y/L/N is in?”

“Can I see some ID?”

Jensen reached into his wallet and pulled out his driver’s license. The woman quickly read it over before typing something into the computer and handing the license back to Jensen.

“She’s in room 224,” she told him. “Go down to the end of the hall and take a left.”

Jensen thanked her for her help before making his way down the hallway. The sound of his feet hitting the floor echoed off the walls. The closer he got to Y/N’s room, the heavier his feet became.

Y/N’s door came into view down the hall. Jensen closed his eyes and tried to steel his nerves. He knew what he was going to see on the other side of the door. He just wasn’t sure if he was ready. Taking a deep breath, he placed his hand on the door and slowly pushed it open.

The sight of her drove the air out of his lungs with a loud “humph” of air. Nothing he’d been told had prepared him for the way Y/N looked lying in that bed. She looked so small. So helpless. A series of pins and screws were protruding from her left leg. Wires and tubes seemed to be coming our of her from every direction imaginable. When his eyes focused on her face all he could see was the breathing machine keeping her alive.

He felt his knees begin to give out beneath him. _No. I-I can’t. I can’t do this again._ He turned away from the room and started stumbling blindly down the hall. He tried to take in a deep breath, but it was like his throat was closed off. His vision began to blur and went black around the edges. Jensen reached out for the wall and used it to steady himself as he struggled to move down the corridor.

“Jay?”

Jared’s voice sounded a million miles away. He wasn’t even sure if he’d actually heard him. The only sound he could truly make out was the sound of his heart pounding against his eardrums.

“Jensen!”

A violent shake of his shoulders snapped Jensen back to reality. He blinked away the haze and fog from his mind and focused his eyes. The first thing that came into view was his best friend’s worried face.

“Hey, you with me?”

Jensen nodded weakly. He watched Jared relax slightly before leading him over to a chair sitting along the opposite wall.

“What happened?” Jared asked him.

“I…” Jensen let Jared lead him down into the chair. “I can’t do this.”

“What?”

“I saw Y/N lying there, and I just…” His voice broke. “I can’t sit there and watch her dye. I can’t do that again.”

His eyes filled with tears. Jensen buried his face in his hands. Everything was spinning out of control. He was waiting for everything to fade to black, for the nightmare to end so that he could go about his life, but in his heart of hearts, he knew that wasn’t going to happen.

“Yes you can,” Jared emphasized. “Jay, I know this is hard man, but she needs you right now. Y/N needs you to be strong for her.” Jared placed a hand on his friend’s should er and shuffled a bit closer. “You have had to deal with more than anybody has any right to. But that woman in there loves you. I know you love her, and she needs you to be strong for her right now. Jay, you are the strongest person I know. You are raising a little girl all by yourself, and she is the most amazing little person I’ve ever met. She adores you. She’s expecting you to be strong for her and to fix everything. You’re her hero, Jay. You’re a hero to me too.” Jensen looked at his friend curiously. Jared nodded and went on. “When I see the way you are with JJ, after everything you’ve been through… It makes me want to be like that. You’re an amazing father and the best man I have ever known. I know you can do this. If you need to lose your mind later, I’ll do it with you before we leave, but right now, right this second, you need to be strong. JJ and Y/N need you to fight for them right now. Can you do that?”

Jensen didn’t say anything at first. He just let the words sink in. Jared was right. He knew that. There was no way he could let either of his girls face this alone.

He nodded his agreement, and Jared patted him on the shoulder.

“I’m gonna go get us some coffee,” he told him. “You go on in. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Jared was already on his feet and moving down the hallway when Jensen called out to him.

“Jared!” The gentle giant turned. “Thank you.”

Jared’s mouth moved into a sympathetic half smile. “You’re welcome.”

Jensen watched his friend go until he turned the corner. His gaze slowly moved in the other direction, landing on Y/N’s door. He took a long slow breath. _Come on Ackles. You got this._ He slowly moved one foot and then the other, over and over again until he was standing just outside her door.

Pushing it open, he forced himself to take it all in. He leaned against the door and watched her chest rise and fall. _It’s okay. She’s going to be okay._ He watched her for a minute more before crossing the room to sit in the chair beside her bed. Taking her unbroken hand in his own, he marveled at how much smaller her’s were compared to his. He’d held it several times before. He’d just never noticed how completely his hand enveloped hers. He closed his hand around hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, afraid to speak to loudly and shatter the quiet sanctity of her room. “I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry….” He paused as a tear ran down his face. “I’m sorry I made you think I didn’t love you.” He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “I love you, Y/N.”

A mirthless chuckle escaped his lips. He’d never actually said it out loud before. He’d only ever agreed when someone else had said it. He’d felt it for a long time. He just never allowed himself to express it.

“Now you have to wake up,” he told her. “You have to wake up so I can tell you face to face. JJ needs you.” His voice broke. “I need you. Please, Y/N. Please wake up.”

He kissed her knuckles again before resting his forehead against their joined hands as the tears began to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and comments.


	14. Chapter 14

Thrashing on the bed beside him combined with the sound of quiet whimpers roused Jensen from his own fitful slumber. He didn’t even open his eyes before turning onto his side and reaching for the little girl sleeping beside him.

“Shhh. Shhh,” he soothed. “It’s okay baby. I’m right here.”

Jensen opened his eyes just in time to see JJ scurrying to reach him. It was a sight he’d become all too familiar with in the month since the accident that had turned their world upside down. Any time he’d laid JJ in her bed, she’s grown terrified and started crying until he scooped her up into his arms and carried her into his room with him. It was the only way either of them seemed to be able to get any sleep these days.

The child psychologist Jared had helped him find had was an enormous help. JJ had been so unlike herself as of late that Jensen had begun to worry that something was wrong with her. The psychologist had assured him that everything would be alright in time. She’d been through a trauma, they both had. It would take time for her to recover, but she would. He just had to give her time.

Jensen planted a kiss on JJ’s forehead. “It’s okay baby. I’ve got you. I’ve got you”

He ran his fingers through her hair to help sooth her. The nightmares had become as much a part of their nightly routine as brushing their teeth. She never told him what they were about, and he didn’t ask her. He didn’t have to. He’d heard her whimper Y/N’s name more than once. She never told him exactly what happened, and he’d never pushed her. It didn’t matter. She was still here. That’s what mattered.

JJ eventually quieted down and fell asleep, leaving Jensen alone with his own thoughts. The fact that he still didn’t know exactly what happened gnawed at him. He wanted answers. Anyone would, but he wasn’t going to force his daughter to relive it anymore than she already had to just so he could have them. They actually did their best not to talk about the accident. When Officer Spinelli had shown up at his doorstep two days after the accident to try and talk to JJ, Jensen had outright refused.

“What did the driver say?” he demanded. “Is she trying to say that it’s Y/N’s fault she ran her over with her car? How fast was she going? Did she even see her before she ran her down?”

He felt like he was being split in two. He wanted to spend all of his time at the hospital with Y/N, but he couldn’t leave JJ. She went into hysterics any time he tried to leave. The only other person she seemed to want near her was Gen, and even that was tenuous at times. They’d all decided early on that it was best for his parents to go home. There wasn’t much they could do with JJ practically attached to his side at all times. They still checked in by phone at least once a day. Their support meant the world to him, but he still felt helpless. There was nothing he could do to help his daughter or Y/N.

Y/N. He felt like he was failing her just as badly. She wasn’t awake yet, and part of him was afraid she never would be. They’d taken her off of the medication keeping her in a coma weeks ago, but she still hadn’t woken up.

They’d been taking turns staying with her: Jared, Gen and himself. Gen spent most mornings by her side. She’d clean her up and fix her hair, knowing how much Y/N hated it when it looked greasy. A few days ago, he had spotted bright red nail polish on her fingers. The corner of his mouth twitched up a bit at the memory. She would love that color.

Jensen glaced at the clock. 3am. There was still hours before the Padalecki’s came over. They were going to stay with JJ while he spent time with Y/N. They were going to try and take her off of the ventilator today. The thought made him nervous. He was terrified that something was going to go wrong. He was afraid they would tell him it was over. She wasn’t coming back, and he was going to have to say goodbye to another woman he loved.

A tear slipped out of the corner of his eye. He brushed it away harshly with the palm of his hand, careful to leave his other arm around JJ as she slept, taking comfort in having her close. He didn’t know what he would do if he didn’t have is little girl beside him. She was his soul. Regardless of what happened, he knew he could keep going for her. The thought of the roles being reversed left him shaking in terror. It was that thought that plagued him for the rest of the night.

* * *

Jensen smiled as he opened the door. Jared, Gen, and their two boys came funneling into his home.

“Hey guys,” he greeted the boys.

“Hi Uncle Jensen,” they said in unison, tightly hugging his legs before moving farther into the house.

Jensen pulled Gen into a warm hug before letting her pass and moving on to his best friend. Jared patted him solidly on the back twice before letting him go. Jensen shut the door without saying a word and followed everyone towards the family room.

JJ was standing near the hallway, clutching her favorite stuffed moose to her chest.

“Hey sweetheart,” Jared told her, crouching down until he was at her level. Jensen moved past him to stand a bit closer to his daughter. “Can I get a hug?”

JJ held her moose tighter and turned her face into her father’s leg. Jared’s face fell. He slowly rose to his feet and stood beside his wife. Jensen watched in silence while Gen patted his back reassuringly. Jensen could tell that not being able to hug his “niece” was torturing Jared. He’d been one of the first people to hold her in the hospital, and he’d been the very first one to take her out of her car seat when they’d brought her home. He had always held a special place in the little girl’s heart and visa versa. Being forced to take a step back had to feel like a dagger to the heart.

“Do you want to play with my new ninja turtle?” Shep asked, holding the action figure out to JJ.

She shook her head no.

“How about colors?” offered Tom. “Momma got me some new ones for school, but you can use them if you want too.”

The generosity of the two boys made Jensen smile. He glanced over at Jared and Gen to find them doing the same. The boys may not have understood everything that was going on, but they knew something was wrong. They knew she was unhappy, and they wanted to fix it the best way they knew how.

Gen squatted down beside them. “That’s very sweet of you two, but maybe we should ask JJ what she wants to do.”

She turned her warm smile towards JJ. JJ didn’t say anything, but she didn’t hide behind Jensen’s leg either. Gen held her hand out to JJ.

“Let’s go outside,” she offered.

JJ hesitated, looking at her hand. Jensen felt his heart sink. For a moment, he thought JJ was going to retreat into herself again. It broke his heart even more each time he watched his little girl pull away from the people who loved her.

JJ gave a small nod and took Gen’s hand without letting go of her toy.

“We’ll just be outback,” Gen said over her shoulder. “Come on boys. Let’s go play tag.”

The boys cheered excitedly before following their mother out into the back yard.

“Well,” Jared said once the door had closed behind them, “at least she still likes the toy I got her.”

Jensen looked over and saw the despondent look on Jared’s face before it morphed into one of shame. “Look man, I’m sorry. That was out of line.”

“No, it’s okay.”

Jensen ran a hand down his face. He knew Jared didn’t really mean anything by it. He was just giving voice to the frustration they all felt. The whole ordeal was taking a toll on all of them. Even Gen’s ever positive attitude was slipping a bit. Jared had told him about the way Gen had nearly broke down crying after putting the boys to bed a few nights ago. He had a sneaking suspicion that taking care of the boys was helping her stay afloat just as much as having JJ by his side was helping him.

“So,” Jared began after a strained silence, “she’s still not talking much?”

“No,” Jensen said with a shake of his head. “She’s not sleeping in her own bed yet either. Dr. Frandsen said it would just take time.”

“Has she told you what happened yet?”

Jensen shook his head.

“We got a call from the detective looking into the accident,” Jared told him.

“And?” Jensen visibly bristled. “Have they pressed charges yet?”

Jared took a deep breath. “Not yet. They said they wanted to wait until…”

He didn’t need to finish the sentence. Jensen already knew what he was trying to say.

“Until they know if she’s going to live or not,” he finished for him.

“Hey.” Jared’s voice was soft, but the underlying authority in it forced Jensen to look at him. “She’s going to wake up.” Jensen clenched his jaw. “Hey, don’t do that. Don’t give up.” He took hold of Jensen’s shoulders and forced him to look him in the eye. “Y/N is going to wake up, and when she does, she’s gonna want you right there beside her.”

“Are you sure about that?” he asked.

While JJ’s nightmares had been plagued by the accident, his had mainly centered around the fight he’d had with Y/N. No matter the outcome, he knew what happened that night would continue to be his biggest regret for years to come.

The more he thought about it, the more he blamed himself for what happened. If he hadn’t been such an idiot, they never would have fought. She would have been at the party on time, and maybe if she had been on time she wouldn’t have left JJ’s gift in the car by mistake. If she hadn’t left the gift in the car… His mind kept falling farther down the rabbit hole until Jared’s voice brought him back.

“What?” Jared asked, utterly stunned. “Of course she will. Jay,” he turned Jensen to face him, “no matter what happens, you being there is going to mean the world to her.”

All Jensen could do was nod as a single tear rolled down his cheek. He didn’t know what he would have done without Jared’s strong reassurance the last few weeks. His best friend’s words were the only thing keeping his hope alive.

“I better go,” he said in a emotionally strangled voice. “I promised her I’d be there when they started.”

Jared nodded. “Go on. I’ll hold down the fort here. See you at the hospital later?”

Jensen nodded. Now he just had to go say goodbye to JJ for the day.

* * *

There was a nurse checking Y/N’s vitals and making notes on a clipboard when he arrived. Jensen noted how much better Y/N looked today. It wasn’t just that the bruises had almost completely faded away, he’d noticed that for a while. It was because she seemed to have more color in her cheeks. The deathly paler that had seemed to become her natural shade of late had lifted a bit. She looked good. Healthy. He would have thought that she was just sleeping if it wasn’t for the tube going down her throat.

“Good morning, Jensen,” the nurse greeted him when she noticed him standing in the doorway. “How are you this morning?”

The majority of the nursing staff knew him by name at that point. They hardly ever asked for his ID at the desk anymore. They knew who he was and who he was there to see. They treated him kindly and always spoke some sort of encouraging word to try and make the situation easier on all of them.

Jensen gave her a polite smile. “I’m good.” He pushed off of the door frame and moved into the room. “How’s she doing?”

“She’s doing good,” said the nurse. “We’re going to start trying to take her off of the ventilator this afternoon.”

“Yeah. That’s what the doc said.” Jensen took a seat beside Y/N’s bed and took hold of her hand, running his thumb back and forth across her knuckles. “Do you know what time they are doing it? I want to make sure I’m here.”

“Oh we’ve already started.”

Jensen’s head jerked a little. He looked up at the nurse in confusion, tilting his head slightly. Seeing the question on his face, the nurse started explaining the process to him. It wasn’t nearly as simple as he’d originally thought. It wasn’t about just turning off the vent and seeing what happened. It was a whole process. They were slowly stepping down the amount of oxygen that was fed through the ventilator throughout the course of the day until the time came to unhook it completely to allow her a chance to breath on her own before they remove the tube.

Jensen nodded. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Holler if you need anything,” she told him on the way to the door.

The door made a soft clicking sound when it closed behind her.

“Hey baby,” Jensen said, sliding his chair a bit closer. “How are you feelin’?”

He knew she wouldn’t answer, but he couldn’t help but ask. He remembered hearing once that people in comas could still hear those around them. So that’s what he did. He talked.

“Gen curled your hair today,” he told her, fingering one of the delicate curls. It looks good.” He let the curl drop back against her shoulder. “I like the way you do it better though. It suits you more.” He fell silent for a moment before changing topics. “JJ only woke up once last night. The doc says we just need to give it time. I think Jared’s starting to get a little impatient though.”

He spent the next half hour telling her about his morning and the conversation he’d had with his family the night before. Talking was starting to get easier. He’d spent the first week crying and begging her to wake up. Then he just spent days in silence, watching her breath, until Gen had offered a solution. He glanced over at the dog eared paperback on the table beside him.

“I don’t get why you love this book so much,” he said, reaching for the well-worn copy of _Gone With the Wind_ that Gen had retrieved from Y/N’s home, “but Gen says it’s your favorite. So… Where did we leave off?”

Jensen spent the next hour reading to her. He did voices that he knew would make her laugh and watched her face carefully for any sign of change, still holding her hand the entire time.

He must have dozed off at some point, because he was startled awake when he heard the door to Y/N’s room close.

“Sorry,” Dr. Clement said as he made his way towards the bed. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s fine,” replied Jensen in a groggy voice.

He sat up and pushed his chair back out of the way, marking the last page he had read and returning the book to the table. He rubbed his tired eyes with the heel of his hand.

“Why don’t you go take a walk,” the doctor suggested. “I’ll take care of our girl here while you’re gone.”

Jensen nodded weakly and rose to his feet.

“Yeah. I think I’ll go get a bite to eat real quick and be right back”

The doctor nodded. “We’ll be here.”

Jensen thanked him and placed a quick kiss on Y/N’s forehead before making his way towards the door. He used to protest when they suggested he leave for anything other than his daughter. The time he got to spend with Y/N was precious, and he didn’t want to waste a second of it. For weeks both Gen and the doctors assured him that everything would be fine. Walking away for 10 minutes to take care of himself wasn’t going to hurt Y/N.

“She knows you’re here,” Gen had told him. “She knows you are taking care of her as best you can. That’s what matters.” Eventually, he accepted her words. He still felt a bit anxious every time he left her, but he didn’t think there was any way that would ever change.

Jensen stumbled into the cafeteria and grabbed some standard hospital fair, cardboard in the shape of food that tasted more like sawdust than whatever they were trying to pass it off as. He ate as quickly as he could before making his way back to Y/N’s room, arriving just in time to see the doctor leaving her room. Something in the man’s face made the hairs on the back of Jensen’s neck stand on end.

“H-how is she?” he asked.

The doctor looked up at him and smiled. “She’s doing well,” he told him. “I was able to back the ventilator off some more. We’ll keep watching her for another hour or so and then try unhooking it completely.”

Jensen closed his eyes and took a deep breath. _Thank God._ He held his hand out to the doctor.

“Thanks Doc. I appreciate it.”

The doctor shook his hand before turning and heading in the opposite direction down the hall. Jensen quickly entered the room.

“Did you hear that?” he asked her. “Doc says you’re doing good.”

He started to sit in the chair, but thought better of it and took a seat on the bed beside her. He brushed a strand of hair away from her face and gave her a subtle smile.

“I’m proud of you,” he told her. “You’re doing so good.” He side a little bit closer to her, sliding his hand over to cup her face. “I just need you to keep fighting for a little bit longer okay? You just need to keep going, and I’ll be right here with you. I promise. I’m all in. No matter what. I will spend the rest of my life making everything up to you if you will let me. I just need you to wake up. Can you do that for me sweetheart?”

His eyes darted all over her face. He wanted her to open her eyes. He didn’t care if she pushed him away or made fun of him for being such a sap. He just wanted her to wake up. She could do anything she wanted after that. He just wanted to see her open her eyes, but there was no change.

He dropped his head to his chest in defeat before leaning forward and placing a chaste kiss on her forehead and moving back to his post in the chair beside her bed.

* * *

Dr. Clement and one of the nurses moved around Y/N’s bed, checking monitors and adjusting machines. Jensen watched them anxiously from the window. He’d agreed with them as soon as they’d asked him for space to work. He just couldn’t convince himself to go any farther than that.

“What’s going on?”

Jensen turned in the direction the question came from and found Jared striding towards him with a concerned look on his face. Jensen turned back towards the window.

“They’re taking her off of the ventilator.”

“That’s good right?” Jared asked, his tone showing the hope Jensen was trying not to give in to.

Giving in to that hope left him open, vulnerable. He couldn’t let that happen if he was going to stay strong.

Tension settled around them like a thick fog as they watched the nurse carefully detach the ventilator from the tube in Y/N’s throat. Jensen could feel every cell in his body begin to hum. The hope that Jensen had tried to keep at arm’s length crashed into him like a wave against the rocky shore. His own breath caught in his throat as he watched and waited for her to take her first breath. Come on baby. Breathe.

Seconds felt like days. Each passing second pulled at Jensen’s heart, weighing down his soul until he could feel it turning into lead. Then it happened. She took one slow, shallow breath. Then another.

A breath of his own rushed from Jensen’s lungs. His eyes closed in relief for a moment, his chin falling to his chest. Jared clapped him on the shoulder, squeezing it in reassurance. Jensen looked over at his friend to see him giving his eyes brimming with tears even though his smile was bright. Jensen covered the hand on his shoulder with his own in a silent gesture of thanks.

“Her O2 level is dropping.”

Jensen’s head snapped back to the window, his eyes going wide. His heart began racing when he heard the doctor give the order to reattach the ventilator. _No._

“We’ll let her levels come back up and try again later,” Dr. Clement said. “I’m not comfortable taking her completely off the machine just yet.”

The nurse nodded and reattached the ventilator hose as the doctor made his way towards the door. Jensen did his best to look stoic while he listened to what the doctor had to say. While the physician remained optimistic, the only thing Jensen seemed to be able to process was that Y/N hadn’t been strong enough to keep breathing on her own. She wasn’t strong enough. His heart sank. _She’s not strong enough._

A familiar numbness filled his limbs as he walked towards her bed.

“Hey,” Jared said, coming up beside him. “She’s getting better. She was breathing on her own. She just needs a little more time and then…”

“What if she doesn’t wake up?” he asked in a hollow tone. “What if this is as far as she gets? What if they turn it all off and…”

“Don’t think like that,” interjected Jared. “That’s not going to happen.”

“But it could.”

Jensen turned his head to face his friend, a tear escaping the corner of his eye.

“Hey, man. Come on.”

Jared did his best to reassure Jensen that everything was going to be okay, much like he had done every day since it all began.

“She is going to wake up,” he said. “She’s got too much waiting on her not to.” Jensen gave him a weak nod before turning his gaze back to Y/N. “Go home, Jay,” he told him. “JJ’s going to be wondering where you are. I’ll call you if anything changes.”

Jensen watched Y/N lying motionless in the bed for a moment more before relenting. “Yeah. You’re right,” he said, running a hand down his face. “I’ll, uh, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yeah.”

Jared pulled him into a tight hug. It may have just been Jensen’s imagination, but he could have sworn his friend held him a bit longer than normal before patting him on the back and sending him on his way.

All Jensen could think about as he walked through the halls was how much he didn’t want to go through this again. He didn’t want to watch another woman that he loved die in a hospital bed.

He saw the sign for the chapel out of the corner of his eye. Without even thinking, he turned the corner and found a seat on one of the pews and began to pray.

“I know it’s been a while,” he began, “but if you’re listening, I could really use your help right now, God. Please, please let her wake up. I need her.” He sniffed as a tear rolled down his face. “JJ needs her. We… I can’t do this without her. Just let her wake up. Please. Please let her wake up.”

* * *

The house was nearly silent when Jensen walked through the door. If it wasn’t for the faint sound of the TV in the living room and the SUV in his driveway, he would have thought his home had been abandoned.

Jensen placed his keys in the bowl on the table in the hall and started making his way through the house. He was about to turn the corner into the living room when Gen intercepted him from the kitchen.

“Hey,” she greeted him warmly. “Dinner’s almost ready.”

He followed her into the kitchen where he could smell her famous baked chicken and see the russet potato and greens salad sitting off to the side.

“You didn’t have to make us dinner you know?”

“I know, but I wanted to.” She bent down to pull the chicken out of the oven so that it could rest and cool before eating it. “How’s Y/N?”

Jensen did his best to fill her in without thinking too much about the implications putting her back on the ventilator had made.

“Sounds like she’s making progress.”

The tone of Gen’s voice wasn’t unhappy, but Jensen could tell that the results were not exactly what she had been hoping for either. Both of them had really been hoping today would have turned out better. Gen was just doing better at keeping her spirits up overall than he was.

Jensen pointed in the direction of the living room. “How’s she doing?” he asked, making his way towards the door.

“She had a good day,” Gen told him with a smile. “She didn’t talk a whole lot, but the boys got her playing for a while this afternoon. Tom even made her laugh.”

Jensen’s eyes lit up. She hadn’t laughed in weeks. He missed the sound.

“That’s awesome.”

Gen returned her smile. “Yeah. It is.”

Jensen paused in the doorway to take in the scene before him. All three of the kids were sitting on the couch watching Sleeping Beauty. He instantly knew that it must have been JJ’s idea. The boys could care less about princess movies. The only one she could normally convince them to watch with her was Tangled, but Jensen had a sneaking suspicion that it had more to do with the boys wanting to laugh at Flynn than imagine they were in a fairy tale.

A small tear formed in the corner of Jensen’s eye when he took note of how they were sitting. JJ was settled between the two boys. It wasn’t an unusual configuration for them to be in. Not by any means, but what Jensen couldn’t help but notice was how both boys had an arm around her. It made him smile and tears form in his eyes. Words could never express how grateful he was that those two boys were his daughter’s friends. Pulling out his phone, Jensen snapped a quick photo of the three of them.

“Thanks again for looking after Jaybird for me,” Jensen said. “I don’t know how I would have made it through all of this without you. You’re the closest thing to a mom she’s ever known, and with everything that’s happening with Y/N… I…”

His voice started to crack, and Gen placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. The two shared a look that said far more than any words ever could. It let them know that they were not alone. They were family, regardless of blood, and they would do anything for one another.

“Daddy!” JJ shouted when she noticed them standing in the doorway.

She pushed off of the couch and ran towards Jensen. He bent down and scooped the little girl into his arms, holding her tight against his chest and kissing the side of her head.

“Were you good for Aunt Gen today?” he asked.

JJ nodded.

“She was wonderful.” Gen pinched at the little girls side, making her giggle. Jensen’s heart soared at the first glimmer of JJ’s true personality that he had seen in weeks. “Come on boys. It’s time to go home.”

“Do we have to?” asked Shep.

His brother was quick to join him.

“Yeah Momma. Can’t we stay for a little bit longer.”

“No,” she told them firmly, “but if Uncle Jensen says it okay, you can come back with me tomorrow.”

Both boys turned pleading eyes towards Jensen, and he couldn’t help but laugh at their antics.

“How can I say no to faces like that?”

The boys cheered, and Jensen saw something out of the corner of his eye that made his heart swell. JJ was smiling. It wasn’t the full toothy grin he was used to seeing on her face, but he could see the unmistakable shadow of a dimple on her cheek. He kissed the spot before putting her on her feet so she could say goodbye to her friends.

The boys enveloped JJ in a tight hug.

“I think having them here really helped,” Gen offered, and Jensen was quick to agree.

“Yeah. Thank you again. Seriously, it means a lot.”

Jensen pulled her into a strong hug.

“You good?” Gen asked.

Jensen knew exactly what she meant. She didn’t just mean how he was feeling at that moment. She meant with how he was dealing. Both of them were struggling, but having each other made it easier.

“Yeah. You?”

She nodded before pulling away. “One day at a time right?”

“Right.”

A silent understanding passed between them. They would be there for the other, no matter what.

Gen gathered the boys and headed out while Jensen told JJ to go wash up for dinner while he fixed their plates and set the table. The two ate in relative silence. Once they were done, Jensen told JJ to go put on her pjs while he cleaned everything up.

There was still time before bed, so Jensen settled down on the couch with JJ to finish the movie. Several minutes passed without them saying a word. Jensen actually thought JJ had fallen asleep against his side until her quiet little voice sounded through the room.

“Can I see Y/N tomorrow?”

It wasn’t the first time JJ had indicated that she wanted to she her. Every time she said something, Jensen felt like the worst father in the world for telling her no. At first, he had been convinced that seeing Y/N with dozens of tubes and machines attached to her would only serve to traumatize JJ further. Now… Now he was just afraid that something would go wrong for her to witness it.

“Not yet sweetie,” he told her. “She’s still sleeping.”

“Can you wake her up like the prince does?”

He gave her a half smile. If only it were that simple, then everything would be fine.

“I wish I could, but Y/N’s going to have to wake up on her own.”

JJ seemed to contemplate his words for a moment before curling deeper into his side.

“Is Y/N gonna leave me like Mommy did?”

The words were so soft Jensen almost missed them. The pain that shot through his heart when he did almost made him wish he hadn’t. How was he supposed to answer that? He wanted to tell her there was no way it would happen. He wanted to promise her that Y/N was going to wake up any minute to go take pictures in the park with them, but he couldn’t. No matter how badly he may have wanted to, he couldn’t lie to his daughter.

“I don’t know baby.” JJ gave a soft sniffle, and he her all the way into his lap. “I hope not.”

Jensen held JJ close, shushing her cries and running his fingers through her hair until the little sniffles had gone away, and she was asleep in his arms.

He carried her up the stairs to bed. He didn’t even try to put her in her own bed this time. They were both too tired and emotionally drained for that. So he stopped in to get her moose before proceeding to his room and tucking her into his bed. Jensen quickly brushed his teeth and changed into his own sleep clothes before crawling in beside her. Before turning off the lights, Jensen reached for the phone he’d placed beside the bed and opened his photo gallery. It only took him a minute to find what he was looking for.

It was a photo of the three of them, himself, JJ, and Y/N, that he had taken the day they picnicked in the park near the pond. They were all lying back on the blanket. Jensen had one of his arms wrapped around Y/N’s shoulders while she pillowed her head with his shoulder. JJ was resting between them, and all there were smiling up at the camera Jensen had been holding over them.

That day had been perfect. Looking at the photo now, Jensen could still hear JJ squealing with laughter while Y/N helped her feed some of the ducks. He could almost smell Y/N’s shampoo as he brushed her hair away from her face. The photo was the perfect representation of what his family had almost been, what it could be. But before that could happen, Y/N would have to wake up.

He ran a finger down the side of her face in the photo before putting the phone away and shutting off the light to fall into a fitful sleep. 

* * *

_Her eyes sparkled in the dim light as she smiled at him. Jensen brushed a strand of hair away from Y/N’s face. They were both spent, lying in his bed just looking at one another. The night they had spent together was amazing. It was more than Jensen could have ever hopped for._

_They’d made love over and over again until they were completely sated and their bodies exhausted. Now, at the dawning of a new day, Jensen looked at the woman beside him with newfound wonder. She was everything he could have ever hoped for and more._

_Jensen reached out and pulled her towards him until their bodies were flush with one another. The feeling of her skin against his was like Heaven. He touched his lips to hers in a sweet lingering kiss that made his entire body tingle. In that moment, Jensen couldn’t imagine himself ever being happier._

_With his eyes till closed and his forehead resting against hers, he uttered the words he knew would change everything._

_“I love you,” he whispered._

_He opened his eyes to see a soft smile forming on her beautiful face. She opened her mouth to respond._

_“Oooooperater.”_

_He stared at her in confusion._

_“What did you say?”_

_Her smile only grew._

_“Won’t you send my love down to Baton Rouge,” she sang._

* * *

Jensen bolted upright in bed. His eyes glanced at JJ sleeping peacefully beside him before. He started searching the room for the source of the noise that had woken him to find his phone alight on the bedside table, ringing and buzzing for all it was worth. He didn’t even bother to look at the caller ID before answering.

“Hello?”

“Jay!” Jared’s desperate voice sounded on the other end of the line.

Jensen was awake in an instant. His heart was in his throat. The only other time he’d ever heard that kind of panic in his friend’s voice had been disastrous.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s Y/N,” Jared said, and Jensen felt as if the world stopped turning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos. Thank you.


	15. Chapter 15

Jensen halfway expected one of the nurses to stop him as he made his way down the hall. He knew he probably looked like death. His heart had been beating double time ever since he’d gotten the call from Jared, and a cold sweat had broken out across his forehead when he’d pulled into the hospital parking lot. His hands had been shaking so badly that he’d nearly dropped his keys getting out of the car. 

He’d been on edge ever since Jared had called him. He’d gotten himself and JJ dressed as quickly as he could before dropping her off with Gen. She’d already been awake and waiting for them by the time they arrived, no doubt told by Jared what was going on.

“Tell our girl we love her,” she had told him, regarding herself and the boys, when he handed her a once again sleeping JJ.

Her eyes had been watery when she’d told him that, almost like she was on the verge of crying after talking to Jared on the phone. He had promised her that he would before kissing his daughter on the head and speeding towards the hospital.

It took every ounce of self control he had not to sprint down the hallway towards Y/N’s room. All he wanted in that moment was to see her, to hold her and know that everything was going to be alright. Her door came into view as he rounded the corner, and Jensen couldn’t hold back anymore. He quickened his pace to a light trot until he was standing at the threshold of her room.

Jared was sitting there, elbows on his knees, chin resting on his combined fists, and his eyes watching Y/N carefully. Jensen’s eyes traveled over Y/N’s body for any indication that Jared had been right. She was still motionless, but the harsh tube that had been shoved down her throat to force air into her lungs was gone. In it’s place was a simple oxygen mask covering both her nose and mouth. His eyes moved to her chest. He watched in silence as it slowly rose and fell  in a rhythmic succession with each breath she took.

The wave of relief that overtook him was so powerful that he was afraid his legs weren’t going to hold him, and Jensen was forced to use the doorframe to keep himself upright. She’s okay. She’s going to be okay. He took a hesitant step into the room, then another, and another until he was standing beside Jared’s chair.

Jared noticed him out of the corner of his eye and straightened up. “H-hey.  You made it.”

“Yeah.” Jensen never looked away from Y/N, almost like he was afraid something would change if his eyes wandered anywhere else in the room. “She’s breathing on her own,” he said in wonder.

Jared smiled and nodded. “Yeah. She started fighting against the machine a few hours ago. So they had to take her off of it.”

“Did I just miss her? You said she was awake. How long has she been asleep?” Jensen asked him in rapid succession.

Jared held up his hand to signal for him to stop. “I said she was waking up. Not that she was awake yet.” Jensen’s head turned in his friend’s direction. “Doc said she should be coming around anytime.”

A wave of disappointment went through him. He’d rushed to the hospital thinking that he was finally going to be able to talk to Y/N again. Instead he was left with more waiting.

“Thanks for calling me,” Jensen said, doing his best to hide his disappointment.

“No problem.”

Jared rose to his feet and placed a reassuring hand on Jensen’s shoulder. The slight squeeze Jensen felt gave him comfort, and he reached up to pat his friend’s hand in a show of thanks before sitting down on the edge of Y/N’s bed. He was careful not to jostle her too much when he reached for her hand. Her skin already felt warmer to the touch than it had when he’d left, and it made him smile. He was so focused on her that he barely even reacted when Jared told him he was going to go get them some coffee before leaving the room. Jensen just sat there, running the pad of his thumb back and forth across Y/N’s knuckles and watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest.

“Hey sweetheart,” he said in a hoarse whisper. “You didn’t have to wait for me ya know?” He gave a mirthless chuckle at his poor attempt at a joke. “Come on Y/N. Open your eyes.” He ran the fingers of his free hand through the hair along the side of her face. “You can sit up and tell me to go to hell if you want to. Just let me see those beautiful y/e/c eyes of yours before I do.”

He ran his thumb along her cheek. For a moment, he thought he saw her facial muscles twitch under his touch, but he couldn’t be sure. Sitting up a bit straighter, Jensen called out to her again.

“Y/N? Baby, can you hear me?”

He ran his thumb across her cheek again hoping for a response. The muscles near her left eye twitched. He was sure of it this time. His breath caught in his throat when her eyes began to flutter.

“Y/N?”

Jensen’s eyes widened when her head turned into his touch. It was the most movement he’d seen in her since the accident. His heart instantly leapt into his throat. This was it. This was the moment he had been praying for. It was what he had dreamed about nearly every night. His throat closed up, and he found it hard to breath. This was it.

“That’s it baby. Come on. Open your eyes.”

Y/N groaned softly, her head turning back in the other direction before her eye slowly blinked open. They looked unseeingly around the room for a moment, blinking a few more times before finally landing on Jensen’s face. He watched with baited breath as they slowly gained focus.

“J-Jensen?”

Her voice was quiet, barely even a whisper. The combination of disuse and the tube that had so recently been down her throat caused it to sound more like a low growl than her usually soft lilting tone. The oxygen mask muffled it even more, but Jensen heard it. He heard it, and it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. Tears formed in his eyes as he watched her beat back the fog from her mind and start to survey her surroundings.

“Hey,” he whispered through his tears, brushing the hair from her face.

Her eyes fluttered shut briefly as she groaned and shifted in her bed. Jensen jumped up and reached for the call button on the wall. A nurse appeared a moment later.

“She’s awake,” he said gleefully.

The nurse came in and checked her vitals quickly before scampering off to collect a doctor. Jensen returned to his spot at Y/N’s side. He helped her into a more upright position before sitting beside her on the bed.

“Welcome back,” he told her. “God I’ve missed you.”

Y/N’s brows pulled together as she reached up and pulled the oxygen mask down off of her face. Jensen panicked for a moment, unsure if she should be doing that or not, but she seemed to be breathing alright without it. So he let her be for the time being.

She opened her mouth to say something, but a dry rasp was all that came out. Her eyes moved around the room and settled on a pitcher of water and an empty glass sitting on a table just out of her reach.

“You want some water?” Jensen asked when he saw her reaching for the table.

Y/N nodded weakly, and Jensen got up off of the bed to retrieve the pitcher. He poured a small amount of the cool liquid into the glass and brought it to Y/N. Placing a tender hand behind her head, he helped her tilt up and take a few small sips of the water. She tried to force him to give her more, but he cautioned her to slow down.

“Take it easy,” he told her. “We don’t want to over do it.”

Soon, her dry aching throat was soothed, and Y/N leaned back against the pillows once more.

“Thank you,” she said, her voice a bit stronger now that she’d calmed her aching throat.

“You’re welcome.”

An odd beat passed between them as they just stared at each other. The thought that the moment should feel awkward passed through Jensen’s mind, but he found himself actually reveling in it.  As he sat there holding one of Y/N’s small hands in his own, he felt like nothing had changed. There was no hesitation or doubt in the way she was looking at him. No hatred or despair. She was looking at him like nothing bad had ever happened between them. Jensen opened his mouth to speak but was cut of by the arrival of her doctor.

“I see you’ve finally decided to join us,” Dr. Clement said as he came into the room.

Jensen reluctantly stepped away from Y/N’s side to let the doctor examine her. He watched anxiously as the doctor shined a light in her eyes and checked her vitals before asking her a few basic questions.

“Do you know where you are?” he asked her.

“The hospital?”

“That’s right. You’re in Seton Medical Center. Do you know why you’re here?” She shook her head no. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Her brow furrowed for a moment while she rolled back time in her mind. “I was at JJ’s birthday party,” she began. “We were about to open presents. I’d left mine in the car, and we’d gone to get it.”

Jensen could feel his body growing more tense by the second. He couldn’t deny that he’d been waiting for this moment, to learn exactly what had happened to Y/N and his daughter. Just thinking about it made his blood run cold. He could still see Y/N’s body lying in the road and feel her blood seeping through his clothing every time he closed his eyes. It was enough to make him nearly break down all over again.

“I turned around and…” She trailed off, her eyes growing wide with panic. “Oh my God! JJ!”

The tone of her voice snapped Jensen out of own mind and into the moment with Y/N. She doesn’t know. Jensen uncrossed his arms and stood up a bit straighter, his mouth going dry. A thousand and one questions started running through his mind as his heart began to race. What else didn’t she remember? Did she remember their fight? What about the talk they were going to have? Did she still want to talk to him? Everything seemed to kick into overdrive until she turned her wide startled eyes towards him. He could see them pleading with him to help her understand. Tears began pouring from her eyes as she called JJ’s name over and over again, begging and pleading with him to tell her what happened to her.

“It’s all right. It’s all right,” he said, pushing his own doubts and worries aside. He raced to her side and took her outstretched hands. “She’s okay. She’s fine.” He ran a hand down the side of her face. “JJ’s fine. She’s with Gen. She’s okay.”

He watched in utter amazement as she seemed to deflate against the pillows in relief.

“That’s right,” Dr. Clement told her. “The little girl is fine. You on the other hand have been through quite an ordeal.”

Jensen tuned out the doctor as he explained Y/N’s injuries to her. He’d heard it all before. Instead, he let his mind wander to the way she had reacted to the thought of JJ being hurt. It was like watching a physical manifestation of everything he had felt when he heard her scream his daughter’s name from the back yard. He’d watched her heart seized up in much the same way his had that day, and it amazed him. He knew she cared about his daughter. He’d just never imagined that she would react so violently to the idea of her being hurt. He knew it shouldn’t have made him smile, but he found the corners of his mouth turning upward all the same at the thought that Y/N could love his daughter as much as he did.

“Overall, I’d have to say things look pretty good,” he heard the doctor say as he came back to the moment. “We’ll run a few more test later on just to be sure, but everything looks good.”

Dr. Clement looked to Jensen and gave him a tight smile and nod on his way out the door.

“T-thank you,” Jensen called after him, still a bit to stunned to focus on anything other than the woman in front of him.

“Is JJ really alright?” she asked again once the doctor was out of the room.

Jensen felt Y/N’s grip on his hand tighten, and he turned back to see her regarding him with wide, anxious eyes.

“She’s okay,” he told her. “I promise.” He didn’t see the need to burden her already troubled mind with the tales of her nightmares and odd behavior. There would be time for that later. Right now he had to make sure that she was alright before trying to take things any further. “I’d say she’s been just as worried about you as you are about her.”

A weak smile formed on her face. She looked down at their joined hands and grasped his a little bit tighter before bashfully looking up at him through her lashes. Jensen swallowed around the lump that had formed in his throat. There were so many things he wanted to say, needed to say, but he just couldn’t seem to form the words. He opened his mouth, prepared to speak, but he couldn’t get the words out before another voice sounded behind them.

“You’re awake!”

They both turned their heads to find Jared standing in the doorway with a bright, eager smile on his face and a cup of coffee in each hand.

“Hi Jared,” Y/N greeted softly.

“Hi yourself.” He quickly moved over and placed the coffees on the table before taking the empty seat beside the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I was hit by a van.”

Y/N and Jared both laughed at her off color remark, but Jensen only clenched his jaw and tried to force the memory of Y/N lying in a pool of her own blood from his mind.

“Have you guys been here the whole time?” she asked them, breaking Jensen out of his horrific memories.

“Kind of,” Jared told her. “Gen’s been spending time here too. We all have. We’ve been taking turns between staying with you and watching the kids each day.”

Jensen felt Y/N’s hand shift slightly in his hands until she was stroking his palm with her thumb. His eyes shot from their joined hands to her face.

“Why?”

Jensen gulped and looked away. It was a simple question in and of itself, but he knew the answer could open up a tidal wave of trouble. The realization that this could be the last moment he was allowed to spend with her hung over him like a cloud. He took a deep breath, calming his nerves and strengthening his resolve before looking back up at her .

“I had to know you were okay,” he told her truthfully.

She didn’t look away at his answer. She didn’t flinch or pull back like he had feared. Instead, her features softened, leaving her with an almost dreamlike quality to her expression. Jensen could feel himself being drawn closer to her. She was like a magnet. He couldn’t have pulled away if he had wanted to.

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

The sound of Jared clearing his throat beside them broke the spell the moment had cast, and Jensen leaned back a bit without letting go of her hand.

“JJ’s been asking about you,” he told her. “She keeps asking when she can come see you.”

Y/N smiled. “I’d like to see her too.”

“Maybe I can bring her by in a couple of days once we know you’re on the mend?” Jensen offered.

Y/N smiled. “I’d like that.”

She chose that moment to let out a long exaggerated yawn.

“Haven’t you had enough sleep yet Y/N/N?” Jared joked.

She laughed. “I guess not.” A tired look took over her face. “You guys should go ahead and go,” she told them. “I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I can promise you that.”

“Are you sure?” Jensen asked. “I,” he caught himself, “we can stay a while longer if you want.”

She shook her head. “I’m okay. Go home. The kids need you guys. I’m just gonna sleep for a while. You should go home and do the same before you come back tomorrow.”

The fact that she had mentioned wanting them to come back the next day didn’t go unnoticed. “I can stay a bit longer,” Jensen told her. “It’s not a problem”

Jensen felt torn. He didn’t want to leave her. She’d only just woken up after nearly a month of leaving him in near constant worry for her survival. He wanted to stay and make sure he wasn’t dreaming.

Y/N promised them both that she would be fine on her own for one night. They could catch her up on everything tomorrow once they had all rested. Both men reluctantly agreed. Jared leaned down and gave her a quick hug while Jensen stood awkwardly beside her bed.

He wasn’t sure what to do. He was still holding her hand. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her goodbye. He just didn’t know if it was what she wanted or not. He brushed a strand of hair out of her face and gave her a weak smile.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Night, Jensen.”

He started to lean, but he stopped half way. It just felt wrong. He wanted to kiss her. Dear God did he want to, but he couldn’t. Not yet anyway. She still didn’t remember everything that had happened yet. What if she remembered and decided she wanted nothing to do with him? Kissing her now would only make that moment hurt all the more. So instead, Jensen brought the hand he was still holding up to his lips and kissed her knuckles. He didn’t stop to see her reaction. The thought that she might look at him with fear or revulsion was more than he could handle at the moment. So Jensen just giving her hand one last squeeze before turning to follow his friend out the door.

* * *

The walk back to the car was quiet, but not unpleasant. The crushing weight Jensen had felt weighing him down had been lifted somewhat the moment Y/N had opened her eyes and said his name. A little smile formed at the corner of his mouth. She didn’t push me away. She wants me to come back.

“Thanks again for calling me,” Jensen said when they reached their respective vehicles.”I really appreciate it.”

Jared shook it off. “Yeah man. No problem.”

“And uh.” He rubbed at his neck nervously. “Thanks for giving us a minute. I, uh…”

He felt ridiculous for being so tongue tied around Jared. He was best friend. His brother. There was no reason he shouldn’t be able to talk to him, but it ended up not being an issue. Jensen’s meaning came through loud and clear.

Jared put a hand on his shoulder and pulled him into a tight hug. Jensen returned it gladly. Jensen held on  a bit tighter than normal, but neither of them cared. Jensen needed this. For a moment, he didn’t have to keep it all together. He could just lean on Jared and let go of everything he had been carrying for the last month.

“She’s alright,” Jared whispered. Tears of relief sprang to Jensen eyes at his friend’s words and forcing him to cling to him harder. “She’s gonna be okay.”

He nodded against his friend’s shoulder before releasing his hold and slowly pulling away. Jared gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze before turning to get in his own vehicle. Jensen waived at him as he drove away before turning and getting in his truck.

“She’s okay,” he told himself. “It’s all gonna be okay.”

He put the car in reverse and slowly backed out of the space. The farther he drove from the hospital, the lighter he felt. He knew there was going to be  a fight ahead of him. Y/N waking up in and of itself didn’t fix everything, but at least now he would have the chance to prove to her how much he loved her. At least now they had more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and comments.


	16. Chapter 16

Jensen glanced at JJ in the rearview mirror as he drove them towards the hospital to see Y/N. She’d been out of ICU for about a week now, and the doctor’s had finally okayed her having more than one visitor at a time. JJ had broken out into a huge smile when when he’d told her about their trip to see Y/N in the morning. She’d been asking about her a lot lately. In fact, she’d been talking a lot more in general. She was starting to open up more and more. Jared had come to the house the day before, and JJ had given him a hug. Jensen could still see the look on his friends face when JJ wrapped her arms around his neck.

It was the first time he’d really felt like she was going to be okay , and Jensen thanked God for it. Jensen had even been able to get her to sleep in her own room for the majority of the night the night before, but just as he was drifting off to sleep, he’d heard his door creak open a bit and sat up to see JJ standing in the doorway.

“Come here, sweetheart,” he said as he threw back the covers on the opposite side of the bed.

JJ had scrambled across the room and climbed up into the bed beside him, drifting off to sleep almost instantly. She’d woken up just after he did that morning and had gone about her morning routine with little to no prompting from him. Lately he’d barely been able to get her to let go of him long enough to get ready, but that morning had gone so smoothly that he found himself constantly checking to make sure she was still alright. JJ had still wanted to stay close to him, brushing her teeth in his bathroom with him and nearly following him into his closet to get dressed, but she’d spent a fair amount of time in her room by herself while he fixed breakfast and again before he’d stuck his head in the door to make sure she was ready to go.

JJ had been completely silent since he placed her in the car, and that worried him. True she still wasn’t talking a whole lot, but she had been saying more and more as of late. So this sudden shift back to mutism was troubling. He had hoped that taking her to see Y/N would help JJ move forward in some way. Now he wasn’t entierly sure the visit was a good idea. 

“You okay back there, Jaybird?” he asked, chancing another glance at her in the mirror before turning into the hospital parking lot.

She nodded and gave a quite, “Yes, Daddy,” without really looking up.

Jensen frowned. He pulled the car into a parking space and put it into park, switching off the ignition without exiting the car right away. JJ had been so excited the night before. Now she looked like she wanted to just curl into a ball and hide. He debated throwing the car back into gear and taking her straight home. _What if seeing her makes it worse?_

He shook the thought from his head and got out of the car. If his daughter wanted to see Y/N, he wasn’t going to stop her, but he wasn’t going to force her to go either.

He helped JJ down from her booster seat before squatting down to be eye level with her.

“Do you still want to go see Y/N?” he asked her. “It’s okay if you don’t. We can just go home, and I’ll call Aunt Gen to tell her what’s going on. Nobody will be mad at you. I promise.”

There was a beat of silence before JJ lifted her eyes towards her father’s and spoke.

“I wanna go.”

Jensen studied her carefully. He could tell she meant it. There was a look of determination in her eyes that he’d only seen once before when she’d been learning to do a cartwheel in gymnastics and had refused to leave the gym until she got it right.

“Okay.”

He rose to his feet and took a hold of her hand, leading her through the hospital.

The beige walls and tiled floors were becoming an all too familiar sight for Jensen. 

* * *

_The door was already open when he arrived, but he knocked anyway. Y/N was sitting up in bed, watching some mindless game show on TV. She turned at the sound and sent a small smile his way._

_“Hey,” she said softly._

_“Hey.” Jensen held up a bag of food. “Figured you could use something other than the crap they try to pass off as food around here. Don’t worry. I already checked with the doc.”_

_Jensen sat the bag on the small table beside her bed and started pulling out the takeout containers. Y/N’s eyes lit up like the night sky when she saw the familiar logo on the top._

_“Victoria’s?” she gasped and snatched the container off of the table as soon as he set it down._

_Jensen chuckled. “Yeah. I remember how much you said you loved their chicken parm. So I thought I’d bring you some.”_

_“You are a godsend. Thank you.”_

_“You’re welcome.”_

_They ate in relative silence for a few minutes, occasionally laughing at the actors on the screen, but once the food was done, an uncomfortable tension started to build between them. Jensen still hadn’t broached the subject of their relationship, choosing instead to keep the conversations about how she was feeling and what JJ had been doing. Gen had told him about the doctor’s visit earlier in the day. Y/N had told him her memory was back. Well, most of it anyway. There were still a few gaps in and around the time of the accident that kept her from telling everyone exactly what happened after they went out front, but the rest was clear. She hadn’t come outright and said it, but Jensen knew she remembered their fight. It was in the way she looked at him with an edge of sadness, and it showed in the way she always hesitated slightly when he reached out to touch her. It was killing him to see it. Jensen knew he had to talk to her about it. Sooner rather than later._

_“So,” his voice caught part way in his throat, and he raised his fist to his mouth, couching gently to clear it before continuing, “Gen said you had a good visit with the doctor yesterday.”_

_“Yeah.” Y/N tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “He said if all goes well, I should get to go home in a few days. I still won’t really be able to use my leg for a while, but at least I’ll be able to get out of here.”_

_“That’s awesome!”_

_Jensen leaned forward in his chair and took Y/N’s hand in his own. She visibly tensed for a moment. It was brief, but he still saw it. He slowly pulled back and slouched down in his chair. It was now or never._

_“Guess you’re still mad at me huh?” he said. His tone was light, almost like he was joking, but the meaning was painfully clear. “We never really did get to have that talk.”_

_Jensen watched Y/N deflate as she let out a sigh. She turned her face away from him and re-positioned herself in the bed so that no part of her body was facing him._

_“Yeah,” she said, looking down at where she was picking at her nails in her lap. “I guess not.”_

_A thick tension began building between them. Neither one wanted to be the one to start the conversation, but Jensen knew that one of them was going to have to break._

_“You know I’d take it all back if I could.” Jensen kept his eyes focused on the pale green linoleum while he spoke. “The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. You mean too much to me for that.”  
_

_He chanced a quick glance up at her to see if she was listening. Her y/e/c eyes were focused on him with so much intensity that he had to look away. There was no way he was going to be able to get the words out if he did. So he turned his eyes back to the floor and continued talking.  
_

_“The instant I realized what I said, I wanted to beat myself. I still do. When you walked out that door… I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you like that. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and my daughter, and I can’t tell you enough how badly I wish I could change what I did, but I can’t. All I can do is tell you I’m sorry and beg you to give me another chance.”_

_Jensen looked back up at Y/N. There was pain clearly etched across her face, but that wasn’t the only thing he saw there. The muscles in her jaw were twitching like she was struggling to keep herself from talking.There was another emotion bubbling just under the surface that he wasn’t quite able to label. It almost looked like anger, but it melted away to pure unadulterated sadness._

* * *

One of the nurses at the nurses station spotted Jensen and JJ coming through the door and waived at them. He smiled politely back at her and nodded before continuing down the hall. He looked down at JJ to see her chewing at her fingernails and frowned. She hardly ever did that. He started to question her about it but thought better of it. This was the first time she’d been in the hospital since the accident. She was probably reliving that horrible night again. He just hoped that seeing Y/N and talking to her would help her in some small way like it had him.

* * *

_“Why?” she asked. Jensen’s eyes narrowed slightly as he tried to understand the question. “Why did you say her name?”_

_There it was. The million dollar question. It was something he’d been asking himself every single day since it happened, but he’d only been able to come up with one answer._

_He shook his head, tears forming in his eyes. “I don’t know.”_

_Jensen could tell it wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear. Hell, it wasn’t the one he wanted to give, but he couldn’t lie to her. Any chance they were going to have to be a couple again would have to be built on truth. He couldn’t do that if he lied to her now._

_He watched in silence as a myriad of emotions danced across her face. She moved from sadness, to anger, to acceptance in a matter of seconds. She drew her lower lip between her teeth, nodding her head ever so slightly in acknowledgment._

_“Okay.”_

_Her voice held little to no emotion, and that scared Jensen more than he would have guessed. He was prepared for tears, for being thrown out of her room in anger, but not for her silence._

_“Okay?” he asked._

_She nodded. “Okay.”_

_He opened his mouth to speak, but quickly shut it again. He didn’t know what to say._

_“I-I thought you’d be mad,” he stammered._

_“No, Jensen,” she said. “I’m not mad. I’m…. I don’t know what I am.”_

_Every cell in Jensen’s body was vibrating. There was something bubbling beneath the surface that she wasn’t sharing with him, and he had a feeling it was the linchpin that was holding everything together._

* * *

“Hey,” he said as he slowly pushed open Y/N’s door.

He stuck his head inside to see Y/N and Gen sharing an animated conversation. Y/N had her head thrown back in laughter. The sound echoed around the room like a bell, making Jensen smile.

“Hey,” she responded, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.

Gen turned and smiled at him. She’d know he was planning on bringing JJ by today. So she’d gone over early to help Y/N fix her hair and put on a little bit of makeup to cover the last of the bruises on her face so that seeing her wouldn’t be nearly as startling for JJ.

Jensen returned their smiles. “Look who I brought.”

He pushed the door open the rest of the way and watched with glee as Y/N’s face lite up at the sight of JJ. Her eyes seemed to almost sparkle when the little girl stepped into the room. Jensen started to lead JJ over to the bed, but the slight tugging at his hand stopped his progress. He looked back to see JJ standing there wide eyed and terrified. A tear ran down the little girl’s face, and Jensen was by her side in an instant.

“JJ, what’s wrong?”

His mind was reeling. JJ had turned into a statue the moment Y/N had come into view. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought her to see Y/N in the hospital? Perhaps it would have been better to wait until she was home before he’d brought her around. Seeing her in the hospital was just too much.

“Sweetheart?” he asked, a slight edge of panic to his voice.

She opened her mouth and muttered something that he couldn’t quite make out.

He put a hand on the side of her face. “JJ?”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her eyes never leaving Y/N.

Jensen’s head jerked slightly. “Sorry for what baby?”

JJ pulled away from his grip and started slowly walking towards Y/N’s bed. Gen saw her reaching up for the railing and carefully lifted her up onto the side of the bed.

“Be careful,” Gen told her. “Y/N’s still a little sore. So we’ve got to be careful that we don’t hurt her okay?”

JJ nodded before carefully climbing up the bed to settle beside Y/N. Y/N welcomed her with open arms, pulling her close and dropping a kiss to the top of her head. The sound of a sniffle filled the room, and Y/N pulled away to look down at the little girl in her arms.

“JJ?”

“I’m sorry,” she cried.

Y/N looked to Jensen for answers, but he didn’t have any to give her. All he could do was shrug and watch helplessly as his daughter began sobbing.

“Shhh. It’s okay.” Y/N ran a hand over JJ’s hair and rubbed her back soothingly. “What are you sorry for?”

“I’m sorry I made you get hurt.”

Jensen could feel every drop of blood leave his face. _What?_

“JJ,” he took a cautious step forward, “what are you talking about?”

The little girl didn’t look to her father. Instead, she turned her eyes towards Y/N.

“You got hurt because I dropped my ball,” JJ told her. “I know I’m not s’posed to go in the street, but I dropped it. I dropped it, and I tried to get it, but it went too far and…”

Everything suddenly made sense to Jensen. JJ had been holding her favorite blue bouncy ball when she’d followed Y/N around to the front of the house. If what he was hearing was correct, JJ had chased the ball into the street, and that’s when everything had unraveled.

“You pushed me out of the way,” he heard JJ say. “You pushed me and…”

Y/N pulled JJ tight against her chest and shushed her cries. Jensen turned his back towards the trio of women. He ran a shaking hand down his face before screwing his eyes tightly shut. No wonder JJ had been having such a hard time. It wasn’t just that she had seen the accident. She thought she had caused it. That fact alone made him want to beat his head against a wall as punishment for his stupidity. _How did I miss this?_

“Hey. Hey. It’s okay.” He turned back around at the sound of Y/N’s voice. “JJ? Look at me.” Jensen watched her place a finger under JJ’s chin and tilted her head until she was looking her in the eye. “Were you afraid I’d be mad at you?” JJ gave the subtlest of nods. “Oh sweetie.”  

Y/N enveloped the little girl in her arms. “I’m not mad at you sweetie. I’m just glad you’re okay, and you know what?”

JJ shook her head as she pulled away to get a better look at her.

“I’m okay too.”

JJ threw her arms around Y/N’s neck in a fierce hug. Y/N shut her eyes and held the little girl close. For his part, Jensen was just trying to keep it all together. He wasn’t sure if he should smile, laugh, or cry. It was like every single emotion he had felt from the time of the accident until now were swirling together inside his chest at once. He didn’t know what to do. Part of him wanted to go take JJ into his arms and comfort her, but he wanted to leave her with Y/N too. From the looks of it, Y/N needed that moment with JJ almost as much as JJ had needed to say something. Maybe more. He could see the way Y/N’s eyes shifted unseeingly around the space, almost like she was reliving everything. Her eyes went wide for a moment, and she held JJ a little tighter. There was no doubt about it now. She remembered everything.

Gen patted Jensen on the shoulder, breaking him from his thoughts. She held out a tissue to him. Jensen hadn’t even realized he had been crying until that moment. He gave her a silent nod of thanks and the briefest shadow of a smile.

“I’ll see you all later,” Gen whispered.

She gave Y/N a little wave and made her way out the door. Jensen cleaned up his face and moved to sit in the chair beside Y/N’s bed.

It was like he was seeing her with a new set of eyes. She hadn’t accidentally ended up in front of that SUV. She had flung herself in front of it to protect his daughter. There was no way he could ever repay her for that. She had put her life on the line for his little girl, and all he had done was break her heart.

Y/N looked up at him with watery eyes. A silent conversation passed between them. It didn’t matter what had happened between them. What mattered most in that moment was the blonde headed little girl sniffling in the older woman’s arms.

“JJ? Baby, come here,” he said softly. Jensen held out his arms, and JJ carefully moved from the hospital bed to his lap. “I love you so much. You know that?” She nodded silently against his shoulder. “Any time you feel sad or upset I want you to tell me. You are the most important thing in the world to me, and nothing is ever going to change that. Okay?”

“Okay, Daddy,” she said with a nod.

He pulled her into his chest and placed a kiss on her head. As he rocked her, his eyes traveled over to Y/N. She was smiling at them, tears of her own in her eyes. He did his best to return the smile before burying his face in his daughter’s hair and holding her a bit tighter.

* * *

Jensen and the Padalecki’s crammed into Y/N’s hospital room to listen to Dr. Clement talk about the next steps in Y/N’s recovery. She was out of the hard cast, but she was still going to be in an immobilizer for a while to prevent further injury until her leg was a bit stronger. The contraption made it nearly impossible for her to move her leg more than a few inches, and that was going to present its own set of unique challenges.

“Cutting through the muscle tissue to repair the damage to your femur can cause it’s own issues,” he told them. “While the bone is getting stronger, the muscles will need some work to regain their strength after being severed. It’s going to be a while before you can get around on your own. We’ll be sending you home with some crutches, but I want you off of your feet as much as possible. I don’t want you standing for long periods of time. No walking without the aid of your crutches for the first few weeks, and absolutely no stairs. That means you’re going to need some help. Do you have someone who can stay with you for the time being?”

Y/N shook her head no.

“That’s not true,” offered Gen. “You can stay with us.”

“What about your vacation?” Y/N asked.

Gen frowned. They had a family trip to Disney World planned for the next week. They’d been planning it for the better part of a year. It was all the boys had been able to talk about for the last few days. They had even asked Jensen if JJ could come with them. The corner of Jensen’s mouth pulled up into a half smile at the memory of their faces when he’d told them they’d have to wait for another time.

“We can put it off I suppose,” Gen said while looking up to Jared for confirmation.

The look on Jared’s face was a bit grim, but he nodded in agreement all the same. “Yeah,” he said, “we can do that. Making sure you get back on your feet takes priority.”

“No.” The sternness in Y/N’s voice caught everyone off guard. “You are not going to cancel your vacation for me. Tom and Shep would be crushed, and I’d never stop blaming myself if they didn’t get to meet Darth Vader.”

They all let out a little chuckle.

“Well, if you don’t have someone to stay with you,” Dr. Clement began, “we can arrange for you to stay at a short term care facility until you’ve progressed enough to be left alone..”

She looked shocked. “You mean like a nursing home?”

Dr. Clement smiled. “Not exactly. It would be a place where you can get assistance while your body finishes healing. Until your leg is stronger, it’s not safe for you to be on your own. You could easily try to do too much, fall, and end up injuring yourself even further. If you do that, it could set your recovery back to the point that you never fully heal.”

Y/N’s head shot up from where she had been looking at her lap. The look of fear in her eyes struck Jensen to the core. He’d been mostly silent throughout the exchange. He knew what he wanted to do. He knew the second the doctor had suggested she stay with someone. He just wasn’t sure anyone else would be onboard.

“You could stay with me,” he said.

Other than “hello,” it was the first thing he’d said since they’d arrived. It was easier to let Jared and Gen carry the conversation when they were all together, but easier didn’t always mean better. There had been a noticeable strain in his relationship with Y/N ever since they’d had their talk. She hadn’t shut the door on him completely. She just hadn’t welcomed him with open arms either.

“No.” Y/N started shaking her head. “I-I can’t ask you to do that.”

He could see her pulling away. Part of him said that this was the chance he needed to make things right. If he couldn’t find the words, maybe he could show her with his actions that all was well between them so that they could move past what had happened.

“I’ve got the space,” he countered. “There’s a room on the ground floor with a bathroom right next door, and JJ would love it if you were there. She asks about you every day. I can’t get her to go to bed at night without telling her about our visit first.”

Jensen could see the hint of a smile trying to form on her face. It was the same smile he could feel taking over his own, but it stopped forming when he realized she hadn’t agreed yet. A palpable tension started forming in the room. It made Jensen want to crawl out of his skin and scurry away to some hidden corner until everything was resolved, but that wasn’t an option.

“I’ll give you all a few minutes to discuss this while I check on my other patients,” Dr Clement said. “You can let me know what you decide when I get back.”

They all waited for him to leave the room before they started their conversation anew.

“Y/N,” Jared began, “if it’s going to be an issue..”

She cut him off before he could even get going. “No. You’re going on that trip. End of discussion.”

There was a moment of silence. Then Jensen spoke.

“Stay with me?” he asked.

The look of apprehension on Y/N’s face bordered on fear. Her eyes were wide and her jaw tight. He knew how hesitant she was to let him back in. He couldn’t blame her. He would have been the same, but he couldn’t just walk away either.

“We’ll give you to a minute to talk,” Gen said, taking Jared by the arm and leading him out into the hall.

The door shut behind them with a resounding click. Jensen turned back to Y/N and watched her expression carefully. She wasn’t really looking at him. Instead, she was focusing on the edge of her blanket, twiddling the material between her fingers like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

“Y/N?” he whispered softly, trying to get some sort of response out of her.

“Jensen,” Y/N began, “I-I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

“Why not?”

Jensen moved closer and took a seat on the edge of her bed. His heart gave a little flutter when he reached for her hand without her backing away.

“Because nothing is resolved between us,” she said. “We still have a lot to work through, and I’m not sure it’s a good idea to have us living together while all of that is going on. Besides,” she looked away from him again, “I don’t want you looking after me out of some misplaced sense of obligation because of JJ.”

“That’s what you think this is?” he asked.

“Isn’t it?”

There was a pregnant pause. Y/N’s y/e/c eyes searched his like she was looking into his soul. It made him feel small, insufficient in so many ways, and he looked away.

“Y/N,” he paused, taking a moment to gather his thoughts and choose his words carefully. “I’m not going to lie to you and say that I’m not hoping this will help,” he slowly lifted his eyes, “but if you think for one second that I’m doing this for any reason other than just wanting to… you’re wrong.” He brought her hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss to her knuckles before resting their joined hands against his racing heart.

“I want you with me. I want to take care of you. Not because of JJ, but because of you. I care about you.” Her mouth moved into a thin line, and Jensen decided to press his luck. “I know I fucked everything up,” he said, looking away from her for a split second before returning her gaze. Y/N started to open her mouth to argue, but he cut her off. “I know that I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I knew how you felt about Danneel, and then I went off and…”

He stopped when he felt her tense under his touch. She was looking away from him, but he could clearly see the hurt shining in her eyes. It was going to be a while before he could say her name around Y/N and not get that reaction.

“Please,” he begged, “give me a chance to show you that you mean just as much to me as she did.

“I mean just as much huh?” Jensen nodded. “Is that why you read to me every day?”

Jensen’s eyes went wide, his back straightening. “You remember that?”

Jensen had always been told that people in a coma could hear what was going on around them, but in the weeks since she’d woken up, Y/N had never given any indication that she’d been aware of anything that had happened while she was asleep.

Y/N nodded, a coy smile forming on her face. “Your voices are terrible by the way.”

The laughs from the both of them that followed easily broke the tension. Jensen looked down, smiling, and noticed that their hands were still joined. He started running his thumb back and forth across her knuckles. The smile stayed firmly planted on his face as he looked hopefully up at Y/N. He watched her eyes scan his face for a moment. He could see her indecision and started to worry.

“Okay,” she said, her voice just above a whisper.

Jensen felt his heart getting lighter. “Okay?”

She nodded. “Okay.”

If it was possible for a smile to break someone’s face, the grin that spread across Jensen’s face at her answer would have done it. He was practically beaming. There were few times in recent memory that he could remember being as happy as he was in that moment.

“Well,” Dr. Clement said as he made his way back into the room, “what have we decided?”

Y/N cut her eyes from the doctor to Jensen and back. “I’m staying with him.”

Dr. Clement nodded. “Good.” He spent the next several minutes going over what would be expected of the both of them.

It wasn’t just that Y/N had to be light on her leg. There was a lot of therapeutic exercises Y/N was going to need help with when her physical therapy started. It was a lot more involved than Jensen had realized. She wouldn’t be able to stand without help at first, let alone walk. There would be no stairs. No heavy lifting. She was going to have to rely heavily on him while she essentially learned to walk all over again, and that scared him.

All he had wanted was for her to wake up. Somehow, he had convinced himself that everything would be okay as long as she woke up, but that wasn’t the case. Learn how to walk?  She was going to be physically dependent on him. More than that, she was going to be relying on him to help her get stronger. He just hoped that she’d be back to her feet sooner rather than later. Her being happy and healthy was what really mattered now.

“Any questions?” Dr. Clement asked.

“No.” Jensen shook his head. “No, I think we’re good.”

“Good.” Dr. Clement turned his attention back to Y/N. “I’ll send the order for the physical therapy on your shoulder over. You can start that in a few days, and we’ll take a look at your leg in a few weeks.”

Y/N nodded. Dr. Clement wished them well and made his way through the door just as Jared and Gen returned. They both seemed a little confused by the doctor’s exit, but Y/N was quick to fill them in on her decision to stay with Jensen until the doctor cleared her for “active duty” as she put it.

Jensen reluctantly gave up his seat on Y/N’s bed so that the two women could discuss the things Gen would need to collect from her home before she was released in the morning. He watched them talk with a smile on his face, already planning what all he wanted to have in place for her before he brought her home. Home. Jensen liked the sound of that.

“Hey.” Jared took hold of Jensen’s shoulder and gestured towards the far side of the room with a tilt of his head. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Jensen took a quick look back at Y/N before nodding and following Jared out into the hall.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Jared asked, his voice a harsh whisper. He saw the confused look on Jensen’s face and went on. “I know your heart’s in the right place, but are you sure this is what you should be doing? Have you even talked about what happened yet?”

Trust Jared to be the voice of reason. Jensen could always count on his best friend to put things in perspective.

“Yeah actually. We have.”

The look on Jared’s face clearly showed how shocked he was at the statement. “And?”

“And we’ve still got a lot to work on.” Jared opened his mouth to protest, but Jensen quickly cut him off. “I know it’s not ideal, but it will have to work.”

“You’re right,” Jared told him. “It’s not ideal. In fact, it’s terrible. You’re going to take her and force her into a situation that she doesn’t want to be in, just hoping and praying that somehow it will all work out.”

“That’s not what I’m doing.”

“Yes it is!” Several people stopped what they were doing to look at them. Jared nodded his apologies and lowered his voice. “Think about this Jensen. What happens if you have another fight? She’s not going to be able to leave then. So what’s going to happen?”

Jensen didn’t answer him right away. He drew in a deep breath and gave himself a moment to think about what he wanted to say to Jared.

“Then… we work on it,” he said, throwing his arms out to the sides before letting them fall against his body. “We both agreed that we want to try, and I know it’s not going to be easy. Hell, I’m counting on it being one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life, but I’ll be damned if I let her just walk away without putting in some kind of effort to get her back.”

Jensen could practically hear the gears in Jared’s head turning. His life was about to get a whole lot more complicated, but it was going to be worth it. He could see that. He just hopped Jared could too.

“Alright,” Jared said, nodding slightly. “Just don’t feel like you have to do this. There are lots of ways to fix relationships. Living together isn’t usually one of them.”

“I know,” Jensen answered, “but it may be what we need this time. No avoiding. No dancing around it. Just work.”

Both men stood their for a moment longer, their silent conversation saying more in the span of a few seconds than either of them could say with words in a lifetime. Jared was the first to break, pulling Jensen into a tight hug before turning to open the door. Both men walked in with smiles on their facing, neither giving any indication as to what they had been talking about in the hallway moments before.

* * *

Jensen was grateful that his mother had come in for the day. He couldn’t imagine picking Y/N up from the hospital and keeping an eye on JJ at the same time. He’d been forced to more or less lift her into the car, and Y/N had immediately become sullen when she realized just how little she would be able to do on her own.

She sat with her head in her hand, just staring out the window as they drove along.

“Gen already brought some stuff over for you,” he said by way of breaking the tension between them. “She already put it in the downstairs guest room. So you should have everything you need.”

“Thanks.”

Y/N’s voice was soft, hesitant. Jensen looked over at her from the corner of his eye.

“Y/N,” he began, “are you sure you’re okay with this? We can still come up with something else if you don’t wanna…”

“No,” she cut him off. “It’s fine really. Just… just not to excited about having to have someone take care of me for a while ya know? I’ve been more or less on my own since I was 17. The thought of having to be dependent on somebody again is just kind of frustrating.”

Jensen nodded.  He’d figured as much. Y/N was one of the most fiercely independent women he’d ever met. He had to hustle to open doors for her on a date. He could only imagine how difficult the next few weeks were going to be.

“I get it.” He pulled the car into the garage and put it into park before shutting off the engine. “Tell you what,” he said, shifting in his seat slightly so that he could look her in the eye more easily, “as long as what you want to do isn’t strictly on the no fly list the doctor gave me, then I’m willing to let you try it. I’ll only jump in if it looks like you’re going to hurt yourself. Deal?”

He held out his hand. Y/N looked from it to his face for a moment, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. A slow smile started to slide across her face before she took his hand and shook it firmly.

“Deal.”

They smiled at one another before Jensen hopped out of the car and sprinted around to get Y/N’s door. She gave him an exasperated look when he popped the door open before she could even reach for the handle.

“What did we just agree to?” she asked.

“I’m not babying you,” Jensen countered with a smile. “I’m just being a gentleman. If I was babying you, I’d be carrying you into the house. Just be happy I’m not lifting you out of the car.”

Y/N sent him a scathing look, and he just stuck his tongue out at her in an attempt to lighten the mood. It worked like a charm.

“Keep it up and you’ll get a crutch to the face,” she quipped, but the smile she gave him told Jensen just how little truth the threat held.

He took a step back but kept a close eye on her as she carefully lowered herself to the ground. He made sure she was steady on her feet before turning to go into the house. Jensen tossed his keys into the bowl by the door and stepped aside to let Y/N in. He was just about to call out that they were home when JJ’s head appeared around the corner. A bright smile appeared on her face as she started making her way down the hall.

Jensen was caught off guard when she bypassed him completely and made a beeline for the woman standing beside him. He watched on in stunned silence as she threw her arms around Y/N’s good leg. The sudden contact threw Y/N off balance. Jensen could see her teetering, eyes wide in fear as she prepared to fall. He darted forward, taking hold of her shoulders to keep her steady.

“Thanks,” she said once she was sure she wouldn’t fall.

“You’re welcome.” Jensen squatted down and scooped his daughter into his arms. “Were you good for Grandma?” he asked, adjusting his daughter in his arms.

JJ nodded. “She let me make cookies.”

“Did she now?” JJ gave him a sweet smile and nodded. “Awesome.” He put her on the ground. “Why don’t you go get your grandma okay?”

“Okay,” JJ said, looking up at Y/N with wide innocent eyes. “I missed you,” she said in a tiny voice.

“I missed you too sweetheart,” Y/N said, placing her hand on the back of the young girl’s head. Jensen watched the exchange with a smile on his face. Y/N reacted to JJ as naturally as if she’d been a part of her life from the beginning. It felt right having her in his home. He just hoped that he could make her feel as comfortable there as he was.

JJ turned and headed down the hall to get her grandmother as asked. Jensen watched her disappear around the corner, smile still firmly planted on his face until he heard a slight hissing sound behind him. His head whipped around to see Y/N adjusting herself on her crutches and winced. The change in her facial expression was nearly imperceptible, but Jensen had seen it. He took a quick step towards her.

“Are you okay?”

She gritted her teeth and nodded, clearly lying. He was just about to call her bluff when the sound of his mother’s voice distracted them both.

“Welcome back.”

They both looked to the end of the hall to see Donna coming around the corner, dishtowel in hand and JJ in tow.

“Hey Mom.” Jensen gave her a quick hug before letting her go so she could greet Y/N.

“Y/N, sweetie, I’m so glad you’re doing better.”

“Me too.”

Y/N smiled and gave her a one armed hug, but Jensen could see the grimace behind her smile. She was in pain. He chanced a quick glance at his watch. According to the doctor, she was probably due for some pain meds again soon, and if the look on her face was any indication, she was going to need them.

“Why don’t you go lay down for a bit,” Jensen offered. “I’ll bring you something you can take your meds with in a minute.”

He could see the argument forming in her mind and quirked an eyebrow at her. She sighed.

“Okay. JJ,” she turned her attention to the little girl that had once again attached herself to her father’s leg, “do you think you could show me where to go? I’m not sure which room is mine.”

JJ looked up at Jensen for a minute. He gave her an encouraging smile.

“Okay” She held her hand out to Y/N before realizing she wouldn’t be able to take it and pulling it back. “It’s this way.” Y/N started following JJ down the hall.

Jensen promised to be right behind them. Y/N gave him a weak nod before telling Donna it was good to see her again and slowly making her way down the hall. Jensen watched her go, a look of worry on her face.

“She’ll be fine,” his mother whispered.

He turned to look at her.

“I know.”

“Then why do you have a worry line.” She reached up and ran her finger along the crease that had formed between his eyebrows. “You’ve always done that when you are worried,” she told him. “Even as a baby.”

He chuckled. “Can you blame me?”

She shook her head. “No, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still going to remind you.”

Jensen reached out and pulled his mother into a tight hug. He didn’t know what he would have done without her. She’d always been a rock for him. Anytime anything had ever bothered him, she’d always been there to support and reassure him.

“Thanks Mom.”

“You’re welcome sweetie.”

She patted him on the back reassuringly. They shared one last “I love you” before he walked her out to her car and promised to call her if they needed anything. He stood in the driveway until her car disappeared around the corner. Taking a deep breath, he ran a hand down his face and turned to make his way back into the house.

He followed the hallway near the stairs to the bedroom he’d set up for Y/N at the end. Peeking inside, a brilliant smile formed on his face. Y/N was sitting up in the bed while JJ tried to fluff the remaining pillows behind her back.

“How’s our patient?” he asked as he stepped into the room.

“She’s in good hands,” Y/N told him, a smile of her own forming on her face. “Dr. JJ is taking good care of me.”

JJ giggled. “I can see that.” Jensen walked over to the far side of the bed and took a seat. “How are you feeling?” he asked, reaching out to run his thumb back and forth across the knuckles of her left hand.

“Better now that I’m sitting down,” she said, her head falling back against the last of the pillows JJ had put in place.

“I’m taking care of her, Daddy.”

“I know. Thank you.” He ran a hand over her blond head. “What do you you guys want for dinner?”

“S’ghetti!” JJ said excitedly.

Jensen looked at her, absolutely stunned. His eyes drifted from his daughter to Y/N and saw much the same expression on her face. It was the most life JJ had shown in months.

“M-maybe we should ask our guest,” Jensen offered. He looked to Y/N. “What sounds good to you?”

Y/N cast a sideways at JJ. “I think I could handle some pasta.”

JJ jumped off of the bed and started dancing around in victory. Y/N and Jensen couldn’t help but laugh at her antics. Tears started to form in Jensen’s eyes. For a moment, she was his little girl again, full of life and laughter. Jensen chuckled to cover his bubbling emotion and gave Y/N’s hand a squeeze. Having her there was bringing his daughter back to life. Even if things didn’t work out between them, he couldn’t regret his decision to bring her there if that was the result.

“I’ll be right back with some meds.”

“No,” she told him. “I’m doing a lot better now that I’m sitting. I think I’ll just take a nap and wait until dinner.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “Remember our deal? This counts.”

She groaned. “Fine.”

Jensen grinned in triumph before rising from the bed. “Come on Jaybird. Let’s let Y/N get some rest, and you can help me in the kitchen.”

JJ crawled onto the bed to give Y/N one final hug before heading off down the hall. Jensen took note of the smile on her face. It was one of the most beautiful sights in the world, and he had missed it. He paused at the doorway and turned to look back at Y/N to see that her eyes were already closed. He knew she probably wasn’t asleep yet, but the peaceful look on her face made him smile.

* * *

“Y/N?” JJ asked as she stood from where she had been curled into her side on the couch.

She’d been in that spot ever since they finished dinner. Jensen had moved to the armchair so Y/N could put her leg up, and JJ had hopped up beside her without a second thought. The pout that had formed on her face when he told her it was time for bed had been adorable, but it wasn’t going to get her out of bedtime. They both knew that.

“Yeah sweetie,” Y/N answered.

“Will you read me my bedtime story?”

“Y/N can’t go upstairs yet,” Jensen told her. “Remember?”

JJ’s face fell. “Yeah.”

“How about I read you a story tomorrow?” Y/N offered. “We can snuggle up in a blanket and read whatever you want.”

JJ’s face broke into a smile.”Okay.”

Jensen told her to head on up and brush her teeth and that he would be along in a minute. JJ gave Y/N a kiss goodnight on the cheek before heading towards the stairs.

She was doing so much better than she was before. It amazed him. It was as if she was starting to get her sparkle back. If Jensen had to hazard a guess, he’d say this latest breakthrough had something to do with the woman sitting on the couch in front of him.

He looked down at her to see her watching JJ go with the same adoring expression he had.

“You, uh, you need anything?” he asked hesitantly.

Y/N turned her attention back to Jensen. “No.” she said, struggling to get up off the couch. “I think I got it.” She looked a little off balance, and Jensen reached out a hand to steady her. She waved him off. “I got it.”

“Sorry.”

Her tone hadn’t been harsh by any means, but the brush off had hurt all the same. He stayed close behind her as they made their way to the stairs, watching to make sure she really was okay before he placed a foot on the stairs.

“Holler if you need anything alright,” he said.

She gave him a quick nod and started to make her way down the hallway. Jensen had only made it up a few steps before she called out to him.

“Jensen?”

He hurried back down the steps. Maybe something really was wrong? Did she need help? Maybe she’d decided she couldn’t really stay with him after all. He spun around the banister and came face to face with her standing at the guestroom door at the end of the hall.

“Thank you,” she said, a small smile forming on her face.

Her smile was infectious. “You’re welcome.” He watched her hobble into the room, closing the door gently behind her, before he turned back towards the stairs. He paused for a moment and looked back at the room, his smile growing. Things were turning out even better than he had hopped for. Now he just had to find a way to get them talking about what was really going on between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos


	17. Chapter 17

Slowly blinking his eyes open, Jensen woke from the most peaceful nights sleep he’d had in nearly a month. There had been no haunting dreams. No cries of terror in the night to wake him. In fact, JJ hadn’t even woken him when she crawled into his bed in the middle of the night. He looked over at the sleeping child beside him and smiled. She was the most precious thing in the world to him, and he thanked God every day that he got to have her.

Jensen placed a kiss on her forehead before climbing out of bed and making his way downstairs. He chanced a quick glance down the hallway at Y/N’s door and saw that it was still shut. She must still be sleeping. He scratched at his stubbled jaw and made his way towards the kitchen. It didn’t matter how well he had slept the night before. He still wasn’t completely human before his first cup of coffee in the morning. He quickly started the coffee maker before gathering the ingredients for his famous pancake breakfast. He’d just finished mixing the batter when he heard the distinctive shuffle, tap of crutches on hardwood and turned to see Y/N making her way into the kitchen.

“Morning,” she muttered as she ambled towards the breakfast table.

“Hey. You want some coffee?” Jensen didn’t even wait for her to answer before he started reaching for a second mug.

“Dear God yes!” The near sob like tone in her voice made Jensen chuckle. “The coffee in the hospital was godawful.”

Jensen pulled the special creamer he’d bought just for her at the store the day before out of the fridge and poured a fair amount into her mug before reaching for the now finished pot of coffee and pouring a generous amount into both mugs. He pulled a spoon from the drawer beside him and gave hers a quick stir.

“Here you go,” he said, placing the mug in front of her before turning his attention back to the pancakes. “How’d you sleep last night?”

“Like crap.”

That was not the answer Jensen had expected to hear. He poured a few ladles full of batter onto the hot griddle and turned to face her. “How come?”  He grabbed his own cup of coffee and took a large gulp of the dark liquid. “Something wrong with the room?”

A slight feeling of panic washed over him. The heavy dark circles under Y/N’s eyes looked almost like bruises. If he didn’t know any better, Jensen would have guessed that she hadn’t slept in a week.

“Too much pain,” she sighed.

Jensen’s expression became sever. “Why didn’t you say something?” he asked her, concern clear in his voice.

Y/N reached a shaky hand towards her mug. The sluggish movement made Jensen’s gut ache.  _How much pain is she in?_

“I didn’t want to yell up the stairs and wake JJ,” she told him simply.

The fact that she had thought of his daughter first warmed his heart, but he still wanted to scold her for not telling him what was going on.

“You could just text me,” he offered.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Would you have heard it?”

He thought about it for a moment before shrugging in defeat. She had a point. Few things apart from his daughter’s voice were able to wake Jensen once he was asleep. Years of traveling had taught him to sleep almost anywhere. All he needed to do was stop moving for longer than 30 seconds and he was out like a light. A simple chime from a text message wouldn’t even register.

“You could just call me,” he offered. “I promise I’ll wake up if it keeps ringing.” She smiled at him before taking a sip of her coffee. “How is it?”

“Mmh,” she sighed in pleasure at the taste of the hot liquid on her tongue. “It’s perfect. How’d you know?”

“I pay attention,” he said with a devilish wink before turning back to the task at hand. He flipped the pancakes before reaching for the bowl of fruit on the counter. “It’s gonna be a few minutes before those are done. How about some fruit to tide you over? That way you can go ahead and take some pain meds while you wait.”

“Sounds great. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He quickly diced a few apples and pulled a container of strawberries out of the fridge. He placed a few pieces of each type of fruit on a plate and put it on the table in front of her. “Here you go. Eat those, and I’ll go get your pills.”

Y/N didn’t even argue with him. She just nodded and reached for a slice of apple. It hurt Jensen’s heart to see her struggling like this. Even raising an apple slice to her mouth looked like it took a herculean effort. He hopped that she’d be able to take a nap while he was out with JJ. Hopefully the medication and some decent rest was all she needed to start feeling a little more like herself.

The majority of the fruit he’d given her was already gone by the time he returned with her pills.

“Hungry?” he teased.

She gave him a rueful look before telling him to hush and taking the pills he offered her. Jensen took her plate and piled the first batch of pancakes onto it before returning it to the table along with the butter and syrup he’d collected from the pantry earlier. He’d just started on the second round of pancakes when JJ came into the room.

The mop of wild blonde hair sitting on top of her head made it look like she’d stuck her finger in a light socket on her way down the stairs. Her eyes were only half open, and if Jensen didn’t know any better, he’d say she was in just as much need of caffeine as he was.

“Morning Jaybird,” Jensen grated. “You want some pancakes?”

“Yeah,” she muttered as she climbed up into a chair beside Y/N. “Morning Y/N.”

“Good morning JJ.”

Jensen put a single pancake on a plate for JJ and cut it up before adding a few pieces of fruit and giving it to JJ.

“Daddy,” she said in a whiny voice, “can I have bacon?”

_Yep. Totally my kid._

“Not today sweetheart,” he told her. “Maybe next time.”

She started to pout, but when he raised an authoritative eyebrow at her, she uncrossed her arms and started to eat the meal he’d put in front of her. Jensen watched her for a moment to make sure she was actually going to eat her food and not just push it around her plate before going to make his own breakfast.

Y/N and JJ were engaged in conversation by the time he turned back around. He watched them interact with a smile on his face. They both seemed a bit more lively than they had a moment before. JJ was smiling, and Y/N looked like she was feeling a bit better as well now that she’d eaten and taken something for the pain.

He took a seat at the table across from them and ate in silence, content to watch his girls enjoying each other’s company. The easiness with which they interacted made it look like breakfast conversations were something they did on a daily basis instead of it being something they were only doing for the first time.

“And then I get to go to ‘nastics,” JJ told her, a look of pride beaming on her face.

“Speaking of,” Jensen said, looking up at the clock on the kitchen wall, “we need to get going soon if we don’t want to be late. Go put your plate in the sink and change out of your pjs so we can go.”

“Is Y/N coming too?” JJ asked.

The hopeful lilt in her voice was unmistakable. Jensen froze for a moment before he looked back and forth between Y/N and JJ. He didn’t know what to say. The thought of having Y/N act as a part of his family gave him a joy he wasn’t sure he could describe, but one look at her face had him doing a mental backpedal. He didn’t want to get too far ahead of himself. There was a clear internal battle taking place in Y/N’s mind. Frown lines had formed across her forehead and near the corners of her mouth. He wished he knew what she was thinking so that he could quite his own raging thoughts. He kept going back and forth between joining JJ in her request and telling his daughter that it was not going to happen. Thankfully, Y/N answered her before his mind had a chance to make a decision he may regret later.

“Would it be okay if I go next time?” she asked. “I just take some medicine that makes me really sleepy, and I don’t want to sleep through it.”

She sent a quick look Jensen’s way, and for a moment, he was afraid that he was the reason she didn’t want to go. He was afraid that the thought of spending more time with him repulsed her. Then he saw how heavy her eyelids were getting, and he knew that she wouldn’t be conscious for much longer. He nodded and gave her what he hoped was an encouraging smile to let her know that he understood even if his daughter didn’t.

“Would it be okay if I went with you another time?” she asked again when JJ didn’t answer. “I want to make sure I can stay awake so I can watch you. I bet you’re just amazing.”

JJ grinned slightly at the praise before frowning and dropped her chin to her chest. “Okay.”

“Hey,” Jensen drew her attention, “why don’t you go get ready, and Y/N and I can think up a bunch of fun things for you to do together once we get back. That way Y/N can rest, and you can still spend time with her later okay?”

JJ nodded before hopping off of her seat. Her steps were a bit heavier on the stairs than they had been earlier that morning, but Jensen was sure she’d be fine in a minute or two.

“I hate doing that to her.”

Jensen turned back around to see Y/N leaning heavily against her fist. “Doing what?” he asked.

“Disappointing her.” Y/N’s eyes dropped to the table. “Maybe I should just suck it up and go after all.”

She started to rise from the table, but Jensen was quick to stop her.

“Whoa. Whoa,” he said. “Just hold on a second.” Y/N stopped and stared at him in confusion.

Jensen loved the fact that JJ’s feelings were so important to her. It actually made his heart swell with pride at the thought, but he knew that things would only get worse if she pushed herself to hard. He needed her to see that.

“There is nothing wrong with needing to hang back for a while. You just got out of the hospital for crying out loud, and that’s exactly where you’re going to end up if you push yourself too hard.” He studied her face carefully for a moment before going on. “It’s okay to say that you can’t do something. JJ’s not going to hate you for it, and neither am I. I promise. You getting stronger and taking care of yourself is what’s important.”

A little smile formed on Y/N’s face. She looked down for a moment before returning her gaze to him. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said with a smile of his own. “Why don’t you go lay down, and I’ll come check on you before you leave.”

She nodded before gingerly rising to her feet and crutching back down the hallway towards her room. Jensen watched her go with a heavy heart. He knew that he would feel exactly the same if their roles were reversed. Disappointing JJ was something he never wanted to do, but sadly, sometimes life throws you a curveball that limits what you can do. He just hopped that Y/N wouldn’t be to hard on herself for having to say no just this once.

* * *

It only took about half an hour for Jensen to get JJ ready to go. She was attempting to tie her own shoe laces while he walked down the short hallway to Y/N’s room. He gave the door a tentative knock and waited for her muffled, “Come in,” before pushing open the door.

“How you feeling?” he asked her.

“Better. Sleepy.”

Even without the last piece of information, Jensen could easily see how tired she was. Her eyes were half closed, and the groggy expression she wore said that she was either just about to fall asleep or just barely waking up.

“Good.” He took a seat beside her on the bed. “We should only be gone a couple hours. If you need anything in the meantime just give me a call, and we can come back sooner okay?”

She nodded sleepily.

Jensen watched her closely. He knew that leaving Y/N alone for two hours to take JJ to her gymnastics class wasn’t against doctor’s orders. He hadn’t said that she could never be left alone, just that she was going to need a lot of help in the beginning, and that being alone was not a good option. He knew from the way she kept slowly blinking that she would most likely fall asleep the second he was out the door. He hoped that she could find a way to sleep the majority of the time they were gone. He just couldn’t help but worry that something was going to happen while he was away that would make things even more difficult for her.

“Jensen,” she told him. “I’ll be fine.”

He chuckled to himself. Apparently his face was telling her more than he wanted it to.

“Just promise you’ll call if you need something alright?” he begged.

She gave him a weak smile as sleep began to overtake her. “I promise.”

Jensen returned her smile and fought to keep himself from brushing a strand of hair from her face as she closed her eyes to sleep. He wanted to kiss her forehead and tell her that he would be home soon, but he didn’t. Instead he slowly rose to his feet, pulling the blankets up around her before leaving the room.

* * *

The engine gave a slight rumble when Jensen pulled into the garage. Jared had called him when he was about half a mile away. Gen had kicked him and the boys out of the house so that she could finish packing before they left on their trip in the morning. He’d decided to take the boys for ice cream to pass the time, and they had wanted to know if JJ wanted to come along. She’d been excited when Jensen had first asked her, but that excitement had dwindled slightly when she realized he wasn’t coming with her.

JJ hid behind his leg for a moment while Jared squatted down to her level and smiled in greeting. She’d still been reluctant to go with him, but when Shep had stepped forward to take her hand, JJ had smiled and slowly started following him to the car. The look of pure joy on Jared’s face when JJ had stopped to give him a hug was an image Jensen wouldn’t forget any time soon. Having his niece push him away had been excruciating for Jared. That one tiny gesture had meant more to him than he probably would have been able to put into words, and Jensen knew it.

He dropped his keys in the bowl near the garage entrance and was just about to call out that he was home when he heard a loud thud and shout in the direction of Y/N’s room.

“Y/N!” he shouted, his heart in his throat as he took off down the hallway.

The bedroom door was wide open, but Y/N was nowhere in site. Jensen’s heart started beating double time as a million and one scenarios of what could have happened to her ran through his mind.

“Y/N!” A groan sounded behind him. Turning, Jensen’s eyes fell on the closed bathroom door. “Y/N?” He received another groan in reply. “Y/N talk to me. What’s going on?” No answer. “Y/N?” His heart leapt to his throat, panic seizing every bone in his body. “Y/N please answer me.”

“Jensen?”

He breathed a sigh of relief.  _Thank God._  He checked the handle to find the door unlocked.  “Y/N, I’m coming in alright?”

“Wait!” The slight edge of panic to her voice gave him pause. “I, uh, I’m not dressed. Just… just give me a second.”

Jensen’s fingers began to twitch against the knob. Every instinct in his body was screaming at him to go in. He wasn’t going to be satisfied that she was alright until he saw her with his own two eyes.

“Okay.”

He was shoving the door open the instant her voice sounded on the other side of the door. Jensen’s eyes quickly scanned the room until they landed on Y/N laying half sprawled across the bathroom floor, her bad leg was propped up along the edge of the tub. She’d grabbed a towel off of the rack to cover herself, but Jensen barely noticed. A brief flash of a memory danced across his vision, making his heart stop. For an instant, it was almost as if he was finding Danneel all over again before he shook his head to clear the memory from his mind. He suddenly became all too aware of the situation the two of them found themselves in.

“Jesus, I’m sorry,” he said, quickly averting his eyes. The tips of his ears had already started to turn red by the time she spoke.

“It’s okay,” Y/N said, holding the towel a bit tighter to her body.

He chanced a glance over at her to see the same rosy coloring he knew was on his face building in her cheeks.

“What happened?” he asked, carefully crouching down on the tile beside her.

“I fell,” she groaned, slowly pushing up onto her elbows. “I wanted to take a bath, but I can’t get this thing wet.” She pointed to the contraption holding her leg in place. “I was trying to get in the tub when my crutches slipped out from under me.”

“Are you hurt?”

Jensen’s hands hovered about a quarter of an inch above her skin, but never touched her. He visually check her for injuries as best he could, but the fear that he would push her too far kept him from doing anything further.

“I’m fine,” she said, gently pushing his hands away.

The slight rebuff hurt him, but Jensen hid it as best he could. He knew that he shouldn’t feel upset that she was refusing his help, but seeing her lying in the floor like that had nearly caused his heart to stop.

“Why didn’t you wait for me to get home so I could help you? You could have broken your neck.”

The concern in his voice was almost palpable, and if the look Y/N was giving him was any indication, his face betrayed him even more. Seeing her body sprawled across his floor like that had utterly terrified him. If anything had happened… His legs had nearly given out beneath him at the sight of her lying in the floor. He could still feel his heart racing with residual traces of fear that he was sure would haunt him for long after the day was done.

“How exactly was I supposed to do that?” she asked before switching to a mocking tone. “Hey Jensen, I know things have been really shitty between us, but can you come help me take a bath.” She shook her head from side to side. “Not exactly a conversation I want to have.”

Jensen reached over to turn off the faucet and pull the plug out of the tube before returning his attention to Y/N. He could see the embarrassment she felt in the set of her shoulders and the way she refused to look him in the eye. They both found themselves in an impossible situation. Jensen wanted to help her. He just didn’t know how. There was no guidebook for something like this. There was nobody that could tell him exactly what to do or say in this situation. It was completely uncharted territory… for both of them.

Y/N started reaching for her crutches and trying to stand.

“Here,” Jensen offered, “let me help you.”

He kept his eyes focused on the floor as he put his hands under her arms and slowly helped her to her feet. Her towel slipped a little, and Jensen slammed his eyes shut in an attempt to protect her modesty as much as possible.

“Now what,” Y/N asked once she’d found her footing. “How am I supposed to get clean if I can’t take a bath?”

Jensen looked up to see tears of anger and frustration forming in her eyes.

“I hate this,” she told him. “I hate feeling useless. Now I can’t even take a fucking bath on my own.”

Jensen reached up and carefully brushed a tear away with his thumb. “Hey. It’s okay.” He ran his thumb along her cheek in a soothing motion before pulling his hand back and taking a step away from her to give her as much space as the tiny bathroom would allow. “This is only temporary. You’ll be back to bossing people around photoshoots again before you know it.” She smiled. “But for now, you have to let me take care of you.”

“What are you going to do?” she asked. “Give me a sponge bath?”

Her tone had been a teasing one, but Jensen still couldn’t help but blush at the thought.

“N-no,” he stuttered, his eyes focused on the floor. He racked his brain for a moment until an idea came to him. He looked up. “You can use my bathroom. There’s a bench seat in the shower. You can prop your leg up in front of you so it won’t get wet. I can just get everything turned on for you and leave you to it.”

“But the bathroom is upstairs,” she said. “I’m not even allowed to go up them with the crutches.”

“I could carry you.”

A tense silence fell around them. Y/N clutched the towel tighter around her body and looked away from him.  _Way to go Jensen. Just keep making it worse._

“Okay.” Y/N’s voice was so quiet that Jensen wasn’t sure he heard her.

“What?”

“Okay,” she said, her voice a bit louder this time. “I’ll let you carry me.”

“Are you sure?”

The last thing Jensen wanted was to make her even more uncomfortable than she already was, and he could clearly see by the look on her face that she wasn’t entirely thrilled at the idea of him having to carry her from one place to the other. The lack of other choices presented to them left them with little choice. Even so, that didn’t mean they had to be happy about it.

“I’m sure.”

Jensen took a step forward and gently scooped Y/N into his arms, careful to keep his eyes averted encase her towel slipped again.

He carried her up the stairs past JJ’s room and into his own. He didn’t say anything as he proceeded through the room to the on suite. There was a beautiful double vanity along one wall with a large claw-foot soaking tub across from it, but that was not where Jensen was taking her.

The walk-in shower was a large black tile enclosure on the far side of the room.  There was a long bench built in along one wall, just as Jensen had promised, and three large rainfall shower heads on the far wall with the one in the middle on a detachable hose. Jensen sat Y/N on the bench before going to retrieve the detachable shower head and turning the water on. He was careful to stay as far out of the spray as possible so as not to soak his clothing. Once he was sure the water was at a good temperature, Jensen brought the shower head along with other needed bathing materials over to Y/N. He placed the shower head in her hand with a smile and sat the rest beside the bench.

“I’ll be in the next room if you need me,” he said. “Just hollar.”

He didn’t wait for her to say anything before exiting the shower. He just turned and left so he could give her as much privacy as possible. He walked back into the bedroom and took a seat on the edge of his bed. He ran a hand through his hair and let a sarcastic laugh escaped him.  _This is so fucked up._

A pained groan sounded from inside the bathroom, effectively pulling Jensen from his thoughts. He sat up a little bit straighter as his eyes drifted to the door. “Dammit,” another muffled curse reached his ears.

“Y/N?” he asked, already rising to his feet. “You alright?”

He didn’t wait for her to reply before heading for the bathroom. He stopped just outside of the showers entry, careful to keep his back turned so as not to see her. He heard Y/N give another gasp of pain.

“Y/N?”

“I can’t get my arm up high enough,” she said with a whimper.

Jensen frowned for a minute before remembering what the doctor had said about her shoulder. While the damage to her arm had been nothing compared to the lower half of her body, it was still going to be a bit before she had her full range of motion again.

“Ca..,” Jensen cleared his throat awkwardly, “can I come in?” He waited for Y/N’s quite affirmation before entering.

He found her sitting on the bench, leg propped up in front of her on the bench, with a look of utter defeat on her face. She looked miserable. She’d only been able to get half of her hair wet before the pain in her arm and forced her to stop. The frown on her face was so deep set that it even caused her forehead to crinkle.

Jensen stood there awkwardly with his hands in his pockets and his eyes focused on the tiles just above her head.

“Do you want me to help?” he asked.

“Do I have a choice?”

“Yes,” he said earnestly. “I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to Y/N. I just don’t want you to suffer just because you are afraid to ask for help.” He went on when she didn’t respond. “I’ll just wash your hair and help you with anything you can’t reach. The rest is up to you. I promise I won’t even look at you if it makes you feel better.”

The fact that he already wasn’t looking at her was sure not to go unnoticed, but he wanted to make it clear to her that he had no other motive for helping her other than wanting her to recover as quickly as possible.

“Okay.”

Jensen nodded shyly before making his way over to her. He knelt on the bench behind her and took the detachable shower head from her hand. The water splashed onto his shorts and t-shirt as he started wetting down the rest of her hair, but he didn’t care. He could just change once he was done helping her.

He took a generous dollop of shampoo in his hands and began massaging it into Y/N’s scalp. Y/N let out a low moan and leaned back against him. “That feels amazing,” she said.

Jensen smiled as he continued to rub the soapy liquid into her hair. “Good.” He chuckled to himself. “Should I make you some little shampoo horns too? JJ loves them.”

Y/N laughed, breaking some of the tension between them. “No. I’m good. Thanks though.” Jensen rinsed her hair and asked her if she wanted him to use conditioner too. “If it means you’ll keep massaging my head…” He gave a little laugh in reply before continuing on.

By the time he was done, Y/N looked like she was in a state of pure bliss. He almost hated to snap her out of it, but the longer he stood behind her not doing anything, the more uncomfortable they were both going to become.

“Here,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. Y/N peeked her eyes open to look at him. “Think you can get the rest of your body?”

He looked down when he didn’t hear her respond. Her eyes held his for a moment before nodding. Jensen handed her the shower head and carefully backing away. He exiting the shower and quickly went to fetch her a new towel and a robe that she could put on until he got her back down stairs and into her own clothing.

“Jensen?” he heard her call.

“Yeah?”

“I, uh, I’m finished.”

Jensen handed her the towel without really looking at her before taking the shower head and going to shut off the water.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Jensen replaced the shower head and shut off the water before retrieving the robe from the hook he had placed it on just outside of the stall door and brought it to her.

“Here,” he said. “We forgot to grab your clothes. You can wear this for now.”

She reached out for the robe, and her hand grazed across his as she went to pull away. A spark of electricity ran through Jensen’s arm the instant his skin met hers. Against his better judgment, his eye darted up to meet hers. He half expected her to look away or tell him to leave, but she didn’t move. She didn’t speak. She just stared up at him with wide y/e/c eyes that drew Jensen in like a magnet. He licked his lips, subconsciously pulling the lower one between his teeth for a split second before his eyes drifted down to her pink supple lips. He brought his hand up to cradle the side of her face and started to lean forward, but he stopped. He studied her face for any sign of hesitation. While he found none, he didn’t expect her to take a hold of the back of his neck and draw him down into a supple kiss.

Jensen was in Heaven the instant her lips touched his. A breath he didn’t realize he was holding left his lungs as her lips glided across his own once more before pulling away. He opened his eyes to see her staring at him in wide-eyed wonder, and he felt his heart drop.

“What’s wrong?” he said, lowering his hand to his side.

“I-I’m sorry,” she whispered, taking an unbalanced step away from him.

“No. It’s okay,” Jensen said. He wanted to kick himself. He knew he should have just turned and walked away, but there was something about her that just kept drawing him in. “I shouldn’t have….”

Y/N silenced him by shaking her head and placing a finger to his lips. “Jensen,” his eyes drank her in as she slowly pulled her hand away, “I wanted that kiss as much as you did. It’s just…”

When she looked away from his face, Jensen could feel her starting to pull away again, and he felt his heart plummet. This was the moment he had been dreading. This was the moment she told him she couldn’t be with him anymore. This was the moment where he learned for sure that everything they had tried to build was ruined. Still, he couldn’t keep himself from pressing the point. If there was even the slightest hope of repairing what he broke, he had to know.

“It’s just what?” he asked, licking his suddenly dry lips.

“I…,” she slowly looked up at him through her lashes, “I need to know that you want me for me. Not because you can’t have her.”

Jensen was at a loss. How do you convince someone that you only want to be with them?

“I do want you for you,” he said, cupping her face in his hands. “I never thought about moving on before. Not until I met you. Now…. now when I think about the future, I can’t see anyone else but you in it.” A single tear ran down Y/N’s face. Jensen whipped it away with the pad of his thumb. “I wish you could see that.”

Y/N placed a hand on his chest, her fingers trembling slightly. “I wish I could too.”

Jensen dropped his right arm and wrapped it around her waist, pulling her as close as the contraption on her leg would allow. “Then what’s stopping you?” Jensen knew he sounded desperate, but he didn’t care. He didn’t think he could handle the strain between them for much longer without knowing what was going to happen one way or the other.

“I need to know that you’re not going to just turn your back on me one day because you realized I’ll never be her. I can’t be pushed aside like that again.”

Jensen’s brow furrowed at her words, and his arms fell to his sides. “What?” He studied her face carefully. There was something akin to fear in her eyes, and she was shaking. “Hey, it’s okay.” He placed a hand on the side of her face so she wouldn’t look away. “Talk to me.”

“Can I get changed first?” she asked. “This really isn’t a conversation I want to have in a borrowed bathrobe.”

He took a step back. “Sure. Do you want me to go get your stuff or…”

“Do you think you could just take me back down stairs?”

Jensen nodded. He moved closer and picked her up bridal style before making his way back down stairs. He deposited her in her room before going to retrieve her crutches.

‘I’m going to run upstairs and chance,” he said, indicating his wet clothing. “If you want, you can meet me in the living room after, and we can talk.”

The upward lilt in his voice betrayed the hope he felt at having this conversation. He felt like they were finally getting somewhere. If one good thing could come out of this horribly awkward encounter, Jensen would count himself blessed.

“Sure.”

He gave her a quick nod before closing the door behind him and heading back upstairs. When he returned, he found her sitting on the couch, playing with the hem of her shirt.

“Mind if I sit down?”

Y/N shook her head no, but she didn’t look up. She kept looking down at her hands or glancing off to the side, doing anything she could to keep from looking at him.

They sat there in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, the air between them growing thick with tension before Jensen came up with the moxy to ask her the question that had been swirling around in his mind for the last several minutes.

“What did you mean?” he asked her. “Upstairs when we… you said you didn’t want to be pushed aside again. What did you mean by that?”

Y/N’s eyes shot up to his. There was a brief flash of fear in her y/e/c eyes before they returned to the sad expression he’d seen before as she looked away again. Jensen watched on in silence as Y/N struggled to find the words to tell him about her past. She closed her eyes tightly and took a slow, deep breath before hesitantly fixing him with her gaze.

“My dad died suddenly when I was 8,” she told him, and Jensen’s eyes went wide at this new piece of information. “My mom didn’t handle it well. She basically shut everybody out for a year. There were times when she would even forget to send a lunch to school with me.” She gave a mirthless laugh. “That’s actually how Gen and I meant. She saw me sitting in the corner by myself one day and came to sit next to me. Next thing I knew, she’d started sharing her lunch with me too.”

Jensen mirrored the little half smile that had formed on Y/N’s face. “That sounds like Gen, ” he said.

“Yeah. She’s too nice for her own good sometimes.”

Jensen nodded in agreement before gently encouraging Y/N to go on.

“Eventually my mom went from sitting alone in a room looking at his photo to having a constant string of guys in and out of the house. She’d be serious about them for a while before she started comparing them to my dad and deciding they weren’t good enough because they weren’t him. So she’d kick them out and go back to being a ghost for a while until she found another one, and the whole thing started all over again.”

Y/N stopped and took a long shuddering breath to try and keep control of her emotions. Jensen could see how hard she was fighting to keep it together, and he wanted nothing more than to just pull her into his arms and tell her not to say anymore, but he didn’t. She needed to get this off of her chest almost as badly as he needed to hear it. So he sat quietly and waited for her to continue.

“I was pretty sick of it by the time I reached high school,” she told him. “I started acting out and getting into trouble at school. I guess it just got to the point where she didn’t want to deal with me anymore because I came home from school one day near the end of my freshman year to find her throwing my stuff into a suitcase.”

Jensen’s heart dropped when he saw Y/N lose her internal battle as tears began rolling down her cheeks. She was sniffling and shaking. All Jensen wanted to do was take her in his arms and shield her from the memories that had caused her so much pain, but he couldn’t. All he could do was take her hand and listen while she fought to finish her story.

“I went to live with Gen and her family after that. She was my only friend for a while. She always stood by me no matter what I did. Her mom got me some help, and eventually I got my act together. I started doing better in school. I started making friends and even got onto the cheerleading squad with Gen my senior year. Her parents helped me get emancipated when I was 17. The last time I spoke to my mother was when she came to the final court hearing. They declared me a legal adult, and she just walked out of the room without saying another word.”

Y/N intertwined her fingers with Jensen’s and ran her thumb back and forth across his knuckles. Jensen just sat there in silence. He finally understood. It wasn’t that she had been mad at him. She had been afraid. She was afraid that she was going to be pushed aside for a memory…again. All of the pictures, the little reminders, all of it served as a constant reminder to her that she wasn’t his first love, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be his great one.

“Y/N,” Jensen shifted a bit closer, “I promise you that you will never have to feel like that again. Not while I’m around.” He lifted his free hand to her face and wiped her tears away with the back of his knuckles before cupping her jaw and looking deeply into her eyes. “God if I had… You’re not a replacement for Danneel. You have never a replacement for her. Not ever.”

“B-but, you said her name,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Jensen closed his eyes and leaned forward, placing his forehead against hers. “It was a mistake,” he urged her. “It was a reflex. I don’t know why I said it. It just happened, but I can promise you that what I feel for you has nothing to do with what I feel for Danneel.” He opened his eyes to see her gazing at him in wonder and leaned back so that he could gauge her reaction. “I want you for you. Danneel is always going to have a special place in my heart, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t belong to you now. I love you, Y/N.”

She took a gasping breath, and Jensen suddenly realized what he had said. His eyes went wide in fear. He swallowed against the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. He hadn’t meant to say it. Not now. Not when everything was still so muddled between them. He’d wanted the moment to be perfect. Now all he could do was wait with bated breath while he watched a myriad of emotions play themselves out across Y/N’s face.

Y/N’s mouth hang open ever so slightly. He watched her eyes dart across his face in search of something, but he wasn’t sure what. It wasn’t until the corner of her mouth started to pull up into the barest hint of a smile that he realized he had stopped breathing.

“I love you too.”

Her words were barely a whisper, but he had heard them. Jensen’s heart began to soar. Without even thinking, he slid his hand around to the back of her neck and pulled her forward into a fervent kiss. Their lips molded together like two pieces of a puzzle. Jensen moaned at the feeling of her blunt nails scraping along the hairline at the back of his neck before running his thumb along her jawline and pulling back for some much needed air.

“Does that mean you’re willing to try again?” he asked her, his voice filled with hope.

She smiled sweetly at him and nodded. “We can try again.”

Jensen was leaning forward for another kiss when he heard the doorbell sound. “That’ll be JJ,” he told her before pecking her on the lips and going to answer the door.

He couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he bounded towards the door. This was everything he could have hopped for and more. She’d opened up to him. She was willing to try, and to Jensen, that meant the world.

* * *

As the end credits of another episode of _Paw Patrol_  scrolled across the TV screen, Jensen looked over at the couch to see JJ curled up in Y/N’s lap fast asleep.

“I better get her to bed,” he said as he rose to his feet. He placed the controller for the TV on the arm of the couch near Y/N before scooping JJ into his arms. “Find us something to watch. I’ll be right back.”

It didn’t take Jensen long to get JJ settled and return back downstairs. He rounded the corner to find Y/N thoroughly engrossed in an episode of  _Downton Abbey._

“Seriously?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow at her as he came to stand beside the couch.

“What?” she defended. “I love watching stuff about ways of life that don’t exist anymore? It’s fascinating.”

Jensen just shook his head at her and gestured for her to slide forward a bit so that he could sit behind her while still keeping her leg propped up. They watched the drama in silence for a while. As the show progressed, an idea slowly formed in Jensen’s mind.

“Is that why you like  _Gone with the Wind_  so much?” he asked her. “The whole way of life thing?”

She nodded. “The Old South was so different. I know it wasn’t all like the plantation houses, and slavery was awful. I just can’t imagine living that way you know? With the barbecues and all the rules. They had rules about everything back then. I don’t know how they kept it all straight. I’d go insane.”

A deep throaty chuckle rumbled in Jensen’s chest. “You having a hard time following rules?” he asked in a mocking tone. “Imagine that.”

She shifted in her seat enough to glare up at him over her shoulder, making Jensen laugh even harder before pulling her back against him and placing a kiss on the top of her head. He had just started to gain interest in the show when Y/N asked him a question.

“Do you think you could finish reading it to me sometime?”

His eyebrows rose in surprise. “What _Gone with the Wind_? You want me to finish reading it to you?” He shifted so that he could see her face. Y/N noded. “I thought you didn’t like the voices.”

She shrugged and settled back down against him. “I could get used to them,” she told him. “As long as you don’t do Mammie. That one is godawful.”

A smirk spread across Jensen’s face. “Why Miss Scarlett,” he declared in his best Hattie McDaniel impersonation.

Y/N groaned and threw her head back against his shoulder.

“I so walked into that one.”

“Yeah,” answered Jensen. “You did.”

They both laughed at their silliness before returning their attention to the TV. Jensen loosely wrapped an arm around Y/N’s shoulders and shifted so that he would be a little more comfortable. A few more episodes passed before Y/N began to yawn.

“You should go to bed,” Jensen told her. “You start therapy tomorrow.”

Y/N nodded and moved to get to her feet. Jensen quickly got up and retrieved her crutches for her before shutting off the TV and following her out of the room. They paused at the foot of the stairs, Y/N pressing a quick kiss to his lips before turning to head off down the hallway. Jensen watched her go with a smile on his face, thankful that things were finally starting to go right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and comments.


	18. Chapter 18

The sound of JJ’s laughter as she splashed and played in the pool with Tom and Shep brought a smile to Jensen’s face. Things had changed somewhat in his home over the last few weeks. Things between himself and Y/N had gotten a little bit better since they shared their confessions. She smiled more and conversation flowed at bit more easily between them, but he could still see her hesitation every time he reached out to touch her. It was brief, just a momentary tightening in her shoulders before she let herself relax into his touch, but it was there.

Jensen wasn’t a fool. He knew three little words weren’t going to magically fix everything that had happened between them, but he had hoped for a bit more progress than what he was seeing. It was frustrating. He reassured her everyday with both his words and his actions how happy he was to see her and how much he wanted her in his and JJ’s lives, but he could still see her holding back that last little piece of herself. There were times when her apparent withdrawal had him second guessing himself and how badly he wanted to pursue their relationship. He still had to think of JJ. His little girl had already been through so much because of the way he had mishandled things with Y/N. He didn’t want her to become even more attached only to have her be crushed when Y/N walked away at the end of it all. It was driving him crazy. He needed someone to talk to.

When Jared and Gen returned from their vacation and wanted to have a cookout to celebrate Y/N getting the immobilizer off of her leg, he jumped at the opportunity to unburden himself to his best friend.

“So things are going well?” Jared asked.

Jensen looked across the pool to see Y/N lounging on a chair next to Gen, the crutches she would still be forced to use for the next several weeks lying at her side. He looked down at the beer in his hand. Everything he had wanted to discuss was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t seem to form the words.

“Yeah,” he said, albeit unconvincingly, “things are okay.”

Jared stopped flipping burgers and looked at him. “What’s on your mind Jay?”

He took a long slow breath and looked back over at Y/N before taking another pull on his beer.

“I told her I love her,” he said, keeping his eyes on the bottle in his hand. He started picking at the label and turning it in different directions to see how the light reflected on the ground through the brown class..

“Wow!” The shock on Jared’s face was evident. “When?”

“The night before you guys left.” Jensen looked up at Jared to see him grinning like an idiot. “What?”

“Well that explains the dopey look on your face when I brought JJ home.” Jensen playfully punched Jared on the arm, and the younger man began laughing. “Sorry. Sorry.” He held his hands up in surrender.

There was a beat of silence between them while Jared tended to the grill.

“So,” Jared trailed, “things are good between you now?”

Jensen took a long slow breath. “They’re… better.” He could feel Jared’s eyes on him. “She told me she loves me too.”

“That’s great!” Jared exclaimed. “I’m happy for you man.”

Jensen gave him a little half smile before turning his attention back to the ground. “She told me about her mom,” he said. The lack of reaction from his best friend made him look up, and he didn’t miss the fact that this time it was Jared that wouldn’t meet his eye. “You knew didn’t you?”

The muscles in Jared’s neck and shoulders tightened as he nodded. “Yeah. I knew a little,” he said, nervously running a hand through his hair. “Gen told me a little about it after we got engaged. We were on hiatus in LA and were going to meet Y/N for lunch. I thought she was just an old friend of hers that she wanted to catch up with, but when Gen told me that she used to live with her and her parents… I got curious and started asking questions.”

Jensen listened carefully while Jared told him about his conversation with Gen and what little he knew about Y/N’s past. He didn’t know all of the details Y/N had shared with him, but Jared knew enough to understand some of the baggage she’d been carrying with her.

“I wish you would have said something,” Jensen told him. “But I get it.”

He looked up and watched the relief wash over Jared. Jensen let his head fall back on his shoulders to look up at the sky. Leave it to him to fall in love with someone that was carrying even more baggage than he was.

“So,” Jared drawled. “We good?”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah. We’re good.”

Jared pulled him into a tight hug, patting him on the back while Jensen placed a reassuring hand on the back of Jared’s head. They pulled apart and turned their attention back to the grill until the sound of Y/N calling to them from across the pool caused both men to turn in her direction.

“How much longer until those burgers are ready?” she asked. “We’re starving over her.”

Y/N and Gen started to giggle.

Jared checked the meet. “It’s almost ready.”

Y/N threw him a thumbs up before calling out to JJ that it was time to come dry off for lunch. A smile pulled at the corners of Jensen’s mouth as he watched his girls interact. They were laughing and smiling at each other, JJ’s excited squeals when Y/N started tickling her making him laugh as well.

She wrapped the little girl in the towel and looked over at Jensen. The radiance of her smile made his heart sore. He knew right then and there that he wanted to do something to keep that smile on her face forever. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and snapped a quick photo of Y/N and JJ smiling at each other.

“So what are you going to do now?” Jared asked him.

It was a good question. If Jared had asked him 10 minutes ago, he wouldn’t have had an answer, but looking at them now, he knew one thing for sure. He wanted this. This moment. No, he wanted a thousand and one these moments. He wanted to see his girls smiling at each other every day for as long as he lived. No matter what it took, he was going to find a way to make this work.

Jensen just shook his head. “I don’t know, but I’ll think of something.”

* * *

 

The long day in the sun with her friends had worn JJ out. They hadn’t even made it to the car before the little girl was halfway to dreamland on her father’s shoulder. She was practically boneless as Jensen lifted her out of the car seat and carried her into the house.

“I’m just going to run her up to bed,” he told Y/N as he shut the garage door behind her. “I can take you up when I’m done if you want a shower.”

She shook her head. “Nah I’m okay.”

“Okay. I’ll be right back.”

He turned and started making his way up the stairs. It had been a long day for all of them. Spending time with his honorary family was always a welcome treat, but that didn’t mean that Jensen wasn’t completely wiped at the end of the day. Pausing at the top of the stairs, he turned to ask Y/N if she wanted to have a beer or something with him once the munchkin was in bed, but he stopped when he saw her looking at the wall of photos again.

There was a little smile on her face as she looked at the one he’d taken of her at the duck pond during their picnic. God, she’d looked amazing that day. She still did. He watched the look on her face slowly change as she pulled her lower lip between her teeth. She used her crutches to get a bit closer, clearly examining one of the photos of him and Danneel that still graced the wall. He could see the doubt and insecurity seeping into her. His heart broke for her. Hearing about what she had been through with her mother made him look at her with knew eyes. He understood where she was coming from now.

The corner of her mouth twitched with the smallest hint of a smile, and he relaxed. Jensen hadn’t even realized how tense seeing her reaction had made him. He’d hopped that she’d be able to accept the role Danneel was always going to play in his life. Now it looked like perhaps she would.

JJ gave a small whimper and brought her hand up to rub at her tired eyes. Jensen took one last look at Y/N before turning and making his way to JJ’s room. She woke just enough to help him change her into her pjs and crawl into bed.

“Good night Jaybird,” he said, kissing the child on the forehead before making sure her night light was on and heading back downstairs.

He thought about the flurry of activity their lives had become over the last few weeks. It had been an near constant string of therapy appointments and doctor’s visits since Y/N had come home with him. He’d promised himself that he would make Y/N feel comfortable in his home. He’d made a few changes in the living room and a few other areas of the home he knew she spent a lot of time in. She was often left on the couch by herself while he took JJ to gymnastics or on a playdate when her meds left her too tired to do anything else. So he’d taken care to make sure the family rooms weren’t covered in things that wouldn’t make her think about the woman who had come before her. If he was honest with himself, it was a long overdue change that he needed to make just as much for his own benefit as for hers, but somehow he hadn’t even thought about the wall she had to look at every time she went to and from her room.

He came to the landing and glanced down the hallway towards the living room and frowned. The light was off. He’d never know Y/N to sit in a dark room like that. He turned his head and looked down the hallway towards her bedroom. The door was closed, but Jensen could clearly see the light switching off from underneath the doorway. His shoulder sagged. He was hoping to spend some time with her, perhaps reassure her a bit after seeing her moment of doubt while he was taking JJ to bed. I guess that will have to wait for tomorrow.

He thought about going to bed himself, but he knew there was no way he was going to sleep just yet. His mind was still far to active for that. Running a hand down his face, Jensen padded into the kitchen to retrieve a beer from the fridge. He popped the cap off of the bottle and tossed it onto the counter before making his way out onto the back porch.

The sun was still just visible on the horizon. The cool breeze coming off of Lake Austin made the hot Texas air a little more pleasant as he sat down in one of the lounge chairs. Jensen could feel something digging into him from his pocket and reached inside to pull out his phone. He unlocked the screen and saw the photo he had taken of Y/N and JJ beside the pool staring back at him. He smiled. Y/N was a part of his family now. Not only were they trying again, but she was close friends with Jared and Gen. Regardless of what happened between the two of them, she would have a place in his daughter’s life for as long as she wanted it. He just hoped she would choose to keep him a part of it as well.

Finishing off the last of his beer, Jensen rose to his feet and made his way back into the house. He was tossing the beer bottle in the recycle bin when he noticed a date circled in red on the calendar. He didn’t remember circling it, and there was no note written on the date. He racked his brain for a minute before giving up and pulling out his phone to text Jared.

**Hey. What do we have going on on the 18th?**

He put the phone back in his pocket and made his way up the stairs in hopes that a good night’s sleep would help him think of some way to make Y/N feel secure in the place she had in his heart.

His phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out to see a reply from Jared.

**Don’t know. I’ll ask Gen.**

Jensen sent a quick thanks before saying he was headed to bed and would talk to him tomorrow. Maybe the morning would bring some much needed clarity with it.

-

 

“Daddy?” JJ asked.

Jensen had enlisted her help with changing out some photos on their wall after Gen had picked Y/N up. They’d decided they needed a girl’s day. So Gen had taken her to therapy so they could go to lunch and spend some quality time together afterwards.

Jensen took the photo of him and Danneel out of the frame and studied it for a moment. He wasn’t going to erase Danneel from his home. He refused. As JJ’s mother, she would always have a presence there regardless of what direction his life took, but he still thought it was time to make some more changes that would allow him to move forward more easily. He’d just decided to not try and throw his past with her in Y/N’s face quite as much.

He let out a breath and replaced the photo with one of her and his daughter before turning to JJ. “Yeah baby?”

“Can I have a picture of Y/N too?”

His face scrunched in confusion. “What?”

“Can I have a picture of Y/N to go with the one I have of Mommy in my room?”

Jensen was taken aback. He was at a loss. He knew his daughter held a great deal of affection for the woman in his life, but he’d never expected her to ask him something like that. He had to fight to keep his jaw from going slack while his brain tried to play catch up.

“Uhm,” he cleared his throat, “I’ll, uh, I’ll ask her later okay?”

JJ nodded, a cheerful smile on her face, before going back to sorting through a box of random photos. Jensen watched her with the smallest trickle of fear running through him. His mind kept coming back to what would happen to JJ if Y/N decided to leave him for good this time. He closed his eyes and sent up a silent prayer that he could find a way to keep that from happening.

The sound of a key in the lock drew his attention to the front door. He turned to see Gen sticking her head through the door.

“Knock. Knock,” she called as she made her way through the door.

Jensen’s eyes lit up when he saw Y/N following close behind her. JJ darted forward and gave both women a giant hug.

“Hey,” Y/N greeted her. She took in the box of photos and the frame in Jensen’s hand with a frown. “What are you guys doing?”

“Redec’ratin’” JJ beamed. “I’m helping.”

Y/N tilted her head to the side and lifted an eyebrow at Jensen. He put the photo of Danneel and JJ on the wall.

“I thought it was time I changed a few of these out.” He put the photo of himself and Danneel gently in the box. He took a step forward and ran his hand up and down Y/N’s arm. “I think it’s about time I had a few more pictures of us on the wall don’t you?”

The smile that spread across her face made Jensen’s heart swell.

“I’d like that,” she told him.

Jensen felt himself falling into her y/e/c eyes. He forgot that anyone else was even in the room until Gen cleared her throat. A slight blush crept up both of their faces as they pulled away, Jensen’s deepening slightly when he saw the lopsided grin on Gen’s face.

“Can we watch a movie?” JJ had taken a hold of Y/N’s hand and was trying to lead her into the family room.

“Sure thing sweetie.”

Y/N took another quick glance at Jensen before giving him a small closed lipped smile and following JJ down the hall.

“That went well,” Gen said.

Jensen rubbed at the back of his neck and smiled. “Yeah. I guess so.”

“So, what are you planning for her birthday?”

He blanched. “What?”

“The 18th,” Gen said. “Jared said you were asking about it. What are you planning on doing?”

His eyes moved down the hall in the direction Y/N and JJ had gone. _Subtle Y/N._ He chuckled to himself, shaking his head slightly.

“I’m not sure,” he told her. “Think y’all can help me out?”

“Of course.” Gen reached out and gave his arm a slight squeeze. “I’m gonna head home. Just let me know what you need, and we’ll make it happen.”

Jensen nodded and thanked her before showing her to the door and locking it behind her. Picking up the box of photos, he started making his way towards his office to put them away. He stopped in the doorway to the living room when he spotted Y/N and JJ together. JJ was singing  _Frozen_ at the top of her lungs while Y/N did her best to dance with her while still using her crutches. His smile widened. He knew exactly what he wanted to do for her birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and comments.


	19. Chapter 19

Planning a surprise party for Y/N without her learning about it was nearly impossible. Every time Jensen tried to make some sort of plan, he had to keep looking over his shoulder to make sure Y/N wasn’t anywhere nearby to see or hear what he was trying to do. Thank God for Gen. She’d been able to take care of getting the cake and sending the invites to some of Y/N’s photographer and gallery friends. She’d even tracked down info for some of the groups she’d done shoots for to invite them to the party. The only problem he was still running into was the decorations.

Getting decorations put up without Y/N noticing was going to be hard. JJ had been able to keep her distracted while he had hammered out some of the other details with Gen, but actually hanging things around the house was not going to be that simple. That’s why he had come up with a plan. Jared and Gen were going to decorate while he took Y/N to her physical therapy appointment. Her actual birthday wasn’t for a few more days, but he couldn’t figure out any other way to surprise her than to set everything up when he knew she wouldn’t be suspicious of him getting her out of the house.

“We’re here!” Jared called down the hallway after letting himself in.

JJ jumped up from the couch where she and Jensen had been watching cartoons while they waited for Y/N to finish getting dressed. Jensen shut off the TV and followed her into the hall to see Jared squatting down to pull her into a giant bear hug. He smiled at the interaction.

JJ had become much more open in the last few weeks. She still made her way into his room after nightmares from time to time, but she finally felt like his little girl again.

“Does that mean it’s time to start decorating for the…” All of the adults shushed JJ. The little girl’s eyes went wide as her hands flew to cover her mouth. “Sorry,” she stage whispered. “Did I ruin the surprise?”

“What surprise?”

Everyone turned to see Y/N coming down the hallway on the single crutch she was still using. She’d been using just the one for a few days now. It was more of an overly complicated cain than anything. She would lean on it a little here and there, but it had turned into more of a security measure than anything.

They’d all been worried that she wouldn’t be back on her feet before Jensen had to return to Vancouver at the end of the month. The studio had agreed to hold off production for a few more weeks to allow them all to take care of “family,” but Jensen knew he couldn’t hold it off forever. So seeing Y/N making more progress than anyone had expected put him at ease.

The moment was short lived when he realized how much she could have overheard, and his adam’s apple bobbed up and down when he gulped in air.  _Please don’t let her have heard anything?_

Y/N looked at the three of them expectantly for an answer.

“Oh, uh,” Jared began,  “we were, uh, gunna surprise you all with a trip to get ice cream, but we forgot you had therapy this morning.”

Jensen turned his head to give Jared the most deadpan expression he could muster without alerting Y/N to what was really going on. Lucky for him, Jared seemed to be covering pretty well.

“Guess that means we’ll just have to take you.”

Jared scooped JJ up into his arms, making the little girl squeal with delight.

“We’ll see you guys later,” Gen laughed softly before ushering Jared out the door.

Jensen closed it softly behind them before turning his attention to Y/N.

“Ready to go?’ he asked.

“Yeah.”

Jensen grabbed his keys out of the bowl and placed a hand on the small of her back as he ushered her to the car.

* * *

 

There was a gnawing dread in Jensen’s stomach as he drove. Everything had been planned down to the letter. Jared and Gen were going to pick up the cake and throw up a few quick decorations while they were out. The guests would start arriving before he and Y/N even left the therapy center, that way they would all be there to surprise Y/N when they walked in the door. At least that was what was supposed to happen. Jensen just couldn’t help but worry that something was going to go wrong. The last thing he needed in his life right now was to screw up Y/N’s birthday the same way he had screwed up so many other things in their lives.

“You okay?” Y/N’s soft voice sounded from the passenger seat.

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye as he drove. “Yeah. I’m good. Why?”

“You look like you are trying to strangle the steering wheel,” she teased.

Jensen looked down to see his knuckles turning white with the force of his grip. He purposely flexed his fingers and rolled his shoulders ever so slightly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about?”

He smirked at her to try and distract her, but it didn’t work. The frown on her face only deepened.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked. “You’ve seemed off all morning.”

He reached over and took her hand in his own, bringing it to his lips to place a tender kiss on the back of her hand.

“I’m positive.”

He hoped that the beaming smile he gave her was enough to convince her he was alright, but he knew it was most likely a lost cause. She was too smart to be fooled by a wink and a smile and stubborn enough to drill him on it until he spilled the beans about her surprise.

Jensen breathed a sigh of relief when he pulled up to the entrance of the rehab facility. He put the truck in park and left the car to idle while he went around to help her out of the truck. He knew she didn’t really need it, but he wasn’t going to stop doing little things for her as long as she would let him.

Y/N eyed him suspiciously as she hopped out of the truck. “You’re not coming in?”

Jensen shook his head no. His normal routine was to wait in the waiting room for her to finish. That way if they needed to show him another exercise he needed to help her with, he was readily available.

Y/N’s eyes narrowed at him when he didn’t answer right away.

_She knows somethings up. Come on, Jensen. Think of something._

“I have to run a quick errand,” he told her, “but I promise I’ll be back in plenty of time to pick you up.”

“We can just do it after,” she offered. “I don’t mind.”

Jensen gave her a sweet smile. “I know. I just don’t want to make Jared and Gen deal with three sugar rushing kiddos for longer than they have to.”

Y/N tossed her head back and laughed. “I totally get that,” she said. “Those three are a handful without the sugar. I’ll see you in an hour?”

“Yeah. I’ll see ya.”

Jensen kissed her lovingly on the cheek and stepped aside to watch and make sure she got into the building safely.

Once the door closed behind her, Jensen climbed back into the truck and started making his way towards downtown. He stopped at a read light and pulled out his phone to call Jared. Placing the call on speaker, he put his cell in the cupholder and waited for his friend to pick up.

“Hey,” Jared greeted.

Jensen could hear a slight commotion in the background. “How are things going over there?”

“Things are great!” Jared’s smile was clear even through the phone. “Gen’s got the kids helping her put the final touches on the banner.”

Gen had found something on Pinterest about making a banner using ribbon and strips of paper shopping bags. The idea was to have her do the lettering and then allow the kids to decorate it with handprints and glitter of some kind.

It had taken her a while to sell Jensen on the idea. Every time she mentioned the glitter all he saw was a flashback to the Valentine’s Day cards JJ had tried to make the year before. He thought he was never going to get all of the glitter out of the groves of his dining room table. Hell, there was probably still some glitter hidden in the cracks somewhere that he just hadn’t found yet.

“Oh great,” he deadpanned.

“Oh come on,” Jared said. “You know it’ll be fine Y/N’s gonna love it..”

Jensen nodded in agreement before remembering that his friend couldn’t see him. “Yeah, she will.”

“Did you get her present yet?” Jared asked.

“I’m just pulling into the lot now.” Jensen spotted a space near the front of the shop and pulled in to park. “ I just hope they got it finished in time.”

“I’m sure they did. We’ll see you after while okay?”

Jensen cut the ignition and took his phone off of speaker, lifting it to his ear before exiting the vehicle.

“Alright. Just don’t burn my house down while I’m out.”

“Dude! I caught the grill on fire one time!”

Jensen’s shoulders shook with laughter. He stopped and looked up at the awning hanging over the storefront windows.

Teller’s Fine Jewelry was a family owned and operated business in the heart of Austin’s shopping district that specialized in custom jewelry and restoration services. Jensen had called them nearly two weeks ago to try and order something for Y/N’s birthday. The owner had made the whole process of fairly painless. He walked Jensen through the entire thing and even put a rush on it so that it would be done in time.

Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves before stepping into the store, Jensen pulled the door open. A bell over the door chimed his arrival. The older man standing behind the counter looked in his direction.

“Mr. Ackles,” the owner, Henry Teller, greated him. He made his way around the counter to shake Jensen’s hand. “Good to see you again sir.”

“You too, “ Jensen said, giving the man’s hand a firm shake. “Is my order ready?”

Henry ushered him towards one of the brightly light display counters. He walked around to the other side and retrieved a black velvet box from one of the hidden drawers underneath the display. He turned it to face Jensen before gently lifting the lid and holding it out for inspection.

Jensen reached a tentative hand towards the object resting on the velvet lining. “May I?”

“Of course.”

Jensen lifted the sparkling piece from the box. He turned it over in his hand, scrutinizing the finer details of the piece and smiled. It was perfect. Every detail was even more wonderful than he had imagined. The sketch the designer had shown him based off of the description Jensen had given him didn’t do it justice.

“It’s perfect,” Jensen told him. “You do incredible work.”

Mr. Teller had the good grace to look embarrassed. “Thank you sir. You have excellent taste if I do say so. Your lady friend is going to love it.”

A warm blush spread across Jensen’s cheeks. “I hope so.”

Jensen finished paying for the piece and shook Mr. Teller’s hand one final time before exiting the store. He stuffed the box into the pocket of his shorts before climbing into his truck and heading back to the rehab center.

He arrived with 10 minutes to spare. The woman at the counter waived to Jensen as he entered. He gave her a small smile in return and took a seat in one of the padded chairs to wait for Y/N.

The box in his pocket started digging into his thigh, and he had to adjust in his seat to make it stop. The longer he sat there the more nervous he became. He kept imagining the different reactions Y/N would have to her gift. He hoped she would like it. He’d shown the design to Gen before placing the final order, and she had assured him she would love it. Still, there was a small part of him that worried she wouldn’t like it.

“Hey.”

Jensen looked up to see Y/N standing just inside the door to the waiting area with an enormous smile on her face. There was something different about her. Something had changed since he left her just over an hour ago. Jensen studied her for a moment before his eyes widened, and his smile grew.

“No more crutches?”

“No more crutches.”

Jensen swept her into a massive hug. “That’s awesome!” He swung her around in a circle before remembering they were still in public and putting her back on the ground.

“Yeah,” Y/N said through her laughter, “and I can start working on stairs too.”

Her eye sparkled with excitement. The doctor hadn’t cleared her to do more than two or three steps at a time for now, but it was still more progress than they had expected..

“I’m proud of you,” Jensen said.

He took her hand and lead her out to the truck. She insisted that if she could handle the short hop up into the truck without his help, but he still kept his arms poised to lift her the moment she showed any sign of struggle.

Once she was settled, Jensen went around to his side and pointed them towards home. With each passing mile, the box in his pocket started to feel more and more like a lead weight. If he had looked tense on his way to her appointment, then he must have looked like he was about to have a coronary on the way home.

He could feel Y/N’s eyes on him. It was like she was trying to look into his head and see exactly what he was thinking, and it was not helping him relax at all. If anything, it was only serving to make him even more tense.

“If you keep staring at me like that I may burst into flames,” he said, taking the exit from the highway leading to his neighborhood.

“What’s wrong?”

The clear concern in her voice filled him with guilt. She was worried about him. He tried to dissuade her, but keeping her surprise a secret was turning out to be far more difficult than Jensen had anticipated. He hadn’t counted on being so nervous. Excited yes, but he hadn’t counted on his actions tipping her off. _Come on, Ackles. You’re an actor for crying out loud. Pull it together._

Jensen managed to keep from saying anything until they turned onto his neighborhood. He’d asked everyone to spread their vehicles out along the street. Jared and Gen had offered up the use of their garage and driveway to help hide a few of the cars as well. Jensen had even talked to a few of his other neighbors for assistance. Luckily, everyone had agreed to help. There weren’t a ton of homes on his street for the added vehicles to go unnoticed. He noticed one or two extra cars in driveways that weren’t usually there, but it was nothing that would stand out to anyone that wasn’t looking for them.

“Are you going to tell me what is going on?”

Y/N placed a hand on his arm. Jensen’s eyes quickly darted to her face. There were worry lines between her brows, and Jensen could have sworn he saw the slightest hint of fear in her eyes before he turned his attention back to the road.

Jensen sighed. “Just come inside. I promise I’ll tell you then okay?”

There was a brief pause while Y/N thought over his words. He was sure she was going to push him for answers, but much to his relief, she eventually nodded and followed him into the house. No sooner had he put his keys in the bowl and flipped on the lights then a large group of people jumped out from their various hiding places, shouting “SURPRISE!” at the top of their lungs.

Y/N shreked in surprise and jumped back against him. Jensen took hold of her arms to steady her and shuffled around so that he could watch the plethora of emotions play out across her face. The knot he’d had in his chest the entire ride home melted away as he watched her look of shock turn to one of pure joy.

Tears glistened in her eyes as she looked around at all the smiling faces. He watched her take in the banner Gen and the kids had made with complete adoration. All of the chaos and stress was worth it. Jensen would gladly suffer it ten times over just to be able to see this moment play out one more time.

“Happy birthday,” he whispered in her ear.

Y/N turned to him, a knowing expression on her face. “This is why you were so weird? You did this?”

He smiled and looked down at his feet. “Gen did most of the work,” he confessed.

Y/N looked at Gen over her left shoulder.

“Don’t look at me,” she said, holding her hands up and taking a step back. “I just put a few things together so Jay could actually keep the surprise. Everything was his idea.”

Y/N turned back to Jensen. “Thank you, Jay. Thank you so much.” She closed the last of the space between them, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his neck.

Jensen returned the embrace.

“You’re welcome.”

Y/N pulled back and placed a hand on either side of his face before drawing his lips down to her own.

Jensen felt new life being breathed into his lungs the instant their lips met. The rest of the world fell away until it was just the two of them alone in this tiny little world where everything would always be perfect between them. He brought a hand up to cradle the back of her head and poured as much of his love for her into the short kiss that he could muster.

When she pulled away, Y/N was radiating a happiness that he hadn’t seen since before their fight.

“Alright you too,” Jared interjected. “That’s enough. We’ve got a surprise party to enjoy.”

Everyone laughed at the gentle giant’s attempt to shift the atmosphere, and it worked. Y/N was immediately swept up in a barrage of hugs and congradulations. Jensen watched the way she gracefully floated from one conversation to the next, thanking everyone for coming and ensuring them that she was feeling much better. She blushed prettily when Jensen brought out the cake and lead everyone in the singing of “Happy Birthday”. It was an amazing afternoon, but by the end, Jensen could see Y/N beginning to falter.

She limped a bit more than she had before as she moved from one guest to the next, thanking them all for coming and promising to call them soon. Jared and Gen stayed behind to help clean up, but Jensen insisted that they had done enough. JJ and the boys begged them for a sleepover. Jensen looked over at Y/N and saw her wince as she lowered herself onto the couch and decided that a quiet night was definitely in order.

“I think that’s a great idea,” he told them.

Jared and Gen followed the path his eyes had taken and immediately offered to take the kids before he could even ask. Gen took JJ upstairs to grab a few things while Jared went to get the boys in the car. The girls came back downstairs a moment later, and Jensen escorted them to the door, waving goodbye as they drove away.

He walked into the living room to see Y/N rubbing her leg.

“How are you holding up?” he asked.

Y/N startled at the sound of his voice. As soon as her eyes met his, she started brushing at her pants leg like she had been trying to get something off of them instead of massaging it.

“I’m good,” she said, sending Jensen the brightest smile she could muster.

He gave her a knowing look and shook his head. “You overdid it.” He sat down beside her on the couch and placed her leg in his lap. “You should know better than to push yourself too hard. Why didn’t you sit down when you started to hurt?”

“Because I had guests.”

He started rubbing her sore leg. “That doesn’t mean you can’t sit down and let them come to you. You just got off of your crutches today. If you push yourself too hard you’re just going to end up right back on them.”

“I know.” She leaned her head against the back of the couch and closed her eyes, just enjoying the feeling of Jensen’s hands working out the aches and pains in her leg, knowing that she must have really been feeling it to allow him to help her without any protest. “Thank you.”

Jensen finished his work and lowered her leg back to the ground. “Anytime.”

“Not just for that,” Y/N said. “For today. For the party. Everything was amazing.” She reached out and laced her fingers with his. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Jensen said.

He rested his free arm along the back of the couch, and Y/N automatically curled into his side. He wrapped his arm around her, his thumb rubbing soothing circles along her upper arm. He kissed the top of her head before resting his own on top of it.

They sat in silence, just enjoying the feel of the other’s company until the feeling of the box that still rested in his pocket drew Jensen’s attention. He’d been planning on waiting until her actual birthday to give it to her, but somehow, the moment just felt right.

He shifted a bit in his seat, causing Y/N to sit up and look at him.

“I, uh,” he cleared his throat, “I have something for you. It isn’t much, but I-I hope you like it.”

He reached into his pocket and retrieved the black velvet box. Y/N’s eyes grew wide. A small wave of panic crossed her face, and Jensen was quick to put her at ease.

“It’s not what you’re thinking,” he said. “I promise. I don’t think either of us are ready for that yet.”

Y/N visibly relaxed, but there was still a slight tremble in her fingers when she took the box from Jensen’s hand and lifted the lid. She let out a small gasp when her eyes landed on the silver charm bracelet nestled inside. She held the delicate silver accessory in her hand and started examining the charms dangling from the bracelet’s infinity shaped links.

Jensen’s muscles grew taught waiting for her to say something. He had painstakingly picked everything for it. He just hoped she would understand it’s meaning and love it half as much as he loved her.

Each charm represented a different moment in their relationship with a few X’s and O’s thrown in for good measure. There was a little turkey for the Thanksgiving when they first met. A silver snowflake for the cold night shortly there after when he walked her to her car after dinner. A cowboy boot for their first dance. A car for driving her home when her’s wouldn’t start. A heart for the moment he realized he was in love with her. A camera for all of the photos they’d taken of each other during their time together. There was even…

“A duck?” Y/N asked.

Jensen rubbed at the back of his neck. “Yeah.” Y/N nodded for him to continue. “For that picnic we tried to have near the pond.”

Realization suddenly dawned on her, and she tilted her head back and laughed. “The one where you ran screaming from a duck,” she teased.

“I did not run screaming.”

“You shouted and backed away.”

“Not the same thing,” he argued with a pout.

She chuckled and looked back down at the bracelet. “It’s beautiful Jensen. Thank you.”

He brushed a strand of hair out of her face before placing a swift kiss to her lips. “You’re welcome.”

“Put it on for me?” she asked, holding her wrist out to him.

Jensen took the bracelet from her, his large fingers fumbling with the delicate clasp for a moment before securing it to her wrist and placing a kiss to the inside of her wrist alongside it. Y/N ran her thumb along his stubbled jaw.

The intimacy of the gesture reached down into Jensen’s soul. He could feel the broken pieces of his heart being knit back together by her touch. He closed his eyes and leaned into her hand, savoring the feeling. The touch of her lips against his caught him off guard for a moment before he quickly recovered.

Their lips molded together in a series of slow languid kisses. They held each other close, reveling in the other’s innocent touch. Mapping. Exploring. Learning each other all over again.

They pulled apart for a much needed breath of air, and Y/N laid her head on Jensen chest. Jensen placed a kiss to the top of her head, breathing her in, thanking God that the worst of it all was behind them.


	20. Chapter 20

_9 months later_

The box made a thudding sound when it landed on the entryway floor. Jensen shut the door behind him and took a moment to rest against it. He’d been moving boxes all day, and the physical exertion was starting to catch up to him. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and pushed himself away from the door. The sooner he got everything done, the sooner he could relax and enjoy the break with his girls.

Bending down to pick up the box, he noticed a picture frame resting on top of the rest of the knick knacks inside of it. Jensen carefully picked it up and examined the photo with a smile. It was one Jared had taken of him and Y/N a few months ago when they’d all decided to spend the day tooling around Lake Austin in his boat.

* * *

 

_The kids squealed with laughter as the boat spread along the waterway. It was a gorgeous April day, and the boys finally had a weekend off from shooting without a convention. Jensen had jumped at the opportunity to go home to his girls. He loved it when they came out to spend time with him on set or traveled to a convention to be with him, but it wasn’t the same. He needed to be able to have moments with them like this. No fans. No camera phones. Just them._

_“JJ, sit down sweetie,” Y/N called when she noticed JJ standing in her seat._

_She and the boys had spent the day jumping off of the boat and splashing around in the water.  It had been nearly impossible to get them back into the boat at the end of the day. Even with the sun setting, he could hear the boys telling Gen that they wanted to play in the pool when they got home._

_“Sorry,” JJ said as she resumed her seat._

_“Thank you.”_

_Jensen kissed the side of Y/N’s head and pulled her tighter against his chest. He’d taken up residence on one of the bench seats while Jared took a turn steering. As soon as he’d sat down, Y/N had moved over to sit beside him, so he’d turned to lean against the arm and stretched one of his legs out along the bench to cradle her against his body._

_Y/N let out a contented sigh and rested her head against his shoulder. Jensen studied her profile in the fading light. The streaks of orange and red that danced along the sky cast her in an almost heavenly glow. Her eyes were closed, and gentle smile played at the corner of her lips. She looked like an angel. His angel. Jensen couldn’t believe he’d survived so long without her, and the fact that he had almost lost her still had him waking in a cold sweat from time to time. He shook his head to ward off the memory. He wasn’t going to worry about that anymore._

_He moved his lips next to her ear and whispered, “I love you.”_

_Her eyes peaked open as she turned her head to face him, a dreamy smile forming on her face._

_‘I love you too.”_

_She brought a hand around to the back of his neck. Jensen eagerly followed her lead, meeting her half way in a sweet, sensual kiss that made his soul sing. Their lips moved in perfect synchronicity. Her tongue darted out to run across his lower lip before dancing with his for a moment before pulling away to keep things from becoming too heated. She placed one last kiss to his lips and resumed her previous resting position._

_Jensen dropped a kiss to her shoulder._

_“You wanna stay the night?” he asked, voice rough._

_“Yeah.”_

_Jensen closed his eyes and rested his head against hers, breathing her in and enjoying the feeling of her back in his arms. He’d been so lost in the moment that he’d never even realized that Jared had handed the wheel off to Gen and snapped a photo of the two of them with one of Y/N’s cameras._

* * *

 

A dopey smile formed on his face at the memory. That day had been perfect. The night even more so. That was the day he had decided that it was time for a more permanent change. Waking up next to her the next morning had been one of the most gratifying experiences of his life, and he’d wanted more of it.

He put the photo back in the box before lifting it off of the floor and making his way down the hallway to the spare bedroom to add it to the have a dozen or so other boxes he’d already placed in there that day.

He pushed the door open with his foot and took in how different the room looked now. The bed was gone. In its place along the wall was a stylish mahogany desk and cushy leather office chair. Cameras, lenses and various other small pieces of photo equipment dotted the bookshelves. Looking at it now, the only thing that actually made it look like it had once been a bedroom was the closet that would no doubt be filled with more equipment before the day was done.

* * *

 

_“I have a surprise for you,” Jensen said._

_Y/N sat her fork down on her plate. “What is it?” she asked, wiping a stray speck of pasta sauce from the corner of her mouth with a napkin._

_Jensen shook his head. “If I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise now would it.”_

_“Spoil sport.”_

_She crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips causing Jensen to chuckle at her over exaggerated pout. Perhaps she was picking up as many habits from her time watching JJ as JJ was from her._

_He pushed back from the table and held a hand out to her._

_“Come on,” he said. “I want to show you something.”_

_Her eyes sparkled. “Is it my surprise?” There was no mistaking the teasing lilt in her voice._

_“Maybe,” he challenged._

_Y/N eyed him for a moment before taking his offered and and rising to her feet._

_“Close your eyes.” She lifted an eyebrow at him in challenge. “Please?”_

_She smirked at him before agreeing to his request._

_“Now what?” she asked._

_Jensen carefully moved her so that she stood in front of him with her back to his front. “Keep your eyes closed,” he told her. “No peeking.”_

_“Okay.”_

_Jensen lead her threw the house and down the hallway to what had once been her bedroom. He stepped around her to open the door and noticed the way her face scrunched in concentration, and he smiled. She was no doubt trying to figure out what he was up to. She probably knew the layout of his house as well as her own at this point. So it wasn’t a stretch to think that she knew which room he was leading her into._

_He flipped on the light switch. Taking both of her hands, he pulled Y/N into the room before moving to stand behind her._

_“Alright,” he said. “You can open your eyes.”_

_The look on Y/N’s face when she saw the room was even better than Jensen had imagined. The bed and bedside tables were gone. Instead there was a beautiful handcrafted desk he’d found at an old antique store downtown and an office chair, similar to his own, where the bed once stood. He’d added a few bookcases and cleared out the random knick knacks he’d had on a few others. The only thing left that indicated it was a bedroom was the chest of draws._

_Jensen had planned on taking the few sets of clothing Y/N had left there and moving it into the closet so they could move the dresser out as well. But Jared had bent wrong picking up one of the bedside tables and hurt his back, effectively putting an end to their furniture hauling for the time being, a fact Jensen had every intention of holding against him the next time he made an “Old Man Ackles” joke._

_“Jensen,” she asked, “what is all this?”_

_“It’s your office.”_

_Her expression went from one of surprise to confusion as she turned to look at him. He felt himself shrinking under her gaze. He’d been planning what he wanted to say to her for weeks, but all that seemed to fly out the window the second her eyes locked with his._

_“M-my office?” she asked._

_Jensen rubbed at the back of his neck nervously, his gaze going down to the floor._

_“I, un, I thought you could use one if you, uh, ya know moved in with me.”_

_He glanced up to see the gobsmacked expression on Y/N’s face. Taking a deep breath, he wet his lips, pulling his lower one between his teeth for a moment, before moving towards her. Jensen took both of her hands in his. He ran his thumbs back and forth across her knuckles while he tried to find the right words to say._

_“I want you to stay with me and JJ,” he began. ”And I’m not just talking about staying here at the house with her when she can’t stay with Gen and I’m off on set. I mean permanently.” He reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “I want you with me for good. Pack up your rental and move upstairs with me.”_

_Y/N didn’t say a word. Her gaze just flittered back and forth between his eyes. Jensen wished he was a mind reader so he could know what she was thinking. The longer she went without speaking, the bigger the knot in is stomach became. He could feel his chest tightening. The only reason he had waited so long to ask her was because he was afraid to push her. Perhaps he hadn’t waited long enough._

_“I-I’m sorry,” he said, shaking his head from side to side. “I shouldn’t ha…”_

_The feeling of her finger pressed against his lips. His eyes widened a bit. Then he saw the easy smile starting to form on her lips._

_“Okay,” she said, her voice light and airy._

_“Okay?”_

_She nodded. “Yeah. I’ll move in with you.”_

_She cupped his face in her hand and leaned up to seal the deal with a kiss. Jensen was as light as a feather. If it hadn’t been for her kiss anchoring him to the earth, he was pretty sure he would have drifted over the moon from sheer happiness._

* * *

“Jay? That you babe?” he heard Y/N shouted from upstairs.

“Yeah,” he called. “I’ll be right up.”

He sat the box on the floor and shut off the light before closing the door and making his way down the hall. He passed the wall of photos reflecting of the life he never thought he’d get to have and made his way up the stairs. He walked past JJ’s room. She’d been so excited when they’d told her that Y/N was coming to live with them for good. She’d flown into Y/N’s arms and screamed like a howler monkey she was so excited. Looking back on it, he probably shouldn’t have let her have a bowl of homemade ice cream before telling her.

The sound of Y/N softy humming to herself floated out of their open bedroom door and down the hallway towards him. Their room. Jensen’s cheeks hurt from the smile he wore every time he thought about it.

Jensen paused in the doorway to watch as Y/N moved clothes from her suitcase to the closet and dresser. The thought of seeing her things hanging next to his in the morning nearly made him giddy. Instead, he bit down on his lip to hold in the sound and leaned against the doorframe to watch her. She hadn’t noticed him yet, and the way she moved so effortlessly around the space made it feel like she had been there forever.

Y/N spotted him in the doorway as she came out of the closet and smiled at him.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

She sauntered over to him and ran her fingers up his chest.

“How much longer do we have before JJ gets home?

Y/N looked up at him through her lashes, and there was a tangible shift in the air.

Jensen pushed himself away from the doorframe and ran his hands up and down her arms.

“At least another hour,” he told her. He quirked an eyebrow at her. “There something you had in mind?”

She gave him a sultry look. “Maybe.”

Y/N wrapped her hand around the back of Jensen’s head and pulled him into a fervent kiss. A groan rumbled in Jensen’s chest when she scraped her nails along the hairline at the base of his neck. He wrapped his arms around her and took another step into the room before reaching back for the door.

Jensen wasn’t sure what he did to deserve all that he’d been given, but as he closed the door behind him, he knew he would never take it for granted again.

 

## THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and comments.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback Welcome


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